JULY, 1944
THURSDAY,JULY6,1944
DearestKitty,
Mybloodrunscoldwhealksaboutbeingacriminaloraspeculator;ofcourse,hesjoking,butIstillhavethefeelinghesafraidofhisownweakness.
Margotaerarealwayssayingtome,"IfIhadyourspunkandyourstrength,ifIhadyourdriveandunflaggingenergy,could...
Isitreallysuadmirabletraitnottoletmyselfbeinfluencedbyothers?AmIrightinfollowingmyownsce?
Tobeho,Itimaginehowanyonecouldsay"Imweak"aaythatway.Ifyouknowthataboutyourself,whynotfightit,whynotdevelopyourcharacter?Theiranswerhasalwaysbeen:"Becauseitsmucheasiernotto!"Thisreplyleavesmefeelingratherdisced.Easy?Doesthatmeanalifeofdeceitandlazinessiseasytoo?Ohno,thattbetrue.Ittbetruethatpeoplearesoreadilytemptedbyease...andmoney.Ivegivenalotofthoughttowhatmyanswershouldbe,tohowIshouldgetPetertobelieveinhimselfand,mostofall,togehimselfforthebetter.IdontknowwhetherImontherighttrack.
Iveoftenimaginedhowwouldbeifsomeoofideeverythingtome.Butnowthatitsreachedthatpoint,Irealizehowdifficultitistoputyourselfinsomeopeelsesshoesandfindtherightanswer.Especiallysince"easy"and"money”
arenewand-pletelyalienceptstome.
PetersbeginningtoleanonmeandIdontwantthat,notunderanycircumstances.
Itshardenoughstandingonyourowntwofeet,butwhenyoualsohavetoremaioyourcharacterandsoul,itsharderstill.
Ivebeendriftingaroundatsea,havespentdaysseargforaiveantidotetothatterribleword"easy."HowImakeitcleartohimthat,whileitmayseemeasyandwonderful,itwilldraghimdowntothedepths,toaplacewherehellnolongerfindfriends,supportorbeauty,sofardownthathemayneverrisetothesurfaceagain?
Wereallalive,butwedontknowwhyorwhatfor;wereallseargforhappiness;
wereallleadinglivesthataredifferentahesame.Wethreehavebeenraisedingoodfamthes,wehavetheopportunitytogetaneducationandmakesomethingofourselves.Wehavemanyreasonstohopefreathappiness,but...wehavetoearnit.Andthatssomethingyoutachievebytakingtheeasywayout.Earninghappinessmeansdoinggoodandw,notspeculatingandbeinglazy.Lazinessmaylookinviting,butonlywivesyoutruesatisfa.
Ituandpeoplewhodontliketowork,butthatisersproblemeither.
Hejustdoesnthaveagoal,plushethioostupidandinferiortoeverachieveanything.Poorboy,hesneverknownhowitfeelstomakesomeoneelsehappy,andImafraidItteachhim.Heisntreligious,scoffsatJesusChristandtakestheLordsnameinvain,andthoughImnotOrthodoxeither,ithurtsmeeverytimetoseehimsolonely,sosful,sowretched.
Peoplewhiousshouldbeglad,sieveryoneisblessedwiththeabilitytobelieveinahigherorder.Youdonteveoliveinfearofeternalpunishment;
theceptsatory,heavenandhellaredifficultformanypeopletoaccept,yetreligionitself,anyreligion,keepsapersonontherightpath.NotthefearofGod,butupholdingyourownsenseofhonorandobeyingyourownsce.Hownobleandgoodeveryonecouldbeif,attheendofeachday,theyweretoreviewtheirownbehaviorandweighuptherightsandwrongs.Theywouldautomaticallytrytodobetteratthestartofeaewdayand,afterawhile,wouldcertainlyaplishagreatdeal.Everyoneisweletothisprescription;itcostsnothingandisdefinitelyuseful.Thosewhodontknowwillhavetofindoutbyexperie"aquietscegivesyth!"
Yours,Anne
M.Frank
SATURDAY,JULY8,1944
DearestKitty,
Mr.BrokswasinBeverwijkandmaogetholdofstrawberriesattheproduceau.Theyarrivedheredustyandfullofsand,butinlargequantities.hay-fourcratesfortheoffidus.Thatverysameeveningweedthefirstsixjarsandmadeeightjarsofjam.ThemMiepstartedmakingjamfortheoffice.
