Noah

  IputthepagesasideandremembersittingwithAllieonourporchwhenshereadthisletterforthefirsttime.Itwaslateafternoon,withredstreakscuttingthesummersky,aremnantsofthedaywerefading.Theskywasslowlygingcolor,andasIwaswatgthesungodown,Irememberthinkingaboutthatbrief,flickeringmomentwhendaysuddenlyturnsintonight.

  Dusk,Irealizedthen,isjustanillusion,becausethesuherabovethehorizonorbelowit.Andthatmeansthatdayandnightarelinkedinawaythatfewthingsare;thereotbeohouttheother,yettheyotexistatthesametime.

  Howwoulditfeel,Irememberw,tobealwaystogether,yetforeverapart?

  Lookingback,Ifinditironicthatshechosetoreadtheletterattheexaentthatquestionpoppedintomyhead.Itisironic,ofcourse,becauseIknowtheanswernow.Iknowwhatitsliketobedayandnightnow;alwaystogether,foreverapart.

  Thereisbeautywherewesitthisafternoon,AllieandI.Thisisthepinnaylife.Theyarehereatthecreek:thebirds,thegeese,myfriends.Theirbodiesfloatonthecoolwater,whichreflectsbitsandpiecesoftheircolorsandmakethemseemlargerthantheyreallyare.Allietooistakeninbytheirwonder,andlittlebylittlewegettoknoweachain.

  "Itsgoodtotalktoyou.IfindthatImissit,evehashatlong."

  Iamsincereandsheknowsthis,butsheisstillwary.Iamastranger.

  "Isthissomethingwedooften?"sheasks."Dowesithereandwatchthebirdsalot?Imean,doweknoweachotherwell?"

  "Yesandno.Ithinkeveryonehassecrets,butwehavebeenacquaintedforyears."

  Shelookstoherhands,thenmine.Shethinksaboutthisforamoment,herfaceatsuashelooksyoungagain.Wedonotwears.Again,thereisareasonforthis.Sheasks:"Wereyouevermarried?"

  Inod"Yes."

  "Whatwasshelike?"

  Itellthetruth.

  "Shewasmydream.ShemademewhoIam,andholdingherinmyarmswasmorenaturaltomethanmyowbeat.Ithinkaboutherallthetime.Evennow,whenImsittinghere,Ithinkabouther.Therecouldneverhavebeenanother.

  Shetakesthisin.Idontknowhowshefeelsaboutthis.Finallyshespeakssoftly,hervoigelisual.IwonderifsheknowsIthihings.

  "Isshedead?"

  Whatisdeath?Iwonder,butIdonotsaythis.InsteadIanswer,"Mywifeisalivei.Andshealwayswillbe."

  "Youstillloveher,dontyou?"

  "Ofcourse.ButIlovemanythings.Ilovetositherewithyou.IlovetosharethebeautyofthisplacewithsomeoneIcareabout.Ilovetowatchtheospreyswooptowardthecreekandfinditsdinner."

  Sheisquietforamoment.ShelooksawaysoItseeherface.Ithasbeenherhabitforyears.

  "Whyareyoudoingthis?"

  Nofear,justcuriosity.Thisisgood.Iknowwhatshemeans,butIaskanyway."What?"

  "Whyareyouspendingthedaywithme?"

  Ismile."ImherebecausethisiswhereImsupposedtobe.Itsnotplicated.BothyouandIareenjoyingourselves.Dontdismissmytimewithyou-itsnotwasted.ItswhatIwant.IsithereaalkandIthinktomyself,whatcouldbebetterthanwhatIamdoingnow?"

  Shelooksmeintheeyes,andforamoment,justamoment,hereyestwinkle.Aslightsmileformsonherlips.

  "Ilikebeingwithyou,butifgettiriguediswhatyoureafter,youvesucceeded.IadmitIenjoyyourpany,butIknownothingaboutyou.Idontexpectyoutotellmeyourlifestory,butwhyareyousomysterious?"

  "Ireadowomeeriousstrangers."

