A Shower of Gold
Becausehehemoersonansweredanadthatsaid"WellpayyoutobeonTVifyouropiniorongenoughoryourpersonalexperienceshaveaflavoroftheunusual."HecalledthenumberandwastoldtoetoRoom1551intheGraybarBuildingonLexington.ThishedidandafterspendiymihaMissArborwhoaskedhimifhehadeverbeeninanalysiswasokayedframcalledWhoAmI?"Whatdoyouhavestrongopinionsabout?"MissArborasked."Art,"Petersonsaid,"life,money.""Forinstance?""Ibelieve,"Petersonsaid,"thatthelearningabilityofmibeloweredorincreasedbyregulatingtheamountofserotonininthebrain.Ibelievethatschizophrenicshaveahighinceofunusualfingerprints,includinglihatmakealmostpletecircles.Ibelievethatthedreamerwatcheshisdreaminsleep,bymovinghiseyes.""Thatsveryiing!"MissArborcried."ItsallintheWorldAlmanac,"Petersonreplied.
"Iseeyoureasculptor,"MissArborsaid,"thatswonderful.""Whatisthenatureoftheprogram?"Petersonasked."Iveneverseenit.""Letmeansweryourquestionwithanotherquestion,"MissArborsaid."Mr.Peterson,areyouabsurd?"Herenormouslipsweresmearedwithaglowingwhitecream."Ibegyourpardon?""Imean,"MissArborsaidearly,"doyouenteryourowenceasgratuitous?Doyoufeeldetrap?Istherenausea?""Ihaveanenlargedliver,"Petersonoffered."Thatsexcellent!"MissArborexclaimed."Thatsaverygoodbeginning!WhoAmI?tries,Mr.Peterson,todiscovereoplereallyare.Peopletoday,wefeel,arehiddenawayihemselves,alienated,desperate,livinginanguish,despairandbadfaith.Whyhavewebeenthrownhere,andabahatsthequestiooanswer,Mr.Peterson.Manstandsaloneiureless,anonymouslandscape,infearandtremblingandsiessuh.Godisdead.Nothingnesseverywhere.Dread.Estra.Finitude.WhoAmI?approachestheseproblemsinarootradicalway.""Ontelevision?""Wereiedinbasics,Mr.Petersoplayaround.""Isee,"Petersonsaid,wabouttheamountofthefee."WhatIwanttoknownow,Mr.Peterson,isthis:areyouiedinabsurdity?""MissArbor,"hesaid,"totellyouthetruth,Idontknow.ImnotsureIbelieveinit.""Oh,Mr.Peterson!"MissArborsaid,shocked."Dontsaythat!Youllbe...""Punished?"Petersonsuggested."Youmayerestedinabsurdity,"shesaidfirmly,"butabsurdityisiedinyou.""Ihavealotofproblems,ifthathelps,"Petersonsaid."Existenceisproblematicforyou,"MissArborsaid,relieved."Thefeeistwohundreddollars."
"Imgoingtobeontelevision,"Petersonsaidtohisdealer."Aterribleshame,"Jean-Clauderesponded."Isitunavoidable?""Itsunavoidable,"Petersonsaid,"ifIwa.""Howmuch?"Jean-Claudeaskedaersonsaid:"Twohundred."Helookedaroundthegallerytoseeifanyofhisworkswereondisplay."Aridiculouspensationsideringtheinfamy.Areyouusingyourownname?""Youhaventbyanyce...""Nooneisbuying,"Jean-Claudesaid."Undoubtedlyitistheweather.Peoplearethinkingintermsof--whatdoyoucallthosethings?--Chris-Crafts.Toboatwith.Youwouldnotsideragainoketoyouaboutbefore?""No,"Petersonsaid,"Iwouldntsiderit.""Twolittleoneswouldmovemuch,muchfasterthanasinglehugebigone,"Jean-Claudesaid,lookingaway."Tosawitacrossthemiddlewouldbeaverysimplematter.""Itssupposedtobeaworkofart,"Petersonsaid,ascalmlyaspossible."Youdontgoaroundsawingworksofartacrossthemiddle,remember?""Thatplacewhereitsaws,"Jean-Claudesaid,"isnotverydifficult.Iputmytwohandsaroundit."Hemadeacirclewithhistwohandstodemonstrate."InvariablywhenIlookatthatpieceIseetwopieces.Areyouabsolutelysureyoudidntceiveitwronglyinthefirstinstance?""Absolutely,"Petersonsaid.Notasinglepieceofhiswasonview,andhisliverexpandedinrageandhatred."Youhaveaveryromanticimpulse,"Jean-Claudesaid."Iadmire,dimly,theposture.Youreadtoomuthehistoryofart.Itestrangesyoufromthosepossibilitiesforauthenticselfhoodthatihepreseury.""Iknow,"Petersonsaid,"couldyouletmehavetwentyuntilthefirst?"