Attwelve-thirtytheoutsidedoorwaslocked,crateswereluggedintothekit,withPeter,FatherandMr.vanDaanstumblingupthestairs.Ahotwaterfromthewaterheater,Margot"",wentforabucket,allhandsondeck!Withafunnyfeelinginmystomach,Ieheovercrowdedofficekit.Miep,Bep,Mr.Kleiman,Jan,Father,Peter:theAnnextiandtheSupplyCorpsallmixeduptogether,andthatinthemiddleoftheday!Curtainsandwindowsopen,loudvoices,bangingdoors--Iwastremblingwithexcitement.Ikeptthinking,"Arewereallyinhiding?"Thismustbehowitfeelswhenyoufinallygooutintothewain.Thepanwasfull,soIdashedupstairs,wheretherestofthefamilywashullingstrawberriesaroutable.Atleastthatswhattheyweresupposedtobedoing,butmorewasgoingintotheirmouthsthanintothebuckets.Theywereboundtoneedanotherbucketsooerwentbackdownstairs,butthenthedoorbellrangtwice.Leavingthebucketwhereiteterracedupstairsandshutthebookcasebehindhim.Wesatkigourheelsimpatiently;thestrawberrieswerewaitingtoberinsed,butwestucktothehouserule:"Norunningwaterwhenstrangersaredownstairs--theymighthearthedrains.”
Jaoellusithadbeenthemail-maerhurrieddownstairsagain.Ding-dong...thedoorbell,about-face.Ilisteohearifanyonewasing,standingfirstatthebookcase,thenatthetopofthestairs.FinallyPeterandIleanedoverthebarainingourearslikeacouplelarstohearthesoundsfromdownstairs.Nounfamtharvoices.Petertip-toedhalfwaydowairsandcalledout,"Bep!”
Oncemore:"Bep!"Hisvoicewasdrowbytheracketi.SoherandowntothekitwhileInervouslykeptwatabove."Goupstairsatoer,theatantshere,youvegottoleave!"ItwasMr.Kuglersvoice.Sighiercameupstairsandclosedthebookcase.
Mr.Kuglerfinallycameupatohirty."Mygosh,thewholeworldsturostrawberries.Ihadstrawber-riesforbreakfast,Janshavingdiemforlunch,Kleimaingthemasasnack,Miepsbothngthem,Bepshullingthem,andIsmellthemeverywhereIgo.IeupstairstogetawayfromallthatredandwhatdoIsee?Peoplewashingstrawberries!”
Therestofthestrawberrieswereed.Thatevening:twojarscameunsealed.
Fatherquicklyturhemintojam.Them:twomorelidspoppedup;andthatafternoon:fourlids.Mr.vanDaanhadntgottenthejarshotenoughwhenhewassterthzingthem,soFatherendedupmakingjameveryeveniehotcerealwithstrawberries,buttermilkwithstrawberries,breadwithstrawberries,strawberriesfordessert,straw-berrieswithsugar,strawberrieswithsand.Fortwodaystherewasnothingbutstrawberries,strawberries,strawberries,andthenoursupplywaseitherexhaustedorinjars,safelyunderlodkey.
"Hey,Anne,"Margotcalledoutoneday,"Mrs.vanHoevenhasletushavesomepeas,twentypounds!”
"Thatsniceofher,"Ireplied.Anditcertainlywas,butitssomuchwork...ugh!
"OnSaturday,youveaJIgottoshellpeas,"Motherannouhetable.
Andsureenough,thismafterbreakfastestenamelpanappearedoable,filledtothebrimwithpeas.Ifyouthinkshellingpeasisbwork,yououghttotryremovingtheinnerlinings.Idontthinkmanypeoplerealizethatonceyouvepulledoutthelinings,thepodsaresoft,deliciousandrivitamins.Butaneveeradvahatyougetnearlythreetimesasmuchaswhejustthepeas.
Strippingpodsisapreciseaiculousjobthatmightbesuitedtopedantitistsorfinickyspiceexperts,butitsahorrorforanimpatientteenagerlikeme.Westartedworkathirty;Isatdowhirty,gotUpagainateleven,satdownagainateleven-thirty.Myearswerehummingwiththefollowingrefrain:snaptheend,stripthepod,pullthestring,podinthepan,snaptheend,stripthepod,pullthestring,podinthepac.,etc.Myeyeswereswimming:green,green,worm,string,rottenpod,greeofighttheboredomandhavesomethingtodo,Ichatteredallmorn-ing,sayingwhatevercameintomyheadandmakingeveryonelaugh.Themonotonywaskillingme.EverystringIpulledmadememorecertainthatInever,ever,wanttobejustahousewife!
Attwelvewefinallyatebreakfast,butfromtwelve-thirtytoone-fifteeostrippodsagaiopped,Ifeltabitseasidsodidtheothers.Iilfour,stillinadazebecauseofthosewretchedpeas.
Yours,Anne
M.Frank
SATURDAY,JULY15,1944
DearestKitty,
WevereceivedabookfromthelibrarywiththechallengingtitleWhatDoYouThinkoftheModernYoungGirl?Idliketodiscussthissubjecttoday.
Thewritercriticizes"todaysyouth"fromheadtotoe,thoughwithoutdismissingthemallas"hopelesscases."Orary,shebelievestheyhaveitwithintheirpowertobuildabigger,betterandmorebeautifulworld,butthattheyoccupythemselveswithsuperficialthings,withoutgivingathoughttotruebeauty.InsomepassagesIhadthestrongfeelingthatthewriterwasdiregherdisapprovalatme,whichiswhyIfinallywanttobaremysoultoyouanddefendmyselfagainstthisattack.
