Part Two-11
AndshecouldplaytheBeethovensymphonyanytimeshewao.Itwasaqueerthingaboutthismusicshehadheardlastautumn.Thesymphonystayedinsideheralwaysatlebylittle.Thereasonwasthis:thewholesymphonywasinhermind.Ithadtobe.Shehadheardeverynote,andsomewhereinthebackofhermindthewholeofthemusicwasstilltherejustasithadbeenplayed.Butshecoulddonothingtitalloutagain.Exceptwaitandbereadyforthetimeswhensuddenlyanewpartcametoher.Waitforittogrowlikeleavesgrowslowlyonthebranchesofaspringoaktree.
Intheinsideroom,alongwithmusic,therewasMisterSinger.
Everyafternoonassoonasshefinishedplayingonthepianointhegymshewalkeddownthemaipastthestorewhereheworked.FromthefrontwindowshecoulderSinger.Heworkedintheback,behindacurtain.Butshelookedatthestorewherehestayedeverydayandsawthepeoplehekheneverynightshewaitedonthefrontportoehome.Sometimesshefollowedhimupstairs.Shesatonthebedandwatchedhimputawayhishatandundothebuttononbiscollarandbrushhishair.Forsomereasonitwasliketheyhadasecrettogether.Orliketheywaitedtotelleachotherthingsthathadneverbeensaidbefore.
Hewastheonlypersonintheinsideroom.Alongtimeagotherehadbeenothers.Shethoughtbadrememberedhowitwasbeforehecame.SherememberedagirlwaybathesixthgradenamedCeleste.Thisgirlhadstraightblondehairandaturned-upnoseandfreckles.Sheworeared-wooljumperwithawhiteblouse.Shewalkedpigeon-toed.Everydayshebroughtaneforlittlerecessandabluetinboxoflunchfrecess.Otherkidswouldgobblethefoodtheyhadbroughtatlittlerecessandthenwerehungrylater—bute.Shepulledoffthecrustsofhersandwichesand
ateonlythesoftmiddlepart.Alwaysshehadastuffedhard-boiledeggandshewouldholditinherhand,mashingtheyellowwithherthumbsothattheprinterwasleftthere.
CelestealkedtoherandshealkedtoCeleste.
Althoughthatwaswhatshewantedmorethananythingelse.
AtnightshewouldlieawakeandthinkaboutCeleste.Shewouldplanthattheywerebestfriendsandthinkaboutthetimewheecouldehomewithhertoeatsupperahenight.Butthatneverhappened.
ThewayshefeltaboutCelestewouldhergoupandmakefriendswithherlikeshewouldanyotherperson.AfterayearCelestemovedtoanotherpartoftownaoanotherschool.
ThentherewasaboycalledBuck.Hewasbigandhadpimplesonhisface.Wheoodbyhimiomarateight-thirtyhesmelledbad—likebisbriteededairing.Buckdidanosediveattheprincipalondwassuspended.Whenhelaughedheliftedhisupperlipandshookallover.ShethoughtabouthimlikeshehadthoughtaboutCeleste.Thentherewastheladywhosoldlotteryticketsforaturkeyraffle.AndMissAnglin,whotaughttheseventhgrade.
AndCaroleLombardinthemovies.Allofthem.
ButwithMisterSiherewasadifferehewayshefeltabouthimcameonherslowly,andshecouldnotthinkbadrealizejusthoeheotherpeoplehadbeenordinary,butMisterSingerwasnotThefirstdayherangthedoorbelltoaskaboutaroomshehadlookedalongtimeintohisface.Shehadopehedoorandreadoverthecardhehandedher.ThenshecalledherMamaabathekittotellPortiaandBubberabouthim.ShefollowedhimandherMamaupthestairsandwatchedhimpokethemattressonthebedandrolluptheshadestoseeiftheyworked.Thedayhemovedshesatonthefrontporistersandwatchedhimgetoutoftheteaxiwithhissuitcaseandhischessboard.Thenlatershelisteohimthumparoundinhisroomandimaginedabouthim.Therestcameinagradualway.Sothatnowtherewasthissecretfeeliweenthem.Shetalkedtohimmorethanshehadevertalkedtoapersonbefore.Andifhecouldhavetalkedhe
wouldhavetoldhermanythings.Itwaslikehewassomekindofagreatteacher,onlybecausehewasamutehedidnotteathebedatnightsheplannedabouthowshehanandlivedwithMisterSinger—justthetwooftheminafnhousewhereieritwouldsnow.MaybeinalittleSwitzerlandtownwiththehighglaciersandthemountainsallaround.WhererockswerecCULLERSontopofallthehousesandtheroofsweresteepandpointed.
OrinFrancewherethepeoplecarriedhomebreadfromthestorewithoutitsbeinged.OrinthefntryofNorwaybythegraywintero.
Inthemthefirstthingshewouldthinkofhim.Alongwithmusic.Wheonherdressshewonderedwhereshewouldseehimthatday.SheusedsomeofEttasperfumeoradropofvanillasothatifshemethiminthehallshewouldsmellgood.Shewenttoschoollatesoshecouldseehimedowairsonhiswaytowork.Andiernoonandnightsheneverleftthehouseifhewasthere.
Eaewthingshelearnedabouthimortahistoothbrushandtoothpasteinaglassonhistable.Soinsteadofleavioothbrushohroomshelfshekeptitinaglass,also.Hedidntlikecabbage.Harry,whoworkedforMisterBrannoiohattoher.Nowshecouldcabbageeither.Whenshelearnednewfactsabouthim,orwhenshesaidsomethingtohimaeafewwordswithhissilverpencil,shehadtobeoffbyherselfforalongtimetothinkitover.Whenshewaswithhimthemainthoughtinhermindwastostoreupeverythingsothatlatershecouldliveitoverandremember.