PetersonsatinhisloftonlowerBroadwaydrinkingRheingoldandthinkingaboutthePresident.HehadalwaysfeltclosetothePresidentbutfeltnowthathehad,inagreeingtoappearoelevisiram,donesomethingslightlydisgraceful,ofwhichthePresidentwouldnotapprove.ButIhemoney,hetoldhimself,thetelephournedoffaenisgformilk.AndImrunningoutofbeer.ThePresidehattheartsshouldbeenced,Petersonreflected,surelyhedoesntwaogowithoutbeer?Hewonderedifwhathewasfeelingwassimpleguiltathavingsoldhimselftotelevisionorsomethingmoreelegant:nausea?HislivergroahinhimandhesideredasituationinwhichhisionshipwiththePresidentwasannounced.Hewaswi.ThepiehandwastobecalledSeasoingsandbihreeautoradiators,onefromaChevroletTudor,onefromaFordpick-up,onefroma1932Essex,withpartofaformertelephochboardandotheritems.Thearraseemedrightandhebeganwelding.Afteratimethemasswasfreestanding.Acoupleofhourshadpassed.Heputdoworch,liftedoffthemask.Hewalkedovertotherefrigeratorandfoundasandwichleftbyafriendlyjunkdealer.Itwasasandwichmadehastilyandwithoutinspiration:athinslibetweentwopiecesofbread.Heateitgratefullyheless.Hestoodlookingatthework,movingfromtimetotimesoastoviewitfromanewahenthedoortotheloftburstopenandthePresidentranin,trailingasixteen-poundsledge.HisfirstblowcrackedtheprincipalweldinSeasoings,thetwohalvespartinglikelovers,gingforamomentandthenrushingoffinoppositedires.TwelveSecretServiheldPetersoninaparalyzingbinatiogrips.Heslookinggood,Petersonthought,verygood,healthy,mature,fit,trustworthy.Ilikehissuit.ThePresidentssedandthirdblowssmashedtheEssexradiatorandtheChevroletradiator.Theackedtheweldingtorch,theplastersketchesontheworkbench,theRodincastandtheGiaettistiPetersonhadboughtinParis."ButMr.President!"Petersonshouted."Ithoughtwewerefriends!"ASecretServibithiminthebackofthehenthePresidentliftedthesledgehighintheair,turoeterson,andsaid:"Yourliverisdiseased?Thatsagoodsign.Youremakingprogress.Yourethinking."
"IhappentothinkthatguyieHouseisdoingaprettydarngoodjob."Petersonsbarber,amawhowasalsoalayanalystahoroffourbookstitledTheDecisionToBe,wastheonlypersonintheworldtowhomhehadfidedhisformersenseofunitywiththePresident."Asfarashisrelationshipwithyoupersonallygoes,"thebarbertinued,"itsessentiallyakindofI-Thourelationship,ifyouknowwhatImean.Yougottohawithfullawarenessoftheimplications.Intheendoneexperienlyoneself,zschesaid.WhenyrywiththePresident,whatyouexperienceisself-as-angry-with-the-President.Whenthingsareokaybetweenyouandhim,whatyouexperienceisself-as-swinging-with-the-President.Wellandgood.But,"Kitsaid,latheringup,"youwanttherelationshiptobesuchthatwhatyouexperiehe-President-as-swinging-with-you.Youwanthisreality,getit?Sothatyoubreakoutofthehellofsolipsism.Howaboutalittlemoreoffthesides?""Everybodyknowsthelanguagebutme,"Petersonsaidirritably."Look,"Kitsaid,"whenyoutalkaboutmetosomebodyelse,yousaymybarber,dontyou?Sureyoudo.Inthesameway,Ilookatyouasbeingmyer,getit?ButyoudardyourselfasbeingmyerandIdardmyselfasyourbarber.Oh,itshellallright."TherazormovedlikeaswitchbladeacrossthebackofPetersonsneck."LikePascalsaid:Thenaturalmisfortuneofourmortalandfeebleditionissowretchedthatwhenwesideritclosely,nothingsoleus.Therazorrocketedaroundanear."Listen,"Petersonsaid,"whatdoyouthinkofthistelevisiramcalledWhoAm1?Everseenit?""Frankly,"thebarbersaid,"itsmellsofthelibrary.Buttheydoajobonthosepeople,Illtellyouthat.""Whatdoyoumean?"Petersonsaidexcitedly."Whatkindofajob?"Theclothwaswhiskedawayandshakenwithasharppoppingsound."Itstoohorribleeventotalkabout,"Kitsaid."Butitswhattheydeserve,thosecrumbs.""Whichcrumbs?"Petersonasked.