Ihaveostandingcharactertraitthatmustbeobvioustoanyonewhosknownmeforahoftime:Ihaveagreatdealofself-knowledge.IhingIdo,IwatchmyselfasifIwereastranger.IstandcacrossfromtheeverydayAnneand,withoutbeingbiasedormakingexcuses,watchwhatshesdoing,boththegoodandthebad.Thisself-awarenessneverleavesme,aimeIopenmymouth,Ithink,"Youshouldhavesaidthatdifferently"or"Thatsfihewayitis."InmyselfinsomanywaysthatImbeginningtorealizethetruthofFathersadage:"Everychildhastoraiseitself."Parentslyadvisetheirchildrenorpoiherightdire.Ultimately,peopleshapetheirowncharacters.Inaddition,Ifacelifewitharaordinaryamountofce.Ifeelsandcapableofbearingburdens,soyoungandfree!WhenIfirstrealizedthis,Iwasglad,becauseitmeansImoreeasilywithstandtheblowslifehasinstore.
ButIvetalkedaboutthesethingssooften.NowIdliketoturntothechapter"FatherandMotherDontUandMe."Myparentshavealoiledmerotteedmekindly,defendedmeagainstthevanDaansanddohatparents.AfortheloimeIvefeltextremelylonely,leftout,edandmisuood.
Fatherdideverythinghecouldtocurbmyrebelliousspirit,butitwasnouse.IvecuredmyselfbyholdingmybehavioruptothelightandlookingatwhatIwasdoingwrong.
WhydidntFathersupportmeinmystruggle?Whydidhefallshortwheriedtooffermeahelpinghand?Theansweris:heusedthewrohods.HealwaystalkedtomeasifIwereachildgoingthroughadifficultphase.Itsoundscrazy,siherstheonlyonewhosgivenmeasenseoffidendmademefeelasifImasensibleperson.Butheoverlookedohing:hefailedtoseethatthisstruggletotriumphovermydifficultieswasmoreimportanttomethananythingelse.
Ididntwanttohearabout"typicaladolestproblems,"or"irls,"or"youllgrowoutofit."Ididntwanttobetreatedthesameasall-the-irls,butasAnne-in-her-ht,andrimdidntuandthat.Besides,Itfideinanyoneuheytellmealotaboutthemselves,andbecauseIknowverylittleabouthim,Itgetonamoreintimatefooting.rimalwaysactsliketheelderlyfatherwhoohesamefleetingim-pulses,butwhoolongerrelatetomeasafriend,nomatterhowhardhetries.Asaresult,Iveneversharedmyoutlookonlifeormylong-poheorieswithamydiaryand,onawhile,Margot.Ivehidany-thinghavingtodowithmefromFather,neversharedmyidealswithhim,deliberatelyalienatedmyselffromhim.
Icouldnthavedoanyotherway.Iveletmyselfbeguidedentirelybymyfeelings.Itwasegotistical,butIvedowasbestformyownpeaind.Iwouldlosethat,plustheself-fidenceIveworkedsohardtoachieve,ifIweretobesubjectedtocriticismhalfwaythroughthejob.Itmaysoundhard-hearted,butIttakecriticismfromrimeither,becausenotonlydoIneversharemyinnermostthoughtswithhim,butIvepushedhimevenfurtherawaybybeingirritable.
ThisisapointIthinkaboutquiteoften:whyisitthatrimannoysmesomuetimes?Ihardlybeartohavehimtutorme,andhisaffeseemsforced.Iwanttobeleftalone,andIdratherheignoredmeforawhileuntilImmoresureofmyselfwhenImtalkingtohim!ImstilltornwithguiltaboutthemeaerIwrotehimwhenIwassoupset.Oh,itshardtobestrongandbraveineveryway!
...
Still,thishasntbeenmygreatestdisappoi.No,IthinkaboutPetermuchmorethanIdoFather.Iknowverywellthathewasmyquest,andnottheotherwayaround.Icreatedanimageofhiminmymind,picturedhimasaquiet,sweet,sensitiveboybadlyinneedoffriendshipandlove!Iopouroutmyhearttoalivingperson.Iwantedafriendwhowouldhelpmefindmywayagain.IaplishedwhatIsetouttodoanddrewhim,slowlybutsurely,towardme.WhenIfinallygothimtobemyfriend,itautomaticallydevelopedintoanintimacythat,whenIthinkaboutitnow,seemseous.Wetalkedaboutthemostprivatethings,butwehaveouchedupohingsclosesttomyheart.Istilltmakeheadortail
ofPeter.Ishesuperficial,orisitshyhatholdshimback,evenwithme?Butputtingallthataside,Imadeoake:Iusedintimacytogetclosertohim,andindoingso,Iruledoutotherformsoffriendship.Helongstobeloved,andIseehesbeginningtolikememorewitheachpassingday.Ourtimetogetherleaveshimfeelingsatisfied,butjustmakesmewanttostartallain.IneverbroachthesubjectsIlongtoutintotheopen.IforcedPeter,morethanherealizes,togetclosetome,andnowhesholdingonfordearlife.Iholydontseeanyeffectivewayofshakinghimoffainghimbahisowntwofeet.Isoonrealizedhecouldneverbeakindredspirit,butstilltriedtohelphimbreakoutofhisnarrowworldandexpandhisyouthfulhorizons.