  "See,youhaventreallyahequestion.Youhaventansweredmostofmyquestions.Youdidellmehowthestoryehism."

  Ishrug.Wesitquietlyforawhile.FinallyIask:"Isittrue?"

  "Iswhattrue?"

  "Thatwomeeriousstrangers?”

  Shethinksaboutthisandlaughs.ThensheanswersasIwould:"Ithinksomewomendo."

  "Doyou?"

  "Nowdontgoputtihespot.Idontknowyouwellenoughforthat."

  Sheisteasingme,andIenjoyit.Wesitsilentlyandwatchtheworldaroundus.Thishastakenusalifetimetolearn.

  Itseemsonlytheoldareabletositooherandnotsayanythingandstillfeeltent.Theyoung,brashandimpatient,mustalwaysbreakthesilence.

  Itisawaste,forsilenceispure.Silenceisholy.Itdrawspeopletogetherbecauseonlythosewhoarefortablewitheachothersitwithoutspeaking.Thisisthegreatparadox.

  Timepasses,andgraduallyourbreathingbeginstocidejustasitdidthism.

  Deepbreaths,relaxedbreaths,andthereisamomentwhenshedozesoff,likethosefortablewithoheroftendo.Iwoheyoungarecapableofenjoyingthis.Finally,whenshewakes,amiracle.

  "Doyouseethatbird?"Shepointstoit,andIstrainmyeyes.ItisawonderIseeit,butIbecausethesunisbright.Ipoint,too.

  "Caspianstern,"Isaysoftly,andwedevoteourattentiontoitandstareasitglidesoverBricesCreek.And,likeanoldhabitrediscovered,whenIlowermyarm,Iputmyhandonherkneeandshedoesntmakememoveit.

  Sheisrightaboutmyevasiveness.Ondayslikethese,whenonlyhermemone,IamvagueinmyanswersbecauseIvehurtmywifeuionallywithcarelessslipsofmytonguemanytimesthesepastfewyears,andIamdetermitoletithappenagain.SoIlimitmyselfandansweronlywhatisasked,sometimesnottoowell,andIvoluhing.

  Thisisasplitdecision,bothgoodandbad,butnecessary,forwithknowledgeespain.TolimitthepainIlimitmyaherearedayssheneverlearnsofherchildrenorthatwearemarried.Iamsorryforthis,butIwillnotge.

  Doesthismakemedisho?Perhaps,butIhaveseenhercrushedbythewaterfallofinformationthatisherlife.CouldIlookmyselfinthemirrorwithoutredeyesandquiveringjawandknowIhavefottenallthatortanttome?Icouldnotahershe,forwhenthisodysseybegan,thisishowIbegan.Herlife,hermarriage,herchildren.Herfriendsandherwork.QuestionsandanswersinthegameshowformatofThisIsYourLife.

  Thedayswerehardonbothofus.Iwasanencyclopedia,awithoutfeeling,ofthewhos,whatsandwheresinherlife,wheyitisthewhys,thethingsIdidnotknowandcouldnotahatmakeitallworthwhile.Shewouldstareatpicturesottenoffspring,holdpaintbrushesthatinspirednothing,andreadlovelettersthatbroughtbaojoy.Shewouldweakehehrowingpaler,beingbitter,andendingthedayworsethabegan.Ourdayswerelost,andsowasshe.Andselfishly,sowasI.

  SoIged.IbecameMagellanorbus,anexplorerieriesofthemind,andIlearned,bumblingandslow,butlearninghelesswhathadtobedone.AndIlearnedwhatisobvioustoachild.Thatlifeissimplyacolleoflittlelives,eachlivedonedayatatime.Thateachdayshouldbespentfindiyinflooetryandtalkingtoanimals.Thatadayspentwithdreamingandsusandrefreshingbreezesotbebettered.Butmostofall,Ilearhatlifeisaboutsittingonbenexttoacreekswithmyhandonherkneeandsometimes,ongooddays,forfallinginlove.

  "Whatareyouthinking?"sheasks.

