Chapter 10
HithertoIhaverecordediailtheeventsofmyinsignifitexistehefirsttenyearsofmylifeIhavegivenalmostasmanychapters.Butthisisnottularautobiography.IamonlyboundtoinvokeMemorywhereIknowherresponseswillpossesssomedegreeofihereforeInowpassaspaceofeightyearsalmostinsilence:afewlinesonlyarenecessarytokeepupthelinksofe.
WheyphusfeverhadfulfilleditsmissioationatLowood,itgraduallydisappearedfromthenottillitsvirulehenumberofitsvictimshaddrawnpublicattentionontheschool.Inquirywasmadeintotheinofthesce,andbydegreesvariousfactscameoutwhichexcitedpublidignationinahighdegree.Theuhynatureofthesite;thequantityandqualityofthechildren’sfood;thebrackish,fetidwaterusedinitspreparation;thepupils’wretchedclothingandaodations—allthesethingswerediscovered,andthediscoveryproducedaresultmortifyingtoMr.Brocklehurst,butbeneficialtotheinstitution.
Severalwealthyandbenevolentindividualsinthetysubscribedlargelyfortheereofamorevebuildingiersituation;newregulationsweremade;improvementsiandclothingintroduced;thefundsoftheschoolwereintrustedtothemaofaittee.Mr.Brocklehurst,who,fromhiswealthandfamilyes,couldnotbeoverlooked,stillretaihepostoftreasurer;buthewasaidedinthedischargeofhisdutiesbygentlemenofrathermoreenlargedandsympathisingminds:hisofficeofior,too,wassharedbythosewhoknewhowtobinereasonwithstriess,fortwithey,passionwithuprightheschool,thusimproved,becameirulyusefulanditution.Iremainedaniswalls,afteritsregeion,fhtyears:sixaspupil,andtwoasteacher;andinbothcapacitiesIbearmytestimonytoitsvalueandimportance.
Duringtheseeightyearsmylifewasuniform:butnotunhappy,becauseitwasnotinactive.Ihadthemeansofanexcellenteducationplacedwithinmyreach;afondnessforsomeofmystudies,andadesiretoexall,togetherwithagreatdelightinpleasingmyteachers,especiallysuchasIloved,urgedmeon:Iavailedmyselffullyoftheadvantagesofferedme.IntimeIrosetobethefirstgirlofthefirstclass;thenIwasiedwiththeofficeofteacher;whichIdischargedwithzealfortwoyears:butattheendofthattimeIaltered.
MissTemple,throughallges,hadthusfartinuedsuperinteoftheseminary:toherinstruIowedthebestpartofmyacquirements;herfriendshipandsocietyhadbeenmytinualsolace;shehadstoodmeieadofmoverness,and,latterly,panion.Atthisperiodshemarried,removedwithherhusband(aclergyman,anexcellentman,almostworthyofsuchawife)toadistantty,andsequentlywaslosttome.
FromthedaysheleftIwasnolohesame:withherwasgoneeverysettledfeeling,everyassociationthathadmadeLowoodinsomedegreeahometome.Ihadimbibedfromhersomethingofhernatureandmuchofherhabits:moreharmoniousthoughts:whatseemedbetterregulatedfeelingshadbeetheinmatesofmymind.Ihadgiveninallegiaodutyandorder;Iwasquiet;IbelievedIwastent:totheeyesofothers,usuallyeventomyoearedadisciplinedandsubduedcharacter.
Butdestiny,intheshapeoftheRev.Mr.Nasmyth,camebetweenmeandMissTemple:Isawheriravelliepintoapost-chaise,shortlyafterthemarriageceremony;Iwatchedthechaisemountthehillanddisappearbeyonditsbrow;airedtomyownroom,andtherespentinsolitudethegreatestpartofthehalf-holidaygrantedinhonouroftheoccasion.
Iwalkedaboutthechambermostofthetime.Iimaginedmyselfonlytrettingmyloss,andthinkinghowtorepairit;butwhenmyrefleswerecluded,andIlookedupandfoundthattheafternoonwasgone,andeveningfaradvanced,anotherdiscoverydawnedonme,hatiervalIhadundergoransfprocess;thatmymindhadputoffallithadborrowedofMissTemple—orratherthatshehadtakenwithhertheseremosphereIhadbeehinginherviity—andthatnowIwasleftinmynaturalelement,andbeginningtofeelthestirringofoldemotions.Itdidnotseemasifapropwerewithdrawn,butratherasifamotiveweregowasnotthepowertobetranquilwhichhadfailedme,butthereasonfortranquillitywasnomore.MyworldhadforsomeyearsbeeninLowood:myexperiencehadbeenofitsrulesandsystems;nowIrememberedthattherealworldwaswide,andthatavariedfieldofhopesandfears,ofsensationsaements,awaitedthosewhohadcetogoforthintoitsexpaoseekrealknowledgeoflifeamidstitsperils.
Iwenttomywindow,ope,andlookedout.Therewerethetwowingsofthebuilding;therewasthegarden;thereweretheskirtsofLowood;therewasthehillyhorizon.Myeyepassedallotherobjectstorestonthosemostremote,thebluepeaks;itwasthoseIloosurmount;allwithintheirboundaryofrodheathseemedprison-ground,exilelimits.Itracedthewhiteroadwindingroundthebaseofonemountain,andvanishinginagebetweentwo;howIloofollowitfarther!IrecalledthetimewhenIhadtravelledthatveryroadinacoach;Iremembereddesdingthathillattwilight;anageseemedtohaveelapsedsihedaywhichbroughtmefirsttoLowood,andIhadneverquitteditsince.Myvacationshadallbeesrs.ReedhadneversentformetoGateshead;hershenoranyofherfamilyhadeverbeentovisitme.Ihadhadnounicatioerormessagewiththeouterworld:school-rules,school-duties,school-habitsandnotions,andvoices,andfaces,andphrases,andes,andpreferences,andantipathies—suchwaswhatIknewofexistendnowIfeltthatitwasnotenough;Itiredoftheroutiyearsiernoon.Idesiredliberty;forlibertyIgasped;forlibertyIutteredaprayer;itseemedscatteredonthewindthenfaintlyblowing.Iabaandframedahumblersupplication;forge,stimulus:thatpetition,too,seemedsweptoffintovaguespace:“Then,”Icried,halfdesperate,“graleastaude!”