Thatnightatallfn-lookingmanwithaswitchbladebigasabutcherknifeopeninhishandwalkedintotheloftwithoutknogandsaid"Goodevening,Mr.Peterson,Iamthecat-pianoplayer,isthereanythingyoudparticularlyliketohear?""Cat-piano?"Petersonsaid,gasping,shrinkingfromtheknife."Whatareyoutalkingabout?Whatdoyouwant?"AbiographyofNoldeslidfromhislaptothefloor."Thecat-piano,"saidthevisitor,"isaninstrumentofthedevil,adiabolistrument.Yousweatquitesomuch,"headded,soundingaggrieved.Petersoobebrave."Idontuand,"hesaid."Letmeexplain,"thetallfn-lookingmansaidgraciously."Thekeyboardsistsofeightcats--theoctave--ehebodyoftheinstrumentinsuchawaythatonlytheirheadsandforepawsprotrude.Theplayerpressesupontheappropriatepaws,andtheappropriatecatsrespond--withakindofshriek.Thereisalsoprovisionmadeforpulliails.Atail-puller,orperhapsIshouldsaytailplayer"(hesmiledadisingenuoussmile)"isstatioherearoftheinstrument,wherethetailsare.Atthecorreeail-pullerpullsthecorrecttail.Thetail-noteisofcoursequitedifferentfromthepaw-noteandproducessoundsintheupperregisters.Haveyoueverseensuinstrument,Mr.Peterson?""No,andIdontbelieveitexists,"Petersonsaidheroically."Thereisanexcellentearlyseveh-turyengravingbyFranzvanderWy,Mr.Peterson,inwhichacat-pianoappears.Played,asithappens,byamanwithawoodenleg.Youwillobservemyownleg."Thecat-pianoplayerhoistedhistrousersandalegliketraptionofwood,metalandplasticappeared."Andnow,wouldyouliketomakearequest?TheMartyrdomofSt.Sebastian?TheRomeoandJulietoverture?Holidayfs?""Butwhy--"Petersonbegan."Thekittenisgformilk,Mr.Peterson.Andwheneverakittehecat-pianoplays.""Butitsnotmykitten,"Petersonsaidreasonably."Itsjustakittenthatwisheditselfonme.Ivebeentryingtogiveitaway.Imnotsureitsstillaround.Ihavesihedaybeforeyesterday."Thekittenappeared,lookedatPetersonreproachfully,andthenrubbeditselfagainstthecat-pianoplayersmeicalleg."Waitaminute!"Petersonexclaimed."Thisthingisrigged!Thatcathasntbeewodays.Whatdoyouwantfromme?WhatamIsupposedtodo?""Choices,Mr.Peterson,choices.Youchosethatkittenasawayofenteringthatwhichyouarenot,thatistosay,kitten.Aneffortoofthepour-soito--""Butite!"Petersoncried,"thedoorenandthefirstthingIkwaslyinginmybed,uheArmybla.Ididnthaveanythingtodowithit!"Thecat-pianoplayerrepeatedhisdisingenuoussmile."Yes,Mr.Peterson,Iknow,Iknow.Thingsaredooyou,itisallagigantispiracy.Iveheardthestoryahuimes.Butthekittenishere,isitnot?Thekittenisweeping,isitnot?"Petersonlookedatthekitten,whichwasghugetigerishtearsintoitsemptydish."ListenMr.Peterson,"thecat-pianoplayersaid,"listen!"Thebladeofhisimmenseknifejumpedbatothehahathwadthehideousmusicbegan.
ThedayafterthehideousmusicbegahreegirlsfromCaliforniaarrived.Petersonopenedhisdoor,hesitantly,inrespooaninsistentringing,andfoundhimselfbeingstaredatbythreegirlsinbluejeansandheavysweaters,carryingsuitcases."ImSherry,"thefirstgirlsaid,"andthisisAnnandthisisLouise.WerefromCaliforniaandweneedaplacetostay."Theywerehomelyaremelypurposeful."Imsorry,"Petersonsaid,"It--""Wesleepanywhere,"Sherrysaid,lookingpasthimintothevastnessofhisloft,"onthefloorifwehaveto.Wevedobefore."AnnandLouisestoodooestogetagoodlook."Whatsthatfunnymusic?"Sherryasked,"itsoundsprettyfar-out.Wereallyworoubleatallanditlljustbealittlewhileuntilwemakeae.""Yes,"Petersonsaid,"butwhyme?""Youreanartist,"Sherrysaidsternly,"wesawtheA.I.R.signdownstairs."Petersoncursedthefirelawswhichmadepostingofthesignsobligatory."Listen,"hesaid,"Itevehecat.Itevenkeepmyselfihisisnottheplace.Youwontbehappyhere.Myworkisntauthentic.Imaminorartist.""Thenaturalmisfortuneofourmortalandfeebleditionissowretchedthatwhenwesideritclosely,nothingsoleus,"Sherrysaid."ThatsPascal.""Iknow,"Petersonsaid,weakly."Whereisthejohn?"Louiseasked.Annmarchedintothekitaoprepare,fromsuppliesremovedfromherrucksaethingcalledvealengagé."Kissme,"Sherrysaid,"Ineedlove."Petersoohisfriendlyneighborhoodbar,orderedadoublebrandy,andwedgedhimselfintoatelephoh."MissArbor?ThisisHaerson.Listen,MissArbor,Itdoit.No,Imeanreally.Imbeingpunishedhorriblyforeventhinkingaboutit.No,Imeanit.Youtimagisgoingonaroundhere.Please,getsomebodyelse?Idregarditasagreatpersonalfavor.MissArbor?Please?"
TheothertestantswereayoungmaninwhitepajamashurPick,akarateexpert,andanairlinepilotinfulluniform,WallaceE.Rice."Justbenatural,"MissArborsaid,"andofcoursebefrank.Wescoreonthebasisofthevalidityofyouranswers,andofcoursethatsmeasuredbythepolygraph.""Whatsthisaboutapolygraph?"theairlinepilotsaid."Thepolygraphmeasuresthevalidityofyouranswers,"MissArborsaid,herlipsglowingwhitely."Howelsearewegoingtoknowifyoure...""Lying?"WallaceE.Ricesupplied.Thetestantswereectedtothemaeandthemaeteillumieboardhangiheirheads.Themasterofceremonies,Petersohoutpleasure,resembledthePresidentanddidnotlookatallfriendly.