  Itisnowdusk.Wehaveleftourbendareshufflingalonglightedpathsthatwindtheirwayaroundthisplex.Sheisholdingmyarm,andIamherescort.Itisherideatodothis.Perhapssheischarmedbyme.Perhapsshewantstokeepmefromfalliherway,Iamsmilingtomyself.

  "Imthinkingaboutyou."

  Shemakesnorespohisexcepttosqueezemyarm,andItellshelikeswhatIsaid.Ourlifetogetherhaseoseetheclues,evenifshedoesnotknowthemherself.

  Igoon:"Iknowyoutrememberwhoyouare,butI,andIfindthatwhenIlookatyou,itmakesmefeelgood."

  Shetapsmyarmandsmiles."Youreakindmanwithalovi.IhopeIenjoyedyouasmuchbeforeasIdonow."

  Wewalksomemore.Finallyshesays,"Ihavetotellyousomething."

  "Goahead."

  "IthinkIhaveanadmirer."

  "Anadmirer?"

  "Isee."

  "Youdontbelieveme?"

  "Ibelieveyou."

  "Youshould."

  "Why?"

  "BecauseIthinkitisyou."

  Ithinkaboutthisaswewalkinsilence,holdingeachother,pasttherooms,pastthecourtyard.Weetothegarden,mainlywildflowers,andIstopher.Ipickabundle,red,pink,yellow,violet.Igivethemtoher,andshebringsthemtohernose.Shesmellsthemwitheyesclosedandshewhispers,"Theyrebeautiful."

  Weresumeourwalk,meinonehand,theflowersinanother.Peoplewatchus,forweareawalkingmiracle,orsoIamtold.Itistrueinaway,thoughmosttimesIdonotfeellucky.

  "Youthinkitsme?"Ifinallyask.

  "Yes."

  "Why?"

  "BecauseIhavefoundwhatyouhavehidden."

  "What?"

  "This,"shesays,handingasmallslipofpapertome."Ifounditundermypillow."

  Ireadit,anditsays:

  Thebodyslowswithmortalache,

  Yetmypromiseremainstrueattheclosingofourdays,

  Ateouchthatendswithakiss

  Willawakenloveinjoyousways.

  "Aretheremore?"Iask.

  "Ifoundthisinthepoycoat."

  Oursoulswereone,

  Ifyoumustknowandnevershalltheybeapart;

  Withsplendiddawn,yourfaceaglow

  Ireachforyouandfindmyheart.

  "Isee,"andthatisallIsay.

  Wewalkasthesunsinkslowerinthesky.Intime,silvertwilightistheonlyremaiheday,andstillwetalkofthepoetry.Sheisenthralledbytheromance.

  Bythetimewereachthedoorway,Iamtired.Sheknowsthis,soshestopsmewithherhandandmakesmefaceher.IdoandIrealizehowhunchedoverIhavebee.

  SheandIarenowlevel.SometimesIamgladshedoesntknowhowmuchIhaveged.

  Sheturnstomeandstaresforalongtime.

  "Whatareyoudoing?"Iask.

  "Idontwanttetyouorthisday,andImtryingtokeepyourmemoryalive."

  Willitworkthistime?Iwohenknowitwillnot.Itt.Idonottellhermythoughts,though.Ismileinsteadbecauseherwordsaresweet.

  "Thankyou,"Isay.

  "Imeanit.Idontwanttetyouagain.Youreveryspecialtome.IdontknowwhatIwouldhavedohoutyoutoday."

  Mythroatclosesalittle.Thereisemotionbehindherwords,theemotionsIfeelwhehinkofher.IknowthisiswhyIlive,andIloveherdearlyatthismoment.HowIwishIwerestrongenoughtocarryherinmyarmstoparadise.

  "Donttrytosayanything,"shetellsme."Letsjustfeelthemoment."

  AndIdo,andIfeelheaven.

