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CHAPTER 11

  IntheLane

  MAGGIEhadbeenfourdaysatherauntMosssgivingtheearlyJunesunshieanewbrightnessinthecare-dimmedeyesofthataffeatewoman,andmakinganepochforhercousiandsmall,whowerelearningherwordsandasbyheart,asifshehadbeenatraavatarofperfectwisdomay.Shewasstandingonthecausewaywithherauntandagroupofcousinsfeedingthechis,atthatquietmomentinthelifeofthefarmyardbeforetheafternoonmilking-time.Thegreatbuildingsroundthehollowyardwereasdrearyandtumbledownasever,butovertheoldgardenwallthestragglingrose-busheswerebeginningtotosstheirsummerweight,andthegreywoodandoldbricksofthehouse,onitshigherlevel,hadalookofsleepyageinthebroadafter-noonsunlight,thatsuitedthequiesttime.Maggiewithherbooverherarm,wassmilingdownatahatallfluffychiswhenherauntexclaimed,

  `Goodnessme!whoisthatgentlemaninginatthegate?

  Itwasagentlemanonatallbayhorse;andtheflanksandneckofthehorsewerestreakedblackwithfastriding.Maggiefeltabeatingatheada-horribleasthesuddenleapingtolifeofasavageenemywhohadfeigh.

  `Whoisit,mydear?saidMrsMoss,seeinginMaggiesfacetheevidesheknew.

  `ItisMrStephe,saidMaggie,ratherfaintly.`MycousinLucys-agentlemanwhoisveryintimateatmycousins.

  Stephenwasalreadyclosetothem,hadjumpedoffhishorse,andnowraisedhishatasheadvanced.

  `Holdthehorse,Willy,saidMrsMosstothetwelve-year-oldboy.

  `No,thankyou,saidStephen,pullingatthehorsesimpatientlytossinghead.`Imustbegoingagaiely.Ihaveamessagetodelivertoyou,MissTulliver-onprivatebusiness.MayItakethelibertyofaskingyoutowalkafewyardswithme?

  Hehadahalf-jaded,half-irritatedlook,suchasamaswhenhehasbeendoggedbysomecareorannoyamakeshisbedandhisdinneroflittleusetohim.Hespokealmostabruptly,asifhiserraoopressingforhimtotroublehimselfaboutwhatwouldbethoughtbyMrsMossofhisvisitandrequest.GoodMrsMoss,rathernervousinthepresehisapparentlyhaughtygentleman,wasinwardlywwhethershewouldbedhttoinvitehimagaintoleavehishorseandwalkin,whenMaggie,feelingalltheembarrassmentofthesituation,anduosayanything,putonherboandturowalktowardsthegate.

  Stephenturooandwalkedbyherside,leadinghishorse.

  Notawordokentilltheywereoutinthelaneandhadwalkedfourorfiveyards,whenMaggie,whohadbeenlookingstraightbeforeherallthewhile,turnedagaintowalkbacksaying,withhaughtyrese,

  `Thereisnoneedformetogoanyfarther.Idontknowwhetheryousideritgentlemanlyanddelicateducttoplacemeinapositionthatforcedmetoeoutwithyou-orwhetheryouwishedtoinsultmestillfurtherbythrustinganinterviewupohisway.

  `Ofcourseyrywithmeforing,saidStephen,bitterly.`Ofcourseitisofnosequeamanhastosuffer-itisonlyyourwomansdignitythatyoucareabout.

  Maggiegaveaslightstart,suchasmighthaveefromtheslightestpossibleelectricshock.

  `AsifitwerenotenoughthatImentahisway-thatImmadwithloveforyou-thatIresistthestropassionamanfeel,becauseItrytobetruetootherclaims-butyoumusttreatmeasifIwereacoarsebrutewhowouldwillinglyoffendyou.Andwhen,ifIhadmyownchoice,Ishouldaskyoutakemyhand,andmyfortuneandmywholelife,anddowhatyoulikedwiththem.IknowIfotmyself-Itookanunwarrantableliberty-Ihatemyselfforhavingdo.ButIrepentedimmediately-Ivebeeingeversince.Yououghtnottothinkitunpardonable-amanwholoveswithhiswholesoul,asIdoyou,isliabletobemasteredbyhisfeelingsforamoment;butyouknow-youmustbelieve-thattheworstpainIcouldhaveistohavepainedyou-thatIwouldgivetheworldtorecalltheerror.

  Maggiedarednotspeak-darednotturnherhead.Thestrengththathadefromresewasallgoneandherlipswerequiveringvisibly.Shecouldnottrustherselftoutterthefullfivehatroseinahatfession.

