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See the Moon?

  IKNOWYOUTHINKImwastingmytime.Youvemadethatperfectlyclear.ButImdugtheseveryimportantlunarhostilitystudies.Anditsnotyouwhollhavetoleavethewarmsafecapsule.Anddipatoeintothethreateninglunarsurround.

  Iamstillwearingmyyellohichhaslastedwonderfully.

  Mymethodsmayseematouchirregular.Havetodochieflywithfoldedpaperairplapres?ent.Butthepapermustbefoldedintherightway.Lotsofcalculationsandwaboutedges.

  ShowmeamanwhoworriesaboutedgesandIllshowyouanatural-bornwinner.CardinalYagrees.bushimselfworried,theAdmiraloftheOSea.Buthekeptitquiet.

  Thesunsowarmonthissedporch,itre?mindsmeofmygrandmothersplaTampa.Thesamerustycreakygreengliderandthesamefadedcoloredvascushions.Andatnightthemoongraphedbytheswire,ifyousquint.

  TheSeaofTranquillityoccupyingsquares47through108.

  Seethemoon?Ithatesus.

  Mymethodsarehomelybutrememberonandtheapple.Aherfordstartedouthedidntevenhaveadetlyheatedlaboratory.Aheresthematterofmysecuritycheck--Imwaitingfover.SomebodytolditIminsecure.Thatstrue.

  Isufferfrhtfulillnessofthemind,light-mindedness.Itsnotcatg.Youshrink.

  Youvenoticedthewall?Ipinthingsonit,souve?nirs.Thereistheredhat,therethebookofin?strusfortheAntFarm.Andthisisatrafficticketwrittenonasaintsday(whichsaint?Idontremember)in1954justoutsideafatlittletown(whichtown?Idontremember)inOhiobyacopwhoaskedmewhatIdid.IsaidIwrotepoppy?cockforthepresidentofauy,truethen.

  YouseehowfarIvee.Lunarhostilitystudiesarentforeveryone.

  Itsmyhopethatthese...souvenirs...willsomedaymerge,blur--cohereistheword,maybe--intosomethingmeaningful.Agrandword,mean?ingful.WhatdoIlookfor?Aworkofart,Illnotacceptanythingless.YesIknowitsshatteringlyingenuousbutIwaobeapaiheygetawaywithmurderinmyview;Mr.X.oimesagreeswithme.YoudontknowhowIenvythem.TheypickupaBabyRutheroreet,glueittothevas(intherightplace,ofcourse,theresthat),andlo!peoplecrowdaboutandcry,"ArealBabyRuther,byGod,whatcouldberealerthanthat!"Fantasticmetaphysicaladvantage.Youhatethem,ifyouream?bitious.

  TheAntFarminstrusareasouvenirofSylvia.TheredhatcamefromCardinalY.Werefriends,inaway.

  Iwaobeone,whenIwasyoung,apainter.ButIcouldntstandstretgthevas.Doesthingstothefingernails.Andthatsthefirstplacepeoplelook.

  FragmentsaretheonlyformsItrust.

  Light-mindedorno,Im...riotouswithmentalhealth.ImeasuremyselfagainsttheRussians,thatsfair.IhavehereaclippingdatelinedMos?cow,fouryoungpeopleappreheranglingaswan.Thatsboredom.Theswansname,Borka.Thesentencesasfollows:Tsarev,metalworker,servedtimepreviouslyforstealingpublicprop?erty,fouryearsinalaborcamp,strictregime.Roslavtsev,electri,jailedpreviouslyfortakingaajoyride,threeyearsandfourmonthsinalaborcamp,semi-strictregime.TatyanaVoblikova(onlyeenandaKomsomolmembertoo),tei,oneandahalfyearsinalaborcamp,degreeofstriessunspecified.AnnaG.Kirushina,teicalworker,fiwentypertofsalaryforoneyear.Annaobjectedtothestrangula?tion,butsoftly:shehelpedstuffthecarcassinabag.

  Theclippingistackeduponmywall.Iifromtimetotime,drawingthemoral.Stranglingswansiswrong.

  Mybrotherwhoisaverydistinguishedpianist...hasnofingernailsatall.Dontlookitshorrible.Heplaysunderanothername.Andtuneshispianopeculiarly,somecallitsour.Andrendersragashewrotehimself.Anightragaplayedatnooncausedarkness,didyouknowthat?Itsextraordi?nary.

  HewaobeanUntouchable,Pauldid.Thatwashisideaofaporarycareer.Butthenagirlwalkedupandtouchedhim(slappedhim,actually;itsaplicatedstory).Andhejoinedus,hereintheimbroglio.