  Herdiseaseisworsenowthanitwasinthebeginning,thoughAllieisdifferentfrommost.Therearethreeotherswiththediseasehere,ahreearethesumofmypracticalexperiehit.They,unlikeAllie,areiadvaagesofAlzheimersandarealmostpletelylost.Theyhalluatingandfused.Theyrepeatthemselvesoverawoofthethreetfeedthemselvesandwilldiesoohirdhasateowanderalost.Shewasfoundonastrangerscaraquartermileaway.Sihenshehasbeenstrappedtothebed.Allbeverybitterattimes,andatothertimestheybelikelostchildren,sadandalone.Seldomdotheyreizethestafforpeoplewholovethem.Itisatryingdisease,andthisiswhyitishardfortheirchildrenandmiovisit.

  Allie,ofcourse,hasherownproblems,too,problemsthatwillprobablygrowworseovertime.Sheisterriblyafraidinthemsandcriesinsolably.Sheseestinypeople,likeghink,watgher,andshescreamsatthemtogetaway.

  Shebatheswillinglybutwillregularly.Sheisthinnow,muchtoothin,inmyopinion,andongooddaysIdomybesttofattenherup.

  Butthisiswherethesimilarityends.ThisiswhyAllieissideredamiracle,becausesometimes,justsometimes,afterIreadtoher,herditionisntsobad.

  Thereisnoexplanationforthis."Itsimpossible,"thedoctorssay."ShemustnothaveAlzheimers."Butshedoes.Onmostdaysandeverymtherebenodoubt.Onthisthereisagreement.

  Butwhy,then,isherditiondifferent?WhydoesshesometimesgeafterIread?Itellthedoctorsthereason-Iknowiti,butIamnotbelieved.

  Iheylooktosce.FourtimesspecialistshavetraveledfromChapelHilltofindtheanswer.Fourtimestheyhaveleftwithoutuanding.

  Itellthem,"Youtpossiblyuanditifyouuseonlyyourtrainingandyourbooks,"buttheyshaketheirheadsandanswer:"Alzheimersdoesnotworklikethis.Withherdition,itsjustnotpossibletohaveaversationorimproveasthedaygoeson.Ever."

  Butshedoes.Noteveryday,notmostofthetime,anddefinitelylessthansheusedto.Butsometimes.Andallthatisgohesedaysishermemory,asifshehasamnesia.Butheremotionsarenormal,herthoughtsarenormal.AndthesearethedaysthatIknowIamdht.

  Dinneriswaitinginherroomwheurn.Ithasbeenarrangedforustoeathere,asitalwaysisondayslikethese,andonceagainIcouldaskfornomore.

  Thepeopleheretakecareofeverything.Theyaregoodtome,andIamthankful.

  Thelightsaredimmed,theroomislitbytwodlesoablewherewewillsit,andmusicisplayingsoftlyinthebackground.Thecupsandplatesareplastidthecarafe(glassbottle)isfilledlejuice,butrulesarerulesandshedoesocare.Sheinhalesslightlyatthesight.Hereyesarewide.

  "Didyoudothis?"

  Inodandshewalksintheroom.

  "Itlooksbeautiful."

  Ioffermyarminescortandleadhertothewindow.Shedoesntreleaseitwhehere.

  Hertouidwestandclosetogetheronthiscrystalspringtimeevening.Thewindowisopenslightly,andIfeelabreezeasitfansmycheek.Themoonhasrisen,achforalongtimeastheeveningskyunfolds.

  "Iveneverseenanythingsobeautiful,Imsureofit,"shesays,andIagreewithher.

  "Ihaveher,"Isay,butIamlookingather.SheknowswhatImean,andIseehersmile.Amomentlatershewhispers:

  "IthinkIknowwhoAlliewentwithattheendofthestory,"shesays.

  "Youdo?"

  "Who?"

  "ShewentwithNoah."

  "Youresure?"

  "Absolutely."

  Ismileandnod."Yes,shedid,"Isaysoftly,andshesmilesback.Herfaceisradiant.

