FEBRUARY, 1944
THURSDAY,FEBRUARY3,1944
DearestKitty,
Invasionfeverismountingdailythroughoutthetry.Ifyouwerehere,ImsureyoudbeasimpressedasIamatthemanypreparations,thoughyoudnodoubtlaughatallthefussweremaking.Whoknows,itmayallbefornothing!
Thepapersarefullofinvasionnewsandaredrivingeveryoneihsuchstatementsas:"IofaBritishlandinginHolland,theGermanswilldowhattheytodefendthetry,evenfloodingit,ifnecessary."TheyvepublishedmapsofHollandwiththepotentialfloodareasmarked.SincelargeportionsofAmsterdamwereshadedin,ourfirstquestioneshoulddoifthewaterireetsrosetoaboveourwaists.Thistrickyquestionelicitedavarietyofresponses:
"Itllbeimpossibletowalkorrideabike,sowellhavetowadethroughthewater.”
"Dontbesilly.Wellhavetotryandswim.utonourbathingsuitsandcapsandswimuerasmuchaswe,sonobodyseewereJews.”
"Oh,baloney!Ijustimagiheladiesswimmingwiththeratsbitingtheirlegs!”
(Thatwasaman,ofcourse;wellseewhoscreamsloudest!)
"Wewontevenbeabletoleavethehouse.Thewarehouseissounstableitllcollapseiftheresaflood.”
"Listen,everyone,alljokingaside,wereallyoughttotryaaboat.”
"Whybother?Ihaveabetteridea.Weeachtakeapagcratefromtheattidrowwithawoodenspoon.”
"Imgoingtowalkonstilts.IusedtobeawhizatitwhenIwasyoung."
"JanGieswoo.HelllethiswiferidepiggybadthenMiepwillbeonstilts.”
Sonowyouhavearoughideaofwhatsgoingon,dontyou,Kit?Thislightheartedbanterisallveryamusing,butrealitywillproveotherwise.Thesedquestionabouttheinvasionwasboundtoarise:whatshouldwedoiftheGermansevacuateAmsterdam?
"Leavethecityalongwiththeothers.Disguiseourselvesaswellaswe.”
"Whateverhappens,dontgooutside!Thebestthingtodoistostayput!TheGermansarecapabletheentirepopulationofHollandintoGermany,wheretheyllalldie.”
"Ofcoursewellstayhere.Thisisthesafestplace.
WelltrytotalkKleimanandhisfamilyintoiolivewithus.Wellsomehowgetholdofabagofwoodshavings,sowesleeponthefloor.LetsaskMiepandKleimantsomeblas,justincase.Andwellordersomeextracerealgrainstosupplemey-fivepoundswealreadyhave.Jantrytofindsomemorebeans.Atthemomentwevegotaboutsixty-fivepoundsofbeansandtenpoundsofsplitpeas.Anddontfetthefiftysofvegetables.”
"Whatabouttherest,Miveusthelatestfigures.,"Tensoffish,fortyilk,twentypoundsofpowderedmilk,threebottlesofoil,fourcrocksofbutter,fourjarsofmeat,twobigjarsofstrawberries,twojarsofraspberries,twentyjarsoftomatoes,tenpoundsofoatmeal,ninepoundsofrice.
Thatsit.”
Ourprovisionsareholdingoutfairlywell.Allthesame,wehavetofeedtheofficestaff,whichmeansdippingintoourstockeveryweek,soitsnotasmuchasitseems.
Wehaveenoughcoalandfirewood,dlestoo.
"Letsallmakelittlemoneybagstohideinourclothessowetakeourmohusifweoleavehere.”
"Wemakelistsofwhattotakefirstincasewehavetorunforit,andpackourknapsaadvance."
"Wheimees,wellputtwopeopleonthelookout,oheloftatthefrontofthehouseaheback.”
"Hey,whatstheuseofsomuchfoodifthereisntanywater,gasorelectricity?”
"Wellhavetocookonthewoodstove.Filterthewaterandboilit.Weshouldsomebigjugsandfillthemwithwater.Wealsostorewaterihreekettlesweuseforing,andinthewashtub.”
"Besides,westillhaveabouttwohundredandthirtypoundsofwiatoesinthespicestoreroom.”
AlldaylongthatsallIhear.Invasion,invasion,nothingbutinvasiumentsaboutgoinghungry,dying,bombs,fireextinguishers,sleepingbags,identitycards,poisongas,etc.,etotexactlycheerful.
AgoodexampleoftheexplicitwarningsofthemaletiisthefollowingversationwithJan:
Annex:"WereafraidthatwhentheGermareat,theylltaketheentirepopulationwiththem.”
Jan:"Thatsimpossible.Theyhaventgotenoughtrains.”
Annex:"Trains?Doyoureallythinktheydputciviliansontrains?Absolutelynot.
Everyonewouldhavetohoofit."(Or,asDusselalwayssays,perpedesapostolorum.)
Jan:"Itbelievethat.Yourealwayslookingonthedarkside.Whatreasonwouldtheyhavetoroundupalltheciviliansandtakethemalong?”
Annex:"DontyourememberGoebbelssayingthatiftheGermanshavetogo,theyllslamthedoorstoalltheoccupiedterritoriesbehindthem?”
Jan:"Theyvesaidalotofthings.”
Annex:"DoyouthinktheGermaoonobleorhumaodoit?Theirreasoningis:ifwegounder,welldrageveryoneelsedownwithus.”
Jan:"Yousaywhatyoulike,IjustdontbelieveAnnex:"Itsalwaysthesameoldstory.stoseethedailits
stariheface.”
Jan:"Butyoudontknowanythingforsure.Yourejustmakinganassumption.”
Annex:"Becausewevealreadybeenthroughitallourselves,FirstinGermanyandthenhere.WhatdoyouthinkshappeninginRussia?”
Jan:"YoushouldntincludetheJews.IdontthinkanyoneknowswhatsgoingoninRussia.TheBritishandtheRussiansareprobablyexaggeratingfandapurposes,justliketheGermans.”
Annex:"Absolutelynot.TheBBChasalwaystoldthetruth.Ahenewsisslightlyexaggerated,thefactsarebadenoughastheyare.Youtdenythatmillionsofpeace-lovingcitizensinPolandandRussiahavebeenmurderedassed.”
Illspareyoutherestofourversations.Imverycalmandtakenonoticeofallthefuss.IvereachedthepointwhereIhardlycarewhetherIliveordie.Theworldwillkeepwithoutme,andItdoanythingtogeeventsanyway.Illjustletmatterstaketheircourseandtrateonstudyingandhopethateverythingwillbeallrightintheend.
Yours,Anne
TUESDAY,FEBRUARY8,1944
DearKitty,
IttellyouhowIfeel.OneminuteImlongingforpeadquiet,aforalittlefun.Wevefottenhowtolaugh--Imean,laughingsohardyoutstop.
ThismIhad"thegiggles";youknow,thekindweusedtohaveatschool.
MargotandIweregigglinglikerealteenagers.