Hereabell,ringingthehourofsupper,calledmedownstairs.
Iwasnotfreetoresumetheinterruptedofmyreflestillbedtime:eveeacherwhooccupiedthesameroomwithmekeptmefromthesubjecttowhichIloorecur,byaprolongedeffusionofsmalltalk.HowIwishedsleepwouldsileseemedasif,couldIbutgobacktotheideawhichhadlastenteredmymindasIstoodatthewindow,someiivesuggestionwouldriseformyrelief.
MissGryoredatlast;shewasaheavyWelshwoman,andtillnowherhabitualnasalstrainshadneverbeenregardedbymeinanyhtthanasanuisao-nightIhailedthefirstdeephsatisfa;Iwasdebarrassedofinterruption;myhalf-effacedthoughtinstantlyrevived.
“Aude!Thereissomethinginthat,”Isoliloquised(mentally,beituood;Ididnottalkaloud),“Iknowthereis,becauseitdoesnotsoundtoosweet;itisnotlikesuchwordsasLiberty,Excitement,Enjoyment:delightfulsoundstruly;butnomorethansoundsforme;andsohollowaingthatitismerewasteoftimetolistentothem.ButServitude!Thatmustbematteroffayonemayserve:Ihaveservedhereeightyears;nowallIwantistoserveelsewhere.otgetsomuyownwill?Isnotthethingfeasible?Yes—yes—theendisnotsodifficult;ifIhadonlyabrainactiveenoughtoferretoutthemeansofattainingit.”
Isatupinbedbywayofarousingthissaidbrain:itwasachillynight;Icoveredmyshoulderswithashawl,andthenIproceededTOthinkagainwithallmymight.
“WhatdoIwant?Anewplaanewhouse,amongstnewfaces,undernewcircumstances:Iwantthisbecauseitisofinganythier.Howdopeopledotogetanewplace?Theyapplytofriends,Isuppose:Ihavenofriends.Therearemanyotherswhohavenofriends,whomustlookaboutforthemselvesaheirownhelpers;andwhatistheirresource?”
Icouldnottell:nothingansweredme;Ithenorderedmybraintofindaresponse,andquickly.Itworkedandworkedfaster:Ifeltthepulsesthrobinmyheadandtemples;butfornearlyanhouritworkedinchaos;andcameofitsefforts.Feverishwithvainlabotupandtookaturnintheroom;uhecurtain,arortwo,shiveredwithcold,andagaiobed.
Akindfairy,inmyabsence,hadsurelydroppedtherequiredsuggestiononmypillow;forasIlaydown,itcamequietlyandnaturallytomymind.—“Thosewhowantsituationsadvertise;youmustadvertiseinthe—shireHerald.”
“How?Iknownothingaboutadvertising.”
Repliesrosesmoothandpromptnow:—
“YoumustenclosetheadvertisementandthemoopayforitunderacoverdirectedtotheeditoroftheHerald;youmustputit,thefirstopportunityyouhave,intothepostatLowton;answersmustbeaddressedtoJ.E.,atthepost-officethere;yougoandinquireinaboutaweekafteryousendyourletter,ifanyaree,andactaccly.”
ThisschemeIwewice,thrice;itwastheedinmymind;Ihaditinaclearpracti:Ifeltsatisfied,andfellasleep.
Withearliestday,I:Ihadmyadvertisementwritten,enclosed,anddirectedbeforethebellrangtorousetheschool;itranthus:—
“Ayoungladyacedtotuition”(hadIeachertwoyears?)“isdesirousofmeetingwithasituationinaprivatefamilywherethechildrenareunderfourteen(IthoughtthatasIwasbarelyeighteen,itwouldnotdotouaketheguidanceofpupilsnearermyownage).SheisqualifiedtoteachtheusualbranchesofagoodEnglisheducation,togetherwithFrench,Drawing,andMusithosedays,reader,thisnownarrowcatalogueofaplishments,wouldhavebeeolerablyprehensive).“Address,J.E.,Post-office,Lowton,—shire.”
Thisdotremainedlockedinmydrawerallday:aftertea,IaskedleaveofthenewsuperinteogotoLowton,ioperformsomesmallissionsformyselfawoofmyfellow-teachers;permissionwasreadilygranted;Iwent.Itwasawalkoftwomiles,andtheeveningwaswet,butthedayswerestilllong;Ivisitedashoportwo,slippedtheletterintothepost-offidcamebackthroughheavyrain,withstreaminggarments,butwitharelievedheart.
Thesucceedingweekseemedlong:itcametoalast,however,likeallsublunarythings,andoncemore,towardsthecloseofapleasantautumnday,IfoundmyselfafootontheroadtoLowton.Apicturesquetrackitwas,bytheway;lyingalongthesideofthebedthroughthesweetestcurvesofthedale:butthatdayIthoughtmoreoftheletters,thatmighthtnotbeawaitihelittleburghwhitherIwasbound,thanofthecharmsofleaandwater.
Myostensibleerrandonthisoccasionwastogetmeasuredforapairofshoes;soIdischargedthatbusinessfirst,awasdoeppedacrosstheandquietlittlestreetfromtheshoemaker’stothepost-office:ittbyanolddame,whoworehoraclesonhernose,andblackmittensonherhands.
“ArethereaersforJ.E.?”Iasked.
Shepeeredatmeoverherspectacles,andthensheopenedadrawerandfumbledamongitstentsforalongtime,solongthatmyhopesbegantofalter.Atlast,havingheldadotbeforeherglassesfornearlyfiveminutes,shepreseacrosstheter,apanyibyanotherinquisitiveandmistrustfulglawasforJ.E.