ButintheinsideroomwithmusidMisterSingerwasnotall.Manythingshappeheoutsideroom.Shefelldowairsandbrokeoffoneofherfroh.MissMinnergavehertwobadcardsinEnglish.Shelostaquarterinavatlot,andalthoughsheandGeehuntedforthreedaystheyneverfounditThishappened:OernoonshewasstudyingforanEnglishtestoutonthebacksteps.Harrybegantochopwoodoveronhissideofthefendsheholleredtohim.Hecameanddiagrammedafewsentencesforher.Hiseyeswerequickbehindhishorn-
rimmedglasses.AfterheexplaiheEnglishtoherhestoodupandjerkedhishandsinandoutthepocketsofhislumberjack.Harrywasalwaysfullofenergy,nervous,aobetalkingordoingsomethingeveryminute.
Yousee,theresjusttwothingsnowadays,hesaid.
Helikedtosurprisepeopleandsometimesshedidntknowhowtoanswerhim.
Itsthetruth,theresjusttwothingsaheadnowadays.’
?What?’
MilitantDemocracyorFascism.’
DontyoulikeRepublis?’
Shucks,Harrysaid.ThatsnotwhatImean.’
HehadexplainedallabouttheFascistsoernoooldhowtheNazismadelittleJewchildredownontheirhandsandkneesagrassfromthegrouoldabouthowheplaoassassiler.Hehaditallworkedoutthhly.HetoldabouthowtherewasntanyjusticeorfreedomhiFascism.Hesaidtheneerswrotedeliberateliesandpeopledidntknoasgoingonintheworld.
TheNaziswereterrible—everybodykhat.SheplottedwithhimtokillHitler.Itwouldbebettertohavefourorfivepeopleinthespiracysothatifonemissedhimtheotherscouldbumphimoffjustthesame.Aheydiedtheywouldallbeheroes.Tobeaherowasalmostlikebeingagreatmusi.
Eitheroheother.AndalthoughIdontbelieveinwarImreadytofightforwhatIknht’
Metoo,shesaid.IdliketofighttheFascists.IcoulddressuplikeaboyandnobodycouldevertelLCutmyhairoffandall.’
Itwasabrightwiernoon.Theskywasblue-greenandthebraheoaktreesinthebackyardwerebladbareagainstthiscolor.Thesunwaswarm.Thedaymadeherfeelfullofenergy.Musicwashihermind.Justtobedoingsomethingshepickedupaten-pennynailanddroveitintothestepswithafewgoods.TheirDadheardthesoundofthehammerandcameoutinhisbathrobetostandaroundawhile.Uhetreethereweretentershorses,and
littleRalphwasbusyputtingarotopofohencarryingitovertotheotherone.Badforth.Hewalkedwithhishandsouttobalancehimself.Hewasbowleggedandhisdiapersdraggeddowntohisknees.Geewasshootingmarbles.Becauseheneededahaircuthisfacelookedthin.
Someofhispermaeethhadalreadye—buttheyweresmallandbluelikehehadbeeingblackberries.Hedrewaliawandlayonhisstomachtotakeaimforthefirsthole.WhentheirDadwentbacktohiswatchworkhecarriedRalphwithhim.AndafterawhileGeewentoffintothealleybyhimself.SiBabyhewouldntbuddywithasingleperson.
Igottogo,Harrysaid.Igottobeatworkbeforesix.Youlikeitatthecafe?Doyougetgoodthingstoeatfree?’
Sure.Andallkindsoffolkseintheplace.IlikeitbetterthananyjobIeverhad.Itpaysmore.’
IhateMisterBrannon,Micksaid.Itwastruethateventhoughheneversaidanythioherhealokeinarough,funnyway.Hemusthaveknownallalongaboutthepackofchewing-gumsheandGeeswipedthattime.Andthenwhywouldheaskherhowherbusinesswasingalong—likehedidupinMisterSingersroom?Maybehethoughttheytookthingsregular.Andtheydidnt.Theycertainlydidnot.Onlyotlewater-colorsetfromtheteore.Andanickelpencil-sharpener.
ItstandMisterBrarmon.’
Hesallright,Harrysaid.Sometimesheseemsarightqueerkindofperson,buthesnotcrabby.Whenyougettoknowhim.’
Ohihoughtabout,Micksaid.Aboyhasabetteradvantagelikethatthanagirl.Imeanaboyusuallygetsomepart-timejobthatdonttakehimoutofschoolandleaveshimtimeforotherthings.Buttheresnotjobslikethatfirls.Whenagirlwantsajobshehastoquitschoolandworkfulltime.Idsureliketoearnacoupleofbucksaweeklikeyoudo,buttheresjustnotanyway.’
Harrysatoepsanduntiedhisshs.Hepulledatthemuntilonebroke.AmaheamedMr.
Blount.Mr.JakeBlount.Iliketolistentohim.Ilearnalot
fromthethingshesayswhenhedrinksbeer.Hesgivenmesomenewideas.’
Iknowhimgood.HeeshereeverySunday.’
Harryunlacedhisshoeandpulledthebrokenstringtoevehssohecouldtieitinabowagain.Listen—herubbedhisglassesonhislumberjaanervousway—YoumentiontohimwhatIsaid.ImeanIdoubtifhewouldrememberme.Hedonttalktome.HejusttalkstoMr.Singer.
Hemightthinkitwasfunnyifyou—youknowwhatImean.’
O.K.ShereadbetweenthewordsthathehadacrushonMisterBlountandsheknewhowhefelt.Iwouldionit.’
Darkcameon.Themoon,whitelikemilk,showedintheblueskyandtheairwascold.ShecouldhearRalphandGeeandPortiai.Thefireiovemadethekitwindowawarme.Therewasthesmellofsmokeandsupper.
YouknowthisissomethingIneverhavetoldanybody,hesaid.Ihatetorealizeaboutitmyself.’
?What?’
