Part Two-9
YahFreedomandpirates.YahCapitalandDemocrats,saystheuglyohthemustache.Theradictshimselfandsays,Freedomisthegreatestofallideals.Ijustgottogetacetowritethismusimeandbeamusi.Igottohaveacesaysthegirl.Wearenotallowedtoserve,saystheblackDoctor.ThatistheGodlikeneedformypeople.Aha,saystheowheNewYorkCafe".Heisathoughtfulone.
Thatisthewaytheytalkwhentheyetomyroom.Thosewordsintheirheartdohemrest,sotheyarealwaysverybusy.ThenyouwouldthiheyaretogethertheywouldbelikethoseoftheSocietywhomeetattheventioninMathisweek.Butthatisnotso.Theyallcametomy
roomatthesametimetoday.Theysatliketheywerefromdifferentcities.Theywereevenrude,andyouknowhowIhavealwayssaidthattoberudeandnotattendtothefeelingsofothersiswrong.Soitwaslikethat.Idonotuand,soIwriteittoyoubecauseIthinkyouwilluand.Ihavequeerfeelings.ButIhavewrittenofthismatterenoughandIknowyouaxewearyofit.Iamalso.
Ithasbeehsay-onedaysnow.AllofthattimeIhavebeenalohoutyou.TheonlythingIimagineiswhenIwillbewithyouagain.IfIetoyousoonIdonotknowwhatSihisheaddownonthebendrested.Thesmellandthefeeloftheslickwoodagainsthischeekremindedhimofhisschooldays.Hiseyesclosedasick.TherewasonlythefaceofAntonapoulosinhismind,andhislongingforhisfriendwassosharpthatheheldhisbreath.AftersometimeSiupandreachedforhispen.
ThegiftIorderedforyoudidnoteiheChristmasbox.Iexpectitshortly.Ibelieveyouwilllikeitandbeamused.Ithinkofusalwaysandremembereverything.Ilongforthefoodyouusedtomake.AttheNewYorkCafeitismuchworsethanitusedtobe.Ifoundacookedflyinmysoupnotlongago.Itwasmixedwiththevegetablesandthenoodleslikeletters.Butthatisnothing.ThewayIneedyouisalonelinessIotbear.SoonIwilleagain.MyvacationisnotdueforsixmonthsmorebutIthinkIarrabeforethen.
IthinkIwillhaveto.Iamobealoneandwithoutyouwhouand.
Always,JOHNSIwastwooclothembeforehewashomeagain.
Thebig,crowdedhousewasindarkness,buthefelthiswaycarefullyupthreeflightsofstairsanddidnotstumble.Hetookfromhispocketsthecardshecarriedaboutwithhim,hiswatdhisfountaihenhefoldedhisclotheslyoverthebackofhischair.Hisgray-flannelpajamaswerewarmandsoft.Almostassoonashepulledtheblaohis
hewasasleep.
Outoftheblaessofsleepadreamformed.Thereweredullyellowlanternslightingupadarkflightofstoeps.
Antonapouloskhetopofthesesteps.Hewasnakedandhefumbledwithsomethingthatheheldabovehisheadandgazedatitasthoughinprayer.Hehimselfkhalfwaydoweps.HewasnakedandcoldandhecouldnottakehiseyesfromAntonapoulosahingheheldabovehim.
Behindhimonthegroutheohthemustadthegirlandtheblaaoheyknakedatheireyesonhim.Andbehiherewereuntedcrowdsofkneelingpeopleinthedarkness.
HisownhandswerehugewindmillsaaredfasatedattheunknownthingthatAntonapoulosheld.Theyellowlanternsswayedtoandfrointhedarknessandallelsewasmotiohensuddenlytherewasaferment.Intheupheavalthestepscollapsedahimselffallingdownward.Heawokewithajerk.Theearlylightwhitehewindow.Hefeltafraid.
Suchalongtimehadpassedthatsomethingmighthavehappeohisfriend.BecauseAntonapoulosdidnotwritetohimhewouldnotknow.Perhapshisfriendhadfallenandhurthimself.Hefeltsuurgetobewithhimoncemorethathewouldarraanycost—andimmediately.
I-officethatmhefoundanotihisboxthatapackagehadeforhim.ItwasthegifthehadorderedforChristmasthatdidnotarriveihegiftwasaveryfineone.Hehadboughtitoall-mentplantobepaidforoveraperiodoftwoyears.Thegiftwasamoving-picturemaeforprivateuse,withahalf-dozenoftheMickeyMouseandPopeyeediesthatAntonapoulosenjoyed.
Singerwasthelasttoreachthestorethatm.HehahejewelerforwhomheworkedaformalwrittenrequestforleaveonFridayandSaturday.Andalthoughtherewerefourweddingsonhandthatweek,thejewelerhathecouldgo.
Hedidanyoneknowofthetripbeforehand,buton
leaviackedaohisdoorsayingthathewouldbeabsentforseveraldaysbecauseofbusiness.Hetraveledatnight,arainreachedtheplaceofhisdestinationjustastheredwinterdawnwasbreaking.
Iernoon,alittlebeforetimeforthevisitinghour,hewentouttotheasylum.Hisarmswereloadedwiththepartsofthemoving-picturemaeandthebasketoffruithecarriedhisfrieimmediatelytothewardwherehehadvisitedAntonapoulosbefore.
Thecorridor,thedoor,therowsofbedswerejustasherememberedthem.Hestoodatthethresholdandlookedeagerlyforhisfriend.Buthesawatothoughallthechairswereoccupied,Antonapouloswasnotthere.
Sidownhispackagesandwroteatthebottomofoneofhiscards,WhereisSpirosAntonapoulos?Anursecameintotheroomandhehandedherthecard.Shedidnotuand.Sheshookherheadandraisedhershoulders.Hewentoutintothecorridorandhahecardtoeveryo.Nobodykherewassuchapanihimthathebeganmotioningwithhishands.Atlasthemetaninterneinawhitecoat.Hepluckedattheinterneselbowandgavehimthecard.Theintercarefullyandthenguidedhimthroughseveralhalls.Theycametoasmallroomwhereayoungwomansatatadeskbeforesomepapers.Shereadthecardandthenlookedthroughsomefilesinadrawer.
