Chapter 16
IbothwishedandfearedtoseeMr.Rochesteronthedaywhichfollowedthissleeplessnight:Iwaohearhisvoiceagaifearedtomeethiseye.Duringtheearlypartofthem,Imomentarilyexpectedhising;hewasnotinthefrequenthabitofenteringtheschoolroom,buthedidstepinforafewminutessometimes,andIhadtheimpressionthathewassuretovisititthatday.
Butthempassedjustasusual:nothinghappeointerruptthequietcourseofAdèle’sstudies;onlysoonafterbreakfast,IheardsomebustleintheneighbourhoodofMr.Rochester’schamber,Mrs.Fairfax’svoidLeah’s,andthecook’s—thatis,John’swife—andevenJohn’sowngrufftoherewereexclamationsof“Whatamercymasterwasnotburntinhisbed!”“Itisalwaysdangeroustokeepadlelitatnight.”“Howprovidentialthathehadpresenindtothinkofthewater-jug!”“Iwonderhewakednobody!”“Itistobehopedhewillnottakecoldwithsleepingonthelibrarysofa,”&c.
Tomufabulationsucceededasoundofscrubbingaingthts;andwhenIpassedtheroom,ingoingdownstairstodinner,Isawthroughtheopendoorthatallwasagaioredtopleteorder;onlythebedwasstrippedofitshangings.Leahstoodupinthewindow-seat,rubbingthepanesofglassdimmedwithsmoke.Iwasabouttoaddressher,forIwishedtoknowwhatathadbeeheaffair:but,onadvang,Isawasedpersoninthechamber—awomansittingonachairbythebedside,andsewingringstonewcurtains.ThatwomanwasnootherthanGracePoole.
Thereshesat,staidandtaciturn-looking,asusual,inherbrownstuffgown,hercheckapron,whitehandkerchief,andcap.Shewasionherwork,inwhichherwholethoughtsseemedabsorbed:onherhardforehead,andinheronplacefeatures,wasnothiherofthepalenessordesperationonewouldhaveexpectedtoseemarkingthetenanceofawomanwhohadattemptedmurder,andwhoseintendedvictimhadfollowedherlastnighttoherlair,and(asIbelieved),chargedherwiththecrimeshewishedtoperpetrate.Iwasamazed—founded.Shelookedup,whileIstillgazedather:nostart,noincreaseorfailureofcolourbetrayedemotion,sciousnessofguilt,orfearofdete.Shesaid“Go,Miss,”inherusualphlegmatidbriefmanner;andtakingupanandmoretape,wentonwithhersewing.
“Iwillputhertosometest,”thoughtI:“suchabsoluteimperabilityispastprehension.”
“Go,Grace,”Isaid.“Hasanythinghappenedhere?IthoughtIheardtheservantsalltalkingtogetherawhileago.”
“Onlymasterhadbeenreadinginhisbedlastnight;hefellasleepwithhisdlelit,aainsgoto,fortunately,heawokebeforethebed-clothesorthewood-workcaught,andtrivedtoquenchtheflameswiththewaterintheewer.
“Astrangeaffair!”Isaid,inalowvoice:then,lookingatherfixedly—“DidMr.Rochesterwakenobody?Didnoonehearhimmove?”
Sheagainraisedhereyestome,andthistimetherewassomethingofsciousnessintheirexpression.Sheseemedtoexaminemewarily;thensheanswered—
“Theservantssleepsofaroff,youknow,Miss,theywouldnotbelikelytohear.Mrs.Fairfax’sroomandyoursaretheomaster’s;butMrs.Fairfaxsaidsheheardnothing:whenpeoplegetelderly,theyoftensleepheavy.”Shepaused,andthenadded,withasortofassumedindifferestillinamarkedandsignifittone—“Butyouareyoung,Miss;andIshouldsayalightsleeper:perhapsyoumayhaveheardanoise?”
“Idid,”saidI,droppingmyvoice,sothatLeah,whowasstillpolishingthepanes,couldnothearme,“andatfirstIthoughtitilot:butPilototlaugh;andIamcertainIheardalaugh,andastrangeone.”
Shetookanewneedlefulofthread,waxeditcarefully,threadedherneedlewithasteadyhand,andthenobserved,withperfeposure—
“Itishardlylikelymasterwouldlaugh,Ishouldthink,Miss,whenhewasinsuger:Youmusthavebeendreaming.”
“Iwasnotdreaming,”Isaid,withsomewarmth,forherbrazenessprovokedme.Againshelookedatme;andwiththesamescrutinisingandsciouseye.
“Haveyoutoldmasterthatyouheardalaugh?”sheinquired.
“Ihavenothadtheopportunityofspeakingtohimthism.”
“Youdidnotthinkofopeningyourdoorandlookingoutintothegallery?”shefurtherasked.
Sheappearedtobecross-questioniemptingtodrawfrommeinformationunawares.TheideastruckmethatifshediscoveredIkneworsuspectedherguilt,shewouldbeplayingofsomeofhermalignantpranksohoughtitadvisabletobeonmyguard.
“Orary,”saidI,“Iboltedmydoor.”
“Thenyouarenotinthehabitofboltingyourdooreverynightbeforeyougetintobed?”