Yourememberwhenyoufirstbegaheneersandthinkaboutthethingsyouread?’
Sure.’
IusedtobeaFascist.IusedtothinkIwas.Itwasthisway.
YouknowallthepicturesofthepeopleeinEuropemargandsingingsongsandkeepiogether.Iusedtothinkthatwaswonderful.Allofthempledgedtoeachotherandwithoneleader.Allofthemwiththesameidealsandmargiogether.IdidntworrymuchaboutwhateningtotheJewishminoritiesbecauseIdidntwanttothinkaboutit.AndbecauseatthetimeIdidntwanttothinklikeIwasJewish.Yousee,Ididntknow.Ijustlookedatthepicturesandreadwhatitsaidunderhanddidntuand.Ineverknewwhatanawfulthingitwas.IthoughtIwasaFascist.OfcourselateronIfoundoutdifferent.’
Hisvoicewasbitteragainsthimselfagingfromamansvoicetoayoungboys.
Well,youdidntrealizethen------shesaid.
Itwasaterribletransgression.Amoralwrong.’
Thatwasthewayhewas.Everythingwaseitherveryrightorverywrong—withnomiddleway.Itwaswrongforanyoneuwentytotouchbeerorwineorsmokeacigarette.Itwasaterriblesinforapersontocheato,butnotasintocopyhomework.Itwasamoralwrongfirlstostickorsun-backeddresses.ItwasaterriblesintobuyanythingwithaGermanorJapaneselabel,nomatterifitcostonlyanickel.
SherememberedHarrybacktothetimewhentheywerekids.
Oncehiseyesgotcrossedandstayedcrossedforayear.Hewouldsitoutonhisfrontstepswithhishaweenhiskneesandwatcheverything.Veryquietandcross-eyed.HeskippedtwogradesingrammarschoolandwhenhewaselevenhewasreadyforVocational.ButatVocationalwhentheyreadabouttheJewinIvaheotherkidswouldlookaroundatHarryandhewouldehomeandcry.Sohismothertookhimoutofschool.Hestayedoutforawholeyear.
Hegrewtallerandveryfat.Everytimesheclimbedthefenceshewouldseehimmakinghimselfsomethiinhiskit.Theybothplayedaroundontheblodsometimestheywouldwrestle.Whenshewasakidshelikedtofightwithboys—notrealfightsbutjustinplay.Sheusedabinationjujitsuandboxing.Sometimeshegotherdownandsometimesshegothim.Harryneverwasveryroughwithanybody.Whenlittlekidseverbrokeanytoytheywouldetohimandhealwaystookthetimetofixit.Hecouldfixanything.Theladiesontheblotofixtheirelectriclightsorsewing-maeswhehiwrong.ThenwhehirteeartedbackatVocationalaostudyhard.HethreersandworkedonSaturdaysandread.Foralongtimeshedidntseemu—untilafterthatpartyshegave.Hewasveryged.
ILikethis,Harrysaid.ItusedtobeIhadsomebig?ambitionformyselfallthetime.Agreatengineerreatdoctororlawyer.ButnowIdonthaveitthatway.?AllIthinkaboutispensintheworldnow.iAboutFascismaerriblethingsinEurope—andoherhand
Democracy.ImeanItthinkandworkonwhatImeantobeinlifebecauseIthinktoomuchaboutthisother.IdreamaboutkillingHitlereverynightAndIinthedarkverythirstyandscaredofsome-■thing—Idontknowwhat’
ShelookedatHarrysfadadeep,seriousfeelingmadehersad.Hishairhungoverhisforehead.Hisupperlipwasthinandtight,butthelowerohidittrembled.Harrydidntlookoldenoughtobefifteen.Withthedarknessacoldwindcame.Thewindsangupireesontheblodbaheblindsagainstthesideofthehouse.DowreetMrs.WellswascallingSuckerhome.
Thedarklateafternoohesadnessheavyinsideher.Iiano—Iwanttotakemusiclessons,shesaidtoherself.ShelookedatHarryandhewaslaghisthinfiogetherindifferentshapes.Therewasawarmboysmellabouthim.
Whatwasitmadeheractlikeshesuddenlydid?Maybeitwasrememberiimeswhentheywereyounger.Maybeitwasbecausethesadnessmadeherfeelqueer.ButanywayallofasuddenshegaveHarryapushthatnearlyknockedhimoffthesteps.S.O.B.trandmother,sheholleredtohim.
Thensheran.ThatwaswhatkidsusedtosayintheneighborhoodwhentheypickedafightHarrystoodupandlookedsurprised.Hesettledhisglassesonhisnoseandwatchedherforased.Thenheranbacktothealley.
ThecoldairmadeherstrongasSamson.Whenshelaughedtherewasashort,quickecho.ShebuttedHarrywithhershoulderaaholtoheywrestledhardandlaughed.Shewasthetallestbuthisharong.Hedidntfightgoodenoughahimontheground.Thensuddeoppedmovingaoppedtoo.Hisbreathingwaswarmonhernedhewasverystill.Shefelthisribsagainstherkneesandhishardbreathingasshesatonhim.Theygotuptogether.Theydidnotlaughanymoreandthealleywasveryquiet.Astheywalkedacrossthedarkbackyardforsomereasofunny.Therewasnothingtofeelqueerabout,butsuddenlyithadjusthappened.Shegavehimalittlepushandhepushedherback.Thenshelaughedagainaallright.
Solong,Harrysaid.Hewastoooldtoclimbthefence,soheranthroughthesidealleytothefrontofhishouse.
Goshitshot!shesaid.Icouldsmotherinhere.’
Portiawaswarminghersupperiove.Ralphbangedhisspoononhishigh-chairtray.Geesdirtylittlehandpusheduphisgritsieceofbreadandhiseyesweresquintedinafarawaylook.Shehelpedher-selftowhitemeatandgravyandgritsandafewraisinsandmixedthemuptogetheronherplate.Sheatethreebitesofthem.Sheateuntilallthegritsweregostillshewasntfull.
