Chapter 2
Iresistedalltheway:ahingforme,andacircumstancewhichgreatlystrehebadopinionBessieandMissAbbotweredisposedtoeaihefactis,Iwasatriflebesidemyself;orratheroutofmyself,astheFrenchwouldsay:Iwassciousthatamoment’smutinyhadalreadyrenderedmeliabletepenalties,and,likeanyotherrebelslave,Ifeltresolved,inmydesperation,togoalllengths.
“Holdherarms,MissAbbot:she’slikeamadcat.”
“Forshame!forshame!”criedthelady’s-maid.“Whatshogduct,MissEyre,tostrikeayouleman,yourberess’sson!Youryoungmaster.”
“Master!Howishemymaster?AmIaservant?”
“No;youarelessthanaservant,foryoudonothingforyourkeep.There,sitdown,andthinkoveryourwiess.”
TheyhadgotmebythistimeintotheapartmentindicatedbyMrs.Reed,andhadthrustmeuponastool:myimpulsewastorisefromitlikeaspring;theirtwopairofhandsarrestedmeinstantly.
“Ifyoudon’tsitstill,youmustbetieddown,”saidBessie.“MissAbbot,lendmeyarters;shewouldbreakminedirectly.”
MissAbbotturodivestastoutlegofthenecessaryligature.Thispreparationforbonds,andtheadditionalignominyitinferred,tookalittleoftheexcitementoutofme.
“Don’ttakethemoff,”Icried;“Iwillnotstir.”
Inguaranteewhereof,Iattachedmyselftomyseatbymyhands.
“Mindyoudon’t,”saidBessie;andwhenshehadascertaihatIwasreallysubsiding,sheloosenedherholdofme;thensheandMissAbbotstoodwithfoldedarms,lookingdarklyanddoubtfullyonmyface,asincredulousofmysanity.
“Sheneverdidsobefore,”atlastsaidBessie,turningtotheAbigail.
“Butitwasalwaysinher,”wasthereply.“I’vetoldMissisoftenmyopinionaboutthechild,andMissisagreedwithme.She’sanunderhandlittlething:Ineversawagirlewithsomuchcover.”
Bessieanswerednot;buterelong,addressingme,shesaid—“Yououghttobeaware,Miss,thatyouareunderobligationstoMrs.Reed:shekeepsyou:ifsheweretoturnyouoff,youwouldhavetogotothepoorhouse.”
Ihadnothingtosaytothesewords:theywereome:myveryfirstrecollesofexistencludedhintsofthesamekind.Thisreproaydependencehadbeeavaguesing-songinmyear:verypainfulandcrushing,butonlyhalfintelligible.MissAbbotjoinedin—
“AndyououghtnottothinkyourselfonanequalitywiththeMissesReedandMasterReed,becauseMissiskindlyallowsyouthtupwiththem.Theywillhaveagreatdealofmoney,andyouwillhaveisyourplacetobehumble,andtotrytomakeyourselfagreeabletothem.”
“Whatwetellyouisforyood,”addedBessie,innoharshvoice,“youshouldtrytobeusefulandpleasant,then,perhaps,youwouldhaveahomehere;butifyoubeepassionateandrude,Missiswillsendyouaway,Iamsure.”
“Besides,”saidMissAbbot,“Godwillpunishher:Hemightstrikeherdeadinthemidstofhertantrums,andthenwherewouldshego?e,Bessie,wewillleaveher:Iwouldn’thaveherheartforanything.Sayyourprayers,MissEyre,whenyouarebyyourself;forifyoudo,somethingbadmightbepermittedtoedowntheeyachyouaway.”
Theywent,shuttingthedoor,andlogitbehindthem.