LastnighttherewasanothersewithMother.Margotwastugherwoolblaaroundherwhensuddenlysheleaptoutofbedandcarefullyexamihebla.
Whatdoyouthinkshefound?Apin!Motherhadpatchedtheblaandfottentotakeitout.FathershookhisheadmeaningfullyandmadeaentabouthowcarelessMotheris.SoonafterwardMothercameinfromthebathroom,andjusttoteaseherIsaid,"DubistdoeechteRabenmutter."[Oh,youarecruel.]
Ofcourse,sheaskedmewhyIdsaidthat,aoldheraboutthepinshedoverlooked.Sheimmediatelyassumedherhaughtiestexpressionandsaid,"Youreafialk.Whenyouresewing,theentireflooriscoveredwithpins.Andlook,youveleftthemanicuresetlyingaroundagain.Youthatawayeither!”
IsaidIhad,andMargotbackedmeup,sinceshewastheguiltyparty.
MotherwentontalkingabouthowmessyIwasuntilIgotfedupandsaid,rathercurtly,"Iwasheonewhosaidyouwerecareless.Imalwaysgettingblamedforotherpeoplesmistakes!”
Motherfellsilent,ahanamierIwasobligedtokisshergood-night.
Thisimaynothavebeenveryimportant,butthesedayseverythisonmynerves.
AnneMaryFrank
SATURDAY,FEBRUARY12,1944
DearestKitty,
Thesunisshining,theskyisdeepblue,theresamagnifitbreeze,andImlonging--reallylonging--foreverything:versation,freedom,friends,beingalone.Ilong...tocry!IfeelasifIwereabouttoexplode.Iknwouldhelp,butItcry.Imrestless.Iwalkfromoneroomtoanother,breathethroughthecrathewindowframe,feelmyheartbeatingasiftosay,"Fulfillmylongingatlast...”
Ithinkspringisinsideme.Ifeelspringawakening,Ifeelitiirebodyandsoul.Ihavetoforcemyselftoaally.Iminastateofutterfusion,dontknowwhattoread,whattowrite,whattodo.IonlyknowthatImlongingforsomething...
Yours,Anne
186ANNEFRANK
MONDAY,FEBRUARY14,1944
DearestKitty,
Alothasgedformesiurday.Whatshappehis:Iwaslongingfor
something(andstillam),but...asmall,averysmall,partoftheproblemhasbeenresolved.
OnSundaymInoticed,tomygreatjoy(Illbehowithyou),thatPeterkeptlookingatme.Notintheusualway.Idontknow,Itexplainit,butIsuddenlyhadthefeelinghewasntasihMargotasIusedtothink.AlldaylongItriednottolookathimtoomuch,becausewheneverIdid,Icaughthimlookingatmeandthen--well,itmademefeelwonderfulinside,andthatsnotafeelingIshouldhavetoooften.
Sundayeveningeveryone,exceptPimandme,wasclusteredaroundtheradio,listeningtothe"ImmortalMusicoftheGermanMasters."Dusselkepttwistingandturningtheknobs,whioyedPeter,aherstoo.Afterrestraininghimselfforhalfanhour,Peteraskedsomewhatirritablyifhewouldstopfiddlingwiththeradio.Dusselrepliedinhishaughtiesttone,"Ichmachdass!"[Illdecidethat.]Petergotangryandmadeaniremark.Mr.vanDaahhim,andDusselhadtobackdown.Thatwasit.
Thereasonforthedisagreementarticularlyiinginandofitself,butPeterhasapparentlytakeerverymuchtoheart,becausethism,whenIwasrummagingaroundieofbooksiic,Petercameupaellihadhappened.Ididntknowanythingaboutit,butPetersoonrealizedhedfoundaivelistenerandstartedwarminguptohissubject.
"Well,itslikethis,"hesaid."Idontusuallytalkmuch,sinowbeforehandIlljustbetoied.IstartstutteringandblushingandItwistmywordsaroundsomuchIfinallyhavetostop,becauseItfindtherightwords.Thatspeerday.Imeanttosaysomethiirelydifferent,butoarted,Igotallmixedup.Itsawful.Iusedtohaveabadhabit,andsometimesIwishIstilldid:
wheneverIwasmadatsomeone,Idbeatthemupinsteaduingwiththem.Iknowthismethodwomeanywhere,andthatswhyIadmireyou.Yourealossforwords:yousayexactlywhatyouwanttosayaintheleastbitshy.”
"Oh,yourewrongaboutthat,"Ireplied."MostofwhatIsayesoutverydifferentlyfromthelanned.PlusItalktoomudtoolong,andthatsjustasbad.”
"Maybe,butyouhavetheadvanooneseeyoureembarrassed.Youdontblushotopieces."
Icouldnthelpbeilyamusedathiswords.However,sinceIwantedhimtogoontalkingquietlyabouthimself,Ihidmylaughter,satdownonacushiononthefloor,edmyarmsaroundmykneesandgazedathimily.
ImgladtheressomeoneelseinthishousewhofliesintothesameragesasIdo.
PeterseemedrelievedthathecouldcriticizeDusselwithoutbeingafraidIdtell.Asforme,Ileasedtoo,becauseIserongfeelingoffellowship,whilyrememberhavinghadwithmygirlfriends.
Yours,Anne
TUESDAY,FEBRUARY15,1944
Theminorrun-inwithDusselhadseveralrepercussions,forwhichhehadonlyhimselftoblame.MondayeveningDusselcameiherandtoldhertriumphantlythatPeterhadaskedhimthatmifhedsleptwell,andthenaddedhowsorryhewasaboutwhathadhappenedSundayevening--hehadntreallymeantwhathedsaid.Dusselassuredhimhehadnttakenittoheart.SoeverYthingwasrightasrainagain.Motherpassedthisstoryontome,andIwassecretlyamazedthatPeter,whodbeensoangryatDussel,hadhumbledhimself,despiteallhisassurahetrary.
IcouldntrefrainfromsoundieroutonthesubjedheinstantlyrepliedthatDusselhadbeenlying.Youshouldhaveseeersface.IwishIdhadacamera.
Indignatie,indecision,agitationandmuchmorecrossedhisfarapidsuccession.
ThateveningMr.vanDaanaerreallytoldDusseloff.Butitcouldnthavebeenallthatbad,sierhadanotherdentalappoioday.
Actually,theyneverwaospeaktoeachain.
WEDNESDAY,FEBRUARY16,1944
PeterandIhadnttalkedtoeachotherallday,exceptforafewmeaninglesswords.Itwastoocoldtogouptotheattidanyway,itwasMargotsbirthday.Attwelve-thirtyhecametolookatthepresentsandhungaroundchattinglohanwasstriecessary,somethinghedneverhavedoherwise.ButIgotmytheafternoon.SinceIfeltlikespoilingMargotonherbirthday,Iwenttogetthecoffee,andafterthatthepotatoes.WhenIcametoPetersroom,heimmediatelytookhispapersoffthestairs,andIaskedifIshouldclosethetrapdoor
totheattic.
"Sure,"hesaid,"goahead.Whenyourereadytoebackdown,justknodIllopenitforyou.”