  Myfatheroherhandisperfectly?fortable,andthatsnotacriticism.Hemakesflags,banners,bunting(sometimesrunsmeupashirt).Therewasneveraioingmyfatherdrinkfromthepublicwell.HewasontheWellittee,hedecidedwhodippedandwhodidnt.Thatsnotacriticism.Exerciseshiscreativ?ity,nowadays,courtesytheemergingnations.GreenfortheveldtthatnourishesthegracileGrantsgazelle,whiteforthepurityofourrevolutionaryaspirations.Theredforbloodisuood.Thatsnotacriticism.Itswhattheyallaskfor.

  Acalltonightfrory,mysonbymyfirstwife.SeventeenandatM.I.T.already.Retlyhesbeenaskiions.Suddenlyhessciousofhimselfasabeingwithahistory.

  Thetelephs.Then,withoutagreeting:WhydidIhavetotakethoselittlepills?Whatlittlepills?Littlewhitefillswitha"W"onthem.Oh.Ohyes.Youhadsomekindofanervousdisorder,forawhile.HowoldwasI?Eight.Eightornine.Whatwasit?Wasitepilepsy?GoodGodno,noth?ingsofancy.Weneverfoundoutwhatitwas.Itwentaway.WhatdidIdo?DidIfalldown?Nono.Yourmouthtrembled,thatwasall.Youcouldnttrolit.Oh,O.K.Seeyou.

  Thereceiverclicks.

  Or:Whatdidmygreat-grandfatherdo?ForalivingImean?Hewasaballplayer,semi-proball?player,forawhile.Theintothebuildingbusiness.Whodheplayfor?AteamcalledtheSt.AugustineRowdies,Ithinkitwas.Neverheardofthem.Well...Didhemakeanymoney?Inthebuildingbusiness?Quiteabit.Didyourfatheriit?No,itwastiedupinalawsuit.Whewasovertherewasntanythi.Oh.Whatwasthelawsuit?Great-grandfatherdiddledamaninalanddeal.Sothestoes.Oh.Whendidhedie?Letssee,1938Ithink.Whatof?Heartattack.Oh.O.K.Seeyou.

  Endofversation.

  Gregory,youdidntlistentomyadvice.IsaidtrytheVernacularIsles.Wherefisharetwoforapennyandwomentwoforafish.ButyouwantedM.I.T.aron-spin-resonancespectroscopy.Youdidntevencrackasmileinyoursix-plyheatherhopsag.

  Gregoryyoingtohaveahalfbrothernow.Youlllikethat,wontyou?Willyouhalflikeit?

  Wetalkedaboutthesizeofthebaby,AnnandI.Whatcouldbededucedfromtheoutside.

  Isaiditdoesntlotome.Shesaiditsbigenoughforus.Isaidwedontneedsuchagreatrbigoerall.Shesaidtheycosttheearth,thoseextra-largesizes.OurholdingsinJohnsonsBabyPowdertobesideredtoo.Wedneedacresandacres.IsaidwellputitinaSkinnerboxmaybe.Shesaidnochildofhers.Displayedunderglasslikearumproast.Isaidyouhavelately.ShesaidIkeepgettingbiggerwhetherIlaughorcry.

  DearAnn.Idontthinkyouvequite...

  Whatyoudontuandis,itslikesomebodywalksuptoyouandsays,IhaveabattleshipItuse,wouldyouliketohaveabattleship.Andyousay,yesyes,Iveneverhadabattleship,Ivealwayswantedone.Andhesays,ithasfoursix-teen-insforward,andacatapultforlaungscoutplanes.Andyousay,Ivealwayswaolaunchscoutplanes.Andhesays,itsyours,andthenyouhavethisbattleship.Andthenyouhavetopaintit,becauseitsrusting,a,be?causeitsdirty,andanchoritsomewhere,becausethePoliceDepartmentwantsyoutogetitoffthestreets.Andthecrewisg,andtherearesilverfishinthechartroomandafunnyknognoiseirol,waterrisingintheNo.2hold,andthechaplaintfindthePalestrinatapesfortheSundayservidyoutgetanybodytositwithit.Andfinallyyoudiscoverthatwhatyouhavehereisthisgreat,big,pink-and-bluerockabyebattleship.

  Ann.Imgoingtokeepherghostly.Justtheoddbitofdialogue:

  "WhatislittleGogdoing."

  "Kig."