TearsofnervousnessandfearswaminSingerseyes.Theyoungwomanbegandeliberatelytowriteonapadofpaper,andhecouldrainhimselffromtwistingaroundtoseeimmediatelywhatwasbeingwrittenabouthisfriend.
Mr.Antonapouloshasbeentransferredtotheinfirmary.Heisillwithnephritis.Iwillhavesomeoneshowyoutheway.
Ohroughthecorridorshestoppedtopickupthepackageshehadleftatthedooroftheward.Thebasketoffruithadbeenstolen,buttheotherboxeswereintact.Hefollowedtheinterofthebuildingandacrossaplotofgrasstotheinfirmary.
Antonapoulos!Whentheyreachedtheproperwardhesawhimatthefirstglance.Hisbedlathemiddleoftheroomandhewassittingproppedwithpillows.Heworeascarletdressing-gownandgreensilkpajamasandaturquoise
ring.Hisskinaleyellowcolor,hiseyesverydreamyanddark.Hisblackhairwastouchedatthetempleswithsilver.Hewasknitting.Hisfatfingersworkedwiththelongivoryneedlesveryslowly.Atfirsthedidnotseehisfriend.
ThenwhenSioodbeforehimhesmiledserenely,withoutsurprise,andheldouthisjeweledhand.
Afeelingofshynessaraintsuchashehadneverknownbeforecameer.Hesatdownbythebedandfoldedhishandsontheedgeoftheterpane.Hiseyesdidhefaceofhisfriendandhewasdeathlypale.Thesplendorofhisfriendsraimentstartledhim.Onvariousoccasionshehadsenthimeacharticleoftheoutfit,buthehadnotimaginedhowtheywouldlookwhenallbined.
Antonapouloswasmoreenormousthanhehadremembered.
Thegreatpulpyfoldsofhisabdomenshowedbehhissilkpajamas.Hisheadwasimmenseagainstthewhitepillow.TheplaposureofhisfacerofoundthatheseemedhardlytobeawarematSingerwaswithhim.
SingerraisedMshandstimidlyaospeak.Hisstrong,skilledfingersshapedthesignswithlovingprecision.
Hespokeofthecoldandofthelongmonthsaloionedoldmemories,thecatthathaddied,thestore,theplacewherehelived.AteachpauseAntonapoulosnoddedgraciously.Hespokeofthefourpeopleandthelongvisitstohisroom.Theeyesofhisfriendweremoistanddark,andinthemhesawthelittleregledpicturesofhimselfthathehadwatchedathousandtimes.Thewarmbloodflowedbacktohisfadhishandsquied.
Hespokeatlengthoftheblaandtheohthejerkingmustadthegirl.Thedesignsofhishandsshapedfasterandfaster.Antonapouloshslowgravity.
EagerlySingerleanedcloserandhebreathedwithlong,deepbreathsandiherewerebrighttears.
ThensuddenlyAntonapoulosmadeaslowcirtheairwithhisplumpforefinger.HisfingercircledtowardSingerandatlasthepokedhisfriendiomach.ThebigGreekssmilegrewverybroadauckouthisfat,pinktongue.
Singerlaughedandhishandsshapedthewordswithwildspeed.Hisshouldersshookwithlaughterandhisheadhung
backward.Whyhelaughedhedidnotknow.Antonapoulosrolledhiseyes.Singertiolaughriotouslyuntilhisbreathwasgoneandhisfirembled.Hegraspedthearmofhisfriendandtriedtosteadyhimself.Hislaughscamesloainfullylikehiccoughs.
Antonapouloswasthefirsttoposehimself.Hisfatlittlefeethaduntuckedthecoveratthebottomofthebed.Hissmilefadedandhekickedptuouslyatthebla.Singerhasteoputthingsright,butAntonapoulosfrownedandhelduphisfingerregallytoanurseassingthroughtheward.WhenshehadstraightehebedtohislikingthebigGreekinedhisheadsodeliberatelythatthegestureseemedoneofbeionratherthanasimplenodofthanks.
Theurnedgravelytohisfriendagain.
AsSialkedhedidnotrealizehowthetimehadpassed.
OnlywhenanursebroughtAntonapouloshissupperonatraydidherealizethatitwaslate.Thelightsinthewardwereturnedonandoutsidethewindowsitwasalmostdark.Theotherpatientshadtraysofsupperbeforethemalso.Theyhadputdowntheirwork(someofthemwovebaskets,othersdidleatherworkorknitted)andtheywereeatinglistlessly.
BesidesAntonapoulostheyallseemedverysidcolorless.
Mostofthemneededahairdtheyworeseedygraynightshirtsslitdowntheback.Theystaredatthetwomuteswithwonder.
Antonapoulosliftedthecoverfromhisdishandiedthefoodcarefully.Therewasfishandsomevege-tables.Hepickedupthefishatothelightinthepalmofhishandforathhexamination.Theewithrelish.Duringsupperhebegantopointoutthevariouspeopleintheroom.Hepoioonemanintheerandmadefacesofdisgust.Themanshim.Hepoioayoungboyandsmiledandnoddedandwavedhisplumphand.
Singerwastoohappytofeelembarrassment.Hepickedupthepackagesfromthefloorandlaidthemoodistracthisfriend.Antonapoulostookofftheings,butthemaedidnotihimatall.Heturnedbacktohissupper.
Singerhaheeexplainingaboutthemovie.
Shecalledaninterhentheybroughtinadoctor.AsthethreeofthemsultedtheylookedcuriouslyatSihenewsreachedthepatientsandtheyproppedupontheirelbowsexcitedly.OnlyAntonapouloswasnotdisturbed.
SingerhadpracticedwiththemoviebeforehaDpthessothatitcouldbewatchedbyallthepatients.Thenheworkedwiththeprojectorandthefilm.Theookoutthesuppertraysandthelightsinthewardwereturnedoff.AMickeyMouseedyflashedonthes.