TheprogrambeganwithArthurPick.ArthurPickgotupinhiswhitepajamasandgaveakaratedemonstrationinwhichhebrokethreehalf-ineboardswithasinglekickofhisnakedleftfoot.Theoldhowhehaddisarmedabandit,lateatnightattheA&Pwherehewasanassistantmanager,withamaneuvercalleda"rip-g"whichhedemonstratedontheannouncer."Howaboutthat?"theannouncercaroled."Isntthatsomething?Audience?"TheaudiencerespohusiasticallyandArthurPiodestlywithhishandsbehindhisback."Now,"theannouncersaid,letsplayWhoAmI?Andheresyourhost,BillLemmon!"No,hedoesntlooklikethePresideersondecided."Arthur,"BillLemmonsaid,"fortwentydollars--doyouloveyourmother?""Yes,"ArthurPicksaid."Yes,ofcourse."Abellrang,thetoteboardflashed,andtheaudiencescreamed."Heslying!"theannouncershouted,"lying!lying!lying!""Arthur,"BillLemmonsaid,lookingathisindexcards,"thepolygraphshowsthatthevalidityofyouransweris...questionable.Wouldyouliketotryitagain?Takeanothercrackatit?""Yourecrazy,"ArthurPicksaid."OfcourseIlovemymother."Hewasfishingaroundinsidehispajamasforahandkerchief."Isyourmotherwatgtheshowtonight,Arthur?""Yes,Bill,sheis.""Howlonghaveyoubeenstudyingkarate?""Twoyears,Bill.""Andwhopaidforthelessons?"ArthurPickhesitated.Thenhesaid:"Mymother,Bill.""Theywereprettyexpensive,werentthey,Arthur?""Yes,Bill,theywere.""Howexpensive?""Fivedollarsanhour.""Yourmotherdoesntmakeverymuey,doesshe,Arthur?""No,Bill,shedoesnt.""Arthur,whatdoesyourmotherdoforaliving?""Shesagarmentworker,Bill.Inthegarmentdistrict.""Andhowlonghassheworkeddownthere?""Allherlife,Iguess.Sinandied.""Andshedoesntmakeverymuey,yousaid.""No.Butshewaopayforthelessons.Sheinsistedonit."BillLemmonsaid:"Shewantedasonwhocouldbreakboardswithhisfeet?"Petersonsliverleapedaeboardspelledout,inhuge,glowingwhiteletters,thewordsbadfaith.Theairlinepilot,WallaceE.Rice,wasledtorevealthathehadbeencaught,onaflightfromOmahatoMiami,withastewardesssittingonhislapandwearinghiscaptainscap,thattheflightengineerhadtakenaPolaroidpicture,andthathehadbeengiveninvoluntaryretirementaftereenyearsoffaithfulservice."Iterfectlysafe,"WallaceE.Ricesaid,"youdontuand,theautomaticpilotflythatplaerthanI."Hefurtherfessedtoalifelongandintolerableitchafterstewardesseswhichhadmuchtodo,hesaid,withthewaytheirjacketsfelljustontopoftheirhips,andhisownjacketwiththethreegoldstripesonthesleevedarkehsweatuntilitwasblack.
Iwaswroersonthought,theworldisabsurd.Theabsurdityispunishingmefornotbelievinginit.Iaffirmtheabsurdity.Oherhand,absurdityisitselfabsurd.Beforetheemceecouldaskthefirstquestioersootalk."Yesterday,"Petersonsaidtothetelevisionaudience,"iypewriterinfrontoftheOlivettishowroomonFifthAvenue,IfoundarecipeforTenIngredientSoupthatincludedastonefromatoadshead.AndwhileIstoodtheremarvelinganiceoldladypastedontheelbowofmybestHaspelsuitalittlebluestickerreadingTHISINDIVIDUALISAPARTOFTHEUNISTSPIRACYFLOBALDOMINATIONOFTHEENTIREGLOBE.inghomeIpassedasignthatsaidinten-footlettersCOWARDSHOESandheardamansinging"GoldenEarrings"inahorriblevoidlastnightIdreamedtherewasashoot-outatourhouseoreetandmymothershovedmeinaclosettogetmeoutofthelineoffire."Theemceewavedatthefloormaurersonoff,butPetersoalking."Inthiskindofaworld,"Petersonsaid,"absurdifyouwill,possibilitieshelessproliferateandescalateallaroundusandthereareopportunitiesfinningagain.Iamaminorartistandmydealerwontevendisplaymyworkifhehelpitbutminorisasminordoesandlightningmaystrikeeve.Dontbereciled.Turnoffyourtelevisios,"Petersonsaid,"cashinyourlifeinsurandulgeinamindlessoptimism.Visitgirlsatdusk.Playtheguitar.Howyoubealiehoutfirsthavingbeenected?Thinkbadrememberhowitwas."AmanonthefloorinfrontofPetersonwaswavingapieceofcardboardonwhiethingthreateningwaswrittenbutPetersonignoredhimandtratedonthecamerawiththelittleredlight.ThelittleredlightjumpedfromcameratocamerainaothrowhimoffbalaPetersonwastoosmartforitandfollowedwhereveritwent."Mymotherwasaroyalvirgin,"Petersonsaid,"andmyfatherashold.Mychildhoodastoralaidriexperienceswhichdevelopedmycharacter.AsayoungmanIwasnobleinreason,infiniteinfaculty,informexpressandadmirable,andinapprehension..."Petersoonandonandalthoughhewas,inasense,lying,inasensehewasnot.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
"Iseeyoureasculptor,"MissArborsaid,"thatswonderful.""Whatisthenatureoftheprogram?"Petersonasked."Iveneverseenit.""Letmeansweryourquestionwithanotherquestion,"MissArborsaid."Mr.Peterson,areyouabsurd?"Herenormouslipsweresmearedwithaglowingwhitecream."Ibegyourpardon?""Imean,"MissArborsaidearly,"doyouenteryourowenceasgratuitous?Doyoufeeldetrap?Istherenausea?""Ihaveanenlargedliver,"Petersonoffered."Thatsexcellent!"MissArborexclaimed."Thatsaverygoodbeginning!WhoAmI?tries,Mr.Peterson,todiscovereoplereallyare.Peopletoday,wefeel,arehiddenawayihemselves,alienated,desperate,livinginanguish,despairandbadfaith.Whyhavewebeenthrownhere,andabahatsthequestiooanswer,Mr.Peterson.Manstandsaloneiureless,anonymouslandscape,infearandtremblingandsiessuh.Godisdead.Nothingnesseverywhere.Dread.Estra.Finitude.WhoAmI?approachestheseproblemsinarootradicalway.""Ontelevision?""Wereiedinbasics,Mr.Petersoplayaround.""Isee,"Petersonsaid,wabouttheamountofthefee."WhatIwanttoknownow,Mr.Peterson,isthis:areyouiedinabsurdity?""MissArbor,"hesaid,"totellyouthetruth,Idontknow.ImnotsureIbelieveinit.""Oh,Mr.Peterson!"MissArborsaid,shocked."Dontsaythat!Youllbe...""Punished?"Petersonsuggested."Youmayerestedinabsurdity,"shesaidfirmly,"butabsurdityisiedinyou.""Ihavealotofproblems,ifthathelps,"Petersonsaid."Existenceisproblematicforyou,"MissArborsaid,relieved."Thefeeistwohundreddollars."
"Imgoingtobeontelevision,"Petersonsaidtohisdealer."Aterribleshame,"Jean-Clauderesponded."Isitunavoidable?""Itsunavoidable,"Petersonsaid,"ifIwa.""Howmuch?"Jean-Claudeaskedaersonsaid:"Twohundred."Helookedaroundthegallerytoseeifanyofhisworkswereondisplay."Aridiculouspensationsideringtheinfamy.Areyouusingyourownname?""Youhaventbyanyce...""Nooneisbuying,"Jean-Claudesaid."Undoubtedlyitistheweather.Peoplearethinkingintermsof--whatdoyoucallthosethings?--Chris-Crafts.Toboatwith.Youwouldnotsideragainoketoyouaboutbefore?""No,"Petersonsaid,"Iwouldntsiderit.""Twolittleoneswouldmovemuch,muchfasterthanasinglehugebigone,"Jean-Claudesaid,lookingaway."Tosawitacrossthemiddlewouldbeaverysimplematter.""Itssupposedtobeaworkofart,"Petersonsaid,ascalmlyaspossible."Youdontgoaroundsawingworksofartacrossthemiddle,remember?""Thatplacewhereitsaws,"Jean-Claudesaid,"isnotverydifficult.Iputmytwohandsaroundit."Hemadeacirclewithhistwohandstodemonstrate."InvariablywhenIlookatthatpieceIseetwopieces.Areyouabsolutelysureyoudidntceiveitwronglyinthefirstinstance?""Absolutely,"Petersonsaid.Notasinglepieceofhiswasonview,andhisliverexpandedinrageandhatred."Youhaveaveryromanticimpulse,"Jean-Claudesaid."Iadmire,dimly,theposture.Youreadtoomuthehistoryofart.Itestrangesyoufromthosepossibilitiesforauthenticselfhoodthatihepreseury.""Iknow,"Petersonsaid,"couldyouletmehavetwentyuntilthefirst?"