  Idontwantherburstinginonuswiththefresh?nessandinalityofherobservations.Whatweneedhereisperspective.ShesgoodwithGregorythough.Ithinkhehalflikesher.

  Dontgo.Thegreased-pigchaseandballoonlaungse.

  IromisingoertheElgar,asummacumlaude.Theuyroudofme.ItwasabrightshywhitenewuyontheGulfCoast.Gullsandoleandersandquickhowlinghur?ries.Theteachersbrownburlymenwithpowerboatsandbeers.Thepresideiredad?miralwhoddoifulthingsintheCoralSea.

  "Youwillbeacredittous,Gee,"theadmiralsaid.Thatsnotmyname.Improtegmyiden?tity,whatthereisofit.

  Applausefromthestandsfilledwithmothersandbrothers.Thenfollowingthemaalonglinebacktothefieldhousetoungowotakemyplaceatthetop.

  ButapauseatPusan,araintotheChorwonValley.Walkingdownaroadwearinggreenclothes.Kreenandbladsilent.Thetrucehadbeensigned.Ihadacarbiocarry.MybuddyBoTagliabuethebonusbaby,forwhomtheYankshadpaidthirtythousaewashedrockstoenhanceourarea.elscamecrowdingtofeelBarm.Miestrocks.

  IluhThaisfromThailand,hotcurryfralvanizedwashtubs.Engineersbang?ingdowntheroadinsix-by-sixesraisingreddust.MyfriendGibMandellcallingElko,Nevadaonhisvas-coveredfieldtelephone."OperatorIcraveElko,Nevada."

  ThenIwasasergeantwithstripes,gettiroopsoutofthesun.Tagliabueasergeanttoo.TristeieneaRoominTokyo,yakkingitupinYokohama.Thenbacktoourlittletenttownonthesideofahill,boostingfifty-gallondrumsofheatingoiltentwardinthesnow.

  Ozziethejeepdriverwakihemiddleofthenight."TheygotJulianiangoTank."AndupaastheytaughtusinLeadershipSchool,overthehillstoTango,seventymilesaway.WhizzingthroughTeapot,Tempest,Toreador,withthejeepsvastopflapping.Pfc.Juliandrunkanddisorderlyaenup.TheM.P.sergeantheldoutareceiptbook.Isignedforthebawdyremains.

  BackoverthepearlyPacifiagreatvesseldecoratedwithes.Atrailepeelontheplasurface.SittinginthebowfiftymilesoutofSanFrancisco,listeningtotheStatesidediscjockeyschatteringchachacha.Readytograbmyspotatthetop.

  Myclotheslookedoldandwrong.Thecitylookedhtallbuildingsraisedwhilemybackwasturned.Irushedhereandtherevisitingfriends.Theywereburniheirbackyards,brownburlymenwithbeers.Thebeefblatheoutside,redontheinside.MyfriendHoracehadfidelity."Listentothatbass.Thatssixtywattsworthofbass,boy."

  Ispoketomyfather."Howisbusiness?""IfAlaskamakesit,"hesaid,"IbuyaHasselblad.AndwerekeepinganeyeonHawaii."Theographedmyveteranface,f.6at300.Myfa?theronceacheerleaderatagreatEasternschool.Jumpingintheairandmakingfiergrydown-the-fieldgesturesatthetopofhisleap.

  Thatsnotacriticism.Wehavetohavecheer?leaders.

  IpresentedmyselfatthePlatOffice.Iwasonfile.Mypertilewasthepertileofchoice."Howeyouwereheadmanofonlyou?dentanization,Gee?"thePlatOfficerasked.Manyhatsfortopfolkwasthefashionthen.IsaidIwasrounded,andshowedhimmyslash.FromtheFengClub.

  "Butyouservedyourtryinanoverseaspost."

  "Andregardmycareerplalytypedpageswithwidemargins."

  "Exemplary,"thePlatOfficersaid."Youseemmarried,mature,malleable,howwouldyouliketoaffiliateyourselfwithushereattheoldschool?Wehaveaspotforapoppyan,towritetheadmiralsspeeches.Haveyoueverdonepoppycock?"

  IsaidnobutmaybeIcouldfakeit.

  "Excellent,excellent,"thePlatOfficersaid."Iseeyouhavegrasp.AndyousupattheFacultyClub.Andthereisaten-per-tdistonticketsforallhomegames."