“Isthereonlyone?”Idemanded.
“Therearenomore,”saidshe;andIputitinmypocketandturnedmyfaeward:Icouldnotopenitthen;rulesobligedmetobebackbyeight,anditwasalreadyhalf-pastseven.
Variousdutiesawaitedmeonmyarrival.Ihadtositwiththegirlsduringtheirhourofstudy;thenitwasmyturntoreadprayers;toseethemtobed:afterwardsIsuppedwiththeotherteachers.Evenwhenwefinallyretiredforthenight,theiableMissGrycewasstillmypanion:wehadonlyashortendofdleinourdlestidIdreadedlestsheshouldtalktillitwasallburntout;fortunately,however,theheavysuppershehadeatenproducedasoporificeffect:shewasalreadysnbeforeIhadfinishedundressing.Therestillremainedaninchofdle:Inowtookoutmyletter;thesealwasaninitialF.;Ibrokeit;thetentswerebrief.
“IfJ.E.,whoadvertisedinthe—shireHeraldoflastThursday,possessestheacquiremeioned,andifsheisinapositiontogivesatisfactoryrefereocharacterandpetency,asituationbeofferedherwherethereisbutonepupil,alittlegirl,uenyearsofage;ahesalaryisthirtypoundsperannum.J.E.isrequestedtosendreferename,address,andallparticularstothedire:—
“Mrs.Fairfax,Thornfield,nearMillcote,—shire.”
Iexamihedotlong:thewritingwasold-fashionedandratheruain,likethatofinelderlylady.Thiscircumstancewassatisfactory:aprivatefearhadhauntedme,thatinthusagformyself,andbymyownguidance,Irantheriskofgettingintosomescrape;and,aboveallthings,Iwishedtheresultofmyendeavourstoberespectable,proper,enrègle.IhatanelderlyladywasnobadingredientinthebusinessIhadonhand.Mrs.Fairfax!Isawherinablackgownandwido;frigid,perhaps,butnotuncivil:amodelofelderlyEnglishrespectability.Thorhat,doubtless,wasthenameofherhouse:aorderlyspot,Iwassure;thoughIfailedinmyeffortstoceiveacorrectplanofthepremises.Millcote,—shire;IbrushedupmyrecollesofthemapofEngland,yes,Isawit;boththeshireaown.—shirewasseventymilesnearerLondonthantheremotetywhereInowresided:thatwasareendationtome.Iloogowheretherewaslifeandmovement:MillcotewasalargemanufacturingtownonthebanksoftheA-;abusyplaough,doubtless:somuchthebetter;itwouldbeapletegeatleast.Notthatmyfancywasmuchcaptivatedbytheideaoflongeysandcloudsofsmoke—“but,”Iargued,“Thornfieldwill,probably,beagoodwayfromthetown.”
Herethesocketofthedledropped,andthewitout.
dayepsweretobetaken;myplanscouldnolongerbefiomyow;Imustimpartthemioachievetheirsuccess.Havingsoughtandobtainedanaudiehesuperinteduringthenoontiderecreation,ItoldherIhadaprospectofgettiuatiohesalarywouldbedoublewhatInowreceived(foratLowoodIonlygot￡15perannum);andrequestedshewouldbreakthematterformetoMr.Brocklehurst,orsomeoftheittee,andascertaihertheywouldpermitmetomentionthemasreferences.Sheobliginglyseoactasmediatrixier.ThedayshelaidtheaffairbeforeMr.Brocklehurst,whosaidthatMrs.Reedmustbewrittento,asshewasmynaturalguardian.Anotewasacclyaddressedtothatlady,whoreturnedforahat“ImightdoasIpleased:shehadlongrelinquishedallinterferenmyaffairs.”Thistheroundoftheittee,andatlast,afterearedtomemosttediousdelay,formalleavewasgiveobettermyditionifIcould;andanassuranceadded,thatasIhadalwaysductedmyselfwell,bothasteacherandpupil,atLowood,atestimonialofcharacterandcapacity,sigheiorsofthatinstitution,shouldforthwithbefurnishedme.
ThistestimonialIacclyreceivedinaboutamonth,forwardedacopyofittoMrs.Fairfax,andgotthatlady’sreply,statingthatshewassatisfied,andfixingthatdayfhtastheperiodformyassumiofgovernessinherhouse.
Inowbusiedmyselfinpreparations:thefhtpassedrapidly.Ihadnotaverylargewardrobe,thoughitwasadequatetomywants;adaysufficedtopackmytrunk,—thesameIhadbroughtwithmeeightyearsagateshead.
Theboxwascorded,theailedon.Inhalf-an-hourthecarrierwastocallforittotakeittoLowtoherImyselfwastorepairatanearlyhourthemtomeetthecoach.Ihadbrushedmyblackstufftravelling-dress,preparedmybo,gloves,andmuff;soughtinallmydrawerstoseethatnoarticlewasleftbehind;andnowhavingnothingmoretodo,Isatdownandtriedtorest.Icouldnot;thoughIhadbeenonfootallday,Icouldnotnowreposeaninstant;Iwastoomuchexcited.Aphaseofmylifewasclosingto-night,anewoneopeningto-morrow:impossibletoslumberierval;Imustwatchfeverishlywhilethegewasbeingaplished.
“Miss,”saidaservantwhometmeinthelobby,whereIwaswanderinglikeatroubledspirit,“apersonbelowwishestoseeyou.”
“Thecarrier,nodoubt,”Ithought,andrandownstairswithoutinquiry.Iassingtheback-parlourorteachers’sitting-room,thedoorofwhichen,togotothekit,whensomeoneranout—
“It’sher,Iamsure!—Icouldhavetoldheranywhere!”criedtheindividualwhostoppedmyprogressandtookmyhand.
