THIRTY-FOUR - THERE IS NOW

  Marycouldntsleep.Everytimesheclosedhereyes,somethingmadeherswayandlurchasifshewereatthebrinkofaprecipidshesnappedawake,tehfear.

  Thishappehree,four,fivetimes,untilsherealizedthatsleepwasnotgoingtoe;soshegotupanddressedquietly,andsteppedoutofthehouseandawayfromthetreewithitstentlikebranchesunderwhichWillandLyraweresleeping.

  Themoonwasbrightandhighinthesky.Therewasalivelywind,andthegreatlandscapewasmottledwithcloud-shadows,moving,Marythought,likethemigrationofsomeherdofunimaginablebeasts.Butanimalsmigratedforapurpose;whenyousawherdsofreindeermovingacrossthetundra,orwildebeestcrossingthesavanna,youkheyweregoihefoodwas,ortoplaceswhereitwasgoodtomateandbearoffspring.Theirmovementhadameaning.Thesecloudsweremovingastheresultofpurece,theeffectofutterlyrasatthelevelofatomsandmolecules;theirshadowsspeedihegrasslandhadnomeaningatall.

  heless,theylookedasiftheydid.Theylookedtenseanddrivenwithpurpose.Thewholenightdid.Maryfeltit,too,exceptthatshedidntknowwhatthatpurposewas.Butunlikeher,thecloudsseemedtoknowwhattheyweredoingandwhy,andthewindknew,andthegrasskheentireworldwasaliveandscious.

  Maryclimbedtheslopeandlookedbackacrossthemarshes,wheretheiningtidelacedabrilliantsilverthroughtheglisteningdarkofthemudflatsandthereedbeds.Thecloud-shadowswereverycleardowheylookedasiftheywerefleeingsomethingfrightfulbehindthem,orhasteningtoembraethingwonderfulahead.Butwhatthatwas,Marywouldneverknow.

  Sheturowardthegrovewhereherclimbiood.Itwastwentyminuteswalkaway;shecouldseeitclearly,thighandtossingitsgreatheadinadialoguewiththeurgentwind.Theyhadthingstosay,andshecouldhem.

  Shehurriedtowardit,movedbytheexcitementofthenight,anddesperatetojoinin.ThiswastheverythioldWillaboutwhenheaskedifshemissedGod:itwasthesethewholeuniversewasalive,andthateverythingwasectedtoeverythingelsebythreadsofmeaning.WhenshedbeenaChristian,shehadfeltected,too;butwhetheChurch,shefeltlooseandfreeandlight,inauniversewithoutpurpose.

  AndthenhadethediscoveryoftheShadowsandherjouroanotherworld,andnowthisvividnight,anditlainthateverythingwasthrobbingwithpurposeandmeaning,butshewascutofffromit.Anditossibletofindae,becausetherewasnoGod.

  Halfiationandhalfindespair,sheresolvedtoclimbhertreeandtryonceagaintoloseherselfi.

  Butbeforeshedevengonehalfwaytothegrovesheheardadifferentsoundamongthelashingoftheleavesareamingofthewindthroughthegrass.Somethingwasgroaning,adeep,sombernotelikeanan.Andabovethat,thesoundofcrag,snappingandbreaking,andthesquealandscreamofwoodonwood.

  Surelyitcouldree?

  Shestoppedwhereshewas,intheopengrassland,withthewindlashingherfadthecloud-shadowsragpastheraallgrasseswhippihighs,andwatchedtheopyofthegrove.Boughsgroawigssnapped,greatbalksofgreenwoodsnappedofflikedrystidfellallthelongwaytotheground,aheitself,theoftheverytreesheknewsowell,leanedandleaned

  andslowlybegantotopple.

  Everyfiberirunk,thebark,therootsseemedtocryoutseparatelyagainstthismurder.Butitfellandfell,allthegreatlengthofitsmasheditswayoutofthegroveaoleantowardMarybeforecrashingintothegroundlikeawaveagainstabreakwater;andthecolossaltrunkreboundedupalittleway,aleddownfinally,withagroaningoftornwood.