“Fiend!shewantstoknowmyhabits,thatshemaylayherplansaccly!”Indignationagainprevailedoverprudence:Irepliedsharply,“HithertoIhaveoftenomittedtofaste:Ididnotthinkitnecessary.IwasnotawareanydangerorannoyaobedreadedatThornfieldHall:butinfuture”(andIlaidmarkedstressonthewords)“IshalltakegoodcaretomakeallsecurebeforeIveoliedown.”
“Itwillbewisesotodo,”washerahisneighbourhoodisasquietasanyIknow,andIneverheardofthehallbeingattemptedbyrobberssiwasahouse;thoughtherearehundredsofpounds’worthofplateie-closet,asiswellknown.Andyousee,forsuchalargehouse,thereareveryfewservants,becausemasterhasneverlivedheremudwhenhedoese,beingabachelor,heneedslittlewaitingon:butIalwaysthinkitbesttoerronthesafeside;adoorissoonfastened,anditisaswelltohaveadrawnboltbetweenoneandanymischiefthatmaybeabout.Adealofpeople,Miss,arefortrustingalltoProvideIsayProvidencewillnotdispehthemeans,thoughHeoftenblessesthemwhentheyareuseddiscreetly.”Andheresheclosedherharangue:alongoneforher,andutteredwiththedemurenessofaQuakeress.
Istillstoodabsolutelydumfouearedtomehermiraculousself-possessionandmostinscrutablehypocrisy,whenthecookentered.
“Mrs.Poole,”saidshe,addressingGrace,“theservants’dinnerwillsoonbeready:willyouedown?”
“No;justputmypintofporterandbitofpuddingonatray,andI’llcarryitupstairs.”
“You’llhavesomemeat?”
“Justamorsel,andatasteofcheese,that’sall.”
“Andthesago?”
“Neverminditatpresent:Ishallbeingdownbeforeteatime:I’llmakeitmyself.”
Thecookhereturome,sayingthatMrs.Fairfaxwaswaitingforme:soIdeparted.
IhardlyheardMrs.Fairfax’satofthecurtainflagratidinner,somuchwasIoccupiedinpuzzlingmybraiheenigmaticalcharacterofGracePoole,andstillmoreinptheproblemofherpositionatThornfieldaioningwhyshehadnotbeeocustodythatm,or,attheveryleast,dismissedfromhermaster’sservice.Hehadalmostasmuchasdeclaredhisviofhercriminalitylastnight:whatmysteriouscausewithheldhimfromacgher?Whyhadheenjoioo,tosecrecy?Itwasstrange:abold,vindictive,andhaughtygentlemanseemedsomehowinthepowerofohemeaofhisdependants;somuherpower,thatevenwheedherhandagainsthislife,hedarednotopenlychargeherwiththeattempt,muchlesspunishherforit.
HadGracebeenyoungandhandsome,IshouldhavebeeedtothinkthattendererfeelingsthanprudenceorfearinfluencedMr.Rochesterinherbehalf;but,hard-favouredandmatronlyasshewas,theideacouldnotbeadmitted.“Yet,”Ireflected,“shehasbeenyoungonce;heryouthwouldbeporarywithhermaster’s:Mrs.Fairfaxtoldmeonce,shehadlivedheremanyyears.Idon’tthinksheeverhavebeey;but,fhtIknow,shemaypossessinalityandstrengthofcharactertopehewantofpersonaladvantages.Mr.Rochesterisanamateurofthedecidedandetric:Graceisetricatleast.Whatifaformercaprice(afreakverypossibletoanaturesosuddenarongashis)hasdeliveredhimintoherpower,andshenowexercisesoverhisasasecretinflueheresultofhisownindiscretion,whichheotshakeoff,anddarenotdisregard?”But,havingreachedthispointofjecture,Mrs.Poole’ssquare,flatfigure,andunely,dry,evencoarseface,recurredsodistinctlytomymihatIthought,“No;impossible!mysuppositionotbecorrect.Yet,”suggestedthesecretvoicewhichtalkstousinourows,“youareifuleither,andperhapsMr.Rochesterapprovesyou:atanyrate,youhaveofteasifhedid;andlastnight—rememberhiswords;rememberhislook;rememberhisvoice!”
Iwellrememberedall;language,glandtoneseemedatthemomentvividlyrenewed.Iwasnowintheschoolroom;Adèlewasdrawing;Ibentoverheranddirectedherpencil.Shelookedupwithasortofstart.
“Qu’avez-vous,mademoiselle?”saidshe.“Vosdoigtstremblentelafeuille,etvosjouesses:mais,rougesedescerises!”
“Iamhot,Adèle,withstooping!”Shewentog;Iwentonthinking.
IhasteodrivefrommymiefulnotionIhadbeenceivingrespegGracePoole;itdisgustedme.Iparedmyselfwithher,andfoundweweredifferent.BessieLeavenhadsaidIwasquitealady;andshespoketruth—Iwasalady.AndnowIlookedmuchbetterthanIdidwhenBessiesawme;Ihadmorecolourandmoreflesh,morelife,morevivacity,becauseIhadbrighterhopesandkeenerenjoyments.
“Eveningapproaches,”saidI,asIlookedtowardsthewindow.“IhaveneverheardMr.Rochester’svoiceorstepinthehouseto-day;butsurelyIshallseehimbefht:Ifearedthemeetinginthem;nowIdesireit,becauseexpectationhasbeensolongbaffledthatitisgrownimpatient.”