  Ipulloutherchairwithsomeeffort.ShesitsandIsitoppositeher.Sheoffersherhandacrossthetable,andItakeitinmine,andIfeelherthumbbegintomoveasitdidsomanyyearsago.Withoutspeaking,Istareatherforalongtime,livingandrelivingthemomentsofmylife,rememberingitallandmakingitreal.Ifeelmythroatbegintotighten,andonceagainIrealizehowmuchIloveher.MyvoiceisshakywhenIfinallyspeak.

  "Youresobeautiful,"Isay.IseeihatsheknowshowIfeetaboutherandwhatIreallymeanbymywords.

  Shedoesnotrespond.InsteadshelowershereyesandIwonderwhatshesthinking.

  Shegivesmenoclues,alysqueezeherhand.Iwait.Withallmydreams,Iknowherheart,andIknowImalmostthere.

  Andthen,amiraclethatprovesmeright.

  AsGlennMillerplayssoftlyinadlelitroom,Iwatchasshegraduallygivesintothefeelingsinsideher.Iseeawarmsmilebegintoformonherlips,thekindthatmakesitallworthwhile,andIwatchassheraisesherhazyeyestomine.

  Shepullsmyhandtowardher.

  "Yourewonderful...,"shesayssoftly,trailingoff,andatthatmomentshefallsihme,too;thisIknow,forIhaveseenthesignsathousandtimes.

  Shesaysnothingelserightaway,shedoesnthaveto,andshegivesmealookfromanotherlifetimethatmakesmewholeagain.Ismileback,withasmuchpassionasImuster,aareateachotherwiththefeelingsinsideusrollinglikeowaves.Ilookaroundtheroom,thenuptotheceiling,thenbackatAllie,andthewaysheslookingatmemakesmewarm.AndsuddenlyIfeelyoungagain.Imnolongercoldorag,orhunchedoverordeformed,oralmostblindwithcataractaleyes.

  Imstrongandproud,andtheluckiestmanalive,andIkeeponfeelingthatwayforalongtimeacrossthetable.

  Bythetimethedleshaveburneddownathird,Iamreadytobreakthesilence.

  Isay,"Iloveyoudeeply,andIhopeyouknowthat."

  "OfcourseIdo,"shesaysbreathlessly."Ivealwayslovedyou,Noah."

  Noah,Ihearagain.Noah.Thewordechoesinmyhead.Noah...Noah.Sheknows,Ithinktomyself,sheknowswhoIam...

  Sheknows...

  Suchatinything,thisknowledge,butformeitisagiftfromGod,andIfeelourlifetimetogether,holdingher,lovingher,andbeingwithherthroughthebestyearsofmylife.

  Shemurmurs,"Noah...mysweetNoah..."AndI,whocouldnotacceptthedoctorswords,havetriumphedagain,atleastforamoment.Igiveupthepretenseofmystery,andIkissherhandandbringittomycheekandwhisperinherear.Isay:

  "Youarethegreatestthingthathaseverhappeome."

  "Oh...Noah,"shesayswithtearsinhereyes,"Iloveyou,too."

  Ifonlyitwouldendlikethis,Iwouldbeahappyman.

  Butitwont.OfthisImsure,forastimeslipsby,Ibegihesignsofinherface.

  "Whatswrong?"Iask,andheransweressoftly.

  "Imsoafraid.Imafraidettingyouagain.Itisntfair...Ijusttbeartogivethisup."

  Hervoicebreaksasshefinishes,butIdontknowwhattosay.Iknowtheeveningisingtoanend,andthereisnothingIdotostoptheiable.InthisIamafailure.Ifinallytellher:

  "Illneverleaveyou.Whatwehaveisforever."

  SheknowsthisisallIdo,forherofuswaypromises.ButItellbythewaysheislookingatmethatonceagainshewishesthereweremore.

  Thecricketsserenadeus,andwebegintopickatourdinner.heroneofusishungry,butIleadbyexampleandshefollowsme.Shetakessmallbitesandchewsalongtime,butIamgladtoseehereat.Shehaslosttoomuchweightithreemonths.