Sichedhisfriend.AtfirstAntonapouloswasstartled.
Heheavedhimselfupforabetterviewandwouldhaverisenfromthebedifthenursehadrainedhim.Thechedwithabeamingsmile.Singercouldseetheotherpatientscallingouttoeachotherandlaughing.NursesandorderliescameinfromthehallandthewholewardwasinotioheMickeyMousewasfinishedSionaPopeyefilm.Thenattheclusionofthisfilmhefeltthattheeaihadlastedlongenoughforthefirsttime.Heswitchedonthelightandthewardsettleddownagain.AstheinterhemaeunderhisfriendsbedhesawAntonapoulosslylycuthiseyesacrossthewardtobecertainthateachpersonrealizedthatthemaewashis.
Singerbegantotalkwithhishandsagain.Hekhathewouldsoonbeaskedtoleave,butthethoughtshehadstoredinhismioobigtobesaidinashorttime.Hetalkedwithfrantichaste.Inthewardtherewasanoldmanwhoseheadshookwithpalsyandwhopickedfeeblytathiseyebrows.HeeheoldmanbecausehelivedwithAntonapoulosdayafterday.Singerwouldhaveexgedplaceswithhimjoyfully.
Hisfriendfumbledforsomethinginhisbosom.Itwasthelittlebrasscrossthathehadalwaysworystringhadbeenreplacedbyaredribbon.Sihoughtofthedreamaoldthat,also,tohisfriend.Inhishastethesignssometimesbecameblurredaoshakehishandsand
beginallover.Antonapouloswatchedhimwithhisdark,drowsyeyes.Sittingmotionlessinhisbright,richgarmentsheseemedlikesomewisekingfromalegend.
TheinterneinchargeofthewardallowedSiostayforanhourpastthevisitingtime.Thenatlastheheldouthisthin,hairywristandshowedhimhiswatch.Thepatientsweresettledforsleep.Singershandfaltered.Hegraspedhisfriendbythearmandlookedilyintohiseyesasheusedtodoeachmwhentheypartedforwork.FinallySingerbackedhimselfoutoftheroom.Atthedoorwayhishandssignedabrokenfarewellandthenchedintofists.
DuringthemoonlitJanuarynightsSingertiowalkaboutthestreetsofthetowneacheveningwhenhewasnoteherumorsabouthimgrewbolder.AnoldNegrowomantoldhundredsofpeoplethathekhewaysofspiritsebathedead.Acertainpiece-workerclaimedthathehadworkedwiththemuteatanothermillsomewhereelseie—aaleshetoldwereuherichthoughtthathewasridthepoorsideredhimapoormahemselves.Andastherewasnowaytodisprovetheserumorstheygrewmarvelousandveryreal.Eadescribedthemuteashewishedhimtobe.
HY？
ThequestionflowedthroughBiffalways,unnoticed,likethebloodinhisveihoughtofpeopleandofobjedofideasandthequestionwasinhim.Midnight,thedarkm,noon.Hitlerandtherumorsofwar.Thepriceofloinofporkaaxon.beer.Especiallyhemeditatedonthepuzzleofthemute.Why,forinstance,didSingergoawayorainand,whenhewasaskedwherehehadbeeendthathedidnotuandthequestion?Andwhydideveryonepersistinthinkiewasexactlyastheywantedhimtobe—whenmostlikelyitwasallaveryqueermistake?Siatthemiddletablethreetimesaday.Heatewhatutbeforehim—exceptcabbageandoysters.Ilingtumultofvoiceshealonewassilent.Helikedbestlittlegreensoftbutterbeansandhe
stackedthemipileontheprongsofhisfork.Andsoppedtheirgravywithhisbiscuits.
Biffthoughtalsoofdeath.Acuriousioccurred.OnedaywhilerummagingthroughthebathroomclosethefoundabottleofAguaFloridathathehadoverlookedwhentakingLuciletherestofAlietics.Meditativelyheheldthebottleofperfumeinhishands.Itwasfourmonthsnowsinceherdeath—andeathseemedaslongandfullofleisureasayear.Heseldomthoughtofher.
Biffuncorkedthebottle.Hestoodshirtlessbeforethemirroranddabbledsomeoftheperfumeonhisdark,hairyarmpits.
Thestmadehimstiffen.Heexgedadeadlysecretglahhimselfinthemirrorandstoodmotionless.Hewasstuhememoriesbroughttohimwiththeperfume,notbecauseoftheirclarity,butbecausetheygatheredtogetherthewholelongspanofyearsandwereplete.Biffrubbedhisnoseandlookedsidewaysathimself.Theboundaryofdeath.Hefeltinhimeautethathehadlivedwithher.Andnowtheirlifetogetherwaswholeasonlythepastbewhole.AbruptlyBiffturnedaway.
Thebedroomwasdoneover.Hisentirelynow.Beforeithadbeentadflossyanddrab.Therewerealwaysstogsandpinkrayonknickerswithholesinthemhungonastringacrosstheroomtodry.Theironbedhadbeenflakedandrusty,deckedwithsoiledlaceboudoirpillows.Abonymouserfromdownstairswouldarchitsbadrubmournfullyagainsttheslopjar.
Allofthishehadged.Hetradedtheironbedforastudiocouch.Therewasathickredrugonthefloor,andhehadboughtabeautifulclothofesebluetohangonthesideofthewallwherethecrackswereworst.Hehadunsealedthefirepladkeptitlaidwithpinelogs.OverthemantelwasasmallphotographofBabyandacoloredpictureofalittleboyiholdingaballinhishands.Aglassedcaseintheerheldthecurioshehadcollected—spesofbutterflies,ararearrowhead,acuriousrockshapedlikeahumanprofile.Blue-silkcushionswereoudiocoudhehadborrowedLucilessewing-maetomakedeep
redcurtainsforthewindows.Helovedtheroom.Itwasbothluxuriousae.OabletherewasalittleJapanesepagodawithglasspendantsthattihstrangemusicaltonesinadraught.