Thered-roomwasasquarechamber,veryseldomsleptin,Imightsaynever,indeed,unlesswhenafluxofvisitatesheadHallrenecessarytoturntoatalltheaodationittained:yetitwasohelargestandstateliestchambersinthemansion.Abedsupportedonmassivepillarsofmahogany,hungwithcurtainsofdeepreddamask,stoodoutlikeataberhetre;thetwewindows,withtheirblindsalwaysdraerehalfshroudedioonsandfallsofsimilardrapery;thecarpetwasred;thetableatthefootofthebedwascoveredwithacrimsoncloth;thewallswereasoftfawncolourwithablushofpinkinit;thewardrobe,thetoilet-table,thechairswereofdarklypolishedoldmahogany.Outofthesedeepsurroundingshadesrosehigh,andglaredwhite,thepiled-upmattressesandpillowsofthebed,spreadwithasnowyMarseillesterpane.Scarcelylesspromilecushionedeasy-chairheheadofthebed,alsowhite,withafootstoolbeforeit;andlooking,asIthought,likeapalethrone.
Thisroomwaschill,becauseitseldomhadafire;itwassilent,becauseremotefromthenurseryandkit;solemn,becauseitwasknowntobesoseldomehehouse-maidalonecamehereonSaturdays,towipefromthemirrorsandthefurnitureaweek’squietdust:andMrs.Reedherself,atfarintervals,visitedittoreviewthetentsofacertaidrawerinthewardrobe,wherewerestoreddiversparts,herjewel-casket,andaminiatureofherdeceasedhusband;andinthoselastwordsliesthesecretofthered-room—thespellwhichkeptitsolonelyinspiteofitsgrandeur.
Mr.Reedhadbeendeadnineyears:itwasinthischamberhebreathedhislast;herehelayinstate;hencehiscoffinwasborheuaker’smen;and,siday,asenseofdrearysecrationhadguardeditfromfrequentintrusion.
Myseat,towhichBessieaerMissAbbothadleftmeriveted,wasalowottomahemarbleey-piece;thebedrosebeforeme;ththandtherewasthehigh,darkwardrobe,withsubdued,brokenreflesvaryingtheglossofitspaomyleftwerethemuffledwindows;agreatlooking-glassbetweenthemrepeatedthevatmajestyofthebedandroom.Iwasnotquitesurewhethertheyhadlockedthedoor;andwhenIdaredmove,Igotupaosee.Alas!yes:nojailwasevermoresecure.Returning,Ihadtocrossbeforethelooking-glass;myfasatedglanvoluntarilyexploredthedepthitrevealed.Alllookedcolderanddarkerinthatvisionaryhollowthay:aralefiguretheregazingatme,withawhitefadarmsspegthegloom,andglitteringeyesoffearmovingwhereallelsewasstill,hadtheeffectofarealspirit:Ithoughtitlikeohetinyphantoms,halffairy,halfimp,Bessie’seveningstoriesrepresentedasingoutoflone,fernydellsinmoors,andappearingbeforetheeyesofbelatedtravellers.Ireturomystool.
Superstitionwaswithmeatthatmoment;butitwasherhourforpleteviybloodwasstillwarm;themoodoftherevoltedslavewasstillbragmewithitsbittervigour;IhadtostemarapidrushofretrospectivethoughtbeforeIquailedtothedismalpresent.
AllJohnReed’sviolenttyrannies,allhissisters’proudindifference,allhismother’saversion,alltheservants’partiality,turnedupinmydisturbedmindlikeadarkdepositinaturbidwell.WhywasIalwayssuffering,alwaysbrowbeaten,alwaysaccused,foreverned?WhycouldIneverplease?Whywasituselesstotrytowinanyone’sfavour?Eliza,whowasheadstrongandselfish,wasrespected.Geiana,oiledtemper,averyacridspite,acaptiousandicarriage,wasuniversallyindulged.Herbeauty,herpinkcheeksandgoldencurls,seemedtogivedelighttoallwholookedather,andtopurchaseiyforeveryfault.Johnhwarted,muchlesspuhoughhetwistedthenecksofthepigeons,killedthelittlepea-chicks,setthedogsatthesheep,strippedthehothouseviheirfruit,andbrokethebudsoffthechoicestplantsintheservatory:hecalledhismother“oldgirl,”too;sometimesreviledherforherdarkskin,similartohisown;bluntlydisregardedherwishes;notunfrequentlytoreandspoiledhersilkattire;andhewasstill“herowndarling.”Idareditnofault:Istrovetofulfileveryduty;andIwastermednaughtyandtiresome,sullenandsneaking,frtonoon,andfromnoontonight.