  Theywereenearlyinfrontofthegateagain,andshepaused,trembling.

  `Youmustnotsaythesethings-Imusthem,shesaid,lookingdowninmisery,asStephencameinfrontofher,topreventherfromgoingfarthertowardsthegate.`Imverysorryforanypainyouhavetogh,butitisofospeak.

  `Yes,itisofuse,saidStephen,impetuously.`Itwouldbeofuseifyouwouldtreatmewithsomesortofpityandsiderationinsteadofdoingmevileinjustiyourmind.IcouldbeareverythingmorequietlyifIknewyoudidnthatemeforanib.Lookatme-seewhatahunteddevilIam:Ivebeenridingthirtymileseverydaytogetawayfromthethoughtofyou.

  Maggiedidnot-darednotlook.Shehadalreadyseentheharassedface.Butshesaidgently,`Idontthinkanyevilofyou.

  `Then,dearest,lookatme,saidStephen,i,teonesofey.`Dontgoawayfrommeyet.Givemeamomentshappiness-makemefeelyouvefivenme.

  `Yes,Idiveyou,saidMaggie,shakenbythosetones,andallthemhteherself.`Butprayletmegoinagain.Praygoaway.

  Agreattearfellfromunderherloweredeyelids.

  `Itgoawayfromyou-Itleaveyou,saidStephen,withstillmorepassionatepleading.`Ishallebackagainifyousendmeawaywiththisess-Itanswerformyself.Butifyouwillgowithmeonlyalittleway,Iliveonthat.Youseeplainlyenoughthatyerhasonlymademetentimesmoreunreasonable.

  Maggieturned.ButTahebayhorse,begantomakesuchspiritedremonstrancesagainstthisfrequentgeofdire,thatStephen,catgsightofWillyMosspeepingthroughthegate,calledout,`Here!justeandholdmyhorseforfiveminutes.

  `Ono,saidMaggie,hurriedly,`myauntwillthinkitse.

  `Nevermind,Stephenansweredimpatiently;`theydontknowthepeopleatStOggs.Leadhimupanddownjusthere,forfiveminutes,headdedtoWilly,whowasnowclosetothem;auroMaggiesside,andtheywalkedon.Itwasclearthatshemustgoonnow.

  `Takemyarm,saidStephereatingly;aookit,feelingallthewhileasifshewereslidingdownwardsinanightmare.

  `Thereisothismisery,shebegan,strugglingtorepeltheinfluencebyspeech.`Itiswicked-base-everallowingawordorlookthatLucy-thathtnothaveseen.ThinkofLucy.

  `Idothinkofher-blessher-IfIdidnt--StephenhadlaidhishandonMaggiesthatrestedonhisarm,ahfeltitdifficulttospeak.

  `AndIhaveotherties,Maggiewenton,atlast,erateeffort,-`evenifLucydid.

  `YagedtoPhilipWakem,saidStephen,hastily.`Isitso?

  `Isidermyselfeohim-Idoomarryanyoneelse.

  Stephenwassilentagainuntiltheyhadturofthesunintoasidelane,allgrassyaered.Thenheburstoutimpetuously,

  `Itisunnatural-itishorrible.Maggie,ifyoulovedmeasIloveyou,weshouldthroweverythiothewindsforthesakeofbelongingtoeachother.Weshouldbreakallthesemistakehatweremadeinblindness-aermiomarryeachother.

  `Iwouldratherdiethanfallintothattemptation,saidMaggie,withdeep,slowdistiness,-allthegatheredspiritualforceofpainfulyearsingtoheraidinthisextremity.Shedrewherarmfromhisasshespoke.

  `Tellmethenthatyoudontcareforme,hesaid,almostviolently.`Tellmethatyoulovesomeoneelsebetter.

  ItdartedthroughMaggiesmindthatherewasamodeofreleasingherselffromoutwardstruggle-totellStephenthatherwholehearthilips.Butherlipswouldnotutterthat,andshewassilent.

  `Ifyoudoloveme,dearest,saidStephely,takingupherhandagainandlayingitwithinhisarm,`itisbetter,itisrightthatweshouldmarryeachother.Wethelpthepainitwillgive.Itiseuponuswithoutourseeking:itisnatural-ithastakenholdofmeinspiteofeveryeffortIhavemadetoresistit.Godknows,Ivebeentryingtobefaithfultotagagements,andIveonlymadethingsworse-Idbetterhavegivenwayatfirst.

  `Maggiewassilent.Ifitweren-ifshewereonvihat,andneednolongerbeatandstruggleagainstthiscurrent,softarongasthesummerstream!