Inthisroomnothingremindedhimofher.ButoftenhewoulduncorkthebottleofAguaFloridaandtouchthestoppertothelobesofhisearsortohiswrists.Thesmellmihhisslowruminations.Thesehepastgrewinhim.
Memoriesbuiltthemselveswithalmostarchitecturalorder.Inaboxwherehestoredsouvenirshecameacrossoldpicturestakenbeforetheirmarriage.Alicesittinginafieldofdaisies.
Alicewithhiminaoeontheriver.Alsoamongthesouvenirstherewasalargebonehairpinthathadbeloohismother.Asalittleboyhehadlovedtowatchherbandknblackhair.Hehadthoughtthathairpinswerecurvedastheyweretocopytheshapeofaladyandhewouldsometimesplaywiththemlikedolls.Atthattimehehadacigarboxfullofscraps.Helovedthefeelandcolorsofbeautifulclothandhewouldsitwithhisscrapsforhoursuhekittable.Butwhenhewassixhismothertookthescrapsawayfromhim.Shewasatall,strongwomanwithasenseofdutylikeaman.Shehadlovedhimbest.Evennowhesometimesdreamedofher.Andherwoldweddingringstayedonhisfingeralways.
AlongwiththeAguaFloridahefoundintheclosetabottleoflemonrinseAlicehadalwaysusedforherhair.Onedayhetrieditonhimself.Thelemonmadehisdark,white-streakedhairseemfluffyandthick.Helikedit.Hediscardedtheoilhehadusedtainstbaldnessandrihthelemonpreparatiularly.CertainwhimsthathehadridiculedinAlicewerenowhisown.Why？
EverymLouis,thecoloredboydownstairs,broughthimacupofcoffeetodrinkinbed.Ofteproppedonthepillowsforanhourbefotupanddressed.Hesmokedacigarandwatchedthepatternsthesunlightmadeonthewall.Deephimeditationheranhisforefiweenhislong,crookedtoes.Heremembered.
Thenfromnoonuntilfiveinthemheworked
downstairs.AndalldaySunday.Thebusinesswaslosingmohereweremanyslackhours.Stillatmeal-timestheplacewasusuallyfullandhesawhundredsofacquaintanceseverydayashestoodguardbehindthecashregister.
Whatdoyoustandandthinkaboutallthetime?JakeBlountaskedhim.YoulooklikeaJewinGermany.’
IamahpartJew,Biffsaid.MyMrandfatherwasaJewfromAmsterdam.ButalltherestofmyfolksthatIknowaboutwereScotch-Irish.’
ItwasSundaym.erslolledatthetablesandtherewerethesmelloftobadtherustleofneer.
Somemeninaerboothshotdice,butthegamewasaquietone.
WheresSinger?Biffasked.Wontyoubegoinguptohisplacethism?’
Blountsfaceturneddarkandsullen.Hejerkedhisheadforward.Hadtheyquarreled—buthowcouldadummyquarrel?No,forthishadhappenedbefore.Blounthungaroundsometimesandactedasthoughhewerehavinganargumentwithhimself.Butprettysoonhewouldgo—healwaysdid—awoofthemwouldeiher,Blounttalking.
Youliveafinelife.Juststandingbehindacashregister.Juststandingwithyourhandopen.’
Biffdidnottakeoffense.Heleanedhisweightonhiselbowsandnarrowedhiseyes.Letsmeandyouhaveaserioustalk.
Whatisityouwantanyway?’
Blountsmackedhishandsdownontheter.Theywerewarmayandrough.Beer.AhemkittlepackagesofcheesecrackerswithpeanutbutterintheihatsnotwhatImeant,Biffsaid.Butwellearoundtoitlater.’
Themanuzzle.Hewasalwaysgiilldranklikeacrazyfish,butliquordidnhimdownasitdidsomemen.Therimsofhiseyeswereoftenred,andhehadanervoustrickoflookingbackstartledoverhisshoulder.Hisheadwasheavyandhugeonhisthinneck.Hewasthesortoffellowthatkidslaughedatanddogswaobite.Yetwhen
hewaslaughedatitcuthimtothequick—heghandloudlikeasortof.Andhewasalwayssuspegthatsomebodywaslaughing.
Biffshookhisheadthoughtfully.e,hesaid."Whatmakesyoustickwiththatshow?Youfindsomethierthanthat.Icouldgiveyouapart-timejobhere.’
Christamighty!Iwouldntparkmyselfbehindthatcashboxifyouwastogivemethewholedamnplace,lock,stodbarrel.’
Therehewas.Itwasirritating.Hecouldneverhavefriendsorevealongwithpeople.
Talksense,Biffsaid.Beserious.’
Aerhadeupwithhischedhemadege.
Theplacewasstillquiet.Blountwasrestless.Bifffelthimdrawingaway.Hewaoholdhim.HereachedfortwoA-lcigarsontheshelfbehindtheterandofferedBlountasmoke.Warilyhisminddismissedoionafteranother,andthenfinallyheasked:Ifyoucouldchoosethetimeinhistoryyoucouldhavelived,whaterawouldyouchoose?’
Blountlickedhismustachewithhisbroad,wettongue.Ifyouhadtochoosebetweenbeingastiffandneveraskinganotherquestion,whichwouldyoutake?’
Sureenough,Biffinsisted.Thinkitover.’
Hecockedhisheadtoonesideandpeereddownoverhislonghiswasamatterhelikedtohearotherstalkabout.
AGreecewashis.WalkinginsandalsontheedgeoftheblueAegean.Thelooserobesgirdledatthewaist.Children.
Themarblebathsaemplationsiemples.
MaybewiththeIncas.InPeru.’