Ithankedhim,wentupstairsaleasttenminutesseargaroundinthebarrelforthesmallestpotatoes.Mybackstartedag,aicwascold.
Naturally,Ididntbothertoknockbutopehetrap-doormyself.Butheobliginglygotupandtookthepanoutofmyhands.
"Ididmybest,butIcouldntfindanysmallerones.”
"Didyoulookinthebigbarrel?”
"Yes,Ivebeenthroughthemall.”
BythistimeIwasatthebottomofthestairs,andheexamihepanofpotatoeshewasstillholding."Oh,butthesearefine,"hesaid,andadded,asItookthepanfromhim,"Mypliments!”
Ashesaidthis,hegavemesuchawarm,tenderlookthatIstartedglowinginside.Icouldtellhewaopleaseme,butsincehecouldntmakealongplimentaryspeech,hesaideverythingwithhiseyes.Iuoodhimsowellandwasverygrateful.Itstillmakesmehappytothinkbacktothosewordsandthatlook!
Whedownstairs,Mothersaidsheneededmorepotatoes,thistimefordinner,soIvoluogobackup.WheeredPetersroom,Iapologizedfordisturbinghimagain.AsIwasgoingupthestairs,hestoodup,weostaweeairsandthewall,grabbedmyarmandtriedtostopme.
"Illgo,"hesaid."Ihavetogoupstairsanyway.”
Irepliedthatitwasntreallynecessary,thatIdidnthavetogetonlythesmallohistime.vinced,heletgoofmyarm.Onmywayback,heopehetrapdoorandonceagaintookthepanfromme.Standingbythedoor,Iasked,"Whatareyon?”
"French,"hereplied.
IaskedifIcouldtakealookathislessons.Theowashmyhandsandsatdownacrossfromhimonthedivan.
AfterIdexplainedsomeFren,webegantotalk.HetoldmethatafterthewarhewaogototheDutchEastIndiesandliveonarubberplantatioalkedabouthislifeathome,theblackmarketandhowhefeltlikeaworthlessbum.
Itoldhimhehadabiginferiorityplex.Hetalkedaboutthewar,sayingthatRussiaandEnglandwereboundtogotainsteachother,andabouttheJews.
HesaidlifewouldhavebeenmucheasierifhedbeenaChristianorcouldbeeoerthewar.Iaskedifhewaobebaptized,butthatwasntwhathemeaher.HesaidhedneverbeabletofeellikeaChristian,butthatafterthewarhedmakesurenobodywouldknowhewasJewish.Ifeltamomentarypang.Itssuchashamehestillhasatouchofdishoyinhim.
Peteradded,"TheJewshavebeenandalwayswillbethechosenpeople!”
Ianswered,"Justthisonce,Ihopetheyllbechosenforsomethinggood!”
Butwewentonchattingverypleasantly,aboutFather,aboutjudginghumancharacterandallsortsofthings,somanythatItevenrememberthemall.
Ileftataquarterpastfive,becauseBephadarrived.
ThateveninghesaidsomethingelseIthoughtwasnice.WeweretalkingaboutthepictureofamoviestarIdoncegivenhim,whichhasbeenhanginginhisroomforatleastayearandahalf.HelikeditsomuchthatIofferedtogivehimafewmore.
"No,"hereplied,"Idratherkeeptheo.Ilookatiteveryday,andthepeopleinithavebeyfriends.”
InowhaveabetteruandingofwhyhealwayshugsMouschisotightly.Heobviouslyneedsaffetoo.Ifottomentiohingelsehewastalkingabout.
Hesaid,"No,Imnotafraid,exceptwhenitestothingsaboutmyself,butImwonthat.”
Peterhasahugeinferiorityplex.Forexample,healwaysthinkshessostupidandweresosmart.WhenIhelphimwithFrench,hethahousandtimes.OhesedaysImgoingtosay,"Oh,cutitout!YouremuchbetteratEnglishandgeography!”
AnneFrank
THURSDAY,FEBRUARY17,1944
DearKitty,
Istairsthism,sinceIpromisedMrs.vanD.Idreadhersomeofmystories.Ibeganwith"EvasDream,"whichshelikedalot,andthenIreadafewpassagesfrom"TheSecretAnnex,"whichhadherinstitches.Peteralsolistenedforawhile(justthelastpart)andaskedifIdetohisroomsometimetoreadmore.
IdecidedIhadtotakeacerightthenandthere,soIgotmynotebookahimreadthatbitwhereCadyandHanstalkaboutGod.Itreallytellwhatkindofimpressionitmadeonhim.HesaidsomethingIdontquiteremember,notaboutwhetheritwasgood,butabouttheideabehindit.ItoldhimIjustwantedhimtoseethatIdidntwriteonlyamusingthings.Henodded,aheroom.WellseeifIhearanythingmore!
Yours,Anne
Frank
FRIDAY,FEBRUARY18,1944
MydearestKitty,
WheneverIgoupstairs,itsalwayssoIsee"him."NowthatIhavesomethingtolookforwardto,mylifeherehasimprovedgreatly.
Atleasttheobjeyfriendshipisalwayshere,andIdonthavetobeafraidofrivals(exceptfot).DontthinkIminlove,becauseImnot,butIdohavethefeelingthatsomethiifulisgoingtodevelopbetweeerandme,akindoffriendshipandafeelingoftrust.IgoseehimwheneverIgettheditsnotthewayitusedtobe,whenhedidntknowwhattomakeofme.Orary,hesstilltalkingawayasImheadingoutthedoor.Motherdoesntlikemegoingupstairs.ShealwayssaysImbPeterandthatIshouldleavehimalone.
Holy,tshecreditmewithsomeintuition?ShealwayslooksatmesooddlywhenIgotoPetersroom.WhenIedownagain,sheasksmewhereIvebeen.
Itsterrible,butImbeginningtohateher!
Yours,Anne
M.Frank
SATURDAY,FEBRUARY19,1944
DearestKitty,
ItsSaturdayagain,andthatshouldtellyouenough.Thismallwasquiet.Ispentnearlyanhourupstairsmakiballs,butIonlyspoketo"him"inpassing.
Wheneveryoupstairsattwo-thirtytoeitherreadortakeanap,Iwentdownstairs,withblaandall,tositatthedeskandreadorwrite.BeforelongIcouldnttakeitanymore.Iputmyheadinmyarmsandsobbedmyheartout.Thetearsstreameddownmycheeks,adesperatelyunhappy.Oh,ifonlyhe"hadetoe.
ItastfourbythetimeIwentupstairsagain.AtfiveoclockIsetofftogetsomepotatoes,hopingonceagainthatwedmeet,butwhileIwasstillihroomfixingmyhair,hewenttoseeBoche.
IwaohelpMrs.vanD.aupstairswithmybookahing,butsuddenlyIfeltthetearsingagain.Iraceddownstairstothebathroom,grabbingthehandmirrorontheway.Isatthereooilet,fullydressed,longafterIwasthrough,mytearsleavingdarkspotsontheredofmyapron,aterlydejected.