MyheadstillachedahtheblowandfallIhadreceived:noonehadreprovedJohnforwantonlystrikingme;andbecauseIhadturnedagainsthimtoavertfartherirrationalviolence,Iwasloadedwithgeneralopprobrium.
“Unjust!—unjust!”saidmyreason,forcedbytheagonisingstimulusintoprecociousthoughtransitorypower:andResolve,equallywroughtup,instigatedsomestrangeexpedienttoachieveescapefrominsupportableoppression—asrunningaway,or,ifthatcouldnotbeeffected,ingordrinkingmore,aingmyselfdie.
Whatasternationofsoulwasmidrearyafternoon!Howallmybrainwasintumult,andallmyheartininsurre!Yetinwhatdarkness,whatdenseignorance,wasthementalbattlefought!Icouldnotaheceaselessinwardquestion—whyIthussuffered;now,atthedistanceof—Iwillnotsayhowmanyyears,Iseeitclearly.
IwasadiscatesheadHall:Iwaslikenobodythere;IhadnothinginharmonywithMrs.Reedorherchildren,orherchosenvassalage.Iftheydidnotloveme,infact,aslittledidIlovethem.Theywerenotboundtardwithaffeathingthatcouldnotsympathisewithoneamongstthem;aheterogehing,opposedtothemintemperament,incapacity,inpropensities;auselessthing,incapabletheiri,oraddingtotheirpleasure;anoxiousthing,cherishingthegermsofindignationattheirtreatment,ofptoftheirjudgment.IknowthathadIbeenasanguine,brilliant,careless,exag,handsome,rompingchild—thoughequallydepeandfriendless—Mrs.Reedwouldhaveenduredmypresencemoreplatly;herchildrenwouldhaveeainedformemoreofthecordialityoffellow-feeling;theservantswouldhavebeenlessproomakemethescapegoatofthenursery.
Daylightbegantoforsakethered-room;itastfouro’clodthebecloudedafternoonwastendingtodreartwilight.Iheardtherainstillbeatingtinuouslyoaircasewindow,andthewindhowlinginthegrovebehindthehall;Igrewbydegreescoldasastone,andthenmycesank.Myhabitualmoodofhumiliation,self-doubt,forlorndepression,felldampontheembersofmydegire.AllsaidIwaswicked,andperhapsImightbeso;whatthoughthadIbeenbutjustceivingofstarvingmyselftodeath?Thatcertainlywasacrime:andwasIfittodie?OrwasthevaultuhecelofGatesheadChurinvitingbourne?InsuchvaultIhadbeentolddidMr.Reedlieburied;ahisthoughttorecallhisidea,Idweltonitwithgatheringdread.Icouldnotrememberhim;butIkhathewasmyownuncle—mymother’sbrother—thathehadtakenmearentlessinfanttohishouse;andthatinhislastmomentshehadrequiredapromiseofMrs.Reedthatshewouldrearandmaintainmeasoneofherownchildren.Mrs.Reedprobablysideredshehadkeptthispromise;andsoshehad,Idaresay,aswellashernaturewouldpermither;buthowcouldshereallylikeaninterlopernotofherradunectedwithher,afterherhusband’sdeath,byamusthavebeenmostirksometofindherselfboundbyahard-wruostandieadofaparenttechildshecouldnotlove,andtoseeanungenialalienpermalyintrudedonherownfamilygroup.