"Deepdown,theyoungarelohantheold."Ireadthisinabooksomewhereanditsstumymind.AsfarasItell,itstrue.
Soifyourewwhetheritsharderfortheadultsherethanforthechildren,theanswerisno,itscertainlynot.Olderpeoplehaveanopinionabouteverythingandaresureofthemselvesandtheiras.Itstwiceashardforusyoungpeopletoholdontoouropinionsatatimewhenidealsarebeingshatteredaroyed,whentheworstsideofhumannaturepredominates,wheneveryonehasetodoubttruth,justidGod.
AnyonewhoclaimsthattheolderfolkshaveamoredifficulttimeintheAnnexdoesntrealizethattheproblemshaveafargreaterimpaus.Weremuchtooyoungtodealwiththeseproblems,buttheykeepthrustingthemselvesonusuntil,finally,wereforcedtothinkupasolution,thoughmostofthetimeoursolutionscrumblewhehthefacts.Itsdifficultintimeslikethese:ideals,dreamsandcherishedhopesrisewithinus,onlytobecrushedbygrimreality.ItsawonderIhaventabandonedallmyideals,theyseemsoabsurdandimpractical.YetIgtothembecauseIstillbelieve,inspiteofeverything,thatpeoplearetrulygoodatheart.
Itsutterlyimpossibleformetobuildmylifeonafoundationofchaos,sufferingah.Iseetheworldbeingslowlytransformedintoawilderness,Iheartheapproagthuhat,oneday,willdestroyustoo,Ifeelthesufferingofmillions.
A,whenIlookupatthesky,Isomehowfeelthateverythingwillgeforthebetter,thatthiscrueltytooshallend,thatpeadtranquthtywillreturnoncemore.Inthemeantime,Imustholdontomyideals.PerhapsthedaywillewhenIllbeabletorealizethem!
Yours,Anne
M.Frank
FRIDAY,JULY21,1944
DearestKitty,
Imfinallygettingoptimistiow,atlast,thingsaregoiheyreallyare!
Greatnews!AnassassinatiohasbeenmadeonHitlerslife,andforobyJewishunistslishcapitalists,butbyaGermangeneralwhosnotonlyat,butyoungaswell.TheFuhreroweshislifeto"DivineProvidence":heescaped,unfortunately,withonlyafewminorburnsandscratches.Aheofficersandgeneralswhowerenearbywerekilledorwouheheadofthespiracyhasbeenshot.
ThisisthebestproofwevehadsofarthatmanyofficersandgeneralsarefedupwiththewarandwouldliketoseeHitlersinkintoabottomlesspit,sotheyestablishamthtarydictatorship,makepeacewiththeAllies,rearmthemselvesand,afterafewdecades,startaneerhapsProvidenceisdeliberatelybidingitstimegettingridofHider,sismucheasier,andcheaper,fortheAlliestolettheimpeccableGermanskilleachotheroff.ItslessworkfortheRussiansaish,anditallowsthemtostartrebuildingtheirowncitiesallthatmuchsooner.Butwehaventreachedthatpoi,andIdhatetoanticipatethegloriousevent.Still,youveprobablynoticedthatImtellih,thewholetruthandnothingbutthetruth.Foronce,Imnotrattlingonabouthighideals.
Furthermore,Hitlerhasbeensokindastoannouohisloyal,devotedpeoplethatasoftodayallmthtarypersonnelareunderordersoftheGestapo,andthatanysoldierwhoknowsthatoneofhissuperiorswasinvolvedinthiscowardlyattemptontheFuhrerslifemayshoothimonsight!
Afileoffishthatwillbe.LittleJohnaresoreafteralongmardhisandingofficerbawlshimout.Johnnygrabshisrifle,shouts,"You,youtriedtokilltheFuhrer.Takethat!"O,andthesnootyofficerwhodaredtoreprimandhimpassesiernallife(orisiteterh?).Eventually,everytimeanofficerseesasoldierivesanorder,hellbepracticallywettinghispants,becausethesoldiershavemoresay-sothanhedoes.
Wereyouabletofollowthat,orhaveIbeenskippingfromonesubjecttoanain?Ithelpit,theprospectofgoingbacktoschoolinOctoberismakioohappytobelogical!Ohdear,didntIjustgetthroughtellingyouIdidntwanttoanticipateevents?Fiveme,Kitty,theydontcallmeabundleoftradisfornothing!
Yours,Anne
M.Frank松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
DearestKitty,
Mybloodrunscoldwhealksaboutbeingacriminaloraspeculator;ofcourse,hesjoking,butIstillhavethefeelinghesafraidofhisownweakness.