Hereswhatwasgoingthroughmymind:"Oh,IllneverreachPeterthisway.Whoknows,maybehedoesntevenlikemeandhedoesntneedaofidein.
Maybeheonlythinksofmeinacasualsortofway.IllhavetogobacktobeingalohoutaofideinandwithoutPeter,withouthope,fortoranythingtolookforwardto.Oh,ifonlyIcouldrestmyheadonhisshoulderandnotfeelsohopelesslyaloneaed!Whoknows,maybehedoesntcareformeatallandlooksattheothersinthesametenderway.MaybeIonlyimagieciallyforme.Oh,Peter,ifonlyyoucouldhearmeorseeme.Ifthetruthisdisappointing,Iwontbeabletobearit.”
AlittlelaterIfelthopefulandfullofexpectationagain,thoughmytearswerestillflowing--ontheinside.
Yours,Anne
M.Frank
SUNDAY,FEBRUARY20,1944
pensinotherpeopleshousesdurioftheweekhappenshereintheAnnexonSundays.Whileotherpeopleputontheirbestclothesandgostrollinginthesun,wescrub,sweepanddothelaundry.
Eightoclock.Thoughtherestofusprefertosleepin,
Dusselgetsupateight.Hegoestothebathroom,thendownstairs,thenupagainahebathroom,wherehedevotesawholehourtowashinghimself.
hirty.Thestovesarelit,theblackoutsistakendown,andMr.vanDaanheadsforthebathroom.OneofmySundaymordealsishavingtolieinbedandlookatDusselsbackwhenhespraying.IknowitsoundsstraaprayingDusselisaterriblesighttobehold.Itsnotthathecriesetsseal,notatall,buthedoesspendaquarterofanhour--airefifteenminutes--rogfromhistoestohisheels.Badforth,badforth.Itgoesonforever,andifIdontshutmyeyestight,myheadstartstospin.
Ten-fifteen.ThevanDaanswhistle;thebathroomsfree.IntheFrankfamilyquarters,thefirstsleepyfacesarebeginningtefromtheirpillows.Thehinghappensfast,fast,fast.MargotandItaketurnsdoingthelaundry.Sisquitecolddownstairs,weputonpantsandheadscarves.Meanwhile,Fatherisbusyihroom.EitherMargotorIhaveaturnihroomateleven,andthenwereall.
Eleven-thirty.Breakfast.Iwontdwellonthis,siheresenoughtalkaboutfoodwithoutmybringingthesubjectupaswell.
Twelve-fifteen.Weeachgoourseparateways.Father,cladinoveralls,getsdownonhishandsandkneesandbrushestherugsovigorouslythattheroomisenvelopedinacloudofdust.Mr.Dusselmakesthebeds(allwrong,ofcourse),alwayswhistlingthesameBeethovenviolincertoashegoesabouthiswork.Motherbeheardshufflingarouicasshehangsupthewashing.Mr.vanDaanputsonhishatanddisappearsintothelions,usuallyfollowedbyPeterandMouschi.Mrs.
vanD.donsalongapron,ablackwooljacketandovershoes,windsaredwoolscarfaroundherhead,scoopsupabundleofdirtylaundryand,withawell-rehearsedwasherwomansnod,headsdownstairs.MargotandIdothedishesandstraightenuptheroom.
WEDNESDAY,FEBRUARY23,1944
MydearestKitty,
Theweathersbeenwonderfulsierday,andIveperkedupquiteabit.Mywriting,thebestthingIhave,isingalongwell.Igototheatticalmosteverymtogetthestaleairoutofmylungs.Thismwhehere,Peterwasbusyingup.HefinishedquicklyandcameovertowhereIwassittingon
myfavoritespotonthefloor.Thetwoofuslookedoutatthebluesky,thebarechestnuttreeglisteningwithdew,theseagullsandotherbirdsglintingwithsilverastheyswoopedthroughtheair,andweweresomovedarahatwecouldntspeak.Hestoodwithhisheadagainstathickbeam,whileIsat.Webreathedintheair,lookedoutsideandbothfeltthatthespellshouldntbebrokenwithwords.Weremainedlikethisforalongwhile,andbythetimehehadtogotothelofttochopwood,Iknewhewasagood,detboy.Heclimbedtheladdertotheloft,andIfollowed;durieenminuteshewaschoppingwood,wedidntsayawordeither.IwatchedhimfromwhereIwasstanding,andcouldseehewasobviouslydoinghisbesttochoptherightwayandshowoffhisstrength.ButIalsolookedouttheopenwindow,lettingmyeyesroamoveralargepartofAmsterdam,overtherooftopsandontothehorizon,astripofbluesopaleitwasalmostinvisible.
"Aslongasthisexists,"Ithought,"thissunshihiscloudlesssky,andaslongasIjoyit,howIbesad?”
Thebestremedyforthosewhoarefrightened,lonelyorunhappyistogooutside,somewheretheybealone,alohthesky,natureandGod.ForthenandonlythenyoufeelthateverythingisasitshouldbeandthatGodeopletobehappyamidnaturesbeautyandsimplicity.
Aslongasthisexists,andthatshouldbeforever,Iknowthattherewillbesolaceforeverysorrow,whateverthecircumstances.Ifirmlybelievethatnaturebringforttoallwhosuffer.
Oh,whoknows,perhapsitwontbelongbeforeIsharethisoverwhelmingfeelingofhappinesswithsomeonewhofeelsthesameasIdo.
Yours,Anne
P.S.Thoughts:ToPeter.
Wevebeenmissingoutonsomuchhere,soverymudforsuchalongtime.Imissitjustasmuchasyoudo.Imnottalkingaboutexternalthings,sincewerewellprovidedforinthatsense;Imeaernalthings.Likeyou,Ilongforfreedomandfreshair,butIthinkwevebeenamplypensatedfortheirloss.Ontheinside,Imean.
Thism,whenIwassittinginfrontofthewindowandtakingalong,deeplookoutsideatGodandnature,Iy,justplainhappy.Peter,aslongaspeoplefeelthatkindofhappinesswithinthemselves,thejoyofnature,healthandmuchmore
besides,theyllalwaysbeabletorecapturethathappiness.
Riches,prestige,everythingbelost.Butthehappinessinyourowlybedimmed;itwillalwaysbethere,aslongasyoulive,tomakeyouhappyagain.
Wheneveryourefeelinglonelyorsad,trygoingtotheloftoifuldayandlookingoutside.Notatthehousesandtherooftops,butatthesky.Aslongasyoulookfearlesslyatthesky,youllknowthatyourepurewithinandwillfindhappinessoncemore.
SUNDAY,FEBRUARY27,1944
MydearestKitty,
Fromearlyinthemtolateatnight,allIdoisthinkaboutPeter.Ifallasleepwithhisimagebeforemyeyes,dreamabouthimandwithhimstilllookingatme.