  Sheranuptotouchthetossingleaves.Therewasherrope;therewerethesplinteredruinsofherplatform.Herheartthuddingpainfully,sheclimbedinamongthefallenbranches,haulingherselfthroughthefamiliarboughsattheirunfamiliarangles,andbalancedherselfashighupasshecouldget.

  Shebracedherselfagainstabrandtookoutthespyglass.Throughitshesawtwoquitedifferentmovementsinthesky.

  Ohatoftheclouds,drivenacrossthemooninonedire,aherwasthatofthestreamofDust,seemingtocrossitinquiteanother.

  Andofthetwo,theDustwasflowingmorequicklyandatmuchgreatervolume.Infact,thewholeskyseemedtobeflowingwithit,agreatinexorablefloodpoutoftheworld,outofalltheworlds,intosomeultimateemptiness.

  Slowly,asiftheyweremovingthemselvesinhermind,thingsjoinedup.

  WillandLyrahadsaidthatthesubtlekhreehundredyearsoldatleast.Sotheoldmaniowerhadtoldthem.

  Themulefahadtoldherthatthesraf,whichhadnurturedtheirlivesandtheirworldforthirty-threethousandyears,hadbeguntofailjustoverthreehundredyearsago.

  AcctoWill,theGuildoftheTliAheownersofthesubtleknife,hadbeencareless;theyhadntalwaysclosedthewindowstheyopened.Well,Maryhadfouerall,andtheremustbemanyothers.

  Supposethatallthistime,littlebylittle,Dusthadbeenleakingoutofthewoundsthesubtleknifehadmadeinnature...

  Shefeltdizzy,anditwasntonlytheswayingandrisingandfallingofthebranchesshewaswedgedamong.Sheputthespyglasscarefullyinherpocketandhookedherarmsoverthebranfront,gazingatthesky,themoon,thescuddingclouds.

  Thesubtleknifewasresponsibleforthesmall-scale,low-levelleakage.Itwasdamaging,andtheuniversewassufferingbecauseofit,atalktoWillandLyraandfindawaytostopit.

  Butthevastfloodintheskywasaterehatwasnew,anditwascatastrophidifitwasntstopped,allsciouslifewouldetoanend.Asthemulefahadshownher,Dustcameintobeingwhenlivingthingsbecamesciousofthemselves;butitneededsomefeedbacksystemtoreinforceitandmakeitsafe,asthemulefahadtheirwheelsandtheoilfromthetrees.Withoutsomethinglikethat,itwouldallvanish.Thought,imagination,feeling,wouldallwitherandblowaway,leavingnothingbutabrutishautomatism;andthatbriefperiodwhenlifewassciousofitselfwouldflickeroutlikeadleineveryohebillionsofworldswhereithadburnedbrightly.

  Maryfelttheburdenofitkeenly.Itfeltlikeage.Shefelteightyyearsold,wornoutandwearyandlongingtodie.

  Sheclimbedheavilyoutofthebrahegreatfallentree,andwiththewindstillwildintheleavesandthegrassandherhair,setoffhacktothevillage.

  AtthesummitoftheslopeshelookedforthelasttimeattheDuststream,withthecloudsandthewindblowingacrossitandthemoonstandingfirminthemiddle.

  Andthenshesawwhattheyweredoing,atlast:shesawwhatthatgreaturgentpurposewas.

  TheyweretryingtoholdbacktheDustflood.Theywerestrivingtoputsomebarriersupagainsttheterriblestream:wind,moon,clouds,leaves,grass,allthoselovelythingsweregoutandhurling

  themselvesintothestruggletokeeptheshadowparticlesinthisuniverse,whichtheysoenriched.

  MatterlovedDust.Itdidntwanttoseeitgo.Thatwasthemeaningofthisnight,anditwasMarysmeaning,too.