ShehadthoughtaboutMisterSingeralltheday,andassoonassupperwasovershewentupstairs.Butwhenshereachedthethirdfloorshesawthathisdoorenandhisroomdark.Thisgaveherayfeeling.
DownstairsshecouldntsitstillandstudyfortheEnglishtest.
Itwaslikeshewassshecouldntsitonachairinaroomthesameasotherpeople.Itwaslikeshecouldknockdownallthewallsofthehouseandthenmarchthroughthestreetsbigasagiant.
Finallyshegotoutherprivateboxfromuhebed.Shelayoomadlookedoverthenotebook.Therewereabouttwentysongsnow,butshedidisfiedwiththem.Ifshecouldwriteasymphony!Forawholeorchestra—howdidyouwritethat?Sometimesseveralinstrumentsplayedoe,sothestaffwouldhavetobeverylarge.Shedrewfivelinesacrossabigsheetoftestpaper—thelinesaboutaninchapart.Whenanotewasforviolinorcelloorfluteshewouldwritetheheinstrumenttoshow.AheyallplayedthesameogethershewoulddrawacirclearouthetopofthepageshewroteSYMPHONYinlargeletters.AnduhatMICKKELLY.Thenshecouldntgoanyfurther.
Ifshecouldonlyhavemusiclessons！
Ifonlyshecouldhavearealpiano！
Alongtimepassedbeforeshecouldgetstarted.Thetuneswereinhermindbutshecouldntfigurehowtowritethem.Itlookedlikethiswasthehardestplayintheworld.ButshekeptonfiguringuaandHazelcameintotheroomand
gotintobedandsaidshehadtoturnthelightoffbecauseitwaselevenoclock.
-TORsixweeksPortiahadwaitedtohearfromWilliam.EveryeveningshewouldetothehouseandaskDoctorCopelandthesamequestion:YouseenanybodywhogotteerfromWillieyet?Andeverynighthewasobligedtotellherthathehadheardnothing.
Atlastsheaskedthequestionnomore.Shewouldeintothehallandlookathimwithoutaword.Shedrank.Herblousewasoftenhalfunbuttonedandhershsloose.
Februarycame.Theweatherturnedmilder,thenhot.Thesunglareddownwithhardbrilliance.Birdssanginthebaretreesandchildrenplayedoutofdoorsbarefootandhewaist.Thenightsweretorridasinmidsummer.Thenafterafewdayswinteroownagain.Themildskiesdarkened.Achillrainfellaurneddankandbitterlycold.IowntheNegroessufferedbadly.Suppliesoffuelhadbeenexhaustedandtherewasastruggleeverywhereforwarmth.Anepidemieumedthroughthewet,narrowstreets,andforaweekDoctorCopelaoddhours,fullyclothed.StillnowordcamefromWilliam.PortiahadwrittenfourtimesandDoctorCopelandtwice.
Duringmostofthedayandnighthehadnotimetothink.Butoccasionallyhefoundacetorestforamomentathome.
Hewoulddrinkapotofcoffeebythekitstoveandadeepuneasinesswouldeinhim.Fiveofhispatientshaddied.
AhesewasAugustusBeMadyLewis,thelittledeaf-mute.Hehadbeeospeakattheburialservice,butasitwashisrulenottoattendfuneralshewasuoacceptthisinvitation.Thefivepatientshadnotbeenlostbecauseofanynegligenhispart.Theblamewasinthelongyearsofwantwhichlaybehind.Thedietsofbreadandsowbellyandsyrup,thecrowdingoffourandfivepersonstoasingleroom.Thedeathofpoverty.Hebroodedonthisanddrankcoffeetostayawake.Oftenheheldhishandtohis,forretlyaslighttremorinthenervesofhisneckmadehisheadnodunsteadilywheired.
ThenduringthefourthweekofFebruaryPortiacametothehouse.Itwasonlysixoclothemandhewassittingbythefirei,warmingapanofmilkforbreakfast.Shewasbadlyintoxicated.Hesmelledthekeeishinandhisnostrilswidehdisgust.Hedidnotlookatherbutbusiedhim-selfwithhisbreakfast.Hecrumpledsomebreadinaboouredoverithotmilk.Hepreparedcoffeeandlaidthetable.
ThenwhenhewasseatedbeforehisbreakfasthelookedatPortiasternly.Haveyouhadyourmmeal?’
Inotgoibreakfast,shesaid.
Youwill.Ifyouiogettoworktoday;’
Inotgoingtowork.’
Adreadcameinhim.Hedidnotwishtoquestionherfurther.
Hekepthiseyesonhisbowlofmilkanddrankfromaspoonthatwasunsteadyinhishand.Whenhehadfinishedhelookedupatthewallaboveherhead.Areyoutoied?’
Igoingtotellyou.Yougoingtohearaboutit.JustassoonasIabletosayitIgoingtotellyou.’
Portiasatmotionlessinthechair,hereyesmovingslowlyfromoneerofthewalltotheother.Herarmshungdownlimpandherlegsweretwistedlooselyabouteachother.
Wheurnedfromherhehadforamomentaperiloussenseofeaseandfreedom,whichwasmoreacutebecausehekhatsoonitwastobeshattered.Hemehefireandwarmedhishands.Thenherolledacigarette.Thekitwasinastateofspotlessorderandlihesausonthewallglowedwiththelightofthestoveandbehindeaetherewasaround,blackshadow.
ItaboutWillie.’
Iknow.Herolledthecigarettegingerlybetweenhispalms.
Hiseyesglancedrecklesslyabouthim,greedyforthelastsweetpleasures.
OnceImentiooyouthishereBusterJohnsoheprisonwithWillie.Usknowedhimbefore.Heweresenthomeyestiddy.So?’