IhavethestrongfeelingthatPeterandIarentreallyasdifferentaswemayseemonthesurfadIllexplainwhy:herPeternorIhaveamother.Hisistoosuperficial,likestoflirtaherselfmuchwithwhatgoesoninhishead.Miakesanact松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
DearestKitty,
Invasionfeverismountingdailythroughoutthetry.Ifyouwerehere,ImsureyoudbeasimpressedasIamatthemanypreparations,thoughyoudnodoubtlaughatallthefussweremaking.Whoknows,itmayallbefornothing!
Thepapersarefullofinvasionnewsandaredrivingeveryoneihsuchstatementsas:"IofaBritishlandinginHolland,theGermanswilldowhattheytodefendthetry,evenfloodingit,ifnecessary."TheyvepublishedmapsofHollandwiththepotentialfloodareasmarked.SincelargeportionsofAmsterdamwereshadedin,ourfirstquestioneshoulddoifthewaterireetsrosetoaboveourwaists.Thistrickyquestionelicitedavarietyofresponses:
"Itllbeimpossibletowalkorrideabike,sowellhavetowadethroughthewater.”
"Dontbesilly.Wellhavetotryandswim.utonourbathingsuitsandcapsandswimuerasmuchaswe,sonobodyseewereJews.”
"Oh,baloney!Ijustimagiheladiesswimmingwiththeratsbitingtheirlegs!”
(Thatwasaman,ofcourse;wellseewhoscreamsloudest!)
"Wewontevenbeabletoleavethehouse.Thewarehouseissounstableitllcollapseiftheresaflood.”
"Listen,everyone,alljokingaside,wereallyoughttotryaaboat.”
"Whybother?Ihaveabetteridea.Weeachtakeapagcratefromtheattidrowwithawoodenspoon.”
"Imgoingtowalkonstilts.IusedtobeawhizatitwhenIwasyoung."
"JanGieswoo.HelllethiswiferidepiggybadthenMiepwillbeonstilts.”
Sonowyouhavearoughideaofwhatsgoingon,dontyou,Kit?Thislightheartedbanterisallveryamusing,butrealitywillproveotherwise.Thesedquestionabouttheinvasionwasboundtoarise:whatshouldwedoiftheGermansevacuateAmsterdam?
"Leavethecityalongwiththeothers.Disguiseourselvesaswellaswe.”
"Whateverhappens,dontgooutside!Thebestthingtodoistostayput!TheGermansarecapabletheentirepopulationofHollandintoGermany,wheretheyllalldie.”
"Ofcoursewellstayhere.Thisisthesafestplace.
WelltrytotalkKleimanandhisfamilyintoiolivewithus.Wellsomehowgetholdofabagofwoodshavings,sowesleeponthefloor.LetsaskMiepandKleimantsomeblas,justincase.Andwellordersomeextracerealgrainstosupplemey-fivepoundswealreadyhave.Jantrytofindsomemorebeans.Atthemomentwevegotaboutsixty-fivepoundsofbeansandtenpoundsofsplitpeas.Anddontfetthefiftysofvegetables.”
"Whatabouttherest,Miveusthelatestfigures.,"Tensoffish,fortyilk,twentypoundsofpowderedmilk,threebottlesofoil,fourcrocksofbutter,fourjarsofmeat,twobigjarsofstrawberries,twojarsofraspberries,twentyjarsoftomatoes,tenpoundsofoatmeal,ninepoundsofrice.
Thatsit.”
Ourprovisionsareholdingoutfairlywell.Allthesame,wehavetofeedtheofficestaff,whichmeansdippingintoourstockeveryweek,soitsnotasmuchasitseems.
Wehaveenoughcoalandfirewood,dlestoo.
"Letsallmakelittlemoneybagstohideinourclothessowetakeourmohusifweoleavehere.”
"Wemakelistsofwhattotakefirstincasewehavetorunforit,andpackourknapsaadvance."
"Wheimees,wellputtwopeopleonthelookout,oheloftatthefrontofthehouseaheback.”
"Hey,whatstheuseofsomuchfoodifthereisntanywater,gasorelectricity?”
"Wellhavetocookonthewoodstove.Filterthewaterandboilit.Weshouldsomebigjugsandfillthemwithwater.Wealsostorewaterihreekettlesweuseforing,andinthewashtub.”
"Besides,westillhaveabouttwohundredandthirtypoundsofwiatoesinthespicestoreroom.”
AlldaylongthatsallIhear.Invasion,invasion,nothingbutinvasiumentsaboutgoinghungry,dying,bombs,fireextinguishers,sleepingbags,identitycards,poisongas,etc.,etotexactlycheerful.
AgoodexampleoftheexplicitwarningsofthemaletiisthefollowingversationwithJan:
Annex:"WereafraidthatwhentheGermareat,theylltaketheentirepopulationwiththem.”
Jan:"Thatsimpossible.Theyhaventgotenoughtrains.”
Annex:"Trains?Doyoureallythinktheydputciviliansontrains?Absolutelynot.
Everyonewouldhavetohoofit."(Or,asDusselalwayssays,perpedesapostolorum.)
Jan:"Itbelievethat.Yourealwayslookingonthedarkside.Whatreasonwouldtheyhavetoroundupalltheciviliansandtakethemalong?”
Annex:"DontyourememberGoebbelssayingthatiftheGermanshavetogo,theyllslamthedoorstoalltheoccupiedterritoriesbehindthem?”
Jan:"Theyvesaidalotofthings.”
Annex:"DoyouthinktheGermaoonobleorhumaodoit?Theirreasoningis:ifwegounder,welldrageveryoneelsedownwithus.”
Jan:"Yousaywhatyoulike,IjustdontbelieveAnnex:"Itsalwaysthesameoldstory.stoseethedailits
stariheface.”
Jan:"Butyoudontknowanythingforsure.Yourejustmakinganassumption.”
Annex:"Becausewevealreadybeenthroughitallourselves,FirstinGermanyandthenhere.WhatdoyouthinkshappeninginRussia?”
Jan:"YoushouldntincludetheJews.IdontthinkanyoneknowswhatsgoingoninRussia.TheBritishandtheRussiansareprobablyexaggeratingfandapurposes,justliketheGermans.”
Annex:"Absolutelynot.TheBBChasalwaystoldthetruth.Ahenewsisslightlyexaggerated,thefactsarebadenoughastheyare.Youtdenythatmillionsofpeace-lovingcitizensinPolandandRussiahavebeenmurderedassed.”
Illspareyoutherestofourversations.Imverycalmandtakenonoticeofallthefuss.IvereachedthepointwhereIhardlycarewhetherIliveordie.Theworldwillkeepwithoutme,andItdoanythingtogeeventsanyway.Illjustletmatterstaketheircourseandtrateonstudyingandhopethateverythingwillbeallrightintheend.
Yours,Anne
TUESDAY,FEBRUARY8,1944
DearKitty,
IttellyouhowIfeel.OneminuteImlongingforpeadquiet,aforalittlefun.Wevefottenhowtolaugh--Imean,laughingsohardyoutstop.
ThismIhad"thegiggles";youknow,thekindweusedtohaveatschool.
MargotandIweregigglinglikerealteenagers.
LastnighttherewasanothersewithMother.Margotwastugherwoolblaaroundherwhensuddenlysheleaptoutofbedandcarefullyexamihebla.