Whenduskactuallyclosed,andwhenAdèleleftmetogoandplayinthenurserywithSophie,Ididmostkeenlydesireit.Ilistenedforthebelltbelow;IlistenedforLeahingupwithamessage;IfanciedsometimesIheardMr.Rochester’sowntread,andIturhedoor,expegittoopenandadmithim.Thedoorremainedshut;darknessonlycameinthroughthewindow.Stillitwasnotlate;heofteformeatseveo’cloditwasyetbutsix.SurelyIshouldnotbewhollydisappoio-night,whenIhadsomanythingstosaytohim!IwantedagaintointroducethesubjectofGracePoole,andtohearwhathewouldanswer;Iwaoaskhimplainlyifhereallybelieveditwasshewhohadmadelastnight’shideousattempt;andifso,whyhekeptherwiessasecret.Itlittlematteredwhethermycuriosityirritatedhim;Ikhepleasureofvexingandsoothinghimbyturns;itwasoneIchieflydelightedin,andasureinstinctalreventedmefromgoingtoofar;beyondthevergeofprovocationIneverventured;oremebrinkIlikedwelltotrymyskill.Retainingeveryminuteformofrespect,everyproprietyofmystation,Icouldstillmeethiminargumentwithoutfearoruneasyrestraint;thissuitedbothhimandme.
Atreadcreakedoairsatlast.LeahmadeherappearaitwasonlytointimatethatteawasreadyinMrs.Fairfax’sroom.ThitherIrepaired,gladatleasttogodownstairs;forthatbroughtme,Iimagined,oMr.Rochester’spresence.
“Youmustwantyourtea,”saidthegoodlady,asIjoinedher;“youatesolittleatdinner.Iamafraid,”shetinued,“youareo-day:youlookflushedandfeverish.”
“Oh,quitewell!Ineverfeltbetter.”
“Thenyoumustproveitbyevingagoodappetite;willyoufilltheteapotwhileIknitoffthisneedle?”Havingpletedhertask,sherosetodrawdowntheblind,whichshehadhithertokeptup,byway,Isuppose,ofmakiofdaylight,thoughduskwasnowfastdeepeningintototalobscurity.
“Itisfairto-night,”saidshe,asshelookedthroughthepahoughnotstarlight;Mr.Rochesterhas,onthewhole,hadafavourabledayforhisjourney.”
“Journey!—IsMr.Rochestergoneanywhere?Ididnotknowhewasout.”
“Oh,hesetofthemomenthehadbreakfasted!HeisgoheLeas,Mr.Eshton’splace,teheothersideMillcote.Ibelievethereisquiteapartyassembledthere;Lram,SirGeeLynn,elDent,andothers.”
“Doyouexpecthimbackto-night?”
“No—norto-morroweither;Ishouldthinkheisverylikelytostayaweekormore:whenthesefine,fashionablepeoplegettogether,theyaresosurroundedbyelegandgaiety,sowellprovidedwithallthatpleaseaertain,theyareinnohurrytoseparate.Gentlemenespeciallyareofteninrequestonsuchoccasions;andMr.Rochesterissotalentedandsolivelyinsociety,thatIbelieveheisageneralfavourite:theladiesareveryfondofhim;thoughyouwouldnotthinkhisappearancecalculatedtoreendhimparticularlyintheireyes:butIsupposehisacquirementsandabilities,perhapshiswealthandgoodblood,makeamendsforanylittlefaultoflook.”
“ArethereladiesattheLeas?”
“ThereareMrs.Eshtonahreedaughters—veryelegantyoungladiesindeed;andtherearetheHonourableBlandMaryIngram,mostbeautifulwomen,Isuppose:indeedIhaveseenBlanche,sixorsevenyearssince,whenshewasagirlofeighteen.ShecameheretoaChristmasballandpartyMr.Rochestergave.Youshouldhaveseenthedining-roomthatday—howrichlyitwasdecorated,howbrilliantlylitup!Ishouldthinktherewerefiftyladiesaleme—allofthefirsttyfamilies;andMissIngramwassideredthebelleoftheevening.”
“Yousawher,yousay,Mrs.Fairfax:whatwasshelike?”
“Yes,Isawher.Thedining-roomdoorswerethrownopen;and,asitwasChristmas-time,theservantswereallowedtoassembleinthehall,tohearsomeoftheladiessingandplay.Mr.Rochesterwouldhavemetoein,andIsatdowninaquieterandwatchedthem.Ineversawamoresplendidse:theladiesweremagnifitlydressed;mostofthem—atleastmostoftheyoungerones—lookedhandsome;butMissIngramwascertainlythequeen.”
“Andwhatwasshelike?”
“Tall,fi,slopingshoulders;long,gracefulneck:oliveplexion,darkandclear;ures;eyesratherlikeMr.Rochester’s:largeandbladasbrilliantasherjewels.Andthenshehadsuchafineheadofhair;raven-bladsobeinglyarranged:aofthickplaitsbehind,andinfronttheloheglossiestcurlsIeversaw.Shewasdressedie;anamber-colouredscarfassedoverhershoulderandacrossherbreast,tiedattheside,anddesdinginlong,fringedendsbelowherknee.Sheworeanamber-colouredflower,too,inherhair:ittrastedwellwiththejettymassofhercurls.”
“Shewasgreatlyadmired,ofcourse?”
“Yes,indeed:andnotonlyforherbeauty,butforheraplishments.Shewasoheladieswhosang:agentlemanapaniedheronthepiano.SheandMr.Rochestersangaduet.”
“Mr.Rochester?Iwasnotawarehecouldsing.”