Biffseyessedoverhim,strippinghimnaked.HesawBlountburnedarich,redbrownbythesun,hisfacesmoothandhairless,withabraceletofgoldandpreciousstonesonhisforearm.WhenheclosedhiseyesthemanwasagoodInca.Butwhenhelookedathimagaiurefellaway.Itwasthenervousmustachethatdidnotbelongtohisface,thewayhejerkedhisshoulder,theAdamsappleonhisthihebagginessofhistrousers.Anditwasmorethan
that.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
Thatisthewaytheytalkwhentheyetomyroom.Thosewordsintheirheartdohemrest,sotheyarealwaysverybusy.ThenyouwouldthiheyaretogethertheywouldbelikethoseoftheSocietywhomeetattheventioninMathisweek.Butthatisnotso.Theyallcametomy
roomatthesametimetoday.Theysatliketheywerefromdifferentcities.Theywereevenrude,andyouknowhowIhavealwayssaidthattoberudeandnotattendtothefeelingsofothersiswrong.Soitwaslikethat.Idonotuand,soIwriteittoyoubecauseIthinkyouwilluand.Ihavequeerfeelings.ButIhavewrittenofthismatterenoughandIknowyouaxewearyofit.Iamalso.
Ithasbeehsay-onedaysnow.AllofthattimeIhavebeenalohoutyou.TheonlythingIimagineiswhenIwillbewithyouagain.IfIetoyousoonIdonotknowwhatSihisheaddownonthebendrested.Thesmellandthefeeloftheslickwoodagainsthischeekremindedhimofhisschooldays.Hiseyesclosedasick.TherewasonlythefaceofAntonapoulosinhismind,andhislongingforhisfriendwassosharpthatheheldhisbreath.AftersometimeSiupandreachedforhispen.
ThegiftIorderedforyoudidnoteiheChristmasbox.Iexpectitshortly.Ibelieveyouwilllikeitandbeamused.Ithinkofusalwaysandremembereverything.Ilongforthefoodyouusedtomake.AttheNewYorkCafeitismuchworsethanitusedtobe.Ifoundacookedflyinmysoupnotlongago.Itwasmixedwiththevegetablesandthenoodleslikeletters.Butthatisnothing.ThewayIneedyouisalonelinessIotbear.SoonIwilleagain.MyvacationisnotdueforsixmonthsmorebutIthinkIarrabeforethen.
IthinkIwillhaveto.Iamobealoneandwithoutyouwhouand.
Always,JOHNSIwastwooclothembeforehewashomeagain.
Thebig,crowdedhousewasindarkness,buthefelthiswaycarefullyupthreeflightsofstairsanddidnotstumble.Hetookfromhispocketsthecardshecarriedaboutwithhim,hiswatdhisfountaihenhefoldedhisclotheslyoverthebackofhischair.Hisgray-flannelpajamaswerewarmandsoft.Almostassoonashepulledtheblaohis
hewasasleep.
Outoftheblaessofsleepadreamformed.Thereweredullyellowlanternslightingupadarkflightofstoeps.
Antonapouloskhetopofthesesteps.Hewasnakedandhefumbledwithsomethingthatheheldabovehisheadandgazedatitasthoughinprayer.Hehimselfkhalfwaydoweps.HewasnakedandcoldandhecouldnottakehiseyesfromAntonapoulosahingheheldabovehim.
Behindhimonthegroutheohthemustadthegirlandtheblaaoheyknakedatheireyesonhim.Andbehiherewereuntedcrowdsofkneelingpeopleinthedarkness.
HisownhandswerehugewindmillsaaredfasatedattheunknownthingthatAntonapoulosheld.Theyellowlanternsswayedtoandfrointhedarknessandallelsewasmotiohensuddenlytherewasaferment.Intheupheavalthestepscollapsedahimselffallingdownward.Heawokewithajerk.Theearlylightwhitehewindow.Hefeltafraid.
Suchalongtimehadpassedthatsomethingmighthavehappeohisfriend.BecauseAntonapoulosdidnotwritetohimhewouldnotknow.Perhapshisfriendhadfallenandhurthimself.Hefeltsuurgetobewithhimoncemorethathewouldarraanycost—andimmediately.
I-officethatmhefoundanotihisboxthatapackagehadeforhim.ItwasthegifthehadorderedforChristmasthatdidnotarriveihegiftwasaveryfineone.Hehadboughtitoall-mentplantobepaidforoveraperiodoftwoyears.Thegiftwasamoving-picturemaeforprivateuse,withahalf-dozenoftheMickeyMouseandPopeyeediesthatAntonapoulosenjoyed.
Singerwasthelasttoreachthestorethatm.HehahejewelerforwhomheworkedaformalwrittenrequestforleaveonFridayandSaturday.Andalthoughtherewerefourweddingsonhandthatweek,thejewelerhathecouldgo.
Hedidanyoneknowofthetripbeforehand,buton
leaviackedaohisdoorsayingthathewouldbeabsentforseveraldaysbecauseofbusiness.Hetraveledatnight,arainreachedtheplaceofhisdestinationjustastheredwinterdawnwasbreaking.
Iernoon,alittlebeforetimeforthevisitinghour,hewentouttotheasylum.Hisarmswereloadedwiththepartsofthemoving-picturemaeandthebasketoffruithecarriedhisfrieimmediatelytothewardwherehehadvisitedAntonapoulosbefore.
Thecorridor,thedoor,therowsofbedswerejustasherememberedthem.Hestoodatthethresholdandlookedeagerlyforhisfriend.Buthesawatothoughallthechairswereoccupied,Antonapouloswasnotthere.
Sidownhispackagesandwroteatthebottomofoneofhiscards,WhereisSpirosAntonapoulos?Anursecameintotheroomandhehandedherthecard.Shedidnotuand.Sheshookherheadandraisedhershoulders.Hewentoutintothecorridorandhahecardtoeveryo.Nobodykherewassuchapanihimthathebeganmotioningwithhishands.Atlasthemetaninterneinawhitecoat.Hepluckedattheinterneselbowandgavehimthecard.Theintercarefullyandthenguidedhimthroughseveralhalls.Theycametoasmallroomwhereayoungwomansatatadeskbeforesomepapers.Shereadthecardandthenlookedthroughsomefilesinadrawer.
TearsofnervousnessandfearswaminSingerseyes.Theyoungwomanbegandeliberatelytowriteonapadofpaper,andhecouldrainhimselffromtwistingaroundtoseeimmediatelywhatwasbeingwrittenabouthisfriend.