PetersonsatinhisloftonlowerBroadwaydrinkingRheingoldandthinkingaboutthePresident.HehadalwaysfeltclosetothePresidentbutfeltnowthathehad,inagreeingtoappearoelevisiram,donesomethingslightlydisgraceful,ofwhichthePresidentwouldnotapprove.ButIhemoney,hetoldhimself,thetelephournedoffaenisgformilk.AndImrunningoutofbeer.ThePresidehattheartsshouldbeenced,Petersonreflected,surelyhedoesntwaogowithoutbeer?Hewonderedifwhathewasfeelingwassimpleguiltathavingsoldhimselftotelevisionorsomethingmoreelegant:nausea?HislivergroahinhimandhesideredasituationinwhichhisionshipwiththePresidentwasannounced.Hewaswi.ThepiehandwastobecalledSeasoingsandbihreeautoradiators,onefromaChevroletTudor,onefromaFordpick-up,onefroma1932Essex,withpartofaformertelephochboardandotheritems.Thearraseemedrightandhebeganwelding.Afteratimethemasswasfreestanding.Acoupleofhourshadpassed.Heputdoworch,liftedoffthemask.Hewalkedovertotherefrigeratorandfoundasandwichleftbyafriendlyjunkdealer.Itwasasandwichmadehastilyandwithoutinspiration:athinslibetweentwopiecesofbread.Heateitgratefullyheless.Hestoodlookingatthework,movingfromtimetotimesoastoviewitfromanewahenthedoortotheloftburstopenandthePresidentranin,trailingasixteen-poundsledge.HisfirstblowcrackedtheprincipalweldinSeasoings,thetwohalvespartinglikelovers,gingforamomentandthenrushingoffinoppositedires.TwelveSecretServiheldPetersoninaparalyzingbinatiogrips.Heslookinggood,Petersonthought,verygood,healthy,mature,fit,trustworthy.Ilikehissuit.ThePresidentssedandthirdblowssmashedtheEssexradiatorandtheChevroletradiator.Theackedtheweldingtorch,theplastersketchesontheworkbench,theRodincastandtheGiaettistiPetersonhadboughtinParis."ButMr.President!"Petersonshouted."Ithoughtwewerefriends!"ASecretServibithiminthebackofthehenthePresidentliftedthesledgehighintheair,turoeterson,andsaid:"Yourliverisdiseased?Thatsagoodsign.Youremakingprogress.Yourethinking."
"IhappentothinkthatguyieHouseisdoingaprettydarngoodjob."Petersonsbarber,amawhowasalsoalayanalystahoroffourbookstitledTheDecisionToBe,wastheonlypersonintheworldtowhomhehadfidedhisformersenseofunitywiththePresident."Asfarashisrelationshipwithyoupersonallygoes,"thebarbertinued,"itsessentiallyakindofI-Thourelationship,ifyouknowwhatImean.Yougottohawithfullawarenessoftheimplications.Intheendoneexperienlyoneself,zschesaid.WhenyrywiththePresident,whatyouexperienceisself-as-angry-with-the-President.Whenthingsareokaybetweenyouandhim,whatyouexperienceisself-as-swinging-with-the-President.Wellandgood.But,"Kitsaid,latheringup,"youwanttherelationshiptobesuchthatwhatyouexperiehe-President-as-swinging-with-you.Youwanthisreality,getit?Sothatyoubreakoutofthehellofsolipsism.Howaboutalittlemoreoffthesides?""Everybodyknowsthelanguagebutme,"Petersonsaidirritably."Look,"Kitsaid,"whenyoutalkaboutmetosomebodyelse,yousaymybarber,dontyou?Sureyoudo.Inthesameway,Ilookatyouasbeingmyer,getit?ButyoudardyourselfasbeingmyerandIdardmyselfasyourbarber.Oh,itshellallright."TherazormovedlikeaswitchbladeacrossthebackofPetersonsneck."LikePascalsaid:Thenaturalmisfortuneofourmortalandfeebleditionissowretchedthatwhenwesideritclosely,nothingsoleus.Therazorrocketedaroundanear."Listen,"Petersonsaid,"whatdoyouthinkofthistelevisiramcalledWhoAm1?Everseenit?""Frankly,"thebarbersaid,"itsmellsofthelibrary.Buttheydoajobonthosepeople,Illtellyouthat.""Whatdoyoumean?"Petersonsaidexcitedly."Whatkindofajob?"Theclothwaswhiskedawayandshakenwithasharppoppingsound."Itstoohorribleeventotalkabout,"Kitsaid."Butitswhattheydeserve,thosecrumbs.""Whichcrumbs?"Petersonasked.