“Oh!hehasafinebassvoidanexcellenttasteformusic.”
“AndMissIngram:whatsortofavoicehadshe?”
“Averyridpowerfulone:shesangdelightfully;itwasatreattolistentoher;—andsheplayedafterwards.Iamnojudgeofmusic,butMr.Rochesteris;andIheardhimsayherexecutionwasremarkablygood.”
“Andthisbeautifulandaplishedlady,sheismarried?”
“Itappearsnot:Ifahershenorhersisterhaveverylargefortunes.OldLram’sestateswerechieflyentailed,andtheeldestsoncameinforeverythingalmost.”
“ButIwonderhynoblemalemanhastakenafancytoher:Mr.Rochester,forinstance.Heisrich,ishenot?”
“Oh!yes.Butyouseethereisasiderabledifferenage:Mr.Rochesterisnearlyforty;sheisbuttwenty-five.”
“Whatofthat?Moreunequalmatchesaremadeeveryday.”
“True:yetIshouldscarcelyfancyMr.Rochesterwouldeainahesort.Butyoueatnothing:youhavescarcelytastedsinceyoubegantea.”
“No:Iamtoothirstytoeat.Willyouletmehaveanothercup?”
IwasaboutagaitotheprobabilityofaunioweenMr.RochesterandthebeautifulBlaAdèlecamein,andtheversationwasturoanotherel.
Whenoncemorealone,IreviewedtheinformationIhadgot;lookedintomyheart,examisthoughtsandfeelings,andendeavouredtbackwithastridsuchashadbeenstrayingthroughimagination’sboundlessandtracklesswaste,intothesafefoldofonsense.
Arraigmyownbar,Memoryhavinggivenherevidehehopes,wishes,sesIhadbeencherishingsinight—ofthegeneralstateofmindinwhichIhadindulgedfornearlyafhtpast;Reasonhavingeforwardandtold,inherowlain,unvarale,showinghowIhadrejectedthereal,andrabidlydevouredtheideal;—Ipronouncedjudgmenttothiseffect:—
ThatagreaterfoolthanJaneEyrehadneverbreathedthebreathoflife;thatamorefantasticidiothadneversurfeitedherselfolies,andswallowedpoisonasifitwerear.
“You,”Isaid,“afavouritewithMr.Rochester?Yougiftedwiththepowerofpleasinghim?Youofimportaohiminanyway?Go!yourfollysisme.Andyouhavederivedpleasurefromoccasionaltokensofpreference—equivocaltokensshownbyagentlemanoffamilyandamanoftheworldtoadepeandanovice.Howdaredyou?Poorstupiddupe!—Couldnotevenself-imakeyouwiser?Yourepeatedtoyourselfthismthebriefseoflastnight?—Coveryourfadbeashamed!Hesaidsomethinginpraiseofyoureyes,didhe?Blindpuppy!Opentheirblearedlidsandlookonyourownaccursedsenselessness!Itdoesgoodtonowomateredbyhersuperior,whootpossiblyiomarryher;anditismadnessinallwomeasecretlovekihinthem,which,ifuurnedandunknown,mustdevourthelifethatfeedsit;and,ifdiscoveredandrespoo,mustlead,ignis-fatus-like,intomirywildswhehereisrication.
“Listen,then,JaneEyre,toyoursenteomorrow,placetheglassbeforeyou,anddrawinchalkyourownpicture,faithfully,withoutsofteningo;omitnoharshline,smoothawaynodispleasingirregularity;writeu,‘PortraitofaGoverness,disected,poor,andplain.’
“Afterwards,takeapieoothivory—youhaveonepreparedinyourdrawing-box:takeyourpalette,mixyourfreshest,fi,clearesttints;chooseyourmostdelicatecamel-hairpencils;deliecarefullytheloveliestfaceyouimagine;paintitinyoursoftestshadesaestlines,acctothedescriptiongivenbyMrs.FairfaxofBlangram;remembertheravenriheorientaleye;—What!youreverttoMr.Rochesterasamodel!Order!Nosnivel!—iment!—!Iwillendureonlysenseandresolution.Recalltheaugustyetharmoniouslis,theGreedbust;lettheroundanddazzlingarmbevisible,andthedelicatehand;omitherdiamnoldbracelet;portrayfaithfullytheattire,aerialladglisteningsatin,gracefulscarfandgoldenrose;callit‘Blanche,anaplishedladyofrank.’
“Whenever,infuture,youshouldcetofancyMr.Rochesterthinkswellofyou,takeoutthesetwopicturesandparethem:say,‘Mr.Rochestermightprobablywinthatnoblelady’slove,ifhechosetostriveforit;isitlikelyhewouldwasteaseriousthoughtonthisiandinsignifitplebeian?’”
“I’lldoit,”Iresolved:andhavingframedthisdetermination,Igrewcalm,andfellasleep.
Ikeptmyword.Anhourortwosufficedtosketchmyownportraitincrayons;andihanafhtIhadpletedanivoryminiatureofanimaginaryBlangram.Itlookedalovelyfaough,andwhenparedwiththerealheadinchalk,thetrastwasasgreatasself-trolcoulddesire.Iderivedbefromthetask:ithadkeptmyheadandhandsemployed,andhadgivenfordfixedothenewimpressionsIwishedtostampindeliblyo.