Mr.Antonapouloshasbeentransferredtotheinfirmary.Heisillwithnephritis.Iwillhavesomeoneshowyoutheway.
Ohroughthecorridorshestoppedtopickupthepackageshehadleftatthedooroftheward.Thebasketoffruithadbeenstolen,buttheotherboxeswereintact.Hefollowedtheinterofthebuildingandacrossaplotofgrasstotheinfirmary.
Antonapoulos!Whentheyreachedtheproperwardhesawhimatthefirstglance.Hisbedlathemiddleoftheroomandhewassittingproppedwithpillows.Heworeascarletdressing-gownandgreensilkpajamasandaturquoise
ring.Hisskinaleyellowcolor,hiseyesverydreamyanddark.Hisblackhairwastouchedatthetempleswithsilver.Hewasknitting.Hisfatfingersworkedwiththelongivoryneedlesveryslowly.Atfirsthedidnotseehisfriend.
ThenwhenSioodbeforehimhesmiledserenely,withoutsurprise,andheldouthisjeweledhand.
Afeelingofshynessaraintsuchashehadneverknownbeforecameer.Hesatdownbythebedandfoldedhishandsontheedgeoftheterpane.Hiseyesdidhefaceofhisfriendandhewasdeathlypale.Thesplendorofhisfriendsraimentstartledhim.Onvariousoccasionshehadsenthimeacharticleoftheoutfit,buthehadnotimaginedhowtheywouldlookwhenallbined.
Antonapouloswasmoreenormousthanhehadremembered.
Thegreatpulpyfoldsofhisabdomenshowedbehhissilkpajamas.Hisheadwasimmenseagainstthewhitepillow.TheplaposureofhisfacerofoundthatheseemedhardlytobeawarematSingerwaswithhim.
SingerraisedMshandstimidlyaospeak.Hisstrong,skilledfingersshapedthesignswithlovingprecision.
Hespokeofthecoldandofthelongmonthsaloionedoldmemories,thecatthathaddied,thestore,theplacewherehelived.AteachpauseAntonapoulosnoddedgraciously.Hespokeofthefourpeopleandthelongvisitstohisroom.Theeyesofhisfriendweremoistanddark,andinthemhesawthelittleregledpicturesofhimselfthathehadwatchedathousandtimes.Thewarmbloodflowedbacktohisfadhishandsquied.
Hespokeatlengthoftheblaandtheohthejerkingmustadthegirl.Thedesignsofhishandsshapedfasterandfaster.Antonapouloshslowgravity.
EagerlySingerleanedcloserandhebreathedwithlong,deepbreathsandiherewerebrighttears.
ThensuddenlyAntonapoulosmadeaslowcirtheairwithhisplumpforefinger.HisfingercircledtowardSingerandatlasthepokedhisfriendiomach.ThebigGreekssmilegrewverybroadauckouthisfat,pinktongue.
Singerlaughedandhishandsshapedthewordswithwildspeed.Hisshouldersshookwithlaughterandhisheadhung
backward.Whyhelaughedhedidnotknow.Antonapoulosrolledhiseyes.Singertiolaughriotouslyuntilhisbreathwasgoneandhisfirembled.Hegraspedthearmofhisfriendandtriedtosteadyhimself.Hislaughscamesloainfullylikehiccoughs.
Antonapouloswasthefirsttoposehimself.Hisfatlittlefeethaduntuckedthecoveratthebottomofthebed.Hissmilefadedandhekickedptuouslyatthebla.Singerhasteoputthingsright,butAntonapoulosfrownedandhelduphisfingerregallytoanurseassingthroughtheward.WhenshehadstraightehebedtohislikingthebigGreekinedhisheadsodeliberatelythatthegestureseemedoneofbeionratherthanasimplenodofthanks.
Theurnedgravelytohisfriendagain.
AsSialkedhedidnotrealizehowthetimehadpassed.
OnlywhenanursebroughtAntonapouloshissupperonatraydidherealizethatitwaslate.Thelightsinthewardwereturnedonandoutsidethewindowsitwasalmostdark.Theotherpatientshadtraysofsupperbeforethemalso.Theyhadputdowntheirwork(someofthemwovebaskets,othersdidleatherworkorknitted)andtheywereeatinglistlessly.
BesidesAntonapoulostheyallseemedverysidcolorless.
Mostofthemneededahairdtheyworeseedygraynightshirtsslitdowntheback.Theystaredatthetwomuteswithwonder.
Antonapoulosliftedthecoverfromhisdishandiedthefoodcarefully.Therewasfishandsomevege-tables.Hepickedupthefishatothelightinthepalmofhishandforathhexamination.Theewithrelish.Duringsupperhebegantopointoutthevariouspeopleintheroom.Hepoioonemanintheerandmadefacesofdisgust.Themanshim.Hepoioayoungboyandsmiledandnoddedandwavedhisplumphand.
Singerwastoohappytofeelembarrassment.Hepickedupthepackagesfromthefloorandlaidthemoodistracthisfriend.Antonapoulostookofftheings,butthemaedidnotihimatall.Heturnedbacktohissupper.
Singerhaheeexplainingaboutthemovie.
Shecalledaninterhentheybroughtinadoctor.AsthethreeofthemsultedtheylookedcuriouslyatSihenewsreachedthepatientsandtheyproppedupontheirelbowsexcitedly.OnlyAntonapouloswasnotdisturbed.
SingerhadpracticedwiththemoviebeforehaDpthessothatitcouldbewatchedbyallthepatients.Thenheworkedwiththeprojectorandthefilm.Theookoutthesuppertraysandthelightsinthewardwereturnedoff.AMickeyMouseedyflashedonthes.
Sichedhisfriend.AtfirstAntonapouloswasstartled.