  Theadmiralshookmyhand."Youwillbeacredittous,Gee,"hesaid.Iwrotepoppycoetimescockypap.Atfouroclockthefacultyhoistedthecocktailflag.WedrankDaiquirisoneachotherssterns.Ihadequippedmyself--afibreglassrunabout,someplacetothink.IadiaoffriendlyshynewuieswewentdownthefieldonGulfCoastafternoonswithgulls,orexcit?ingnightsuhetalltoothpicklights.Thecrowdroared.Sylviarregrew.

  TherearticularpointatwhichIstoppedbeingpromising.

  MoonstruckIwas,afterafashion.Sittingonabenchbythepracticefield,wherethejockstedsecretsignalsintheirunderwearbehindtallvasblinds.Layaboutbabiesloafingonblas,somestakedoutontwelve-footdogs.Brownmotherssquattiokneeinshiftsofscarletandgreen.Istaredatthemoonspaleday?timepreseseemed...inimical.

  Moonstruck.

  WereplayingFlinch.Youflinched.

  Thesimplestthingsarethemostdifficulttoex?plain,allauthoritiesagree.SayIwastiredofp***yc**k,ifthatpleasesyou.Itstrueenough.

  Sylviawentupinapuffofsmoke.Shedidntlikeunsalariedlife.Andcouldntbearamaleac?quaintancemoon-staringinthelightofday.Detpeoplelookatnight.

  WehadtroublewithGregory:whowouldgetwhichpart.Shesettledforthree-fifths,andgotIthinktheworstofit,thedreamingraffishRomanypartthatthinksscewillsaveus.Igetmatter-of-factmidnighttelephonecalls:MyE.E.instructorshotmedown.pened?Idontknow,hesanassanyhow.Wellthatmaybebutstill--Whensthebabydue?January,Itoldyou.Yeah,IgotoMexicoCityfortheholidays?Askyourmother,youknowshe--Theresthisguy,hisoldmanhasavilla....Well,wetalkaboutit.Yeah,wasgrandmotheraunist?Nothingsodistin?guished,she--YousaidshewaskickedoutofGer?many.Herfamilywasanti-Nazi.AdlermeanseagleinGerman.Thatstrue.Therewassomethingcalledtheublic,herfather--Ireadaboutit.

  WehadtroublewithGregory,wewaobestific.ToysfromProcreativePlaythingsofPrion.ory,thatPriotyouingandgoing.ProcreativePlaythingsatoneendandtheEducatioingServiceattheother.Andthatserious-mindedco-ophatwasamistake."Agrowinguandiweeandchildthroughsharedgroupexperi?ence."IstillrememberpoorHenryHardingIII.Under"Sibs"onthemembershiprolltheylistedhis,byage:

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  OMrs.Harding,haventyouheard?TheyhavetheselittleChristmas-treeorsforthewombnow,theyworkwonders.

  Didwedo"badly"byGregory?Willwedo"better"withGog?Suchquestionscurlthehair.Itswisernottoask.

  ImentionedCardinalY(theredhat).Hesafriend,inaway.Orrather,thesubjectofoneofmylittleprojects.

  Isetouttostudycardinals,aboutwhomsowsnothing.Itseemedtomethatcardinalscouldbeknowninthesamewayweknowfishesorroses,byclassificationandeion.Aper?verseproject,perhaps,butwhoelsehasembracedthispointofview?Diffiowadaystofindapointofviewkinkyenoughtocallonesown,withSadehimselfbeingcarriedthroughthestreetsontheshouldersofsociologists,cheersandshouting,tickertapeunwindingfromhighwindows...

  ThewhyofCardinalY.Youreentitledtoanexplanation.

  TheCardinalrushedfromtheResidencewavingintheairhishands,glovedinyellowpigskinitappeared,Igraspedahand,"Yes,yellowpigskin!"theCardinalcried.Iwroteinmybook,yellowpigskin.

  Signifitdetail.Thepectoralcrosstainsninediamonds,thescarletsoutaneislaunderedrightonthepremises.

  IaskedtheCardinalquestions,wehada?versation.

  "Iamthinkingofahappyislandmorebeautifulthanbeimagined,"Isaid.

  "Iamthinkingofagoldenmountainwhichdoes,"hesaid.

  "Uponwhatdoestheworldrest?"Iasked.

  "Uponanelephant,"hesaid.

  "Uponwhatdoestheelepha?"

  "Uponatortoise."

  "Uponwhatdoesthetortoiserest?"

  "Uponaredlawnmower."

  Iwroteinmybook,playful.

  "Isthereanyvaluethathasvalue?"Iasked.

  "Ifthereisanyvaluethathasvalue,thenitmustlieoutsidethewholesphereofpensandisthecase,forallthathappensandisthecaseisactal,"hesaid.Hewasnotserious.Iwroteinmybook,knowsthedrill.