Erelong,IhadreasontogratulatemyselfonthecourseofwholesomediscipliowhichIhadthusforcedmyfeelingstosubmit.Thankstoit,Iwasabletomeetsubsequentoccurrehadetcalm,which,hadtheyfoundmeunprepared,Ishouldprobablyhavebeenunequaltomaintaiernally.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
Butthempassedjustasusual:nothinghappeointerruptthequietcourseofAdèle’sstudies;onlysoonafterbreakfast,IheardsomebustleintheneighbourhoodofMr.Rochester’schamber,Mrs.Fairfax’svoidLeah’s,andthecook’s—thatis,John’swife—andevenJohn’sowngrufftoherewereexclamationsof“Whatamercymasterwasnotburntinhisbed!”“Itisalwaysdangeroustokeepadlelitatnight.”“Howprovidentialthathehadpresenindtothinkofthewater-jug!”“Iwonderhewakednobody!”“Itistobehopedhewillnottakecoldwithsleepingonthelibrarysofa,”&c.
Tomufabulationsucceededasoundofscrubbingaingthts;andwhenIpassedtheroom,ingoingdownstairstodinner,Isawthroughtheopendoorthatallwasagaioredtopleteorder;onlythebedwasstrippedofitshangings.Leahstoodupinthewindow-seat,rubbingthepanesofglassdimmedwithsmoke.Iwasabouttoaddressher,forIwishedtoknowwhatathadbeeheaffair:but,onadvang,Isawasedpersoninthechamber—awomansittingonachairbythebedside,andsewingringstonewcurtains.ThatwomanwasnootherthanGracePoole.
Thereshesat,staidandtaciturn-looking,asusual,inherbrownstuffgown,hercheckapron,whitehandkerchief,andcap.Shewasionherwork,inwhichherwholethoughtsseemedabsorbed:onherhardforehead,andinheronplacefeatures,wasnothiherofthepalenessordesperationonewouldhaveexpectedtoseemarkingthetenanceofawomanwhohadattemptedmurder,andwhoseintendedvictimhadfollowedherlastnighttoherlair,and(asIbelieved),chargedherwiththecrimeshewishedtoperpetrate.Iwasamazed—founded.Shelookedup,whileIstillgazedather:nostart,noincreaseorfailureofcolourbetrayedemotion,sciousnessofguilt,orfearofdete.Shesaid“Go,Miss,”inherusualphlegmatidbriefmanner;andtakingupanandmoretape,wentonwithhersewing.
“Iwillputhertosometest,”thoughtI:“suchabsoluteimperabilityispastprehension.”
“Go,Grace,”Isaid.“Hasanythinghappenedhere?IthoughtIheardtheservantsalltalkingtogetherawhileago.”
“Onlymasterhadbeenreadinginhisbedlastnight;hefellasleepwithhisdlelit,aainsgoto,fortunately,heawokebeforethebed-clothesorthewood-workcaught,andtrivedtoquenchtheflameswiththewaterintheewer.
“Astrangeaffair!”Isaid,inalowvoice:then,lookingatherfixedly—“DidMr.Rochesterwakenobody?Didnoonehearhimmove?”
Sheagainraisedhereyestome,andthistimetherewassomethingofsciousnessintheirexpression.Sheseemedtoexaminemewarily;thensheanswered—
“Theservantssleepsofaroff,youknow,Miss,theywouldnotbelikelytohear.Mrs.Fairfax’sroomandyoursaretheomaster’s;butMrs.Fairfaxsaidsheheardnothing:whenpeoplegetelderly,theyoftensleepheavy.”Shepaused,andthenadded,withasortofassumedindifferestillinamarkedandsignifittone—“Butyouareyoung,Miss;andIshouldsayalightsleeper:perhapsyoumayhaveheardanoise?”
“Idid,”saidI,droppingmyvoice,sothatLeah,whowasstillpolishingthepanes,couldnothearme,“andatfirstIthoughtitilot:butPilototlaugh;andIamcertainIheardalaugh,andastrangeone.”
Shetookanewneedlefulofthread,waxeditcarefully,threadedherneedlewithasteadyhand,andthenobserved,withperfeposure—
“Itishardlylikelymasterwouldlaugh,Ishouldthink,Miss,whenhewasinsuger:Youmusthavebeendreaming.”
“Iwasnotdreaming,”Isaid,withsomewarmth,forherbrazenessprovokedme.Againshelookedatme;andwiththesamescrutinisingandsciouseye.
“Haveyoutoldmasterthatyouheardalaugh?”sheinquired.
“Ihavenothadtheopportunityofspeakingtohimthism.”
“Youdidnotthinkofopeningyourdoorandlookingoutintothegallery?”shefurtherasked.
Sheappearedtobecross-questioniemptingtodrawfrommeinformationunawares.TheideastruckmethatifshediscoveredIkneworsuspectedherguilt,shewouldbeplayingofsomeofhermalignantpranksohoughtitadvisabletobeonmyguard.
“Orary,”saidI,“Iboltedmydoor.”
“Thenyouarenotinthehabitofboltingyourdooreverynightbeforeyougetintobed?”
“Fiend!shewantstoknowmyhabits,thatshemaylayherplansaccly!”Indignationagainprevailedoverprudence:Irepliedsharply,“HithertoIhaveoftenomittedtofaste:Ididnotthinkitnecessary.IwasnotawareanydangerorannoyaobedreadedatThornfieldHall:butinfuture”(andIlaidmarkedstressonthewords)“IshalltakegoodcaretomakeallsecurebeforeIveoliedown.”