Heheavedhimselfupforabetterviewandwouldhaverisenfromthebedifthenursehadrainedhim.Thechedwithabeamingsmile.Singercouldseetheotherpatientscallingouttoeachotherandlaughing.NursesandorderliescameinfromthehallandthewholewardwasinotioheMickeyMousewasfinishedSionaPopeyefilm.Thenattheclusionofthisfilmhefeltthattheeaihadlastedlongenoughforthefirsttime.Heswitchedonthelightandthewardsettleddownagain.AstheinterhemaeunderhisfriendsbedhesawAntonapoulosslylycuthiseyesacrossthewardtobecertainthateachpersonrealizedthatthemaewashis.
Singerbegantotalkwithhishandsagain.Hekhathewouldsoonbeaskedtoleave,butthethoughtshehadstoredinhismioobigtobesaidinashorttime.Hetalkedwithfrantichaste.Inthewardtherewasanoldmanwhoseheadshookwithpalsyandwhopickedfeeblytathiseyebrows.HeeheoldmanbecausehelivedwithAntonapoulosdayafterday.Singerwouldhaveexgedplaceswithhimjoyfully.
Hisfriendfumbledforsomethinginhisbosom.Itwasthelittlebrasscrossthathehadalwaysworystringhadbeenreplacedbyaredribbon.Sihoughtofthedreamaoldthat,also,tohisfriend.Inhishastethesignssometimesbecameblurredaoshakehishandsand
beginallover.Antonapouloswatchedhimwithhisdark,drowsyeyes.Sittingmotionlessinhisbright,richgarmentsheseemedlikesomewisekingfromalegend.
TheinterneinchargeofthewardallowedSiostayforanhourpastthevisitingtime.Thenatlastheheldouthisthin,hairywristandshowedhimhiswatch.Thepatientsweresettledforsleep.Singershandfaltered.Hegraspedhisfriendbythearmandlookedilyintohiseyesasheusedtodoeachmwhentheypartedforwork.FinallySingerbackedhimselfoutoftheroom.Atthedoorwayhishandssignedabrokenfarewellandthenchedintofists.
DuringthemoonlitJanuarynightsSingertiowalkaboutthestreetsofthetowneacheveningwhenhewasnoteherumorsabouthimgrewbolder.AnoldNegrowomantoldhundredsofpeoplethathekhewaysofspiritsebathedead.Acertainpiece-workerclaimedthathehadworkedwiththemuteatanothermillsomewhereelseie—aaleshetoldwereuherichthoughtthathewasridthepoorsideredhimapoormahemselves.Andastherewasnowaytodisprovetheserumorstheygrewmarvelousandveryreal.Eadescribedthemuteashewishedhimtobe.
HY？
ThequestionflowedthroughBiffalways,unnoticed,likethebloodinhisveihoughtofpeopleandofobjedofideasandthequestionwasinhim.Midnight,thedarkm,noon.Hitlerandtherumorsofwar.Thepriceofloinofporkaaxon.beer.Especiallyhemeditatedonthepuzzleofthemute.Why,forinstance,didSingergoawayorainand,whenhewasaskedwherehehadbeeendthathedidnotuandthequestion?Andwhydideveryonepersistinthinkiewasexactlyastheywantedhimtobe—whenmostlikelyitwasallaveryqueermistake?Siatthemiddletablethreetimesaday.Heatewhatutbeforehim—exceptcabbageandoysters.Ilingtumultofvoiceshealonewassilent.Helikedbestlittlegreensoftbutterbeansandhe
stackedthemipileontheprongsofhisfork.Andsoppedtheirgravywithhisbiscuits.
Biffthoughtalsoofdeath.Acuriousioccurred.OnedaywhilerummagingthroughthebathroomclosethefoundabottleofAguaFloridathathehadoverlookedwhentakingLuciletherestofAlietics.Meditativelyheheldthebottleofperfumeinhishands.Itwasfourmonthsnowsinceherdeath—andeathseemedaslongandfullofleisureasayear.Heseldomthoughtofher.
Biffuncorkedthebottle.Hestoodshirtlessbeforethemirroranddabbledsomeoftheperfumeonhisdark,hairyarmpits.
Thestmadehimstiffen.Heexgedadeadlysecretglahhimselfinthemirrorandstoodmotionless.Hewasstuhememoriesbroughttohimwiththeperfume,notbecauseoftheirclarity,butbecausetheygatheredtogetherthewholelongspanofyearsandwereplete.Biffrubbedhisnoseandlookedsidewaysathimself.Theboundaryofdeath.Hefeltinhimeautethathehadlivedwithher.Andnowtheirlifetogetherwaswholeasonlythepastbewhole.AbruptlyBiffturnedaway.
Thebedroomwasdoneover.Hisentirelynow.Beforeithadbeentadflossyanddrab.Therewerealwaysstogsandpinkrayonknickerswithholesinthemhungonastringacrosstheroomtodry.Theironbedhadbeenflakedandrusty,deckedwithsoiledlaceboudoirpillows.Abonymouserfromdownstairswouldarchitsbadrubmournfullyagainsttheslopjar.
Allofthishehadged.Hetradedtheironbedforastudiocouch.Therewasathickredrugonthefloor,andhehadboughtabeautifulclothofesebluetohangonthesideofthewallwherethecrackswereworst.Hehadunsealedthefirepladkeptitlaidwithpinelogs.OverthemantelwasasmallphotographofBabyandacoloredpictureofalittleboyiholdingaballinhishands.Aglassedcaseintheerheldthecurioshehadcollected—spesofbutterflies,ararearrowhead,acuriousrockshapedlikeahumanprofile.Blue-silkcushionswereoudiocoudhehadborrowedLucilessewing-maetomakedeep
redcurtainsforthewindows.Helovedtheroom.Itwasbothluxuriousae.OabletherewasalittleJapanesepagodawithglasspendantsthattihstrangemusicaltonesinadraught.
Inthisroomnothingremindedhimofher.ButoftenhewoulduncorkthebottleofAguaFloridaandtouchthestoppertothelobesofhisearsortohiswrists.Thesmellmihhisslowruminations.Thesehepastgrewinhim.
Memoriesbuiltthemselveswithalmostarchitecturalorder.Inaboxwherehestoredsouvenirshecameacrossoldpicturestakenbeforetheirmarriage.Alicesittinginafieldofdaisies.