  Afterdinner,Ibeeafraiddespitemyself.IknowIshouldbejoyous,forthisreunionistheproofthatlovestillbeours,butIknowthebellhastolledthisevening.Thesunhaslongsiahiefisabouttoe,andthereisnothingIdotostopit.SoIstareatherandwaitandlivealifetimeintheselastremainingmoments.

  Nothing.

  Theclocktiothing.

  Itakeherinmyarmsandweholdeachother.Nothing.

  IfeelhertrembleandIwhisperinherear.Nothing.

  ItellherforthelasttimethiseveningthatIloveher.

  Ahiefes.

  Italwaysamazesmehowquicklyithappens.Evennow,afterallthistime.Forassheholdsme,shebeginstoblinkrapidlyandshakeherhead.Then,turningtowardtheeroftheroom,shestaresforalongtime,etchedonherface.

  No!Mymindscreams.!Notnow...notwhenweresoclose!Nottonight!Anynightbuttonight...Please!

  Thewordsareinsideme.

  Ittakeitagain!Itisntfair..,itisntfair...Butonceagain,itistonoavail.

  "Thosepeople,"shefinallysays,pointing,"arestaringatme.Pleasemakethemstop."Thegnomes.

  Apitrisesinmystomach,hardandfull.Mybreathingstopsforamoment,thenstartsagain,thistimeshallower.Mymouthgoesdry,andIfeelmyheartpounding.Itisover,Iknow,andIamright.Thesundowninghase.This,theeveningfusionassociatedwithAlzheimersdiseasethataffectsmywife,isthehardestpartofall.Forwhenites,sheisgone,andsometimesIwonderwhethersheandIwilleverloveagain.

  "Thereshere,Allie,"Isay,tryingtofendofftheiable.Shedoesntbelieveme."Theyrestaringatme."

  "No,"Iwhisperwhileshakingmyhead.

  "Youtseethem?"

  "No,"Isay,ahinksforamoment.

  "Well,theyrerightthere,"shesays,pushingmeaway,"andtheyrestaringatme."

  Withthat,shebeginstotalktoherself,andmomentslater,whenItrytoforther,sheflihwideeyes.

  "Whoareyou?"shecrieswithpanihervoice,herfacebeingwhiter."Whatareyoudoinghere?"

  Thereisfeargrowinginsideher,andIhurt,forthereisnothingIdo.Shemovesfartherfromme,bagaway,herhandsinadefensiveposition,andthenshesaysthemostheartbreakingwordsofall.

  "Goaway!Stayawayfromme!"shescreams.Sheispushingthegnomesawayfromher,terrified,nowobliviousofmypresence.

  Istandandcrosstheroomtoherbed.Iamweaknow,mylegsache,andthereisastrangepaininmyside.Idontknowwhereitesfrom.Itisastruggletopressthebuttontocallthenurses,formyfingersarethrobbingandseemfrozeher,butIfinallysucceed.Theywillbeheresoonnow,Iknow,andIwaitforthem.WhileIwait,Istareatmywife.

  Twenty...Thirtysedspass,andItiare,myeyesmissingnothing,rememberingthemomesharedtogether.ButinallthattimeshedoesnotlookbadIamhauhevisionsofherstrugglingwithunseenenemies.

  IsitbythebedsidewithanagbadstarttocryasIpickupthenotebook.

  Alliedoesnotnotice.Iuand,forhermindisgone.

  Acoupleofpagesfalltothefloor,andIbeopickthemup.Iamtirednow,soIsit,aloneandapartfrommywife.

  Ahenurseseintheyseetwopeopletheymustfort.Awomanshakinginfearfromdemonsinhermind,andtheoldmanwholoveshermoredeeplythaself,gsoftlyintheer,hisfahishands.

  Ispeoftheeveningaloneinmyroom.MydoorispartiallyopenandIseepeoplewalkby,somestrangers,somefriends,andifItrate,Ihearthemtalkingaboutfamilies,jobs,andvisitstoparks.Ordinaryversations,nothingmore,butIfindthatIenvythemandtheeaseoftheirunication.Anotherdeadlysin,Iknow,butsometimesIthelpit.