  (OhIhadheardreports,howheslunkaboutinthesnowtellingchildrenhewasSantaClaus,howhedisbursedfundsinunauthorizeddisbursementstounshavenmenwhocametothekitdoor,howhishousekeeperpointedlyrolledhisredsockstogetherandblacksockstogetherhintihredandblackwithblack,theCardinalpatientlyunrollingaredballtogetaredsodablackballtogetablacksock,whichhetheo?gether...)

  CardinalY.Hessly.

  Iwasthh.IpoppedtheCardinaloellawithalittlehammer,andlookedintohiseyeswithalittlelight.ItestedtheCardinalsstomachacidityusingUniversalIndicatorPaper,ascaleofoen,aspectrumofredtoblue.ThepHvaluewas1indighighacidity.ImeasuredtheCardirengthusingtheMiaMultiphasticMuzzleMap,hehadanM.M.M.M.offouroverthree.IsangtotheCardi?nal,thesongwas"StellabyStarlight,"hedidinanyway.Icalculatedthenumberofgal?loofilltheCardinalsbathtoadepthofteninches(beyondwhichdepth,theCardinalsaid,heneverventured).ItooktheCardinaltotheballet,theballetwas"Theservatory."TheCar?dinalapplaudedatfifty-sevenpoints.Afterward,backstage,theCardinaldahPlenosova,holdiarmslengthwithagoodwillandanillgrace.Theskirtsofthescarletsoutaoodouttorevealhigh-buttonshoes,aagehandsclapped.

  IaskedtheCardinalhisviewsonthemoon,hesaidtheyweretheventionalones,andthatishowIknowallIknowaboutcardinals.Notenoughperhapstorearasceofcardinalogyupon,butenoughperhapstoformabasisfortheiiga?tionsofotheriigators.Myreportisoverthere,inthebluebindiomycopyofLaGeomalaNeomanciedesAnsbytheSei?gneurofSalerno.

  CardinalY.Onemeasureandmeasureandmissthemostessentialthing.Ilikedhim.Istillgettheoddblessinginthemailnowandthen.

  Too,maybeIwastryingontherole.Notformyself.Whenachildisborn,thelocusofoneshopes...shifts,slightly.Notaltogether,notallatoyoufeelit,thisdisplat.Youspeakup,strikeattitudes,likethemotherofatinyLollida.Drunkwithpossibilityoncemore.

  Iamstillwearingmyyellohichhaslastedwonderfully.

  "WhatisGogdoing."

  "Sleeping."

  Yousee,Gogofmine,Gogomyheart,Imjusttryingtogiveyoualittlebriefinghere.Idontwantyouunpleasantlysurprised.ItstandastartledlardmeasasortofDistantEarlyWarningSystem.Hereistheworldandherearetheknowledgeableknowersknowing.WhatItellyou?Whathasbeeogetherfromthereportsoftravellers.

  FragmentsaretheonlyformsItrust.

  Lookatmywall,itsallthere.Thatsaleaf,Gog,stuckupwithScotchTape.Nono,theScotchTapeistheshinytransparentstuff,theleaftheveinedirregularlyshaped...

  Thereareseveralsidestothisaxe,Gog,?siderthephotostat,"Mr.W.B.YeatsPresentingMr.GeeMooretotheQueenoftheFairies."Thatsacivilizedgesture,ImeanBeerbohms.AhesculptorAristideMaillolwentintotheprintingbusinesshemadethepaperbychewingthefibershimself.Thatsdedication.AndhereisaPolaroidphoto,showsyourAuntSylviaainganAntFarmtogether.Thatshowclosewewereinthosedays.JustanAntFarmapart.

  Seethemoon?Ithatesus.

  AndnowesJ.J.Sullivanse-and-blueGulfOiltrucktothrowkeroseothespaceheater.Driveringreensirensuit,redface,blondshavedhead,thefollowingrichverbaltransa:

  "Beautifulday."

  "Certainlyis."

  AndlingbathisgreenglideryofMan.DearAnnwhenIlookatManIdontwantyou.UnfoldedUrsalaThigpenseemseversomuchmoredesirable.Agirltooandwithis,cooking,botany,praphiovels.Someooshowmyslashto.

  InanothermonthGogleapsfullyarmedfromthewomb.WhatIdoforhim?IgethimintoA.A.,Ihaveinfluendmakesurenoharshmoonlightfallsonhisnewsofthead.

  Hell.Wehopeyoullbeveryhappyhere.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读