Margotaerarealwayssayingtome,"IfIhadyourspunkandyourstrength,ifIhadyourdriveandunflaggingenergy,could...
Isitreallysuadmirabletraitnottoletmyselfbeinfluencedbyothers?AmIrightinfollowingmyownsce?
Tobeho,Itimaginehowanyonecouldsay"Imweak"aaythatway.Ifyouknowthataboutyourself,whynotfightit,whynotdevelopyourcharacter?Theiranswerhasalwaysbeen:"Becauseitsmucheasiernotto!"Thisreplyleavesmefeelingratherdisced.Easy?Doesthatmeanalifeofdeceitandlazinessiseasytoo?Ohno,thattbetrue.Ittbetruethatpeoplearesoreadilytemptedbyease...andmoney.Ivegivenalotofthoughttowhatmyanswershouldbe,tohowIshouldgetPetertobelieveinhimselfand,mostofall,togehimselfforthebetter.IdontknowwhetherImontherighttrack.
Iveoftenimaginedhowwouldbeifsomeoofideeverythingtome.Butnowthatitsreachedthatpoint,Irealizehowdifficultitistoputyourselfinsomeopeelsesshoesandfindtherightanswer.Especiallysince"easy"and"money”
arenewand-pletelyalienceptstome.
PetersbeginningtoleanonmeandIdontwantthat,notunderanycircumstances.
Itshardenoughstandingonyourowntwofeet,butwhenyoualsohavetoremaioyourcharacterandsoul,itsharderstill.
Ivebeendriftingaroundatsea,havespentdaysseargforaiveantidotetothatterribleword"easy."HowImakeitcleartohimthat,whileitmayseemeasyandwonderful,itwilldraghimdowntothedepths,toaplacewherehellnolongerfindfriends,supportorbeauty,sofardownthathemayneverrisetothesurfaceagain?
Wereallalive,butwedontknowwhyorwhatfor;wereallseargforhappiness;
wereallleadinglivesthataredifferentahesame.Wethreehavebeenraisedingoodfamthes,wehavetheopportunitytogetaneducationandmakesomethingofourselves.Wehavemanyreasonstohopefreathappiness,but...wehavetoearnit.Andthatssomethingyoutachievebytakingtheeasywayout.Earninghappinessmeansdoinggoodandw,notspeculatingandbeinglazy.Lazinessmaylookinviting,butonlywivesyoutruesatisfa.
Ituandpeoplewhodontliketowork,butthatisersproblemeither.
Hejustdoesnthaveagoal,plushethioostupidandinferiortoeverachieveanything.Poorboy,hesneverknownhowitfeelstomakesomeoneelsehappy,andImafraidItteachhim.Heisntreligious,scoffsatJesusChristandtakestheLordsnameinvain,andthoughImnotOrthodoxeither,ithurtsmeeverytimetoseehimsolonely,sosful,sowretched.
Peoplewhiousshouldbeglad,sieveryoneisblessedwiththeabilitytobelieveinahigherorder.Youdonteveoliveinfearofeternalpunishment;
theceptsatory,heavenandhellaredifficultformanypeopletoaccept,yetreligionitself,anyreligion,keepsapersonontherightpath.NotthefearofGod,butupholdingyourownsenseofhonorandobeyingyourownsce.Hownobleandgoodeveryonecouldbeif,attheendofeachday,theyweretoreviewtheirownbehaviorandweighuptherightsandwrongs.Theywouldautomaticallytrytodobetteratthestartofeaewdayand,afterawhile,wouldcertainlyaplishagreatdeal.Everyoneisweletothisprescription;itcostsnothingandisdefinitelyuseful.Thosewhodontknowwillhavetofindoutbyexperie"aquietscegivesyth!"
Yours,Anne
M.Frank
SATURDAY,JULY8,1944
DearestKitty,
Mr.BrokswasinBeverwijkandmaogetholdofstrawberriesattheproduceau.Theyarrivedheredustyandfullofsand,butinlargequantities.hay-fourcratesfortheoffidus.Thatverysameeveningweedthefirstsixjarsandmadeeightjarsofjam.ThemMiepstartedmakingjamfortheoffice.
Attwelve-thirtytheoutsidedoorwaslocked,crateswereluggedintothekit,withPeter,FatherandMr.vanDaanstumblingupthestairs.Ahotwaterfromthewaterheater,Margot"",wentforabucket,allhandsondeck!Withafunnyfeelinginmystomach,Ieheovercrowdedofficekit.Miep,Bep,Mr.Kleiman,Jan,Father,Peter:theAnnextiandtheSupplyCorpsallmixeduptogether,andthatinthemiddleoftheday!Curtainsandwindowsopen,loudvoices,bangingdoors--Iwastremblingwithexcitement.Ikeptthinking,"Arewereallyinhiding?"Thismustbehowitfeelswhenyoufinallygooutintothewain.Thepanwasfull,soIdashedupstairs,wheretherestofthefamilywashullingstrawberriesaroutable.Atleastthatswhattheyweresupposedtobedoing,butmorewasgoingintotheirmouthsthanintothebuckets.Theywereboundtoneedanotherbucketsooerwentbackdownstairs,butthenthedoorbellrangtwice.Leavingthebucketwhereiteterracedupstairsandshutthebookcasebehindhim.Wesatkigourheelsimpatiently;thestrawberrieswerewaitingtoberinsed,butwestucktothehouserule:"Norunningwaterwhenstrangersaredownstairs--theymighthearthedrains.”