Ilooked:Isawawomanattiredlikeawell-dressedservant,matronly,yetstillyoung;verygood-looking,withblackhairandeyes,andlivelyplexion.
“Well,whoisit?”sheasked,inavoidwithasmileIhalfreised;“you’venotquitefottehink,MissJane?”
InanothersedIwasembragandkissingherrapturously:“Bessie!Bessie!Bessie!”thatwasallIsaid;whereatshehalflaughed,halfcried,ahwentintotheparlour.Bythefirestoodalittlefellowofthreeyearsold,inplaidfrodtrousers.
“Thatismylittleboy,”saidBessiedirectly.
“Thenyouaremarried,Bessie?”
“Yes;nearlyfiveyearssioRobertLeaven,thean;andI’vealittlegirlbesidesBobbythere,thatI’vechristenedJane.”
“Andyoudon’tliveatGateshead?”
“Iliveatthelodge:theoldporterhasleft.”
“Well,andhowdotheyallgeton?Tellmeeverythingaboutthem,Bessie:butsitdownfirst;and,Bobby,eandsitonmyknee,willyou?”butBobbypreferredsidliohismother.
“You’renotgrowall,MissJane,norsoverystout,”tinuedMrs.Leaven.“Idaresaythey’veyoutoowellatsissReedistheheadandshoulderstallerthanyouare;andMissGeianawouldmaketwoofyouih.”
“Geianaishandsome,Isuppose,Bessie?”
“Very.ShewentuptoLondonlastwihhermama,andthereeverybodyadmiredher,andayounglordfellihher:buthisrelationswereagainstthematd—whatdoyouthink?—heandMissGeianamadeituptorunaway;buttheywerefoundoutandstopped.ItwasMissReedthatfou:Ibelieveshewasenvious;andnowsheandhersisterleadaddoglifetogether;theyarealwaysquarrelling—”
“Well,andwhatofJohnReed?”
“Oh,heisnotdoingsowellashismamacouldwish.Hewenttocollege,a—plucked,Ithinktheycallit:andthenhisuncleswantedhimtobeabarrister,andstudythelaw:butheissuchadissipatedyoungman,theywillnevermakemu,Ithink.”
“Whatdoeshelooklike?”
“Heisverytall:somepeoplecallhimafine-lookingyoungman;buthehassuchthicklips.”
“AndMrs.Reed?”
“Missislooksstoutandwellenoughintheface,butIthinkshe’snotquiteeasyinhermind:Mr.John’sductdoesnotpleaseher—hespendsadealofmoney.”
“Didshesendyouhere,Bessie?”
“No,indeed:butIhavelongwaoseeyou,andwhehattherehadbeeerfromyou,andthatyoingtoanotherpartofthetry,IthoughtI’djustsetof,aalookatyoubeforeyouwerequiteoutofmyreach.”
“Iamafraidyouaredisappointedinme,Bessie.”Isaidthislaughing:IperceivedthatBessie’sglahoughitexpressedregard,didinnoshapedenoteadmiration.
“No,MissJaexactly:yenteelenough;youlooklikealady,anditisasmuchaseverIexpectedofyou:youwereyasachild.”
IsmiledatBessie’sfrankanswer:Ifeltthatitwascorrect,butIfessIwasnotquiteindifferenttoitsimport:ateighteenmostpeoplewishtoplease,andthevithattheyhavenotaeriorlikelytosedthatdesirebringsanythingbutgratification.
“Idaresayyouareclever,though,”tinuedBessie,bywayofsolace.“Whatyoudo?youplayonthepiano?”
“Alittle.”
Therewasoheroom;Bessiee,andtheositdownandgiveheratune:Iplayedawaltzortwo,andshewascharmed.
“TheMissReedscouldnotplayaswell!”saidsheexultingly.“Ialwayssaidyouwouldsurpasstheminlearning:andyoudraw?”
“Thatisoneofmypaintingsovertheey-piece.”Itwasalandscapeinwatercolours,ofwhichIhadmadeapresenttothesuperinte,inaowledgmentofherobligiionwiththeitteeonmybehalf,andwhichshehadframedandglazed.
“Well,thatisbeautiful,MissJaisasfineapictureasanyMissReed’sdrawing-mastercouldpaialoheyoungladiesthemselves,whocouldnote:andhaveyoulearntFrench?”
“Yes,Bessie,Ibothreadita.”
“Andyouworkonmuslinandvas?”
“I.”
“Oh,youarequitealady,MissJane!Iknewyouwouldbe:youwillgetoheryourrelationsnoticeyouornot.TherewassomethingIwaoaskyou.Haveyoueverheardanythingfromyourfather’skinsfolk,theEyres?”
“Neverinmylife.”
“Well,youknowMissisalwayssaidtheywerepoorandquitedespicable:andtheymaybepoor;butIbelievetheyareasmutryastheReedsare;foroneday,nearlysevenyearsago,aMr.EyrecametoGatesheadandwaoseeyou;Mississaidyouwereitschoolfiftymilesoff;heseemedsomuchdisappointed,forhecouldnotstay:hewasgoingonavoyagetntry,andtheshipwastosailfromLondoninadayortwo.Helookedquiteagentleman,andIbelievehewasyourfather’sbrother.”
“Whatfntrywashegoingto,Bessie?”
“Anislandthousandsofmilesoff,wheretheymakewihebutlerdidtellme—”
“Madeira?”Isuggested.
“Yes,thatisit—thatistheveryword.”
“Sohewent?”
“Yes;hedidnotstaymanymihehouse:Missiswasveryhighwithhim;shecalledhimafterwardsa‘sneakingtradesman.’MyRobertbelieveshewasawine-mert.”
“Verylikely,”Ireturned;“orperhapsclerkenttoawine-mert.”