Busterbeencrippledforlife.’
Hisheadquavered.Hepressedhishandtohistosteadyhimself,buttheobstiremblingwasdifficulttotrol.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
Intheinsideroom,alongwithmusic,therewasMisterSinger.
Everyafternoonassoonasshefinishedplayingonthepianointhegymshewalkeddownthemaipastthestorewhereheworked.FromthefrontwindowshecoulderSinger.Heworkedintheback,behindacurtain.Butshelookedatthestorewherehestayedeverydayandsawthepeoplehekheneverynightshewaitedonthefrontportoehome.Sometimesshefollowedhimupstairs.Shesatonthebedandwatchedhimputawayhishatandundothebuttononbiscollarandbrushhishair.Forsomereasonitwasliketheyhadasecrettogether.Orliketheywaitedtotelleachotherthingsthathadneverbeensaidbefore.
Hewastheonlypersonintheinsideroom.Alongtimeagotherehadbeenothers.Shethoughtbadrememberedhowitwasbeforehecame.SherememberedagirlwaybathesixthgradenamedCeleste.Thisgirlhadstraightblondehairandaturned-upnoseandfreckles.Sheworeared-wooljumperwithawhiteblouse.Shewalkedpigeon-toed.Everydayshebroughtaneforlittlerecessandabluetinboxoflunchfrecess.Otherkidswouldgobblethefoodtheyhadbroughtatlittlerecessandthenwerehungrylater—bute.Shepulledoffthecrustsofhersandwichesand
ateonlythesoftmiddlepart.Alwaysshehadastuffedhard-boiledeggandshewouldholditinherhand,mashingtheyellowwithherthumbsothattheprinterwasleftthere.
CelestealkedtoherandshealkedtoCeleste.
Althoughthatwaswhatshewantedmorethananythingelse.
AtnightshewouldlieawakeandthinkaboutCeleste.Shewouldplanthattheywerebestfriendsandthinkaboutthetimewheecouldehomewithhertoeatsupperahenight.Butthatneverhappened.
ThewayshefeltaboutCelestewouldhergoupandmakefriendswithherlikeshewouldanyotherperson.AfterayearCelestemovedtoanotherpartoftownaoanotherschool.
ThentherewasaboycalledBuck.Hewasbigandhadpimplesonhisface.Wheoodbyhimiomarateight-thirtyhesmelledbad—likebisbriteededairing.Buckdidanosediveattheprincipalondwassuspended.Whenhelaughedheliftedhisupperlipandshookallover.ShethoughtabouthimlikeshehadthoughtaboutCeleste.Thentherewastheladywhosoldlotteryticketsforaturkeyraffle.AndMissAnglin,whotaughttheseventhgrade.
AndCaroleLombardinthemovies.Allofthem.
ButwithMisterSiherewasadifferehewayshefeltabouthimcameonherslowly,andshecouldnotthinkbadrealizejusthoeheotherpeoplehadbeenordinary,butMisterSingerwasnotThefirstdayherangthedoorbelltoaskaboutaroomshehadlookedalongtimeintohisface.Shehadopehedoorandreadoverthecardhehandedher.ThenshecalledherMamaabathekittotellPortiaandBubberabouthim.ShefollowedhimandherMamaupthestairsandwatchedhimpokethemattressonthebedandrolluptheshadestoseeiftheyworked.Thedayhemovedshesatonthefrontporistersandwatchedhimgetoutoftheteaxiwithhissuitcaseandhischessboard.Thenlatershelisteohimthumparoundinhisroomandimaginedabouthim.Therestcameinagradualway.Sothatnowtherewasthissecretfeeliweenthem.Shetalkedtohimmorethanshehadevertalkedtoapersonbefore.Andifhecouldhavetalkedhe
wouldhavetoldhermanythings.Itwaslikehewassomekindofagreatteacher,onlybecausehewasamutehedidnotteathebedatnightsheplannedabouthowshehanandlivedwithMisterSinger—justthetwooftheminafnhousewhereieritwouldsnow.MaybeinalittleSwitzerlandtownwiththehighglaciersandthemountainsallaround.WhererockswerecCULLERSontopofallthehousesandtheroofsweresteepandpointed.
OrinFrancewherethepeoplecarriedhomebreadfromthestorewithoutitsbeinged.OrinthefntryofNorwaybythegraywintero.
Inthemthefirstthingshewouldthinkofhim.Alongwithmusic.Wheonherdressshewonderedwhereshewouldseehimthatday.SheusedsomeofEttasperfumeoradropofvanillasothatifshemethiminthehallshewouldsmellgood.Shewenttoschoollatesoshecouldseehimedowairsonhiswaytowork.Andiernoonandnightsheneverleftthehouseifhewasthere.
Eaewthingshelearnedabouthimortahistoothbrushandtoothpasteinaglassonhistable.Soinsteadofleavioothbrushohroomshelfshekeptitinaglass,also.Hedidntlikecabbage.Harry,whoworkedforMisterBrannoiohattoher.Nowshecouldcabbageeither.Whenshelearnednewfactsabouthim,orwhenshesaidsomethingtohimaeafewwordswithhissilverpencil,shehadtobeoffbyherselfforalongtimetothinkitover.Whenshewaswithhimthemainthoughtinhermindwastostoreupeverythingsothatlatershecouldliveitoverandremember.
ButintheinsideroomwithmusidMisterSingerwasnotall.Manythingshappeheoutsideroom.Shefelldowairsandbrokeoffoneofherfroh.MissMinnergavehertwobadcardsinEnglish.Shelostaquarterinavatlot,andalthoughsheandGeehuntedforthreedaystheyneverfounditThishappened:OernoonshewasstudyingforanEnglishtestoutonthebacksteps.Harrybegantochopwoodoveronhissideofthefendsheholleredtohim.Hecameanddiagrammedafewsentencesforher.Hiseyeswerequickbehindhishorn-
rimmedglasses.AfterheexplaiheEnglishtoherhestoodupandjerkedhishandsinandoutthepocketsofhislumberjack.Harrywasalwaysfullofenergy,nervous,aobetalkingordoingsomethingeveryminute.