Asingularnotiondawneduponme.Idoubtednot—neverdoubted—thatifMr.Reedhadbeenalivehewouldhavetreatedmekindly;andnow,asIsatlookingatthewhitebedandovershadowedwalls—occasionallyalsafasatedeyetowardsthedimlygleaningmirror—IbegantorecallwhatIhadheardofdeadmen,troubledintheirgravesbytheviolationoftheirlastwishes,revisitihtopunishtheperjuredaheoppressed;andIthoughtMr.Reed’sspirit,harassedbythewrongsofhissister’schild,mightquititsabode—whetherinthechurchvaultorintheunknownworldofthedeparted—andrisebeforemeinthischamber.Iwipedmytearsandhushedmysobs,fearfullestanysignofviolentgriefmightwakeernaturalvoifortme,orelicitfromthegloomsomehaloedface,bendingovermewithstray.Thisidea,solatoryintheory,Ifeltwouldbeterribleifrealised:withallmymightIendeavouredtostifleit—Iendeavouredtobefirm.Shakingmyhairfrommyeyes,Iliftedmyheadandtriedtolookboldlyroundthedarkroom;atthismomentalightgleamedonthewall.Wasit,Iaskedmyself,arayfromthemooingsomeapertureintheblind?No;moonlightwasstill,andthisstirred;whileIgazed,itglideduptotheceilingandquiveredovermyhead.Iowjecturereadilythatthisstreakoflightwas,inalllikelihood,agleamfromalanterncarriedbysomeoneacrossthelawn:butthen,preparedasmymindwasforhorror,shakenasmynerveswerebyagitation,Ithoughttheswiftdartingbeamwasaheraldofsomeingvisionfromanotherworld.Myheartbeatthick,myheadgrewhot;asoundfilledmyears,whichIdeemedtherushingofwings;somethingseemednearme;Iressed,suffocated:endurancebrokedown;Irushedtothedoorandshookthelodesperateeffort.Stepscamerunningaloerpassage;thekeyturned,BessieandAbbotentered.
“MissEyre,areyouill?”saidBessie.
“Whatadreadfulwentquitethroughme!”exclaimedAbbot.
“Takemeout!Letmegointothenursery!”wasmycry.
“Whatfor?Areyouhurt?Haveyouseehing?”againdemandedBessie.
“Oh!Isawalight,andIthoughtaghostwoulde.”IhadnowgotholdofBessie’shand,andshedidnotsnatchitfromme.
“Shehasscreamedoutonpurpose,”declaredAbbot,insomedisgust.“Andwhatascream!Ifshehadbeenipainonewouldhaveexcusedit,butsheonlywausallhere:Iknhtytricks.”
“Whatisallthis?”demandedanothervoiceperemptorily;andMrs.Reedcamealongthecorridor,hercapflyingwide,hergownrustlingstormily.“AbbotandBessie,IbelieveIgaveordersthatJaneEyreshouldbeleftinthered-roomtillIcametohermyself.”
“MissJanescreamedsoloud,ma’am,”pleadedBessie.
“Lethergo,”wastheonlyanswer.“LooseBessie’shand,child:youotsucceediingoutbythesemeans,beassured.Iabhorartifice,particularlyinchildren;itismydutytoshowyouthattrickswillnotanswer:youwillnowstayhereanher,anditisonlyonditionofperfectsubmissionandstillhatIshallliberateyouthen.”
“Oaunt!havepity!Fiveme!Iote—letmebepunishedsomeotherway!Ishallbekilledif—”
“Silehisviolenceisallmostrepulsive:”andso,nodoubt,shefeltit.Irecociousactressinhereyes;shesincerelylookedonmeasapoundofvirulentpassions,meanspirit,anddangerousduplicity.
BessieandAbbothavireated,Mrs.Reed,impatientofmynowfrantiguishandwildsobs,abruptlythrustmebadlockedmein,withoutfartherparley.Iheardhersweepingaway;andsoonaftershewasgone,IsupposeIhadaspeciesoffit:unsciousnessclosedthese.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
“Holdherarms,MissAbbot:she’slikeamadcat.”
“Forshame!forshame!”criedthelady’s-maid.“Whatshogduct,MissEyre,tostrikeayouleman,yourberess’sson!Youryoungmaster.”
“Master!Howishemymaster?AmIaservant?”
“No;youarelessthanaservant,foryoudonothingforyourkeep.There,sitdown,andthinkoveryourwiess.”
TheyhadgotmebythistimeintotheapartmentindicatedbyMrs.Reed,andhadthrustmeuponastool:myimpulsewastorisefromitlikeaspring;theirtwopairofhandsarrestedmeinstantly.