“Itwillbewisesotodo,”washerahisneighbourhoodisasquietasanyIknow,andIneverheardofthehallbeingattemptedbyrobberssiwasahouse;thoughtherearehundredsofpounds’worthofplateie-closet,asiswellknown.Andyousee,forsuchalargehouse,thereareveryfewservants,becausemasterhasneverlivedheremudwhenhedoese,beingabachelor,heneedslittlewaitingon:butIalwaysthinkitbesttoerronthesafeside;adoorissoonfastened,anditisaswelltohaveadrawnboltbetweenoneandanymischiefthatmaybeabout.Adealofpeople,Miss,arefortrustingalltoProvideIsayProvidencewillnotdispehthemeans,thoughHeoftenblessesthemwhentheyareuseddiscreetly.”Andheresheclosedherharangue:alongoneforher,andutteredwiththedemurenessofaQuakeress.
Istillstoodabsolutelydumfouearedtomehermiraculousself-possessionandmostinscrutablehypocrisy,whenthecookentered.
“Mrs.Poole,”saidshe,addressingGrace,“theservants’dinnerwillsoonbeready:willyouedown?”
“No;justputmypintofporterandbitofpuddingonatray,andI’llcarryitupstairs.”
“You’llhavesomemeat?”
“Justamorsel,andatasteofcheese,that’sall.”
“Andthesago?”
“Neverminditatpresent:Ishallbeingdownbeforeteatime:I’llmakeitmyself.”
Thecookhereturome,sayingthatMrs.Fairfaxwaswaitingforme:soIdeparted.
IhardlyheardMrs.Fairfax’satofthecurtainflagratidinner,somuchwasIoccupiedinpuzzlingmybraiheenigmaticalcharacterofGracePoole,andstillmoreinptheproblemofherpositionatThornfieldaioningwhyshehadnotbeeocustodythatm,or,attheveryleast,dismissedfromhermaster’sservice.Hehadalmostasmuchasdeclaredhisviofhercriminalitylastnight:whatmysteriouscausewithheldhimfromacgher?Whyhadheenjoioo,tosecrecy?Itwasstrange:abold,vindictive,andhaughtygentlemanseemedsomehowinthepowerofohemeaofhisdependants;somuherpower,thatevenwheedherhandagainsthislife,hedarednotopenlychargeherwiththeattempt,muchlesspunishherforit.
HadGracebeenyoungandhandsome,IshouldhavebeeedtothinkthattendererfeelingsthanprudenceorfearinfluencedMr.Rochesterinherbehalf;but,hard-favouredandmatronlyasshewas,theideacouldnotbeadmitted.“Yet,”Ireflected,“shehasbeenyoungonce;heryouthwouldbeporarywithhermaster’s:Mrs.Fairfaxtoldmeonce,shehadlivedheremanyyears.Idon’tthinksheeverhavebeey;but,fhtIknow,shemaypossessinalityandstrengthofcharactertopehewantofpersonaladvantages.Mr.Rochesterisanamateurofthedecidedandetric:Graceisetricatleast.Whatifaformercaprice(afreakverypossibletoanaturesosuddenarongashis)hasdeliveredhimintoherpower,andshenowexercisesoverhisasasecretinflueheresultofhisownindiscretion,whichheotshakeoff,anddarenotdisregard?”But,havingreachedthispointofjecture,Mrs.Poole’ssquare,flatfigure,andunely,dry,evencoarseface,recurredsodistinctlytomymihatIthought,“No;impossible!mysuppositionotbecorrect.Yet,”suggestedthesecretvoicewhichtalkstousinourows,“youareifuleither,andperhapsMr.Rochesterapprovesyou:atanyrate,youhaveofteasifhedid;andlastnight—rememberhiswords;rememberhislook;rememberhisvoice!”
Iwellrememberedall;language,glandtoneseemedatthemomentvividlyrenewed.Iwasnowintheschoolroom;Adèlewasdrawing;Ibentoverheranddirectedherpencil.Shelookedupwithasortofstart.
“Qu’avez-vous,mademoiselle?”saidshe.“Vosdoigtstremblentelafeuille,etvosjouesses:mais,rougesedescerises!”
“Iamhot,Adèle,withstooping!”Shewentog;Iwentonthinking.
IhasteodrivefrommymiefulnotionIhadbeenceivingrespegGracePoole;itdisgustedme.Iparedmyselfwithher,andfoundweweredifferent.BessieLeavenhadsaidIwasquitealady;andshespoketruth—Iwasalady.AndnowIlookedmuchbetterthanIdidwhenBessiesawme;Ihadmorecolourandmoreflesh,morelife,morevivacity,becauseIhadbrighterhopesandkeenerenjoyments.
“Eveningapproaches,”saidI,asIlookedtowardsthewindow.“IhaveneverheardMr.Rochester’svoiceorstepinthehouseto-day;butsurelyIshallseehimbefht:Ifearedthemeetinginthem;nowIdesireit,becauseexpectationhasbeensolongbaffledthatitisgrownimpatient.”