Yousee,theresjusttwothingsnowadays,hesaid.
Helikedtosurprisepeopleandsometimesshedidntknowhowtoanswerhim.
Itsthetruth,theresjusttwothingsaheadnowadays.’
?What?’
MilitantDemocracyorFascism.’
DontyoulikeRepublis?’
Shucks,Harrysaid.ThatsnotwhatImean.’
HehadexplainedallabouttheFascistsoernoooldhowtheNazismadelittleJewchildredownontheirhandsandkneesagrassfromthegrouoldabouthowheplaoassassiler.Hehaditallworkedoutthhly.HetoldabouthowtherewasntanyjusticeorfreedomhiFascism.Hesaidtheneerswrotedeliberateliesandpeopledidntknoasgoingonintheworld.
TheNaziswereterrible—everybodykhat.SheplottedwithhimtokillHitler.Itwouldbebettertohavefourorfivepeopleinthespiracysothatifonemissedhimtheotherscouldbumphimoffjustthesame.Aheydiedtheywouldallbeheroes.Tobeaherowasalmostlikebeingagreatmusi.
Eitheroheother.AndalthoughIdontbelieveinwarImreadytofightforwhatIknht’
Metoo,shesaid.IdliketofighttheFascists.IcoulddressuplikeaboyandnobodycouldevertelLCutmyhairoffandall.’
Itwasabrightwiernoon.Theskywasblue-greenandthebraheoaktreesinthebackyardwerebladbareagainstthiscolor.Thesunwaswarm.Thedaymadeherfeelfullofenergy.Musicwashihermind.Justtobedoingsomethingshepickedupaten-pennynailanddroveitintothestepswithafewgoods.TheirDadheardthesoundofthehammerandcameoutinhisbathrobetostandaroundawhile.Uhetreethereweretentershorses,and
littleRalphwasbusyputtingarotopofohencarryingitovertotheotherone.Badforth.Hewalkedwithhishandsouttobalancehimself.Hewasbowleggedandhisdiapersdraggeddowntohisknees.Geewasshootingmarbles.Becauseheneededahaircuthisfacelookedthin.
Someofhispermaeethhadalreadye—buttheyweresmallandbluelikehehadbeeingblackberries.Hedrewaliawandlayonhisstomachtotakeaimforthefirsthole.WhentheirDadwentbacktohiswatchworkhecarriedRalphwithhim.AndafterawhileGeewentoffintothealleybyhimself.SiBabyhewouldntbuddywithasingleperson.
Igottogo,Harrysaid.Igottobeatworkbeforesix.Youlikeitatthecafe?Doyougetgoodthingstoeatfree?’
Sure.Andallkindsoffolkseintheplace.IlikeitbetterthananyjobIeverhad.Itpaysmore.’
IhateMisterBrannon,Micksaid.Itwastruethateventhoughheneversaidanythioherhealokeinarough,funnyway.Hemusthaveknownallalongaboutthepackofchewing-gumsheandGeeswipedthattime.Andthenwhywouldheaskherhowherbusinesswasingalong—likehedidupinMisterSingersroom?Maybehethoughttheytookthingsregular.Andtheydidnt.Theycertainlydidnot.Onlyotlewater-colorsetfromtheteore.Andanickelpencil-sharpener.
ItstandMisterBrarmon.’
Hesallright,Harrysaid.Sometimesheseemsarightqueerkindofperson,buthesnotcrabby.Whenyougettoknowhim.’
Ohihoughtabout,Micksaid.Aboyhasabetteradvantagelikethatthanagirl.Imeanaboyusuallygetsomepart-timejobthatdonttakehimoutofschoolandleaveshimtimeforotherthings.Buttheresnotjobslikethatfirls.Whenagirlwantsajobshehastoquitschoolandworkfulltime.Idsureliketoearnacoupleofbucksaweeklikeyoudo,buttheresjustnotanyway.’
Harrysatoepsanduntiedhisshs.Hepulledatthemuntilonebroke.AmaheamedMr.
Blount.Mr.JakeBlount.Iliketolistentohim.Ilearnalot
fromthethingshesayswhenhedrinksbeer.Hesgivenmesomenewideas.’
Iknowhimgood.HeeshereeverySunday.’
Harryunlacedhisshoeandpulledthebrokenstringtoevehssohecouldtieitinabowagain.Listen—herubbedhisglassesonhislumberjaanervousway—YoumentiontohimwhatIsaid.ImeanIdoubtifhewouldrememberme.Hedonttalktome.HejusttalkstoMr.Singer.
Hemightthinkitwasfunnyifyou—youknowwhatImean.’
O.K.ShereadbetweenthewordsthathehadacrushonMisterBlountandsheknewhowhefelt.Iwouldionit.’
Darkcameon.Themoon,whitelikemilk,showedintheblueskyandtheairwascold.ShecouldhearRalphandGeeandPortiai.Thefireiovemadethekitwindowawarme.Therewasthesmellofsmokeandsupper.
YouknowthisissomethingIneverhavetoldanybody,hesaid.Ihatetorealizeaboutitmyself.’
?What?’
Yourememberwhenyoufirstbegaheneersandthinkaboutthethingsyouread?’
Sure.’
IusedtobeaFascist.IusedtothinkIwas.Itwasthisway.