“Ifyoudon’tsitstill,youmustbetieddown,”saidBessie.“MissAbbot,lendmeyarters;shewouldbreakminedirectly.”
MissAbbotturodivestastoutlegofthenecessaryligature.Thispreparationforbonds,andtheadditionalignominyitinferred,tookalittleoftheexcitementoutofme.
“Don’ttakethemoff,”Icried;“Iwillnotstir.”
Inguaranteewhereof,Iattachedmyselftomyseatbymyhands.
“Mindyoudon’t,”saidBessie;andwhenshehadascertaihatIwasreallysubsiding,sheloosenedherholdofme;thensheandMissAbbotstoodwithfoldedarms,lookingdarklyanddoubtfullyonmyface,asincredulousofmysanity.
“Sheneverdidsobefore,”atlastsaidBessie,turningtotheAbigail.
“Butitwasalwaysinher,”wasthereply.“I’vetoldMissisoftenmyopinionaboutthechild,andMissisagreedwithme.She’sanunderhandlittlething:Ineversawagirlewithsomuchcover.”
Bessieanswerednot;buterelong,addressingme,shesaid—“Yououghttobeaware,Miss,thatyouareunderobligationstoMrs.Reed:shekeepsyou:ifsheweretoturnyouoff,youwouldhavetogotothepoorhouse.”
Ihadnothingtosaytothesewords:theywereome:myveryfirstrecollesofexistencludedhintsofthesamekind.Thisreproaydependencehadbeeavaguesing-songinmyear:verypainfulandcrushing,butonlyhalfintelligible.MissAbbotjoinedin—
“AndyououghtnottothinkyourselfonanequalitywiththeMissesReedandMasterReed,becauseMissiskindlyallowsyouthtupwiththem.Theywillhaveagreatdealofmoney,andyouwillhaveisyourplacetobehumble,andtotrytomakeyourselfagreeabletothem.”
“Whatwetellyouisforyood,”addedBessie,innoharshvoice,“youshouldtrytobeusefulandpleasant,then,perhaps,youwouldhaveahomehere;butifyoubeepassionateandrude,Missiswillsendyouaway,Iamsure.”
“Besides,”saidMissAbbot,“Godwillpunishher:Hemightstrikeherdeadinthemidstofhertantrums,andthenwherewouldshego?e,Bessie,wewillleaveher:Iwouldn’thaveherheartforanything.Sayyourprayers,MissEyre,whenyouarebyyourself;forifyoudo,somethingbadmightbepermittedtoedowntheeyachyouaway.”
Theywent,shuttingthedoor,andlogitbehindthem.
Thered-roomwasasquarechamber,veryseldomsleptin,Imightsaynever,indeed,unlesswhenafluxofvisitatesheadHallrenecessarytoturntoatalltheaodationittained:yetitwasohelargestandstateliestchambersinthemansion.Abedsupportedonmassivepillarsofmahogany,hungwithcurtainsofdeepreddamask,stoodoutlikeataberhetre;thetwewindows,withtheirblindsalwaysdraerehalfshroudedioonsandfallsofsimilardrapery;thecarpetwasred;thetableatthefootofthebedwascoveredwithacrimsoncloth;thewallswereasoftfawncolourwithablushofpinkinit;thewardrobe,thetoilet-table,thechairswereofdarklypolishedoldmahogany.Outofthesedeepsurroundingshadesrosehigh,andglaredwhite,thepiled-upmattressesandpillowsofthebed,spreadwithasnowyMarseillesterpane.Scarcelylesspromilecushionedeasy-chairheheadofthebed,alsowhite,withafootstoolbeforeit;andlooking,asIthought,likeapalethrone.
Thisroomwaschill,becauseitseldomhadafire;itwassilent,becauseremotefromthenurseryandkit;solemn,becauseitwasknowntobesoseldomehehouse-maidalonecamehereonSaturdays,towipefromthemirrorsandthefurnitureaweek’squietdust:andMrs.Reedherself,atfarintervals,visitedittoreviewthetentsofacertaidrawerinthewardrobe,wherewerestoreddiversparts,herjewel-casket,andaminiatureofherdeceasedhusband;andinthoselastwordsliesthesecretofthered-room—thespellwhichkeptitsolonelyinspiteofitsgrandeur.