  Hadshethoughttherewasnomeaninginlife,nopurpose,whenGodhadgone?Yes,shehadthoughtthat.

  "Well,thereisnow,"shesaidaloud,andagain,louder:"Thereisnow!"

  Asshelookedagainatthecloudsandthemooniflow,theylookedasfrailanddoomedasadamoflittletwigsandtinypebblestryingtoholdbacktheMississippi.Buttheyweretrying,allthesame.Theydgtilltheendofeverything.

  Howloayedout,Marydidntknow.Wheensityofherfeeliosubside,andexhaustiontookitsplace,shemadeherwayslowlydownthehilltowardthevillage.

  Andwhenshewashalfwaydown,nearalittlegroveofknot-woodbushes,shesawsomethingstraonthemudflats.Therewasaglowofwhite,asteadymovement:somethingingupwiththetide.

  Shestoodstill,gazingily.Itcouldualapi,becausetheyalwaysmovedinaflodthiswasonitsown.

  Buteverythingaboutitwasthesame,thesail-likewings,thelongneck,itwasohebirds,nodoubtaboutit.Shehadneverheardoftheirmovingaboutalone,andshehesitatedbeforerunningdowntowarnthevillagers,becausethethinghadstopped,inanycase.Itwasfloatingoerclosetothepath.

  Anditwasingapart...No,somethingwasgettingoffitsback.

  Thesomethingwasaman.

  Shecouldseehimquiteclearly,evenatthatdistahemoonlightwasbrilliant,andhereyeswereadjustedtoit.Shelookedthroughthespyglass,andputthematterbeyonddoubt:itwasahumanfigure,radiatingDust.

  Hewascarryingsomething:alongstiekind.Hecamealohquicklyandeasily,notrunning,butmovinglikeanathleteorahunter.Hewasdressedinsimpledarkclothesthatwouldnormallycealhimwell;butthroughthespyglassheshowedupasifhewereunderaspotlight.

  Andashecameclosertothevillage,sherealizedwhatthatstickwas.Hewascarryingarifle.

  Shefeltasifsomeonehadpouredicywateroverherheart.Everyseparatehaironherfleshstirred.

  Shewastoofarawaytodoanything:evenifshedshouted,hewouldnthaveheard.Shehadtowatchashesteppedintothevillage,lookingtotheleftandright,stoppingeverysooftentolisten,movingfromhousetohouse.

  MarysmilikethemoonandthecloudstryingtoholdbacktheDustasshecriedoutsilently:Dontlookuhetree,goawayfromthetree...

  Buthemovedcloserandclosertoit,finallystoppingoutsideherownhouse.Shecould;sheputthespyglassinherpocketaorundowntheslope.Shewasabouttocallout,anything,awildcry,butjustintimesherealizedthatitmightwakeWillorLyraandmakethemrevealthemselves,andshechokeditback.

  Then,becauseshecouldntbearnotknowingwhatthemanwasdoing,shestoppedandfumbledforthespyglassagain,andhadtostandstillwhileshelookedthroughit.

  Heeningthedoorofherhouse.Hewasgoingi.Hevanishedfromsight,althoughtherewasastiriheleftbehind,likesmokewhenahandispassedthroughit.Marywaitedforanendlessminute,andthenheappearedagain.

  Hestoodinherdoorway,lookingaroundslowlyfromlefttht,andhisgazesweptpastthetree.

  Theeppedoffthethresholdandstoodstill,almostataloss.Marywassuddenlysciousofhowexposedshewasonthebarehillside,aneasyrifleshotaway,buthewasonlyiedinthevillage;and

  whenanotherminuteorsohadgoneby,heturnedandwalkedquietlyaway.

  Shewatchedeverystephetookdowntheriverpath,andsawquiteclearlyhowhesteppedontothebirdsbadsatcross-leggedasitturoglideaway.Fivemiertheywerelosttosight.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读

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