YouknowallthepicturesofthepeopleeinEuropemargandsingingsongsandkeepiogether.Iusedtothinkthatwaswonderful.Allofthempledgedtoeachotherandwithoneleader.Allofthemwiththesameidealsandmargiogether.IdidntworrymuchaboutwhateningtotheJewishminoritiesbecauseIdidntwanttothinkaboutit.AndbecauseatthetimeIdidntwanttothinklikeIwasJewish.Yousee,Ididntknow.Ijustlookedatthepicturesandreadwhatitsaidunderhanddidntuand.Ineverknewwhatanawfulthingitwas.IthoughtIwasaFascist.OfcourselateronIfoundoutdifferent.’
Hisvoicewasbitteragainsthimselfagingfromamansvoicetoayoungboys.
Well,youdidntrealizethen------shesaid.
Itwasaterribletransgression.Amoralwrong.’
Thatwasthewayhewas.Everythingwaseitherveryrightorverywrong—withnomiddleway.Itwaswrongforanyoneuwentytotouchbeerorwineorsmokeacigarette.Itwasaterriblesinforapersontocheato,butnotasintocopyhomework.Itwasamoralwrongfirlstostickorsun-backeddresses.ItwasaterriblesintobuyanythingwithaGermanorJapaneselabel,nomatterifitcostonlyanickel.
SherememberedHarrybacktothetimewhentheywerekids.
Oncehiseyesgotcrossedandstayedcrossedforayear.Hewouldsitoutonhisfrontstepswithhishaweenhiskneesandwatcheverything.Veryquietandcross-eyed.HeskippedtwogradesingrammarschoolandwhenhewaselevenhewasreadyforVocational.ButatVocationalwhentheyreadabouttheJewinIvaheotherkidswouldlookaroundatHarryandhewouldehomeandcry.Sohismothertookhimoutofschool.Hestayedoutforawholeyear.
Hegrewtallerandveryfat.Everytimesheclimbedthefenceshewouldseehimmakinghimselfsomethiinhiskit.Theybothplayedaroundontheblodsometimestheywouldwrestle.Whenshewasakidshelikedtofightwithboys—notrealfightsbutjustinplay.Sheusedabinationjujitsuandboxing.Sometimeshegotherdownandsometimesshegothim.Harryneverwasveryroughwithanybody.Whenlittlekidseverbrokeanytoytheywouldetohimandhealwaystookthetimetofixit.Hecouldfixanything.Theladiesontheblotofixtheirelectriclightsorsewing-maeswhehiwrong.ThenwhehirteeartedbackatVocationalaostudyhard.HethreersandworkedonSaturdaysandread.Foralongtimeshedidntseemu—untilafterthatpartyshegave.Hewasveryged.
ILikethis,Harrysaid.ItusedtobeIhadsomebig?ambitionformyselfallthetime.Agreatengineerreatdoctororlawyer.ButnowIdonthaveitthatway.?AllIthinkaboutispensintheworldnow.iAboutFascismaerriblethingsinEurope—andoherhand
Democracy.ImeanItthinkandworkonwhatImeantobeinlifebecauseIthinktoomuchaboutthisother.IdreamaboutkillingHitlereverynightAndIinthedarkverythirstyandscaredofsome-■thing—Idontknowwhat’
ShelookedatHarrysfadadeep,seriousfeelingmadehersad.Hishairhungoverhisforehead.Hisupperlipwasthinandtight,butthelowerohidittrembled.Harrydidntlookoldenoughtobefifteen.Withthedarknessacoldwindcame.Thewindsangupireesontheblodbaheblindsagainstthesideofthehouse.DowreetMrs.WellswascallingSuckerhome.
Thedarklateafternoohesadnessheavyinsideher.Iiano—Iwanttotakemusiclessons,shesaidtoherself.ShelookedatHarryandhewaslaghisthinfiogetherindifferentshapes.Therewasawarmboysmellabouthim.
Whatwasitmadeheractlikeshesuddenlydid?Maybeitwasrememberiimeswhentheywereyounger.Maybeitwasbecausethesadnessmadeherfeelqueer.ButanywayallofasuddenshegaveHarryapushthatnearlyknockedhimoffthesteps.S.O.B.trandmother,sheholleredtohim.
Thensheran.ThatwaswhatkidsusedtosayintheneighborhoodwhentheypickedafightHarrystoodupandlookedsurprised.Hesettledhisglassesonhisnoseandwatchedherforased.Thenheranbacktothealley.
ThecoldairmadeherstrongasSamson.Whenshelaughedtherewasashort,quickecho.ShebuttedHarrywithhershoulderaaholtoheywrestledhardandlaughed.Shewasthetallestbuthisharong.Hedidntfightgoodenoughahimontheground.Thensuddeoppedmovingaoppedtoo.Hisbreathingwaswarmonhernedhewasverystill.Shefelthisribsagainstherkneesandhishardbreathingasshesatonhim.Theygotuptogether.Theydidnotlaughanymoreandthealleywasveryquiet.Astheywalkedacrossthedarkbackyardforsomereasofunny.Therewasnothingtofeelqueerabout,butsuddenlyithadjusthappened.Shegavehimalittlepushandhepushedherback.Thenshelaughedagainaallright.
Solong,Harrysaid.Hewastoooldtoclimbthefence,soheranthroughthesidealleytothefrontofhishouse.
Goshitshot!shesaid.Icouldsmotherinhere.’
Portiawaswarminghersupperiove.Ralphbangedhisspoononhishigh-chairtray.Geesdirtylittlehandpusheduphisgritsieceofbreadandhiseyesweresquintedinafarawaylook.Shehelpedher-selftowhitemeatandgravyandgritsandafewraisinsandmixedthemuptogetheronherplate.Sheatethreebitesofthem.Sheateuntilallthegritsweregostillshewasntfull.
ShehadthoughtaboutMisterSingeralltheday,andassoonassupperwasovershewentupstairs.Butwhenshereachedthethirdfloorshesawthathisdoorenandhisroomdark.Thisgaveherayfeeling.
DownstairsshecouldntsitstillandstudyfortheEnglishtest.