Whatdoyouthinkshefound?Apin!Motherhadpatchedtheblaandfottentotakeitout.FathershookhisheadmeaningfullyandmadeaentabouthowcarelessMotheris.SoonafterwardMothercameinfromthebathroom,andjusttoteaseherIsaid,"DubistdoeechteRabenmutter."[Oh,youarecruel.]
Ofcourse,sheaskedmewhyIdsaidthat,aoldheraboutthepinshedoverlooked.Sheimmediatelyassumedherhaughtiestexpressionandsaid,"Youreafialk.Whenyouresewing,theentireflooriscoveredwithpins.Andlook,youveleftthemanicuresetlyingaroundagain.Youthatawayeither!”
IsaidIhad,andMargotbackedmeup,sinceshewastheguiltyparty.
MotherwentontalkingabouthowmessyIwasuntilIgotfedupandsaid,rathercurtly,"Iwasheonewhosaidyouwerecareless.Imalwaysgettingblamedforotherpeoplesmistakes!”
Motherfellsilent,ahanamierIwasobligedtokisshergood-night.
Thisimaynothavebeenveryimportant,butthesedayseverythisonmynerves.
AnneMaryFrank
SATURDAY,FEBRUARY12,1944
DearestKitty,
Thesunisshining,theskyisdeepblue,theresamagnifitbreeze,andImlonging--reallylonging--foreverything:versation,freedom,friends,beingalone.Ilong...tocry!IfeelasifIwereabouttoexplode.Iknwouldhelp,butItcry.Imrestless.Iwalkfromoneroomtoanother,breathethroughthecrathewindowframe,feelmyheartbeatingasiftosay,"Fulfillmylongingatlast...”
Ithinkspringisinsideme.Ifeelspringawakening,Ifeelitiirebodyandsoul.Ihavetoforcemyselftoaally.Iminastateofutterfusion,dontknowwhattoread,whattowrite,whattodo.IonlyknowthatImlongingforsomething...
Yours,Anne
186ANNEFRANK
MONDAY,FEBRUARY14,1944
DearestKitty,
Alothasgedformesiurday.Whatshappehis:Iwaslongingfor
something(andstillam),but...asmall,averysmall,partoftheproblemhasbeenresolved.
OnSundaymInoticed,tomygreatjoy(Illbehowithyou),thatPeterkeptlookingatme.Notintheusualway.Idontknow,Itexplainit,butIsuddenlyhadthefeelinghewasntasihMargotasIusedtothink.AlldaylongItriednottolookathimtoomuch,becausewheneverIdid,Icaughthimlookingatmeandthen--well,itmademefeelwonderfulinside,andthatsnotafeelingIshouldhavetoooften.
Sundayeveningeveryone,exceptPimandme,wasclusteredaroundtheradio,listeningtothe"ImmortalMusicoftheGermanMasters."Dusselkepttwistingandturningtheknobs,whioyedPeter,aherstoo.Afterrestraininghimselfforhalfanhour,Peteraskedsomewhatirritablyifhewouldstopfiddlingwiththeradio.Dusselrepliedinhishaughtiesttone,"Ichmachdass!"[Illdecidethat.]Petergotangryandmadeaniremark.Mr.vanDaahhim,andDusselhadtobackdown.Thatwasit.
Thereasonforthedisagreementarticularlyiinginandofitself,butPeterhasapparentlytakeerverymuchtoheart,becausethism,whenIwasrummagingaroundieofbooksiic,Petercameupaellihadhappened.Ididntknowanythingaboutit,butPetersoonrealizedhedfoundaivelistenerandstartedwarminguptohissubject.
"Well,itslikethis,"hesaid."Idontusuallytalkmuch,sinowbeforehandIlljustbetoied.IstartstutteringandblushingandItwistmywordsaroundsomuchIfinallyhavetostop,becauseItfindtherightwords.Thatspeerday.Imeanttosaysomethiirelydifferent,butoarted,Igotallmixedup.Itsawful.Iusedtohaveabadhabit,andsometimesIwishIstilldid:
wheneverIwasmadatsomeone,Idbeatthemupinsteaduingwiththem.Iknowthismethodwomeanywhere,andthatswhyIadmireyou.Yourealossforwords:yousayexactlywhatyouwanttosayaintheleastbitshy.”
"Oh,yourewrongaboutthat,"Ireplied."MostofwhatIsayesoutverydifferentlyfromthelanned.PlusItalktoomudtoolong,andthatsjustasbad.”
"Maybe,butyouhavetheadvanooneseeyoureembarrassed.Youdontblushotopieces."
Icouldnthelpbeilyamusedathiswords.However,sinceIwantedhimtogoontalkingquietlyabouthimself,Ihidmylaughter,satdownonacushiononthefloor,edmyarmsaroundmykneesandgazedathimily.
ImgladtheressomeoneelseinthishousewhofliesintothesameragesasIdo.
PeterseemedrelievedthathecouldcriticizeDusselwithoutbeingafraidIdtell.Asforme,Ileasedtoo,becauseIserongfeelingoffellowship,whilyrememberhavinghadwithmygirlfriends.
Yours,Anne
TUESDAY,FEBRUARY15,1944
Theminorrun-inwithDusselhadseveralrepercussions,forwhichhehadonlyhimselftoblame.MondayeveningDusselcameiherandtoldhertriumphantlythatPeterhadaskedhimthatmifhedsleptwell,andthenaddedhowsorryhewasaboutwhathadhappenedSundayevening--hehadntreallymeantwhathedsaid.Dusselassuredhimhehadnttakenittoheart.SoeverYthingwasrightasrainagain.Motherpassedthisstoryontome,andIwassecretlyamazedthatPeter,whodbeensoangryatDussel,hadhumbledhimself,despiteallhisassurahetrary.
IcouldntrefrainfromsoundieroutonthesubjedheinstantlyrepliedthatDusselhadbeenlying.Youshouldhaveseeersface.IwishIdhadacamera.
Indignatie,indecision,agitationandmuchmorecrossedhisfarapidsuccession.
ThateveningMr.vanDaanaerreallytoldDusseloff.Butitcouldnthavebeenallthatbad,sierhadanotherdentalappoioday.
Actually,theyneverwaospeaktoeachain.
WEDNESDAY,FEBRUARY16,1944
PeterandIhadnttalkedtoeachotherallday,exceptforafewmeaninglesswords.Itwastoocoldtogouptotheattidanyway,itwasMargotsbirthday.Attwelve-thirtyhecametolookatthepresentsandhungaroundchattinglohanwasstriecessary,somethinghedneverhavedoherwise.ButIgotmytheafternoon.SinceIfeltlikespoilingMargotonherbirthday,Iwenttogetthecoffee,andafterthatthepotatoes.WhenIcametoPetersroom,heimmediatelytookhispapersoffthestairs,andIaskedifIshouldclosethetrapdoor
totheattic.
"Sure,"hesaid,"goahead.Whenyourereadytoebackdown,justknodIllopenitforyou.”