Jaoellusithadbeenthemail-maerhurrieddownstairsagain.Ding-dong...thedoorbell,about-face.Ilisteohearifanyonewasing,standingfirstatthebookcase,thenatthetopofthestairs.FinallyPeterandIleanedoverthebarainingourearslikeacouplelarstohearthesoundsfromdownstairs.Nounfamtharvoices.Petertip-toedhalfwaydowairsandcalledout,"Bep!”
Oncemore:"Bep!"Hisvoicewasdrowbytheracketi.SoherandowntothekitwhileInervouslykeptwatabove."Goupstairsatoer,theatantshere,youvegottoleave!"ItwasMr.Kuglersvoice.Sighiercameupstairsandclosedthebookcase.
Mr.Kuglerfinallycameupatohirty."Mygosh,thewholeworldsturostrawberries.Ihadstrawber-riesforbreakfast,Janshavingdiemforlunch,Kleimaingthemasasnack,Miepsbothngthem,Bepshullingthem,andIsmellthemeverywhereIgo.IeupstairstogetawayfromallthatredandwhatdoIsee?Peoplewashingstrawberries!”
Therestofthestrawberrieswereed.Thatevening:twojarscameunsealed.
Fatherquicklyturhemintojam.Them:twomorelidspoppedup;andthatafternoon:fourlids.Mr.vanDaanhadntgottenthejarshotenoughwhenhewassterthzingthem,soFatherendedupmakingjameveryeveniehotcerealwithstrawberries,buttermilkwithstrawberries,breadwithstrawberries,strawberriesfordessert,straw-berrieswithsugar,strawberrieswithsand.Fortwodaystherewasnothingbutstrawberries,strawberries,strawberries,andthenoursupplywaseitherexhaustedorinjars,safelyunderlodkey.
"Hey,Anne,"Margotcalledoutoneday,"Mrs.vanHoevenhasletushavesomepeas,twentypounds!”
"Thatsniceofher,"Ireplied.Anditcertainlywas,butitssomuchwork...ugh!
"OnSaturday,youveaJIgottoshellpeas,"Motherannouhetable.
Andsureenough,thismafterbreakfastestenamelpanappearedoable,filledtothebrimwithpeas.Ifyouthinkshellingpeasisbwork,yououghttotryremovingtheinnerlinings.Idontthinkmanypeoplerealizethatonceyouvepulledoutthelinings,thepodsaresoft,deliciousandrivitamins.Butaneveeradvahatyougetnearlythreetimesasmuchaswhejustthepeas.
Strippingpodsisapreciseaiculousjobthatmightbesuitedtopedantitistsorfinickyspiceexperts,butitsahorrorforanimpatientteenagerlikeme.Westartedworkathirty;Isatdowhirty,gotUpagainateleven,satdownagainateleven-thirty.Myearswerehummingwiththefollowingrefrain:snaptheend,stripthepod,pullthestring,podinthepan,snaptheend,stripthepod,pullthestring,podinthepac.,etc.Myeyeswereswimming:green,green,worm,string,rottenpod,greeofighttheboredomandhavesomethingtodo,Ichatteredallmorn-ing,sayingwhatevercameintomyheadandmakingeveryonelaugh.Themonotonywaskillingme.EverystringIpulledmadememorecertainthatInever,ever,wanttobejustahousewife!
Attwelvewefinallyatebreakfast,butfromtwelve-thirtytoone-fifteeostrippodsagaiopped,Ifeltabitseasidsodidtheothers.Iilfour,stillinadazebecauseofthosewretchedpeas.
Yours,Anne
M.Frank
SATURDAY,JULY15,1944
DearestKitty,
WevereceivedabookfromthelibrarywiththechallengingtitleWhatDoYouThinkoftheModernYoungGirl?Idliketodiscussthissubjecttoday.
Thewritercriticizes"todaysyouth"fromheadtotoe,thoughwithoutdismissingthemallas"hopelesscases."Orary,shebelievestheyhaveitwithintheirpowertobuildabigger,betterandmorebeautifulworld,butthattheyoccupythemselveswithsuperficialthings,withoutgivingathoughttotruebeauty.InsomepassagesIhadthestrongfeelingthatthewriterwasdiregherdisapprovalatme,whichiswhyIfinallywanttobaremysoultoyouanddefendmyselfagainstthisattack.