  `Say"yes,"dearest,saidStephen,leaningtolookeinglyinherface.`Whatcouldwecareaboutinthewholeworldbeside,ifwebelooeachother?

  Herbreathwasonhisface-hislipswereverynearhers-buttherewasagreatdreaddwellinginhisloveforher.

  Herlipsandeyelidsquivered-sheopenedhereyesfullonhisforaninstant,likealovelywildanimaltimidandstrugglingundercaresses,aurnedsharproundtowardshomeagain.

  `Andafterall,hewenton,inanimpatienttoryingtodefeathisownscruplesaswellashers,`Iambreakingnopositivee:-ifLucysaffeshadbeenwithdrawnfrommeandgiventosomeoneelse,Ishouldhavefeltnhttoassertaclaimonher.IfyouarenotabsolutelypledgedtoPhilip,weareherofusbound.

  `Youdontbelievethat-itisnotyourrealfeeling,saidMaggie,early.`Youfeel,asIdo,thattherealtieliesinthefeelingsandexpectationswehaveraisedinotherminds.Elseallpledgesmightbebrokeherewasnooutenalty.Therewouldbenosuchthingasfaithfulness.

  Stephenwassilent:hecouldnotpursuethatargument;theoppositevihadwroughtinhimtlythroughhisprevioustimele.Butitsooeditselfinanewform.

  `Thepledgetbefulfilled,hesaid,withimpetuousinsistaisunnatural:welypretendtogiveourselvestoanyoneelse.Thereiswronginthattoo-theremaybemiseryinitforthemaswellasforus.Maggie,youmustseethat-youdoseethat.

  Hewaslookingeagerlyatherfacefortheleastsignofpliance;hislarge,firm,gentlegraspwasonherhand.Shewassilentforafewmoments,withhereyesfixedontheground;thenshedrebreath,andsaid,lookingupathimwithsolemnsadness,

  `Oitisdifficult-lifeisverydifficult.Itseemsrighttomesometimesthatweshouldfollowourstrofeeling;-butthen,suchfeelingstinuallyeacrossthetiesthatallourformerlifehasmadeforus-thetiesthathavemadeothersdepeonus-andwouldcutthemintwo.Iflifewerequiteeasyandsimple,asitmighthavebeeninparadise,andwecouldalwaysseethatonebeingfirsttowardswhom...Imean,iflifedidnotmakedutiesforusbeforelovees-lovewouldbeasignthattwopeopleoughttobelongtoeachother.ButIsee-Ifeelitisnotsonow:therearethirenounlife-someofusmustresignlove.Manythingsaredifficultanddarktome-butIseeohingquiteclearly-thatImustnot,otseekmyoinessbysacrifigothers.Loveisnatural-butsurelypityandfaithfulnessandmemoryarenaturaltoo.Andtheywouldliveiill,andpunishmeifIdidhem.IshouldbehauhesufferingIhadcaused.Ourlovewouldbepoisoned.Deme;helpme-helpme,becauseIloveyou.

  Maggiehadbeoreandmoreearasshewenton;herfacehadbeeflushed,andhereyesfullerandfullerofappealinglove.Stephenhadthefibreofnoblenessinhimthatvibratedtoherappeal;butinthesamemoment-howcoulditbeotherwise?-thatpleadiygainednewpoweroverhim.

  `Dearest,hesaid,inscarcelymorethanawhisper,whilehisarmstoleroundher,`Illdo,Illbearanythingyouwish.But-onekiss-ohelast-beforewepart.

  Onekiss-andthenalonglook-untilMaggiesaidtremulously,`Letmego-letusmakehasteback.

  Shehurriedalongandnotanotherwordoken.StephenstoodstillandbeedwhentheycamewithinsightofWillyandthehorse,andMaggiewenththegate.MrsMosswasstandingalohedooroftheoldporch:shehadsentallthecousinsin,withkindthoughtfulness;itmightbeajoyfulthingthatMaggiehadaridhandsomelover,butshewouldnaturallyfeelembarrassedatinginagain-anditmightnotbejoyful.Ihercase,MrsMosswaitedanxiouslytoreceiveMaggiebyherself.Thepoorthingsfacesaidplainlyenoughthatiftherewasjoy,itwasofaveryagitatingdubioussort.

  `Sitdow,mydear.ShedrewMaggieintothepordsatdownonthebenchbyher.Thererivathehouse.

  `OauntGritty,Imverywretched.IwishIcouldhavediedwhenIwasfifteen.Itseemedsoeasytogivethingsupthen-itissohardnow.

  Thepoorchildthrewherarmsroundherauntsnedfellintolong,deepsobs.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读