Thatnightatallfn-lookingmanwithaswitchbladebigasabutcherknifeopeninhishandwalkedintotheloftwithoutknogandsaid"Goodevening,Mr.Peterson,Iamthecat-pianoplayer,isthereanythingyoudparticularlyliketohear?""Cat-piano?"Petersonsaid,gasping,shrinkingfromtheknife."Whatareyoutalkingabout?Whatdoyouwant?"AbiographyofNoldeslidfromhislaptothefloor."Thecat-piano,"saidthevisitor,"isaninstrumentofthedevil,adiabolistrument.Yousweatquitesomuch,"headded,soundingaggrieved.Petersoobebrave."Idontuand,"hesaid."Letmeexplain,"thetallfn-lookingmansaidgraciously."Thekeyboardsistsofeightcats--theoctave--ehebodyoftheinstrumentinsuchawaythatonlytheirheadsandforepawsprotrude.Theplayerpressesupontheappropriatepaws,andtheappropriatecatsrespond--withakindofshriek.Thereisalsoprovisionmadeforpulliails.Atail-puller,orperhapsIshouldsaytailplayer"(hesmiledadisingenuoussmile)"isstatioherearoftheinstrument,wherethetailsare.Atthecorreeail-pullerpullsthecorrecttail.Thetail-noteisofcoursequitedifferentfromthepaw-noteandproducessoundsintheupperregisters.Haveyoueverseensuinstrument,Mr.Peterson?""No,andIdontbelieveitexists,"Petersonsaidheroically."Thereisanexcellentearlyseveh-turyengravingbyFranzvanderWy,Mr.Peterson,inwhichacat-pianoappears.Played,asithappens,byamanwithawoodenleg.Youwillobservemyownleg."Thecat-pianoplayerhoistedhistrousersandalegliketraptionofwood,metalandplasticappeared."Andnow,wouldyouliketomakearequest?TheMartyrdomofSt.Sebastian?TheRomeoandJulietoverture?Holidayfs?""Butwhy--"Petersonbegan."Thekittenisgformilk,Mr.Peterson.Andwheneverakittehecat-pianoplays.""Butitsnotmykitten,"Petersonsaidreasonably."Itsjustakittenthatwisheditselfonme.Ivebeentryingtogiveitaway.Imnotsureitsstillaround.Ihavesihedaybeforeyesterday."Thekittenappeared,lookedatPetersonreproachfully,andthenrubbeditselfagainstthecat-pianoplayersmeicalleg."Waitaminute!"Petersonexclaimed."Thisthingisrigged!Thatcathasntbeewodays.Whatdoyouwantfromme?WhatamIsupposedtodo?""Choices,Mr.Peterson,choices.Youchosethatkittenasawayofenteringthatwhichyouarenot,thatistosay,kitten.Aneffortoofthepour-soito--""Butite!"Petersoncried,"thedoorenandthefirstthingIkwaslyinginmybed,uheArmybla.Ididnthaveanythingtodowithit!"Thecat-pianoplayerrepeatedhisdisingenuoussmile."Yes,Mr.Peterson,Iknow,Iknow.Thingsaredooyou,itisallagigantispiracy.Iveheardthestoryahuimes.Butthekittenishere,isitnot?Thekittenisweeping,isitnot?"Petersonlookedatthekitten,whichwasghugetigerishtearsintoitsemptydish."ListenMr.Peterson,"thecat-pianoplayersaid,"listen!"Thebladeofhisimmenseknifejumpedbatothehahathwadthehideousmusicbegan.
ThedayafterthehideousmusicbegahreegirlsfromCaliforniaarrived.Petersonopenedhisdoor,hesitantly,inrespooaninsistentringing,andfoundhimselfbeingstaredatbythreegirlsinbluejeansandheavysweaters,carryingsuitcases."ImSherry,"thefirstgirlsaid,"andthisisAnnandthisisLouise.WerefromCaliforniaandweneedaplacetostay."Theywerehomelyaremelypurposeful."Imsorry,"Petersonsaid,"It--""Wesleepanywhere,"Sherrysaid,lookingpasthimintothevastnessofhisloft,"onthefloorifwehaveto.Wevedobefore."AnnandLouisestoodooestogetagoodlook."Whatsthatfunnymusic?"Sherryasked,"itsoundsprettyfar-out.Wereallyworoubleatallanditlljustbealittlewhileuntilwemakeae.""Yes,"Petersonsaid,"butwhyme?""Youreanartist,"Sherrysaidsternly,"wesawtheA.I.R.signdownstairs."Petersoncursedthefirelawswhichmadepostingofthesignsobligatory."Listen,"hesaid,"Itevehecat.Itevenkeepmyselfihisisnottheplace.Youwontbehappyhere.Myworkisntauthentic.Imaminorartist.""Thenaturalmisfortuneofourmortalandfeebleditionissowretchedthatwhenwesideritclosely,nothingsoleus,"Sherrysaid."ThatsPascal.""Iknow,"Petersonsaid,weakly."Whereisthejohn?"Louiseasked.Annmarchedintothekitaoprepare,fromsuppliesremovedfromherrucksaethingcalledvealengagé."Kissme,"Sherrysaid,"Ineedlove."Petersoohisfriendlyneighborhoodbar,orderedadoublebrandy,andwedgedhimselfintoatelephoh."MissArbor?ThisisHaerson.Listen,MissArbor,Itdoit.No,Imeanreally.Imbeingpunishedhorriblyforeventhinkingaboutit.No,Imeanit.Youtimagisgoingonaroundhere.Please,getsomebodyelse?Idregarditasagreatpersonalfavor.MissArbor?Please?"
TheothertestantswereayoungmaninwhitepajamashurPick,akarateexpert,andanairlinepilotinfulluniform,WallaceE.Rice."Justbenatural,"MissArborsaid,"andofcoursebefrank.Wescoreonthebasisofthevalidityofyouranswers,andofcoursethatsmeasuredbythepolygraph.""Whatsthisaboutapolygraph?"theairlinepilotsaid."Thepolygraphmeasuresthevalidityofyouranswers,"MissArborsaid,herlipsglowingwhitely."Howelsearewegoingtoknowifyoure...""Lying?"WallaceE.Ricesupplied.Thetestantswereectedtothemaeandthemaeteillumieboardhangiheirheads.Themasterofceremonies,Petersohoutpleasure,resembledthePresidentanddidnotlookatallfriendly.