Whenduskactuallyclosed,andwhenAdèleleftmetogoandplayinthenurserywithSophie,Ididmostkeenlydesireit.Ilistenedforthebelltbelow;IlistenedforLeahingupwithamessage;IfanciedsometimesIheardMr.Rochester’sowntread,andIturhedoor,expegittoopenandadmithim.Thedoorremainedshut;darknessonlycameinthroughthewindow.Stillitwasnotlate;heofteformeatseveo’cloditwasyetbutsix.SurelyIshouldnotbewhollydisappoio-night,whenIhadsomanythingstosaytohim!IwantedagaintointroducethesubjectofGracePoole,andtohearwhathewouldanswer;Iwaoaskhimplainlyifhereallybelieveditwasshewhohadmadelastnight’shideousattempt;andifso,whyhekeptherwiessasecret.Itlittlematteredwhethermycuriosityirritatedhim;Ikhepleasureofvexingandsoothinghimbyturns;itwasoneIchieflydelightedin,andasureinstinctalreventedmefromgoingtoofar;beyondthevergeofprovocationIneverventured;oremebrinkIlikedwelltotrymyskill.Retainingeveryminuteformofrespect,everyproprietyofmystation,Icouldstillmeethiminargumentwithoutfearoruneasyrestraint;thissuitedbothhimandme.
Atreadcreakedoairsatlast.LeahmadeherappearaitwasonlytointimatethatteawasreadyinMrs.Fairfax’sroom.ThitherIrepaired,gladatleasttogodownstairs;forthatbroughtme,Iimagined,oMr.Rochester’spresence.
“Youmustwantyourtea,”saidthegoodlady,asIjoinedher;“youatesolittleatdinner.Iamafraid,”shetinued,“youareo-day:youlookflushedandfeverish.”
“Oh,quitewell!Ineverfeltbetter.”
“Thenyoumustproveitbyevingagoodappetite;willyoufilltheteapotwhileIknitoffthisneedle?”Havingpletedhertask,sherosetodrawdowntheblind,whichshehadhithertokeptup,byway,Isuppose,ofmakiofdaylight,thoughduskwasnowfastdeepeningintototalobscurity.
“Itisfairto-night,”saidshe,asshelookedthroughthepahoughnotstarlight;Mr.Rochesterhas,onthewhole,hadafavourabledayforhisjourney.”
“Journey!—IsMr.Rochestergoneanywhere?Ididnotknowhewasout.”
“Oh,hesetofthemomenthehadbreakfasted!HeisgoheLeas,Mr.Eshton’splace,teheothersideMillcote.Ibelievethereisquiteapartyassembledthere;Lram,SirGeeLynn,elDent,andothers.”
“Doyouexpecthimbackto-night?”
“No—norto-morroweither;Ishouldthinkheisverylikelytostayaweekormore:whenthesefine,fashionablepeoplegettogether,theyaresosurroundedbyelegandgaiety,sowellprovidedwithallthatpleaseaertain,theyareinnohurrytoseparate.Gentlemenespeciallyareofteninrequestonsuchoccasions;andMr.Rochesterissotalentedandsolivelyinsociety,thatIbelieveheisageneralfavourite:theladiesareveryfondofhim;thoughyouwouldnotthinkhisappearancecalculatedtoreendhimparticularlyintheireyes:butIsupposehisacquirementsandabilities,perhapshiswealthandgoodblood,makeamendsforanylittlefaultoflook.”
“ArethereladiesattheLeas?”
“ThereareMrs.Eshtonahreedaughters—veryelegantyoungladiesindeed;andtherearetheHonourableBlandMaryIngram,mostbeautifulwomen,Isuppose:indeedIhaveseenBlanche,sixorsevenyearssince,whenshewasagirlofeighteen.ShecameheretoaChristmasballandpartyMr.Rochestergave.Youshouldhaveseenthedining-roomthatday—howrichlyitwasdecorated,howbrilliantlylitup!Ishouldthinktherewerefiftyladiesaleme—allofthefirsttyfamilies;andMissIngramwassideredthebelleoftheevening.”
“Yousawher,yousay,Mrs.Fairfax:whatwasshelike?”
“Yes,Isawher.Thedining-roomdoorswerethrownopen;and,asitwasChristmas-time,theservantswereallowedtoassembleinthehall,tohearsomeoftheladiessingandplay.Mr.Rochesterwouldhavemetoein,andIsatdowninaquieterandwatchedthem.Ineversawamoresplendidse:theladiesweremagnifitlydressed;mostofthem—atleastmostoftheyoungerones—lookedhandsome;butMissIngramwascertainlythequeen.”
“Andwhatwasshelike?”
“Tall,fi,slopingshoulders;long,gracefulneck:oliveplexion,darkandclear;ures;eyesratherlikeMr.Rochester’s:largeandbladasbrilliantasherjewels.Andthenshehadsuchafineheadofhair;raven-bladsobeinglyarranged:aofthickplaitsbehind,andinfronttheloheglossiestcurlsIeversaw.Shewasdressedie;anamber-colouredscarfassedoverhershoulderandacrossherbreast,tiedattheside,anddesdinginlong,fringedendsbelowherknee.Sheworeanamber-colouredflower,too,inherhair:ittrastedwellwiththejettymassofhercurls.”
“Shewasgreatlyadmired,ofcourse?”
“Yes,indeed:andnotonlyforherbeauty,butforheraplishments.Shewasoheladieswhosang:agentlemanapaniedheronthepiano.SheandMr.Rochestersangaduet.”
“Mr.Rochester?Iwasnotawarehecouldsing.”
“Oh!hehasafinebassvoidanexcellenttasteformusic.”
“AndMissIngram:whatsortofavoicehadshe?”
