PART 5

  [Interlude]

  [CuttoShanYusittingontopofatree.Hecutsofftheverytopwithhissword.Hisfalswoopsbuyanddropsadoll.Shan-Yutakesthedoll,sniffsit,lookssurprised,anddropsdowntotheground]

  Shan-Yu[tossingthedolltoHunStrongMan]:Whatdoyousee?

  HunStrongMan[feelingthedoll]:Blae,fromthehighmountains.[LongHairHunMahedollfromHunStrongMan.BaldHunMan#1takesahairasitpassesbyhim]

  BaldHunMan#1:Whitehorsehair.Imperialstallions.

  LongHairHunMan[sniffingthedoll]:Sulfur,fromons.

  Shan-Yu:ThisdollcamefromavillageiungShaoPass,wheretheImperialArmyswaitingforus.

  HunArcher:Weavoidthemeasily.

  Shan-Yu[shakinghishead]:No,thequickestwaytotheEmperoristhroughthatpass.Besides,thelittlegirlwillbemissingherdoll.Weshouldreturnittoher.

  [EndInterlude]

  [ulanbythelakewithMushu,Khan,andCri-Kee]

  Mushu:Hey,oh,ah,no,thisisnotagoodidea.Whatifsomebodyseesyou?

  Mulan[frombehindthereeds]:JustbecauseIlooklikeamameanIhavetosmelllikeone.

  Mushu[holdingatowelchiseyeswithhisears]:Soacoupleofguysdontriheirsocks,picky,picky,picky.WellmyselfIkindalikethatchipssmell.

  Mulan[runningbyMushuandjumpsintothelakesplashingwateronMushu]:Ahhhhhhh.

  Mushu:Okay,allright,allright,thatsenough.Now,,getoutbeforeyougetallprunyandstuff[holdingoutatoweltowardsMulankeepinghiseyescovered].

  Mulan:Mushu,ifyouresoworried,gostandwatch.

  Mushu:Yeah,yeah,[walkinginawomanlyfashionspeakinginwomansvoice]standwatchMushuwhileIblowoursecretwithmystupidgirlyhabits.[baal]Humph,hygiene.

  Cri-Kee[alarmed,tuggingonMushuswhiskers]:Chirp,Chirp.

  Yao:Mefirst!Mefirst!MeFirst![Yao,Lingand-PorunbyMushusmaghiminthefacewithcoloredboxers]

  Mushu[gasps]:Ah.Weredoomed!ThereacoupleofthingsIknowtheyreboundtonotice!

  [YaoandLingjumpintothewater.-Podipsinhistoetochecktemperaturethenjumpsincausingalargewave.YaoandLingridethewavetowardsMulan.Mulahemandhidesherfacebehindalilypad]

  Yao[calling]:Hey,Ping.

  [Mulanpeeksoverthelilypadandspreadsitoercherchest]

  Mulan[speakingnervouslyandunnaturallyinamanlyvoice]:Ohhiguys,Ididntknowyouwere*here*.[Yao,Lingand-Poshare"thisboyisstrange"looks]Iwasjustwashing,sonowImandImgonnago.Bye,bye.[Mulanhidesbehindarockkeepingherfrontfagtherock]

  Ling[frombehindMulan]:ebackhere.Iknoerejerkstoyoubeforesoletsstartover.[extendinghishandtoshakehandswithMulan]Hi,ImLing!

  Mulan[cherchestwithherleftarm,sheturnsandshakeshishandwithanoutstretchedrightarm,smiling]:Heh,heh.[MulanturnsandwadesawayfromLingandrunsinto-Po]

  -Po[takingalilypadoffhishead]:AndIm-Po.

  Mulan[wavingslightlyandsmiling]:Hello-Po.

  [Yaostandsontopofarocklookingdownattheothers.Mulanlooksdownintothewaterandhideshereyeswithherfreehand]

  Yao:AndIamYao,kingoftherodtheresnothinyougirlsdoaboutit.

  Ling[takingafightingstance]:Oh,yeah?Well,IthinkPing[elbowingMulan]andIcouldtakeyou.

  Mulan[wadingaway]:Ireallydontwanttotakehimanywhere.

  Ling[followingMulan]:Ping,wehavetofight!

  Mulan:.[unnaturally]Wecouldjustcloseoureyesandswimaround.

  Ling:dontbesuchag--Ouethingbitme.

  Mushu[poppingoutofthewaterbetweenMulanandLing]:Whatanastyflavor.

  Ling[withfearandgusto]:Snake!

  -Po[whileallthreeofthemclimbuptherodoneachother]:Snake,snake.