TheprogrambeganwithArthurPick.ArthurPickgotupinhiswhitepajamasandgaveakaratedemonstrationinwhichhebrokethreehalf-ineboardswithasinglekickofhisnakedleftfoot.Theoldhowhehaddisarmedabandit,lateatnightattheA&Pwherehewasanassistantmanager,withamaneuvercalleda"rip-g"whichhedemonstratedontheannouncer."Howaboutthat?"theannouncercaroled."Isntthatsomething?Audience?"TheaudiencerespohusiasticallyandArthurPiodestlywithhishandsbehindhisback."Now,"theannouncersaid,letsplayWhoAmI?Andheresyourhost,BillLemmon!"No,hedoesntlooklikethePresideersondecided."Arthur,"BillLemmonsaid,"fortwentydollars--doyouloveyourmother?""Yes,"ArthurPicksaid."Yes,ofcourse."Abellrang,thetoteboardflashed,andtheaudiencescreamed."Heslying!"theannouncershouted,"lying!lying!lying!""Arthur,"BillLemmonsaid,lookingathisindexcards,"thepolygraphshowsthatthevalidityofyouransweris...questionable.Wouldyouliketotryitagain?Takeanothercrackatit?""Yourecrazy,"ArthurPicksaid."OfcourseIlovemymother."Hewasfishingaroundinsidehispajamasforahandkerchief."Isyourmotherwatgtheshowtonight,Arthur?""Yes,Bill,sheis.""Howlonghaveyoubeenstudyingkarate?""Twoyears,Bill.""Andwhopaidforthelessons?"ArthurPickhesitated.Thenhesaid:"Mymother,Bill.""Theywereprettyexpensive,werentthey,Arthur?""Yes,Bill,theywere.""Howexpensive?""Fivedollarsanhour.""Yourmotherdoesntmakeverymuey,doesshe,Arthur?""No,Bill,shedoesnt.""Arthur,whatdoesyourmotherdoforaliving?""Shesagarmentworker,Bill.Inthegarmentdistrict.""Andhowlonghassheworkeddownthere?""Allherlife,Iguess.Sinandied.""Andshedoesntmakeverymuey,yousaid.""No.Butshewaopayforthelessons.Sheinsistedonit."BillLemmonsaid:"Shewantedasonwhocouldbreakboardswithhisfeet?"Petersonsliverleapedaeboardspelledout,inhuge,glowingwhiteletters,thewordsbadfaith.Theairlinepilot,WallaceE.Rice,wasledtorevealthathehadbeencaught,onaflightfromOmahatoMiami,withastewardesssittingonhislapandwearinghiscaptainscap,thattheflightengineerhadtakenaPolaroidpicture,andthathehadbeengiveninvoluntaryretirementaftereenyearsoffaithfulservice."Iterfectlysafe,"WallaceE.Ricesaid,"youdontuand,theautomaticpilotflythatplaerthanI."Hefurtherfessedtoalifelongandintolerableitchafterstewardesseswhichhadmuchtodo,hesaid,withthewaytheirjacketsfelljustontopoftheirhips,andhisownjacketwiththethreegoldstripesonthesleevedarkehsweatuntilitwasblack.
Iwaswroersonthought,theworldisabsurd.Theabsurdityispunishingmefornotbelievinginit.Iaffirmtheabsurdity.Oherhand,absurdityisitselfabsurd.Beforetheemceecouldaskthefirstquestioersootalk."Yesterday,"Petersonsaidtothetelevisionaudience,"iypewriterinfrontoftheOlivettishowroomonFifthAvenue,IfoundarecipeforTenIngredientSoupthatincludedastonefromatoadshead.AndwhileIstoodtheremarvelinganiceoldladypastedontheelbowofmybestHaspelsuitalittlebluestickerreadingTHISINDIVIDUALISAPARTOFTHEUNISTSPIRACYFLOBALDOMINATIONOFTHEENTIREGLOBE.inghomeIpassedasignthatsaidinten-footlettersCOWARDSHOESandheardamansinging"GoldenEarrings"inahorriblevoidlastnightIdreamedtherewasashoot-outatourhouseoreetandmymothershovedmeinaclosettogetmeoutofthelineoffire."Theemceewavedatthefloormaurersonoff,butPetersoalking."Inthiskindofaworld,"Petersonsaid,"absurdifyouwill,possibilitieshelessproliferateandescalateallaroundusandthereareopportunitiesfinningagain.Iamaminorartistandmydealerwontevendisplaymyworkifhehelpitbutminorisasminordoesandlightningmaystrikeeve.Dontbereciled.Turnoffyourtelevisios,"Petersonsaid,"cashinyourlifeinsurandulgeinamindlessoptimism.Visitgirlsatdusk.Playtheguitar.Howyoubealiehoutfirsthavingbeenected?Thinkbadrememberhowitwas."AmanonthefloorinfrontofPetersonwaswavingapieceofcardboardonwhiethingthreateningwaswrittenbutPetersonignoredhimandtratedonthecamerawiththelittleredlight.ThelittleredlightjumpedfromcameratocamerainaothrowhimoffbalaPetersonwastoosmartforitandfollowedwhereveritwent."Mymotherwasaroyalvirgin,"Petersonsaid,"andmyfatherashold.Mychildhoodastoralaidriexperienceswhichdevelopedmycharacter.AsayoungmanIwasnobleinreason,infiniteinfaculty,informexpressandadmirable,andinapprehension..."Petersoonandonandalthoughhewas,inasense,lying,inasensehewasnot.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
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