Ihaveostandingcharactertraitthatmustbeobvioustoanyonewhosknownmeforahoftime:Ihaveagreatdealofself-knowledge.IhingIdo,IwatchmyselfasifIwereastranger.IstandcacrossfromtheeverydayAnneand,withoutbeingbiasedormakingexcuses,watchwhatshesdoing,boththegoodandthebad.Thisself-awarenessneverleavesme,aimeIopenmymouth,Ithink,"Youshouldhavesaidthatdifferently"or"Thatsfihewayitis."InmyselfinsomanywaysthatImbeginningtorealizethetruthofFathersadage:"Everychildhastoraiseitself."Parentslyadvisetheirchildrenorpoiherightdire.Ultimately,peopleshapetheirowncharacters.Inaddition,Ifacelifewitharaordinaryamountofce.Ifeelsandcapableofbearingburdens,soyoungandfree!WhenIfirstrealizedthis,Iwasglad,becauseitmeansImoreeasilywithstandtheblowslifehasinstore.
ButIvetalkedaboutthesethingssooften.NowIdliketoturntothechapter"FatherandMotherDontUandMe."Myparentshavealoiledmerotteedmekindly,defendedmeagainstthevanDaansanddohatparents.AfortheloimeIvefeltextremelylonely,leftout,edandmisuood.
Fatherdideverythinghecouldtocurbmyrebelliousspirit,butitwasnouse.IvecuredmyselfbyholdingmybehavioruptothelightandlookingatwhatIwasdoingwrong.
WhydidntFathersupportmeinmystruggle?Whydidhefallshortwheriedtooffermeahelpinghand?Theansweris:heusedthewrohods.HealwaystalkedtomeasifIwereachildgoingthroughadifficultphase.Itsoundscrazy,siherstheonlyonewhosgivenmeasenseoffidendmademefeelasifImasensibleperson.Butheoverlookedohing:hefailedtoseethatthisstruggletotriumphovermydifficultieswasmoreimportanttomethananythingelse.
Ididntwanttohearabout"typicaladolestproblems,"or"irls,"or"youllgrowoutofit."Ididntwanttobetreatedthesameasall-the-irls,butasAnne-in-her-ht,andrimdidntuandthat.Besides,Itfideinanyoneuheytellmealotaboutthemselves,andbecauseIknowverylittleabouthim,Itgetonamoreintimatefooting.rimalwaysactsliketheelderlyfatherwhoohesamefleetingim-pulses,butwhoolongerrelatetomeasafriend,nomatterhowhardhetries.Asaresult,Iveneversharedmyoutlookonlifeormylong-poheorieswithamydiaryand,onawhile,Margot.Ivehidany-thinghavingtodowithmefromFather,neversharedmyidealswithhim,deliberatelyalienatedmyselffromhim.
Icouldnthavedoanyotherway.Iveletmyselfbeguidedentirelybymyfeelings.Itwasegotistical,butIvedowasbestformyownpeaind.Iwouldlosethat,plustheself-fidenceIveworkedsohardtoachieve,ifIweretobesubjectedtocriticismhalfwaythroughthejob.Itmaysoundhard-hearted,butIttakecriticismfromrimeither,becausenotonlydoIneversharemyinnermostthoughtswithhim,butIvepushedhimevenfurtherawaybybeingirritable.
ThisisapointIthinkaboutquiteoften:whyisitthatrimannoysmesomuetimes?Ihardlybeartohavehimtutorme,andhisaffeseemsforced.Iwanttobeleftalone,andIdratherheignoredmeforawhileuntilImmoresureofmyselfwhenImtalkingtohim!ImstilltornwithguiltaboutthemeaerIwrotehimwhenIwassoupset.Oh,itshardtobestrongandbraveineveryway!
...
Still,thishasntbeenmygreatestdisappoi.No,IthinkaboutPetermuchmorethanIdoFather.Iknowverywellthathewasmyquest,andnottheotherwayaround.Icreatedanimageofhiminmymind,picturedhimasaquiet,sweet,sensitiveboybadlyinneedoffriendshipandlove!Iopouroutmyhearttoalivingperson.Iwantedafriendwhowouldhelpmefindmywayagain.IaplishedwhatIsetouttodoanddrewhim,slowlybutsurely,towardme.WhenIfinallygothimtobemyfriend,itautomaticallydevelopedintoanintimacythat,whenIthinkaboutitnow,seemseous.Wetalkedaboutthemostprivatethings,butwehaveouchedupohingsclosesttomyheart.Istilltmakeheadortail
ofPeter.Ishesuperficial,orisitshyhatholdshimback,evenwithme?Butputtingallthataside,Imadeoake:Iusedintimacytogetclosertohim,andindoingso,Iruledoutotherformsoffriendship.Helongstobeloved,andIseehesbeginningtolikememorewitheachpassingday.Ourtimetogetherleaveshimfeelingsatisfied,butjustmakesmewanttostartallain.IneverbroachthesubjectsIlongtoutintotheopen.IforcedPeter,morethanherealizes,togetclosetome,andnowhesholdingonfordearlife.Iholydontseeanyeffectivewayofshakinghimoffainghimbahisowntwofeet.Isoonrealizedhecouldneverbeakindredspirit,butstilltriedtohelphimbreakoutofhisnarrowworldandexpandhisyouthfulhorizons.