“Averyridpowerfulone:shesangdelightfully;itwasatreattolistentoher;—andsheplayedafterwards.Iamnojudgeofmusic,butMr.Rochesteris;andIheardhimsayherexecutionwasremarkablygood.”
“Andthisbeautifulandaplishedlady,sheismarried?”
“Itappearsnot:Ifahershenorhersisterhaveverylargefortunes.OldLram’sestateswerechieflyentailed,andtheeldestsoncameinforeverythingalmost.”
“ButIwonderhynoblemalemanhastakenafancytoher:Mr.Rochester,forinstance.Heisrich,ishenot?”
“Oh!yes.Butyouseethereisasiderabledifferenage:Mr.Rochesterisnearlyforty;sheisbuttwenty-five.”
“Whatofthat?Moreunequalmatchesaremadeeveryday.”
“True:yetIshouldscarcelyfancyMr.Rochesterwouldeainahesort.Butyoueatnothing:youhavescarcelytastedsinceyoubegantea.”
“No:Iamtoothirstytoeat.Willyouletmehaveanothercup?”
IwasaboutagaitotheprobabilityofaunioweenMr.RochesterandthebeautifulBlaAdèlecamein,andtheversationwasturoanotherel.
Whenoncemorealone,IreviewedtheinformationIhadgot;lookedintomyheart,examisthoughtsandfeelings,andendeavouredtbackwithastridsuchashadbeenstrayingthroughimagination’sboundlessandtracklesswaste,intothesafefoldofonsense.
Arraigmyownbar,Memoryhavinggivenherevidehehopes,wishes,sesIhadbeencherishingsinight—ofthegeneralstateofmindinwhichIhadindulgedfornearlyafhtpast;Reasonhavingeforwardandtold,inherowlain,unvarale,showinghowIhadrejectedthereal,andrabidlydevouredtheideal;—Ipronouncedjudgmenttothiseffect:—
ThatagreaterfoolthanJaneEyrehadneverbreathedthebreathoflife;thatamorefantasticidiothadneversurfeitedherselfolies,andswallowedpoisonasifitwerear.
“You,”Isaid,“afavouritewithMr.Rochester?Yougiftedwiththepowerofpleasinghim?Youofimportaohiminanyway?Go!yourfollysisme.Andyouhavederivedpleasurefromoccasionaltokensofpreference—equivocaltokensshownbyagentlemanoffamilyandamanoftheworldtoadepeandanovice.Howdaredyou?Poorstupiddupe!—Couldnotevenself-imakeyouwiser?Yourepeatedtoyourselfthismthebriefseoflastnight?—Coveryourfadbeashamed!Hesaidsomethinginpraiseofyoureyes,didhe?Blindpuppy!Opentheirblearedlidsandlookonyourownaccursedsenselessness!Itdoesgoodtonowomateredbyhersuperior,whootpossiblyiomarryher;anditismadnessinallwomeasecretlovekihinthem,which,ifuurnedandunknown,mustdevourthelifethatfeedsit;and,ifdiscoveredandrespoo,mustlead,ignis-fatus-like,intomirywildswhehereisrication.
“Listen,then,JaneEyre,toyoursenteomorrow,placetheglassbeforeyou,anddrawinchalkyourownpicture,faithfully,withoutsofteningo;omitnoharshline,smoothawaynodispleasingirregularity;writeu,‘PortraitofaGoverness,disected,poor,andplain.’
“Afterwards,takeapieoothivory—youhaveonepreparedinyourdrawing-box:takeyourpalette,mixyourfreshest,fi,clearesttints;chooseyourmostdelicatecamel-hairpencils;deliecarefullytheloveliestfaceyouimagine;paintitinyoursoftestshadesaestlines,acctothedescriptiongivenbyMrs.FairfaxofBlangram;remembertheravenriheorientaleye;—What!youreverttoMr.Rochesterasamodel!Order!Nosnivel!—iment!—!Iwillendureonlysenseandresolution.Recalltheaugustyetharmoniouslis,theGreedbust;lettheroundanddazzlingarmbevisible,andthedelicatehand;omitherdiamnoldbracelet;portrayfaithfullytheattire,aerialladglisteningsatin,gracefulscarfandgoldenrose;callit‘Blanche,anaplishedladyofrank.’
“Whenever,infuture,youshouldcetofancyMr.Rochesterthinkswellofyou,takeoutthesetwopicturesandparethem:say,‘Mr.Rochestermightprobablywinthatnoblelady’slove,ifhechosetostriveforit;isitlikelyhewouldwasteaseriousthoughtonthisiandinsignifitplebeian?’”
“I’lldoit,”Iresolved:andhavingframedthisdetermination,Igrewcalm,andfellasleep.
Ikeptmyword.Anhourortwosufficedtosketchmyownportraitincrayons;andihanafhtIhadpletedanivoryminiatureofanimaginaryBlangram.Itlookedalovelyfaough,andwhenparedwiththerealheadinchalk,thetrastwasasgreatasself-trolcoulddesire.Iderivedbefromthetask:ithadkeptmyheadandhandsemployed,andhadgivenfordfixedothenewimpressionsIwishedtostampindeliblyo.
Erelong,IhadreasontogratulatemyselfonthecourseofwholesomediscipliowhichIhadthusforcedmyfeelingstosubmit.Thankstoit,Iwasabletomeetsubsequentoccurrehadetcalm,which,hadtheyfoundmeunprepared,Ishouldprobablyhavebeenunequaltomaintaiernally.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
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