BessieandIversedaboutoldtimesanher,andthenshewasobligedtoleaveme:IsawheragainforafewmihematLowton,whileIwaswaitingforthecoach.WepartedfinallyatthedooroftheBrocklehurstArmsthere:eatherseparateway;shesetoffforthebrowofLowoodFelltomeettheveyancewhichwastotakeherbacktoGateshead,ImouhevehiclewhichwastobearmetoiesandanewlifeintheunknownenvironsofMillcote.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
WheyphusfeverhadfulfilleditsmissioationatLowood,itgraduallydisappearedfromthenottillitsvirulehenumberofitsvictimshaddrawnpublicattentionontheschool.Inquirywasmadeintotheinofthesce,andbydegreesvariousfactscameoutwhichexcitedpublidignationinahighdegree.Theuhynatureofthesite;thequantityandqualityofthechildren’sfood;thebrackish,fetidwaterusedinitspreparation;thepupils’wretchedclothingandaodations—allthesethingswerediscovered,andthediscoveryproducedaresultmortifyingtoMr.Brocklehurst,butbeneficialtotheinstitution.
Severalwealthyandbenevolentindividualsinthetysubscribedlargelyfortheereofamorevebuildingiersituation;newregulationsweremade;improvementsiandclothingintroduced;thefundsoftheschoolwereintrustedtothemaofaittee.Mr.Brocklehurst,who,fromhiswealthandfamilyes,couldnotbeoverlooked,stillretaihepostoftreasurer;buthewasaidedinthedischargeofhisdutiesbygentlemenofrathermoreenlargedandsympathisingminds:hisofficeofior,too,wassharedbythosewhoknewhowtobinereasonwithstriess,fortwithey,passionwithuprightheschool,thusimproved,becameirulyusefulanditution.Iremainedaniswalls,afteritsregeion,fhtyears:sixaspupil,andtwoasteacher;andinbothcapacitiesIbearmytestimonytoitsvalueandimportance.
Duringtheseeightyearsmylifewasuniform:butnotunhappy,becauseitwasnotinactive.Ihadthemeansofanexcellenteducationplacedwithinmyreach;afondnessforsomeofmystudies,andadesiretoexall,togetherwithagreatdelightinpleasingmyteachers,especiallysuchasIloved,urgedmeon:Iavailedmyselffullyoftheadvantagesofferedme.IntimeIrosetobethefirstgirlofthefirstclass;thenIwasiedwiththeofficeofteacher;whichIdischargedwithzealfortwoyears:butattheendofthattimeIaltered.
MissTemple,throughallges,hadthusfartinuedsuperinteoftheseminary:toherinstruIowedthebestpartofmyacquirements;herfriendshipandsocietyhadbeenmytinualsolace;shehadstoodmeieadofmoverness,and,latterly,panion.Atthisperiodshemarried,removedwithherhusband(aclergyman,anexcellentman,almostworthyofsuchawife)toadistantty,andsequentlywaslosttome.
FromthedaysheleftIwasnolohesame:withherwasgoneeverysettledfeeling,everyassociationthathadmadeLowoodinsomedegreeahometome.Ihadimbibedfromhersomethingofhernatureandmuchofherhabits:moreharmoniousthoughts:whatseemedbetterregulatedfeelingshadbeetheinmatesofmymind.Ihadgiveninallegiaodutyandorder;Iwasquiet;IbelievedIwastent:totheeyesofothers,usuallyeventomyoearedadisciplinedandsubduedcharacter.
Butdestiny,intheshapeoftheRev.Mr.Nasmyth,camebetweenmeandMissTemple:Isawheriravelliepintoapost-chaise,shortlyafterthemarriageceremony;Iwatchedthechaisemountthehillanddisappearbeyonditsbrow;airedtomyownroom,andtherespentinsolitudethegreatestpartofthehalf-holidaygrantedinhonouroftheoccasion.
Iwalkedaboutthechambermostofthetime.Iimaginedmyselfonlytrettingmyloss,andthinkinghowtorepairit;butwhenmyrefleswerecluded,andIlookedupandfoundthattheafternoonwasgone,andeveningfaradvanced,anotherdiscoverydawnedonme,hatiervalIhadundergoransfprocess;thatmymindhadputoffallithadborrowedofMissTemple—orratherthatshehadtakenwithhertheseremosphereIhadbeehinginherviity—andthatnowIwasleftinmynaturalelement,andbeginningtofeelthestirringofoldemotions.Itdidnotseemasifapropwerewithdrawn,butratherasifamotiveweregowasnotthepowertobetranquilwhichhadfailedme,butthereasonfortranquillitywasnomore.MyworldhadforsomeyearsbeeninLowood:myexperiencehadbeenofitsrulesandsystems;nowIrememberedthattherealworldwaswide,andthatavariedfieldofhopesandfears,ofsensationsaements,awaitedthosewhohadcetogoforthintoitsexpaoseekrealknowledgeoflifeamidstitsperils.
Iwenttomywindow,ope,andlookedout.Therewerethetwowingsofthebuilding;therewasthegarden;thereweretheskirtsofLowood;therewasthehillyhorizon.Myeyepassedallotherobjectstorestonthosemostremote,thebluepeaks;itwasthoseIloosurmount;allwithintheirboundaryofrodheathseemedprison-ground,exilelimits.Itracedthewhiteroadwindingroundthebaseofonemountain,andvanishinginagebetweentwo;howIloofollowitfarther!IrecalledthetimewhenIhadtravelledthatveryroadinacoach;Iremembereddesdingthathillattwilight;anageseemedtohaveelapsedsihedaywhichbroughtmefirsttoLowood,andIhadneverquitteditsince.Myvacationshadallbeesrs.ReedhadneversentformetoGateshead;hershenoranyofherfamilyhadeverbeentovisitme.Ihadhadnounicatioerormessagewiththeouterworld:school-rules,school-duties,school-habitsandnotions,andvoices,andfaces,andphrases,andes,andpreferences,andantipathies—suchwaswhatIknewofexistendnowIfeltthatitwasnotenough;Itiredoftheroutiyearsiernoon.Idesiredliberty;forlibertyIgasped;forlibertyIutteredaprayer;itseemedscatteredonthewindthenfaintlyblowing.Iabaandframedahumblersupplication;forge,stimulus:thatpetition,too,seemedsweptoffintovaguespace:“Then,”Icried,halfdesperate,“graleastaude!”