Itwaslikeshewassshecouldntsitonachairinaroomthesameasotherpeople.Itwaslikeshecouldknockdownallthewallsofthehouseandthenmarchthroughthestreetsbigasagiant.
Finallyshegotoutherprivateboxfromuhebed.Shelayoomadlookedoverthenotebook.Therewereabouttwentysongsnow,butshedidisfiedwiththem.Ifshecouldwriteasymphony!Forawholeorchestra—howdidyouwritethat?Sometimesseveralinstrumentsplayedoe,sothestaffwouldhavetobeverylarge.Shedrewfivelinesacrossabigsheetoftestpaper—thelinesaboutaninchapart.Whenanotewasforviolinorcelloorfluteshewouldwritetheheinstrumenttoshow.AheyallplayedthesameogethershewoulddrawacirclearouthetopofthepageshewroteSYMPHONYinlargeletters.AnduhatMICKKELLY.Thenshecouldntgoanyfurther.
Ifshecouldonlyhavemusiclessons！
Ifonlyshecouldhavearealpiano！
Alongtimepassedbeforeshecouldgetstarted.Thetuneswereinhermindbutshecouldntfigurehowtowritethem.Itlookedlikethiswasthehardestplayintheworld.ButshekeptonfiguringuaandHazelcameintotheroomand
gotintobedandsaidshehadtoturnthelightoffbecauseitwaselevenoclock.
-TORsixweeksPortiahadwaitedtohearfromWilliam.EveryeveningshewouldetothehouseandaskDoctorCopelandthesamequestion:YouseenanybodywhogotteerfromWillieyet?Andeverynighthewasobligedtotellherthathehadheardnothing.
Atlastsheaskedthequestionnomore.Shewouldeintothehallandlookathimwithoutaword.Shedrank.Herblousewasoftenhalfunbuttonedandhershsloose.
Februarycame.Theweatherturnedmilder,thenhot.Thesunglareddownwithhardbrilliance.Birdssanginthebaretreesandchildrenplayedoutofdoorsbarefootandhewaist.Thenightsweretorridasinmidsummer.Thenafterafewdayswinteroownagain.Themildskiesdarkened.Achillrainfellaurneddankandbitterlycold.IowntheNegroessufferedbadly.Suppliesoffuelhadbeenexhaustedandtherewasastruggleeverywhereforwarmth.Anepidemieumedthroughthewet,narrowstreets,andforaweekDoctorCopelaoddhours,fullyclothed.StillnowordcamefromWilliam.PortiahadwrittenfourtimesandDoctorCopelandtwice.
Duringmostofthedayandnighthehadnotimetothink.Butoccasionallyhefoundacetorestforamomentathome.
Hewoulddrinkapotofcoffeebythekitstoveandadeepuneasinesswouldeinhim.Fiveofhispatientshaddied.
AhesewasAugustusBeMadyLewis,thelittledeaf-mute.Hehadbeeospeakattheburialservice,butasitwashisrulenottoattendfuneralshewasuoacceptthisinvitation.Thefivepatientshadnotbeenlostbecauseofanynegligenhispart.Theblamewasinthelongyearsofwantwhichlaybehind.Thedietsofbreadandsowbellyandsyrup,thecrowdingoffourandfivepersonstoasingleroom.Thedeathofpoverty.Hebroodedonthisanddrankcoffeetostayawake.Oftenheheldhishandtohis,forretlyaslighttremorinthenervesofhisneckmadehisheadnodunsteadilywheired.
ThenduringthefourthweekofFebruaryPortiacametothehouse.Itwasonlysixoclothemandhewassittingbythefirei,warmingapanofmilkforbreakfast.Shewasbadlyintoxicated.Hesmelledthekeeishinandhisnostrilswidehdisgust.Hedidnotlookatherbutbusiedhim-selfwithhisbreakfast.Hecrumpledsomebreadinaboouredoverithotmilk.Hepreparedcoffeeandlaidthetable.
ThenwhenhewasseatedbeforehisbreakfasthelookedatPortiasternly.Haveyouhadyourmmeal?’
Inotgoibreakfast,shesaid.
Youwill.Ifyouiogettoworktoday;’
Inotgoingtowork.’
Adreadcameinhim.Hedidnotwishtoquestionherfurther.
Hekepthiseyesonhisbowlofmilkanddrankfromaspoonthatwasunsteadyinhishand.Whenhehadfinishedhelookedupatthewallaboveherhead.Areyoutoied?’
Igoingtotellyou.Yougoingtohearaboutit.JustassoonasIabletosayitIgoingtotellyou.’
Portiasatmotionlessinthechair,hereyesmovingslowlyfromoneerofthewalltotheother.Herarmshungdownlimpandherlegsweretwistedlooselyabouteachother.
Wheurnedfromherhehadforamomentaperiloussenseofeaseandfreedom,whichwasmoreacutebecausehekhatsoonitwastobeshattered.Hemehefireandwarmedhishands.Thenherolledacigarette.Thekitwasinastateofspotlessorderandlihesausonthewallglowedwiththelightofthestoveandbehindeaetherewasaround,blackshadow.
ItaboutWillie.’
Iknow.Herolledthecigarettegingerlybetweenhispalms.
Hiseyesglancedrecklesslyabouthim,greedyforthelastsweetpleasures.
OnceImentiooyouthishereBusterJohnsoheprisonwithWillie.Usknowedhimbefore.Heweresenthomeyestiddy.So?’
Busterbeencrippledforlife.’
Hisheadquavered.Hepressedhishandtohistosteadyhimself,buttheobstiremblingwasdifficulttotrol.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
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并不代表本站立场!本站亦无法严格审:The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter最新章节其版权归属。如您对The Heart Is A Lonely HunterTXT下载持有版权方面的异议，请联系本站客服。我们将于72小时内处理。
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