Ithankedhim,wentupstairsaleasttenminutesseargaroundinthebarrelforthesmallestpotatoes.Mybackstartedag,aicwascold.
Naturally,Ididntbothertoknockbutopehetrap-doormyself.Butheobliginglygotupandtookthepanoutofmyhands.
"Ididmybest,butIcouldntfindanysmallerones.”
"Didyoulookinthebigbarrel?”
"Yes,Ivebeenthroughthemall.”
BythistimeIwasatthebottomofthestairs,andheexamihepanofpotatoeshewasstillholding."Oh,butthesearefine,"hesaid,andadded,asItookthepanfromhim,"Mypliments!”
Ashesaidthis,hegavemesuchawarm,tenderlookthatIstartedglowinginside.Icouldtellhewaopleaseme,butsincehecouldntmakealongplimentaryspeech,hesaideverythingwithhiseyes.Iuoodhimsowellandwasverygrateful.Itstillmakesmehappytothinkbacktothosewordsandthatlook!
Whedownstairs,Mothersaidsheneededmorepotatoes,thistimefordinner,soIvoluogobackup.WheeredPetersroom,Iapologizedfordisturbinghimagain.AsIwasgoingupthestairs,hestoodup,weostaweeairsandthewall,grabbedmyarmandtriedtostopme.
"Illgo,"hesaid."Ihavetogoupstairsanyway.”
Irepliedthatitwasntreallynecessary,thatIdidnthavetogetonlythesmallohistime.vinced,heletgoofmyarm.Onmywayback,heopehetrapdoorandonceagaintookthepanfromme.Standingbythedoor,Iasked,"Whatareyon?”
"French,"hereplied.
IaskedifIcouldtakealookathislessons.Theowashmyhandsandsatdownacrossfromhimonthedivan.
AfterIdexplainedsomeFren,webegantotalk.HetoldmethatafterthewarhewaogototheDutchEastIndiesandliveonarubberplantatioalkedabouthislifeathome,theblackmarketandhowhefeltlikeaworthlessbum.
Itoldhimhehadabiginferiorityplex.Hetalkedaboutthewar,sayingthatRussiaandEnglandwereboundtogotainsteachother,andabouttheJews.
HesaidlifewouldhavebeenmucheasierifhedbeenaChristianorcouldbeeoerthewar.Iaskedifhewaobebaptized,butthatwasntwhathemeaher.HesaidhedneverbeabletofeellikeaChristian,butthatafterthewarhedmakesurenobodywouldknowhewasJewish.Ifeltamomentarypang.Itssuchashamehestillhasatouchofdishoyinhim.
Peteradded,"TheJewshavebeenandalwayswillbethechosenpeople!”
Ianswered,"Justthisonce,Ihopetheyllbechosenforsomethinggood!”
Butwewentonchattingverypleasantly,aboutFather,aboutjudginghumancharacterandallsortsofthings,somanythatItevenrememberthemall.
Ileftataquarterpastfive,becauseBephadarrived.
ThateveninghesaidsomethingelseIthoughtwasnice.WeweretalkingaboutthepictureofamoviestarIdoncegivenhim,whichhasbeenhanginginhisroomforatleastayearandahalf.HelikeditsomuchthatIofferedtogivehimafewmore.
"No,"hereplied,"Idratherkeeptheo.Ilookatiteveryday,andthepeopleinithavebeyfriends.”
InowhaveabetteruandingofwhyhealwayshugsMouschisotightly.Heobviouslyneedsaffetoo.Ifottomentiohingelsehewastalkingabout.
Hesaid,"No,Imnotafraid,exceptwhenitestothingsaboutmyself,butImwonthat.”
Peterhasahugeinferiorityplex.Forexample,healwaysthinkshessostupidandweresosmart.WhenIhelphimwithFrench,hethahousandtimes.OhesedaysImgoingtosay,"Oh,cutitout!YouremuchbetteratEnglishandgeography!”
AnneFrank
THURSDAY,FEBRUARY17,1944
DearKitty,
Istairsthism,sinceIpromisedMrs.vanD.Idreadhersomeofmystories.Ibeganwith"EvasDream,"whichshelikedalot,andthenIreadafewpassagesfrom"TheSecretAnnex,"whichhadherinstitches.Peteralsolistenedforawhile(justthelastpart)andaskedifIdetohisroomsometimetoreadmore.
IdecidedIhadtotakeacerightthenandthere,soIgotmynotebookahimreadthatbitwhereCadyandHanstalkaboutGod.Itreallytellwhatkindofimpressionitmadeonhim.HesaidsomethingIdontquiteremember,notaboutwhetheritwasgood,butabouttheideabehindit.ItoldhimIjustwantedhimtoseethatIdidntwriteonlyamusingthings.Henodded,aheroom.WellseeifIhearanythingmore!
Yours,Anne
Frank
FRIDAY,FEBRUARY18,1944
MydearestKitty,
WheneverIgoupstairs,itsalwayssoIsee"him."NowthatIhavesomethingtolookforwardto,mylifeherehasimprovedgreatly.
Atleasttheobjeyfriendshipisalwayshere,andIdonthavetobeafraidofrivals(exceptfot).DontthinkIminlove,becauseImnot,butIdohavethefeelingthatsomethiifulisgoingtodevelopbetweeerandme,akindoffriendshipandafeelingoftrust.IgoseehimwheneverIgettheditsnotthewayitusedtobe,whenhedidntknowwhattomakeofme.Orary,hesstilltalkingawayasImheadingoutthedoor.Motherdoesntlikemegoingupstairs.ShealwayssaysImbPeterandthatIshouldleavehimalone.
Holy,tshecreditmewithsomeintuition?ShealwayslooksatmesooddlywhenIgotoPetersroom.WhenIedownagain,sheasksmewhereIvebeen.
Itsterrible,butImbeginningtohateher!
Yours,Anne
M.Frank
SATURDAY,FEBRUARY19,1944
DearestKitty,
ItsSaturdayagain,andthatshouldtellyouenough.Thismallwasquiet.Ispentnearlyanhourupstairsmakiballs,butIonlyspoketo"him"inpassing.
Wheneveryoupstairsattwo-thirtytoeitherreadortakeanap,Iwentdownstairs,withblaandall,tositatthedeskandreadorwrite.BeforelongIcouldnttakeitanymore.Iputmyheadinmyarmsandsobbedmyheartout.Thetearsstreameddownmycheeks,adesperatelyunhappy.Oh,ifonlyhe"hadetoe.
ItastfourbythetimeIwentupstairsagain.AtfiveoclockIsetofftogetsomepotatoes,hopingonceagainthatwedmeet,butwhileIwasstillihroomfixingmyhair,hewenttoseeBoche.
IwaohelpMrs.vanD.aupstairswithmybookahing,butsuddenlyIfeltthetearsingagain.Iraceddownstairstothebathroom,grabbingthehandmirrorontheway.Isatthereooilet,fullydressed,longafterIwasthrough,mytearsleavingdarkspotsontheredofmyapron,aterlydejected.