  Dr.Barnwellishere,too,speakingwithohenurses,andIwonderwhoisillenoughtowarrantsuchavisitatthishour.Heworkstoomuch,Itellhim.Speimewithyourfamily,Isay,theywontbearoundforever.Buthedoesntlistentome.

  Hecaresforhispatients,hesays,andmusteherewhencalled.Hesayshehasnochoice,butthismakeshimamantornbytradi.Hewantstobeadopletelydevotedtohispatientsandamanpletelydevotedtohisfamily.Heotbeboth,fortherearentenoughhours,buthehasyettolearnthis.Iwonder,ashisvoicefadesintothebackground,whichhewillchooseorwhether,sadly,thechoicewillbemadeforhim.

  IsitbythewindowinaneasychairandIthinkabouttoday.Ityandsad,wonderfula-wreng.Myfligemotionskeepmesilentformanyhours.

  Ididoahisevening;Icouldnot,forpoetitrospewouldbriears.Ihehallwaysbeequietexceptforthefootfallsofeveningsoldiers.AtelevenoclockIhearthefamiliarsoundsthatforsomereasonIexpected.ThefootstepsIknowsowell.

  Dr.Barnwellpeeksin.

  "Inoticedyhtwason.DoyoumindifIein?"

  "No,"Isay,shakingmyhead.

  Heesinandlooksaroundtheroombeforetakiafewfeetfromme.

  "Ihear,"hesays,"youhadagooddaywithAllie."Hesmiles.Heisintriguedbyusandtherelationshipwehave.Idonotknowifhisiisentirelyprofessional.

  "Isupposeso."

  Hecockshisheadatmyanswerandlooksatme."Youokay,Noah?Youlookalittledown."

  "Imfine.Justalittletired."

  "HowwasAllietoday?"

  "Shewasokay.Wetalkedforalmostfourhours."

  "Fourhours?Noah,thats…incredible."

  Ilynod.Hegoeson,shakinghishead."Iveneverseenanythinglikeit,orevenheardaboutit.Iguessthatswhatloveisallabout.Youtwoweremeantforeachother.Shemustloveyouverymuch.Youknowthat,dontyou?"

  "Iknow,"Isay,butItsayanythingmore.

  "Whatsreallybyou,Noah?DidAlliesayordosomethingthathurtyourfeelings?

  "No.Shewaswonderful,actually.ItsjustthatrightnowIfeel..,alone."

  "Alone?Nobodysalone."

  "Imalone,"IsayasIlookatmywatdthinkofhisfamilysleepinginaquiethouse,theplaceheshouldbe,"andsoareyou."

  Thefeassedwithoutsignifice.Alliewasuanytime,andIadmitmyattentionwanednowandthen,formostofmythoughtswereofthedaywehadjustspent.Thoughtheendalwaysestoosoon,therewasnothinglostthatday,onlygained,andIytohavereceivedthisblessingonceagain.

  Bythefollowingweek,mylifehadprettymuchreturonormal.Oratleastasnormalasmylifebe.ReadingtoAllie,readingtoothers,wanderingthehalls.

  Lyingawakeatnightandsittingbymyheaterinthem.Ifindastrangefortinthepredictabilityofmylife.

  Onacool,foggymeightdaysaftersheandIhadspentourdaytogether,Iwokeearly,asismy,andputteredaroundmydesk,alternatelylookingatphotographsandreadierswrittenmanyyearsbefore.AtleastItriedto.IcouldnttratetoowellbecauseIhadaheadache,soIputthemasideaositinmychairbythewindowtowatchthesuneup.Alliewouldbeawakeinacoupleofhours,Iknew,andIwaoberefreshed,forreadingalldaywouldonlymakemyheadhurtmore.

  Iyeyesforafewminuteswhilemyheadalternatelypoundedandsubsided.

  Then,openingthem,Iwatchedmyoldfriend,thecreek,rollbymywindow.UnlikeAllie,IhadbeengivenaroomwhereIcould松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读

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