  [MulanwhistlesforKhanandwadesbacktoshore.KhanescloseenoughtoshoreandMulanhidesbehindKhanasshesatowelaroundherbody]

  [CuttoYao,Lingand-Pocalmeddownsittingontherock]

  Ling:Somekingoftherock![Yaopusheshimofftherock]

  [ulanwithtoweledaroundher]

  Mulan:Boy,thatwasclose.

  Mushu[brushinghisteeth]:No,thatwasvile!Youowemebig!

  Mulan:Ineverwanttoseeanakedmanagain.[therestofthetroopsrunbynakedandjumpintothelake]

  Mushu:Hey,dontlookatme.Iaintbitinganymorebutts.

  [ulanoutsideChiFusTenthavingdressedfully.ChiFuandShaalkingfrominside]

  ChiFu[fadingin]:Youthinkyourtroopsarereadytofight?Hah!TheywouldnotlastaminuteagainsttheHuns.

  Shang:Theypletedtheirtraining.

  ChiFu:Those*boys*arenomorefittobesoldiersthanyouaretobeCaptain.Ohegeneralreadsmyreport,yourtroopswillneverseebattle.

  Mushu[fromoutsidethetent]:Ohnoyoudont.IveworkedtetMulanintothiswar.[toCri-Kee]Thisguysmessingwithmyplan.

  Shang[grabbingontothefrontofChiFusclipboard]:Werenotfinished.

  ChiFu[pullingtheboardaway]:Becareful,Captain.TheGeneralmaybeyourfather,butIamtheEmperorscil.And,oh,bytheway,huh,Igotthatjobonmyown.[operahetentforShang]Youredismissed.

  [ShangstormsoutofthetentandstartstowalkbyMulan]

  Mulan[inamanlyvoice]:Hey,Illholdhimandyoupunch,heh,heh...[Shangwalksbywithoutreag]ornot.[callingouttoShang]Forwhatitsworth,Ithinkyreatcaptain.[Shangpausestoglanceback,thentinuesforward]

  Mushu[lookingatMulansfixedgazeonShang]:Isawthat!

  Mulan[ily]:What?

  Mushu[teasing]:Youlikehimdontyou?

  Mulan:No,I--

  Mushu:Yeahright,Yeahsure.Look,[pointingtoMula]gotoyourtent.[Mulanwalksawaywithalookofdelight.MushutalkstoCri-Kee]Ithinkitstimewetookthiswarintoourownhands[rubbinghandstogether].

  [MushuandCri-KeewaitoutsideChiFusTent.ChiFuemergeswithcarryingascrubbrushandedinatowelandwithbigshslippersonhisfeet.Hewhistlesashewalksoff.MushuandCri-Keeenterhistent.Cri-Keeuseshislegstowriteupaletter.HefinishesandMushutakesthepaper]

  Mushu:Okay,okay,letmeseewhatyouvegeneralLi,dearson,werewaitingforthehunsatthepassanditwouldmeanalotifyoudeandbackusup.[sarcastically]Thatsgreatexceptyot,"andsincewerealloutofpotpourri,maybeyouwouldntmindbringingupsome."Hellooooo,thisisthearmy!Makeitsoundment,please!YouknowwhatImtalkinabout?[Cri-Keestartswritieagain]Thatsbetter,muchbetter.[takie]Okay,Letsgo.

  [CuttoKhandrinkingwaterfromthetrough.Mushuisonhisback]

  Mushu:Khan-iebaby,hey,weneedaride.[KhansquirtsMushuoffhisbackwithwaterfromhismouth]

  [CuttoChiFuwalkingoutofthelakeedinatowel,soundsoflaughterbeheartfromthetroops]

  ChiFu[muttering]:Insubordinateruffians.[thencallingtothetroops]Youmenoairofslippers.AndIdonotsqueallikeagirl.[apandabearpsdownontheslipperChiFuisholding]Aaaaaahhhhhh!

  Mushu[sittingontopofthepandabearbehindadummyofasoldierusingstickstogesticulatewiththedummysarmstopushtheowardsChiFu.Cri-Keeworksthemouth]:Urgentnewsfromthegeneral![ChiFulooksoverthepanda]Whatsthematter,youveneverseenabladwhitebefore?

  ChiFu:Whoareyou?