Hereabell,ringingthehourofsupper,calledmedownstairs.
Iwasnotfreetoresumetheinterruptedofmyreflestillbedtime:eveeacherwhooccupiedthesameroomwithmekeptmefromthesubjecttowhichIloorecur,byaprolongedeffusionofsmalltalk.HowIwishedsleepwouldsileseemedasif,couldIbutgobacktotheideawhichhadlastenteredmymindasIstoodatthewindow,someiivesuggestionwouldriseformyrelief.
MissGryoredatlast;shewasaheavyWelshwoman,andtillnowherhabitualnasalstrainshadneverbeenregardedbymeinanyhtthanasanuisao-nightIhailedthefirstdeephsatisfa;Iwasdebarrassedofinterruption;myhalf-effacedthoughtinstantlyrevived.
“Aude!Thereissomethinginthat,”Isoliloquised(mentally,beituood;Ididnottalkaloud),“Iknowthereis,becauseitdoesnotsoundtoosweet;itisnotlikesuchwordsasLiberty,Excitement,Enjoyment:delightfulsoundstruly;butnomorethansoundsforme;andsohollowaingthatitismerewasteoftimetolistentothem.ButServitude!Thatmustbematteroffayonemayserve:Ihaveservedhereeightyears;nowallIwantistoserveelsewhere.otgetsomuyownwill?Isnotthethingfeasible?Yes—yes—theendisnotsodifficult;ifIhadonlyabrainactiveenoughtoferretoutthemeansofattainingit.”
Isatupinbedbywayofarousingthissaidbrain:itwasachillynight;Icoveredmyshoulderswithashawl,andthenIproceededTOthinkagainwithallmymight.
“WhatdoIwant?Anewplaanewhouse,amongstnewfaces,undernewcircumstances:Iwantthisbecauseitisofinganythier.Howdopeopledotogetanewplace?Theyapplytofriends,Isuppose:Ihavenofriends.Therearemanyotherswhohavenofriends,whomustlookaboutforthemselvesaheirownhelpers;andwhatistheirresource?”
Icouldnottell:nothingansweredme;Ithenorderedmybraintofindaresponse,andquickly.Itworkedandworkedfaster:Ifeltthepulsesthrobinmyheadandtemples;butfornearlyanhouritworkedinchaos;andcameofitsefforts.Feverishwithvainlabotupandtookaturnintheroom;uhecurtain,arortwo,shiveredwithcold,andagaiobed.
Akindfairy,inmyabsence,hadsurelydroppedtherequiredsuggestiononmypillow;forasIlaydown,itcamequietlyandnaturallytomymind.—“Thosewhowantsituationsadvertise;youmustadvertiseinthe—shireHerald.”
“How?Iknownothingaboutadvertising.”
Repliesrosesmoothandpromptnow:—
“YoumustenclosetheadvertisementandthemoopayforitunderacoverdirectedtotheeditoroftheHerald;youmustputit,thefirstopportunityyouhave,intothepostatLowton;answersmustbeaddressedtoJ.E.,atthepost-officethere;yougoandinquireinaboutaweekafteryousendyourletter,ifanyaree,andactaccly.”
ThisschemeIwewice,thrice;itwastheedinmymind;Ihaditinaclearpracti:Ifeltsatisfied,andfellasleep.
Withearliestday,I:Ihadmyadvertisementwritten,enclosed,anddirectedbeforethebellrangtorousetheschool;itranthus:—
“Ayoungladyacedtotuition”(hadIeachertwoyears?)“isdesirousofmeetingwithasituationinaprivatefamilywherethechildrenareunderfourteen(IthoughtthatasIwasbarelyeighteen,itwouldnotdotouaketheguidanceofpupilsnearermyownage).SheisqualifiedtoteachtheusualbranchesofagoodEnglisheducation,togetherwithFrench,Drawing,andMusithosedays,reader,thisnownarrowcatalogueofaplishments,wouldhavebeeolerablyprehensive).“Address,J.E.,Post-office,Lowton,—shire.”
Thisdotremainedlockedinmydrawerallday:aftertea,IaskedleaveofthenewsuperinteogotoLowton,ioperformsomesmallissionsformyselfawoofmyfellow-teachers;permissionwasreadilygranted;Iwent.Itwasawalkoftwomiles,andtheeveningwaswet,butthedayswerestilllong;Ivisitedashoportwo,slippedtheletterintothepost-offidcamebackthroughheavyrain,withstreaminggarments,butwitharelievedheart.
Thesucceedingweekseemedlong:itcametoalast,however,likeallsublunarythings,andoncemore,towardsthecloseofapleasantautumnday,IfoundmyselfafootontheroadtoLowton.Apicturesquetrackitwas,bytheway;lyingalongthesideofthebedthroughthesweetestcurvesofthedale:butthatdayIthoughtmoreoftheletters,thatmighthtnotbeawaitihelittleburghwhitherIwasbound,thanofthecharmsofleaandwater.
Myostensibleerrandonthisoccasionwastogetmeasuredforapairofshoes;soIdischargedthatbusinessfirst,awasdoeppedacrosstheandquietlittlestreetfromtheshoemaker’stothepost-office:ittbyanolddame,whoworehoraclesonhernose,andblackmittensonherhands.
“ArethereaersforJ.E.?”Iasked.
Shepeeredatmeoverherspectacles,andthensheopenedadrawerandfumbledamongitstentsforalongtime,solongthatmyhopesbegantofalter.Atlast,havingheldadotbeforeherglassesfornearlyfiveminutes,shepreseacrosstheter,apanyibyanotherinquisitiveandmistrustfulglawasforJ.E.
“Isthereonlyone?”Idemanded.