Hereswhatwasgoingthroughmymind:"Oh,IllneverreachPeterthisway.Whoknows,maybehedoesntevenlikemeandhedoesntneedaofidein.
Maybeheonlythinksofmeinacasualsortofway.IllhavetogobacktobeingalohoutaofideinandwithoutPeter,withouthope,fortoranythingtolookforwardto.Oh,ifonlyIcouldrestmyheadonhisshoulderandnotfeelsohopelesslyaloneaed!Whoknows,maybehedoesntcareformeatallandlooksattheothersinthesametenderway.MaybeIonlyimagieciallyforme.Oh,Peter,ifonlyyoucouldhearmeorseeme.Ifthetruthisdisappointing,Iwontbeabletobearit.”
AlittlelaterIfelthopefulandfullofexpectationagain,thoughmytearswerestillflowing--ontheinside.
Yours,Anne
M.Frank
SUNDAY,FEBRUARY20,1944
pensinotherpeopleshousesdurioftheweekhappenshereintheAnnexonSundays.Whileotherpeopleputontheirbestclothesandgostrollinginthesun,wescrub,sweepanddothelaundry.
Eightoclock.Thoughtherestofusprefertosleepin,
Dusselgetsupateight.Hegoestothebathroom,thendownstairs,thenupagainahebathroom,wherehedevotesawholehourtowashinghimself.
hirty.Thestovesarelit,theblackoutsistakendown,andMr.vanDaanheadsforthebathroom.OneofmySundaymordealsishavingtolieinbedandlookatDusselsbackwhenhespraying.IknowitsoundsstraaprayingDusselisaterriblesighttobehold.Itsnotthathecriesetsseal,notatall,buthedoesspendaquarterofanhour--airefifteenminutes--rogfromhistoestohisheels.Badforth,badforth.Itgoesonforever,andifIdontshutmyeyestight,myheadstartstospin.
Ten-fifteen.ThevanDaanswhistle;thebathroomsfree.IntheFrankfamilyquarters,thefirstsleepyfacesarebeginningtefromtheirpillows.Thehinghappensfast,fast,fast.MargotandItaketurnsdoingthelaundry.Sisquitecolddownstairs,weputonpantsandheadscarves.Meanwhile,Fatherisbusyihroom.EitherMargotorIhaveaturnihroomateleven,andthenwereall.
Eleven-thirty.Breakfast.Iwontdwellonthis,siheresenoughtalkaboutfoodwithoutmybringingthesubjectupaswell.
Twelve-fifteen.Weeachgoourseparateways.Father,cladinoveralls,getsdownonhishandsandkneesandbrushestherugsovigorouslythattheroomisenvelopedinacloudofdust.Mr.Dusselmakesthebeds(allwrong,ofcourse),alwayswhistlingthesameBeethovenviolincertoashegoesabouthiswork.Motherbeheardshufflingarouicasshehangsupthewashing.Mr.vanDaanputsonhishatanddisappearsintothelions,usuallyfollowedbyPeterandMouschi.Mrs.
vanD.donsalongapron,ablackwooljacketandovershoes,windsaredwoolscarfaroundherhead,scoopsupabundleofdirtylaundryand,withawell-rehearsedwasherwomansnod,headsdownstairs.MargotandIdothedishesandstraightenuptheroom.
WEDNESDAY,FEBRUARY23,1944
MydearestKitty,
Theweathersbeenwonderfulsierday,andIveperkedupquiteabit.Mywriting,thebestthingIhave,isingalongwell.Igototheatticalmosteverymtogetthestaleairoutofmylungs.Thismwhehere,Peterwasbusyingup.HefinishedquicklyandcameovertowhereIwassittingon
myfavoritespotonthefloor.Thetwoofuslookedoutatthebluesky,thebarechestnuttreeglisteningwithdew,theseagullsandotherbirdsglintingwithsilverastheyswoopedthroughtheair,andweweresomovedarahatwecouldntspeak.Hestoodwithhisheadagainstathickbeam,whileIsat.Webreathedintheair,lookedoutsideandbothfeltthatthespellshouldntbebrokenwithwords.Weremainedlikethisforalongwhile,andbythetimehehadtogotothelofttochopwood,Iknewhewasagood,detboy.Heclimbedtheladdertotheloft,andIfollowed;durieenminuteshewaschoppingwood,wedidntsayawordeither.IwatchedhimfromwhereIwasstanding,andcouldseehewasobviouslydoinghisbesttochoptherightwayandshowoffhisstrength.ButIalsolookedouttheopenwindow,lettingmyeyesroamoveralargepartofAmsterdam,overtherooftopsandontothehorizon,astripofbluesopaleitwasalmostinvisible.
"Aslongasthisexists,"Ithought,"thissunshihiscloudlesssky,andaslongasIjoyit,howIbesad?”
Thebestremedyforthosewhoarefrightened,lonelyorunhappyistogooutside,somewheretheybealone,alohthesky,natureandGod.ForthenandonlythenyoufeelthateverythingisasitshouldbeandthatGodeopletobehappyamidnaturesbeautyandsimplicity.
Aslongasthisexists,andthatshouldbeforever,Iknowthattherewillbesolaceforeverysorrow,whateverthecircumstances.Ifirmlybelievethatnaturebringforttoallwhosuffer.
Oh,whoknows,perhapsitwontbelongbeforeIsharethisoverwhelmingfeelingofhappinesswithsomeonewhofeelsthesameasIdo.
Yours,Anne
P.S.Thoughts:ToPeter.
Wevebeenmissingoutonsomuchhere,soverymudforsuchalongtime.Imissitjustasmuchasyoudo.Imnottalkingaboutexternalthings,sincewerewellprovidedforinthatsense;Imeaernalthings.Likeyou,Ilongforfreedomandfreshair,butIthinkwevebeenamplypensatedfortheirloss.Ontheinside,Imean.
Thism,whenIwassittinginfrontofthewindowandtakingalong,deeplookoutsideatGodandnature,Iy,justplainhappy.Peter,aslongaspeoplefeelthatkindofhappinesswithinthemselves,thejoyofnature,healthandmuchmore
besides,theyllalwaysbeabletorecapturethathappiness.
Riches,prestige,everythingbelost.Butthehappinessinyourowlybedimmed;itwillalwaysbethere,aslongasyoulive,tomakeyouhappyagain.
Wheneveryourefeelinglonelyorsad,trygoingtotheloftoifuldayandlookingoutside.Notatthehousesandtherooftops,butatthesky.Aslongasyoulookfearlesslyatthesky,youllknowthatyourepurewithinandwillfindhappinessoncemore.
SUNDAY,FEBRUARY27,1944
MydearestKitty,
Fromearlyinthemtolateatnight,allIdoisthinkaboutPeter.Ifallasleepwithhisimagebeforemyeyes,dreamabouthimandwithhimstilllookingatme.
IhavethestrongfeelingthatPeterandIarentreallyasdifferentaswemayseemonthesurfadIllexplainwhy:herPeternorIhaveamother.Hisistoosuperficial,likestoflirtaherselfmuchwithwhatgoesoninhishead.Miakesanact松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
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