Alicewithhiminaoeontheriver.Alsoamongthesouvenirstherewasalargebonehairpinthathadbeloohismother.Asalittleboyhehadlovedtowatchherbandknblackhair.Hehadthoughtthathairpinswerecurvedastheyweretocopytheshapeofaladyandhewouldsometimesplaywiththemlikedolls.Atthattimehehadacigarboxfullofscraps.Helovedthefeelandcolorsofbeautifulclothandhewouldsitwithhisscrapsforhoursuhekittable.Butwhenhewassixhismothertookthescrapsawayfromhim.Shewasatall,strongwomanwithasenseofdutylikeaman.Shehadlovedhimbest.Evennowhesometimesdreamedofher.Andherwoldweddingringstayedonhisfingeralways.
AlongwiththeAguaFloridahefoundintheclosetabottleoflemonrinseAlicehadalwaysusedforherhair.Onedayhetrieditonhimself.Thelemonmadehisdark,white-streakedhairseemfluffyandthick.Helikedit.Hediscardedtheoilhehadusedtainstbaldnessandrihthelemonpreparatiularly.CertainwhimsthathehadridiculedinAlicewerenowhisown.Why？
EverymLouis,thecoloredboydownstairs,broughthimacupofcoffeetodrinkinbed.Ofteproppedonthepillowsforanhourbefotupanddressed.Hesmokedacigarandwatchedthepatternsthesunlightmadeonthewall.Deephimeditationheranhisforefiweenhislong,crookedtoes.Heremembered.
Thenfromnoonuntilfiveinthemheworked
downstairs.AndalldaySunday.Thebusinesswaslosingmohereweremanyslackhours.Stillatmeal-timestheplacewasusuallyfullandhesawhundredsofacquaintanceseverydayashestoodguardbehindthecashregister.
Whatdoyoustandandthinkaboutallthetime?JakeBlountaskedhim.YoulooklikeaJewinGermany.’
IamahpartJew,Biffsaid.MyMrandfatherwasaJewfromAmsterdam.ButalltherestofmyfolksthatIknowaboutwereScotch-Irish.’
ItwasSundaym.erslolledatthetablesandtherewerethesmelloftobadtherustleofneer.
Somemeninaerboothshotdice,butthegamewasaquietone.
WheresSinger?Biffasked.Wontyoubegoinguptohisplacethism?’
Blountsfaceturneddarkandsullen.Hejerkedhisheadforward.Hadtheyquarreled—buthowcouldadummyquarrel?No,forthishadhappenedbefore.Blounthungaroundsometimesandactedasthoughhewerehavinganargumentwithhimself.Butprettysoonhewouldgo—healwaysdid—awoofthemwouldeiher,Blounttalking.
Youliveafinelife.Juststandingbehindacashregister.Juststandingwithyourhandopen.’
Biffdidnottakeoffense.Heleanedhisweightonhiselbowsandnarrowedhiseyes.Letsmeandyouhaveaserioustalk.
Whatisityouwantanyway?’
Blountsmackedhishandsdownontheter.Theywerewarmayandrough.Beer.AhemkittlepackagesofcheesecrackerswithpeanutbutterintheihatsnotwhatImeant,Biffsaid.Butwellearoundtoitlater.’
Themanuzzle.Hewasalwaysgiilldranklikeacrazyfish,butliquordidnhimdownasitdidsomemen.Therimsofhiseyeswereoftenred,andhehadanervoustrickoflookingbackstartledoverhisshoulder.Hisheadwasheavyandhugeonhisthinneck.Hewasthesortoffellowthatkidslaughedatanddogswaobite.Yetwhen
hewaslaughedatitcuthimtothequick—heghandloudlikeasortof.Andhewasalwayssuspegthatsomebodywaslaughing.
Biffshookhisheadthoughtfully.e,hesaid."Whatmakesyoustickwiththatshow?Youfindsomethierthanthat.Icouldgiveyouapart-timejobhere.’
Christamighty!Iwouldntparkmyselfbehindthatcashboxifyouwastogivemethewholedamnplace,lock,stodbarrel.’
Therehewas.Itwasirritating.Hecouldneverhavefriendsorevealongwithpeople.
Talksense,Biffsaid.Beserious.’
Aerhadeupwithhischedhemadege.
Theplacewasstillquiet.Blountwasrestless.Bifffelthimdrawingaway.Hewaoholdhim.HereachedfortwoA-lcigarsontheshelfbehindtheterandofferedBlountasmoke.Warilyhisminddismissedoionafteranother,andthenfinallyheasked:Ifyoucouldchoosethetimeinhistoryyoucouldhavelived,whaterawouldyouchoose?’
Blountlickedhismustachewithhisbroad,wettongue.Ifyouhadtochoosebetweenbeingastiffandneveraskinganotherquestion,whichwouldyoutake?’
Sureenough,Biffinsisted.Thinkitover.’
Hecockedhisheadtoonesideandpeereddownoverhislonghiswasamatterhelikedtohearotherstalkabout.
AGreecewashis.WalkinginsandalsontheedgeoftheblueAegean.Thelooserobesgirdledatthewaist.Children.
Themarblebathsaemplationsiemples.
MaybewiththeIncas.InPeru.’
Biffseyessedoverhim,strippinghimnaked.HesawBlountburnedarich,redbrownbythesun,hisfacesmoothandhairless,withabraceletofgoldandpreciousstonesonhisforearm.WhenheclosedhiseyesthemanwasagoodInca.Butwhenhelookedathimagaiurefellaway.Itwasthenervousmustachethatdidnotbelongtohisface,thewayhejerkedhisshoulder,theAdamsappleonhisthihebagginessofhistrousers.Anditwasmorethan
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并不代表本站立场!本站亦无法严格审:The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter最新章节其版权归属。如您对The Heart Is A Lonely HunterTXT下载持有版权方面的异议，请联系本站客服。我们将于72小时内处理。
Copyright (C) 2019 All Rights Reserved 版权所有：松语文学