“Therearenomore,”saidshe;andIputitinmypocketandturnedmyfaeward:Icouldnotopenitthen;rulesobligedmetobebackbyeight,anditwasalreadyhalf-pastseven.
Variousdutiesawaitedmeonmyarrival.Ihadtositwiththegirlsduringtheirhourofstudy;thenitwasmyturntoreadprayers;toseethemtobed:afterwardsIsuppedwiththeotherteachers.Evenwhenwefinallyretiredforthenight,theiableMissGrycewasstillmypanion:wehadonlyashortendofdleinourdlestidIdreadedlestsheshouldtalktillitwasallburntout;fortunately,however,theheavysuppershehadeatenproducedasoporificeffect:shewasalreadysnbeforeIhadfinishedundressing.Therestillremainedaninchofdle:Inowtookoutmyletter;thesealwasaninitialF.;Ibrokeit;thetentswerebrief.
“IfJ.E.,whoadvertisedinthe—shireHeraldoflastThursday,possessestheacquiremeioned,andifsheisinapositiontogivesatisfactoryrefereocharacterandpetency,asituationbeofferedherwherethereisbutonepupil,alittlegirl,uenyearsofage;ahesalaryisthirtypoundsperannum.J.E.isrequestedtosendreferename,address,andallparticularstothedire:—
“Mrs.Fairfax,Thornfield,nearMillcote,—shire.”
Iexamihedotlong:thewritingwasold-fashionedandratheruain,likethatofinelderlylady.Thiscircumstancewassatisfactory:aprivatefearhadhauntedme,thatinthusagformyself,andbymyownguidance,Irantheriskofgettingintosomescrape;and,aboveallthings,Iwishedtheresultofmyendeavourstoberespectable,proper,enrègle.IhatanelderlyladywasnobadingredientinthebusinessIhadonhand.Mrs.Fairfax!Isawherinablackgownandwido;frigid,perhaps,butnotuncivil:amodelofelderlyEnglishrespectability.Thorhat,doubtless,wasthenameofherhouse:aorderlyspot,Iwassure;thoughIfailedinmyeffortstoceiveacorrectplanofthepremises.Millcote,—shire;IbrushedupmyrecollesofthemapofEngland,yes,Isawit;boththeshireaown.—shirewasseventymilesnearerLondonthantheremotetywhereInowresided:thatwasareendationtome.Iloogowheretherewaslifeandmovement:MillcotewasalargemanufacturingtownonthebanksoftheA-;abusyplaough,doubtless:somuchthebetter;itwouldbeapletegeatleast.Notthatmyfancywasmuchcaptivatedbytheideaoflongeysandcloudsofsmoke—“but,”Iargued,“Thornfieldwill,probably,beagoodwayfromthetown.”
Herethesocketofthedledropped,andthewitout.
dayepsweretobetaken;myplanscouldnolongerbefiomyow;Imustimpartthemioachievetheirsuccess.Havingsoughtandobtainedanaudiehesuperinteduringthenoontiderecreation,ItoldherIhadaprospectofgettiuatiohesalarywouldbedoublewhatInowreceived(foratLowoodIonlygot￡15perannum);andrequestedshewouldbreakthematterformetoMr.Brocklehurst,orsomeoftheittee,andascertaihertheywouldpermitmetomentionthemasreferences.Sheobliginglyseoactasmediatrixier.ThedayshelaidtheaffairbeforeMr.Brocklehurst,whosaidthatMrs.Reedmustbewrittento,asshewasmynaturalguardian.Anotewasacclyaddressedtothatlady,whoreturnedforahat“ImightdoasIpleased:shehadlongrelinquishedallinterferenmyaffairs.”Thistheroundoftheittee,andatlast,afterearedtomemosttediousdelay,formalleavewasgiveobettermyditionifIcould;andanassuranceadded,thatasIhadalwaysductedmyselfwell,bothasteacherandpupil,atLowood,atestimonialofcharacterandcapacity,sigheiorsofthatinstitution,shouldforthwithbefurnishedme.
ThistestimonialIacclyreceivedinaboutamonth,forwardedacopyofittoMrs.Fairfax,andgotthatlady’sreply,statingthatshewassatisfied,andfixingthatdayfhtastheperiodformyassumiofgovernessinherhouse.
Inowbusiedmyselfinpreparations:thefhtpassedrapidly.Ihadnotaverylargewardrobe,thoughitwasadequatetomywants;adaysufficedtopackmytrunk,—thesameIhadbroughtwithmeeightyearsagateshead.
Theboxwascorded,theailedon.Inhalf-an-hourthecarrierwastocallforittotakeittoLowtoherImyselfwastorepairatanearlyhourthemtomeetthecoach.Ihadbrushedmyblackstufftravelling-dress,preparedmybo,gloves,andmuff;soughtinallmydrawerstoseethatnoarticlewasleftbehind;andnowhavingnothingmoretodo,Isatdownandtriedtorest.Icouldnot;thoughIhadbeenonfootallday,Icouldnotnowreposeaninstant;Iwastoomuchexcited.Aphaseofmylifewasclosingto-night,anewoneopeningto-morrow:impossibletoslumberierval;Imustwatchfeverishlywhilethegewasbeingaplished.
“Miss,”saidaservantwhometmeinthelobby,whereIwaswanderinglikeatroubledspirit,“apersonbelowwishestoseeyou.”
“Thecarrier,nodoubt,”Ithought,andrandownstairswithoutinquiry.Iassingtheback-parlourorteachers’sitting-room,thedoorofwhichen,togotothekit,whensomeoneranout—
“It’sher,Iamsure!—Icouldhavetoldheranywhere!”criedtheindividualwhostoppedmyprogressandtookmyhand.
Ilooked:Isawawomanattiredlikeawell-dressedservant,matronly,yetstillyoung;verygood-looking,withblackhairandeyes,andlivelyplexion.
“Well,whoisit?”sheasked,inavoidwithasmileIhalfreised;“you’venotquitefottehink,MissJane?”