"Deepdown,theyoungarelohantheold."Ireadthisinabooksomewhereanditsstumymind.AsfarasItell,itstrue.
Soifyourewwhetheritsharderfortheadultsherethanforthechildren,theanswerisno,itscertainlynot.Olderpeoplehaveanopinionabouteverythingandaresureofthemselvesandtheiras.Itstwiceashardforusyoungpeopletoholdontoouropinionsatatimewhenidealsarebeingshatteredaroyed,whentheworstsideofhumannaturepredominates,wheneveryonehasetodoubttruth,justidGod.
AnyonewhoclaimsthattheolderfolkshaveamoredifficulttimeintheAnnexdoesntrealizethattheproblemshaveafargreaterimpaus.Weremuchtooyoungtodealwiththeseproblems,buttheykeepthrustingthemselvesonusuntil,finally,wereforcedtothinkupasolution,thoughmostofthetimeoursolutionscrumblewhehthefacts.Itsdifficultintimeslikethese:ideals,dreamsandcherishedhopesrisewithinus,onlytobecrushedbygrimreality.ItsawonderIhaventabandonedallmyideals,theyseemsoabsurdandimpractical.YetIgtothembecauseIstillbelieve,inspiteofeverything,thatpeoplearetrulygoodatheart.
Itsutterlyimpossibleformetobuildmylifeonafoundationofchaos,sufferingah.Iseetheworldbeingslowlytransformedintoawilderness,Iheartheapproagthuhat,oneday,willdestroyustoo,Ifeelthesufferingofmillions.
A,whenIlookupatthesky,Isomehowfeelthateverythingwillgeforthebetter,thatthiscrueltytooshallend,thatpeadtranquthtywillreturnoncemore.Inthemeantime,Imustholdontomyideals.PerhapsthedaywillewhenIllbeabletorealizethem!
Yours,Anne
M.Frank
FRIDAY,JULY21,1944
DearestKitty,
Imfinallygettingoptimistiow,atlast,thingsaregoiheyreallyare!
Greatnews!AnassassinatiohasbeenmadeonHitlerslife,andforobyJewishunistslishcapitalists,butbyaGermangeneralwhosnotonlyat,butyoungaswell.TheFuhreroweshislifeto"DivineProvidence":heescaped,unfortunately,withonlyafewminorburnsandscratches.Aheofficersandgeneralswhowerenearbywerekilledorwouheheadofthespiracyhasbeenshot.
ThisisthebestproofwevehadsofarthatmanyofficersandgeneralsarefedupwiththewarandwouldliketoseeHitlersinkintoabottomlesspit,sotheyestablishamthtarydictatorship,makepeacewiththeAllies,rearmthemselvesand,afterafewdecades,startaneerhapsProvidenceisdeliberatelybidingitstimegettingridofHider,sismucheasier,andcheaper,fortheAlliestolettheimpeccableGermanskilleachotheroff.ItslessworkfortheRussiansaish,anditallowsthemtostartrebuildingtheirowncitiesallthatmuchsooner.Butwehaventreachedthatpoi,andIdhatetoanticipatethegloriousevent.Still,youveprobablynoticedthatImtellih,thewholetruthandnothingbutthetruth.Foronce,Imnotrattlingonabouthighideals.
Furthermore,Hitlerhasbeensokindastoannouohisloyal,devotedpeoplethatasoftodayallmthtarypersonnelareunderordersoftheGestapo,andthatanysoldierwhoknowsthatoneofhissuperiorswasinvolvedinthiscowardlyattemptontheFuhrerslifemayshoothimonsight!
Afileoffishthatwillbe.LittleJohnaresoreafteralongmardhisandingofficerbawlshimout.Johnnygrabshisrifle,shouts,"You,youtriedtokilltheFuhrer.Takethat!"O,andthesnootyofficerwhodaredtoreprimandhimpassesiernallife(orisiteterh?).Eventually,everytimeanofficerseesasoldierivesanorder,hellbepracticallywettinghispants,becausethesoldiershavemoresay-sothanhedoes.
Wereyouabletofollowthat,orhaveIbeenskippingfromonesubjecttoanain?Ithelpit,theprospectofgoingbacktoschoolinOctoberismakioohappytobelogical!Ohdear,didntIjustgetthroughtellingyouIdidntwanttoanticipateevents?Fiveme,Kitty,theydontcallmeabundleoftradisfornothing!
Yours,Anne
M.Frank松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
推荐自己的新书《天命讨债人》齐天大魔猴
桀骜齐天圣，铮铮大魔猴
第817章 四公子当真与众不同？清穿后每天被迫撩
【欢脱独宠，沙雕撩夫日
新书《谜城》开启神峰
一次偶然， 他踏足修
第270章 酒吧偶遇网游之影子大师
我，在黑夜中行走 我
007儿女成群婚城难入
十八岁的她，一心想用高
第四百一十六章 邀请剑神之剑弑乾坤
《剑神之剑弑乾坤》是一