  Mushu:Excuseme!Ithinkthequestionis:whoareyou?Wereinawarman!Theresnotimeforstupidquestions.Ishouldhaveyourhatforthat,[thepandastartswalkingforward]snatchitrightoffofyourhead[swipingwithanarmatChiFushat.MushuturnstheupperhalfofthedummyaroundafterthepandapassesChiFu.ChiFubeginsreadingthemessage].ButImfeelinggracioustoday,socarryonbeforeIreportyou.[thepandawalksupatreetakingMushuandCri-Keewithhimoutofsight]

  ChiFu[lookingaroundforMushubutnotfindinghim,thenrunsintoSha]:Captain.UrgentnewsfromtheGeneral.Werehefront.

  Mushu[fromupiree]:PackysCri-Kee,weremovinout.[Cri-KeehighfivesMushu]

  [Song:AGirlWorthFightingFor]

  ArmyChorus[troopswalkinguphill]:Foralongtimewevebeenmargofftobattle

  Yao[close-upofYao,thenashotof2cows]:Inathunderingherdwefeelalotlikecattle

  Cow[spoken]:Moo

  ArmyChorus[showingtroopsmarg]:Likethepoundiouragfeetareoignore

  Ling[catguptoYaoand-Po]:Hey,thinkofinstead,Agirlworthfightingfor[Yao,Lingand-Polookupwardsdreamily]

  Mulan[spokenfrombehind]:Huh?

  Ling[grabbingMulananddrawingherclosewhilepullingoutaterfold]:ThatswhatIsaid,agirlworthfightingfor[Mulanrunsawayseeierfold]

  [artistrysewheretheimagesaredrawnlikepaintedpeople.Lingisseenlookingatawomanandthenkissingher]Iwantherpalerthanthemoonwitheyesthatshinelikestars

  Yao[liftingandlawomanoverhisheadthenopeninghischesttoshoingwoundthatweseethewomanthrough]:Mygirlwillmarvelatmystrength,adoremybattlescars

  -Po[-Poandawomancirclearoundthenlandontheedgeofalargebowlofriceasacow,pigandchifallbesidethem]:IcouldntcarelesswhatshellwearorwhatshelookslikeItalldependsonwhatshecookslike:Beef,pork,chi...[endpaintedpeoplese,thelastimagefadesintostatuesthatthetroopsjustpassed]

  AllThree:Mmm...

  Yao[lookingatMulanwhilecrossingtheriverwithswordsovertheirheads.Mulanlooksdisgustedandhurriesforward]:Betthelocalgirlsthoughtyouwerequitethecharmer

  Ling[witharmorfullofwatertomakehimlookmuscular]:AndIllbettheladiesloveamaninarmor[thewaterleaksoutmakingLinglooklikehisnormalself]

  ArmyChorus[Mushuwhistlestoladieswinthericefieldfromoutofthecarriageholdingons.Cri-Keelooksshocked.TheladieslookandgiggleatMulanwhohidesherface]:YouguesswhatwehavemissedthemostsiofftowarWhatdowewant?Agirlworthfightingfor!

  Yao[MulanwalksawayfromYaoandinto-Po]:MygirlwillthinkIhavenofaults

  -Po:ThatImamajorfind

  Mulan[CaughtbetweenYao,Ling,and-Powhoalllookupdreamilywaitingforheridealwoman.Sheisforcedtospeak(sing)]:[spoken]Uh,[singing]Howaboutagirlwhosgotabrain,[Yaostartstolookunimpressed]Whoaleakshermind?[Mulanshrugshershoulders]

  Ling,Yaoand-Po[disdainfully,lookingdisappointedanddisgusted]:Nah!

  Ling[grabbingMulansshoulderandleaningonher,shetakeshishandoffandshakesherheaddisapprovingly.Lingleansagainstthecarriageofons]:Mymanlywaysandturnsofphrasearesuretothrillher

  Yao[hittingKhansothatthecarriagerunsoutfromunderLing.Linglooksupsetthenfallsinthemud]:Hethinkshessuchalady-killer!

  ChiFu:Iveagirlbaewhosunlikeanyother.

  Yao[asidetoMulaheonlygirlwhodlovehimishismother![Mulansmiles]

  ArmyMen[lininguplogarmsacrosseachothersshoulderswithMulaninthemiddletoherdistent]:Butwhenweehomeinvictorytheylllithedoor!

  Ling[sittingontopof-Po]:Whatdowewant?

  ArmyChorus:Agirlworthfightingfor!

  Ling:WishthatIhad

  ArmyChorus[Mulanbreaksawayandwalksintheoppositedireofthearmy]:Agirlworthfightingfor!(whistle)[MulanseesLing,Yao,and-Powithsnowballsabouttopelthersosheturnsaround]Agirlworthfighting--

  [Allhavestunnedlooksontheirfaces]

  [EndSong]

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