InanothersedIwasembragandkissingherrapturously:“Bessie!Bessie!Bessie!”thatwasallIsaid;whereatshehalflaughed,halfcried,ahwentintotheparlour.Bythefirestoodalittlefellowofthreeyearsold,inplaidfrodtrousers.
“Thatismylittleboy,”saidBessiedirectly.
“Thenyouaremarried,Bessie?”
“Yes;nearlyfiveyearssioRobertLeaven,thean;andI’vealittlegirlbesidesBobbythere,thatI’vechristenedJane.”
“Andyoudon’tliveatGateshead?”
“Iliveatthelodge:theoldporterhasleft.”
“Well,andhowdotheyallgeton?Tellmeeverythingaboutthem,Bessie:butsitdownfirst;and,Bobby,eandsitonmyknee,willyou?”butBobbypreferredsidliohismother.
“You’renotgrowall,MissJane,norsoverystout,”tinuedMrs.Leaven.“Idaresaythey’veyoutoowellatsissReedistheheadandshoulderstallerthanyouare;andMissGeianawouldmaketwoofyouih.”
“Geianaishandsome,Isuppose,Bessie?”
“Very.ShewentuptoLondonlastwihhermama,andthereeverybodyadmiredher,andayounglordfellihher:buthisrelationswereagainstthematd—whatdoyouthink?—heandMissGeianamadeituptorunaway;buttheywerefoundoutandstopped.ItwasMissReedthatfou:Ibelieveshewasenvious;andnowsheandhersisterleadaddoglifetogether;theyarealwaysquarrelling—”
“Well,andwhatofJohnReed?”
“Oh,heisnotdoingsowellashismamacouldwish.Hewenttocollege,a—plucked,Ithinktheycallit:andthenhisuncleswantedhimtobeabarrister,andstudythelaw:butheissuchadissipatedyoungman,theywillnevermakemu,Ithink.”
“Whatdoeshelooklike?”
“Heisverytall:somepeoplecallhimafine-lookingyoungman;buthehassuchthicklips.”
“AndMrs.Reed?”
“Missislooksstoutandwellenoughintheface,butIthinkshe’snotquiteeasyinhermind:Mr.John’sductdoesnotpleaseher—hespendsadealofmoney.”
“Didshesendyouhere,Bessie?”
“No,indeed:butIhavelongwaoseeyou,andwhehattherehadbeeerfromyou,andthatyoingtoanotherpartofthetry,IthoughtI’djustsetof,aalookatyoubeforeyouwerequiteoutofmyreach.”
“Iamafraidyouaredisappointedinme,Bessie.”Isaidthislaughing:IperceivedthatBessie’sglahoughitexpressedregard,didinnoshapedenoteadmiration.
“No,MissJaexactly:yenteelenough;youlooklikealady,anditisasmuchaseverIexpectedofyou:youwereyasachild.”
IsmiledatBessie’sfrankanswer:Ifeltthatitwascorrect,butIfessIwasnotquiteindifferenttoitsimport:ateighteenmostpeoplewishtoplease,andthevithattheyhavenotaeriorlikelytosedthatdesirebringsanythingbutgratification.
“Idaresayyouareclever,though,”tinuedBessie,bywayofsolace.“Whatyoudo?youplayonthepiano?”
“Alittle.”
Therewasoheroom;Bessiee,andtheositdownandgiveheratune:Iplayedawaltzortwo,andshewascharmed.
“TheMissReedscouldnotplayaswell!”saidsheexultingly.“Ialwayssaidyouwouldsurpasstheminlearning:andyoudraw?”
“Thatisoneofmypaintingsovertheey-piece.”Itwasalandscapeinwatercolours,ofwhichIhadmadeapresenttothesuperinte,inaowledgmentofherobligiionwiththeitteeonmybehalf,andwhichshehadframedandglazed.
“Well,thatisbeautiful,MissJaisasfineapictureasanyMissReed’sdrawing-mastercouldpaialoheyoungladiesthemselves,whocouldnote:andhaveyoulearntFrench?”
“Yes,Bessie,Ibothreadita.”
“Andyouworkonmuslinandvas?”
“I.”
“Oh,youarequitealady,MissJane!Iknewyouwouldbe:youwillgetoheryourrelationsnoticeyouornot.TherewassomethingIwaoaskyou.Haveyoueverheardanythingfromyourfather’skinsfolk,theEyres?”
“Neverinmylife.”
“Well,youknowMissisalwayssaidtheywerepoorandquitedespicable:andtheymaybepoor;butIbelievetheyareasmutryastheReedsare;foroneday,nearlysevenyearsago,aMr.EyrecametoGatesheadandwaoseeyou;Mississaidyouwereitschoolfiftymilesoff;heseemedsomuchdisappointed,forhecouldnotstay:hewasgoingonavoyagetntry,andtheshipwastosailfromLondoninadayortwo.Helookedquiteagentleman,andIbelievehewasyourfather’sbrother.”
“Whatfntrywashegoingto,Bessie?”
“Anislandthousandsofmilesoff,wheretheymakewihebutlerdidtellme—”
“Madeira?”Isuggested.
“Yes,thatisit—thatistheveryword.”
“Sohewent?”
“Yes;hedidnotstaymanymihehouse:Missiswasveryhighwithhim;shecalledhimafterwardsa‘sneakingtradesman.’MyRobertbelieveshewasawine-mert.”
“Verylikely,”Ireturned;“orperhapsclerkenttoawine-mert.”
BessieandIversedaboutoldtimesanher,andthenshewasobligedtoleaveme:IsawheragainforafewmihematLowton,whileIwaswaitingforthecoach.WepartedfinallyatthedooroftheBrocklehurstArmsthere:eatherseparateway;shesetoffforthebrowofLowoodFelltomeettheveyancewhichwastotakeherbacktoGateshead,ImouhevehiclewhichwastobearmetoiesandanewlifeintheunknownenvironsofMillcote.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
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