Mr.Reedhadbeendeadnineyears:itwasinthischamberhebreathedhislast;herehelayinstate;hencehiscoffinwasborheuaker’smen;and,siday,asenseofdrearysecrationhadguardeditfromfrequentintrusion.
Myseat,towhichBessieaerMissAbbothadleftmeriveted,wasalowottomahemarbleey-piece;thebedrosebeforeme;ththandtherewasthehigh,darkwardrobe,withsubdued,brokenreflesvaryingtheglossofitspaomyleftwerethemuffledwindows;agreatlooking-glassbetweenthemrepeatedthevatmajestyofthebedandroom.Iwasnotquitesurewhethertheyhadlockedthedoor;andwhenIdaredmove,Igotupaosee.Alas!yes:nojailwasevermoresecure.Returning,Ihadtocrossbeforethelooking-glass;myfasatedglanvoluntarilyexploredthedepthitrevealed.Alllookedcolderanddarkerinthatvisionaryhollowthay:aralefiguretheregazingatme,withawhitefadarmsspegthegloom,andglitteringeyesoffearmovingwhereallelsewasstill,hadtheeffectofarealspirit:Ithoughtitlikeohetinyphantoms,halffairy,halfimp,Bessie’seveningstoriesrepresentedasingoutoflone,fernydellsinmoors,andappearingbeforetheeyesofbelatedtravellers.Ireturomystool.
Superstitionwaswithmeatthatmoment;butitwasherhourforpleteviybloodwasstillwarm;themoodoftherevoltedslavewasstillbragmewithitsbittervigour;IhadtostemarapidrushofretrospectivethoughtbeforeIquailedtothedismalpresent.
AllJohnReed’sviolenttyrannies,allhissisters’proudindifference,allhismother’saversion,alltheservants’partiality,turnedupinmydisturbedmindlikeadarkdepositinaturbidwell.WhywasIalwayssuffering,alwaysbrowbeaten,alwaysaccused,foreverned?WhycouldIneverplease?Whywasituselesstotrytowinanyone’sfavour?Eliza,whowasheadstrongandselfish,wasrespected.Geiana,oiledtemper,averyacridspite,acaptiousandicarriage,wasuniversallyindulged.Herbeauty,herpinkcheeksandgoldencurls,seemedtogivedelighttoallwholookedather,andtopurchaseiyforeveryfault.Johnhwarted,muchlesspuhoughhetwistedthenecksofthepigeons,killedthelittlepea-chicks,setthedogsatthesheep,strippedthehothouseviheirfruit,andbrokethebudsoffthechoicestplantsintheservatory:hecalledhismother“oldgirl,”too;sometimesreviledherforherdarkskin,similartohisown;bluntlydisregardedherwishes;notunfrequentlytoreandspoiledhersilkattire;andhewasstill“herowndarling.”Idareditnofault:Istrovetofulfileveryduty;andIwastermednaughtyandtiresome,sullenandsneaking,frtonoon,andfromnoontonight.
MyheadstillachedahtheblowandfallIhadreceived:noonehadreprovedJohnforwantonlystrikingme;andbecauseIhadturnedagainsthimtoavertfartherirrationalviolence,Iwasloadedwithgeneralopprobrium.
“Unjust!—unjust!”saidmyreason,forcedbytheagonisingstimulusintoprecociousthoughtransitorypower:andResolve,equallywroughtup,instigatedsomestrangeexpedienttoachieveescapefrominsupportableoppression—asrunningaway,or,ifthatcouldnotbeeffected,ingordrinkingmore,aingmyselfdie.
Whatasternationofsoulwasmidrearyafternoon!Howallmybrainwasintumult,andallmyheartininsurre!Yetinwhatdarkness,whatdenseignorance,wasthementalbattlefought!Icouldnotaheceaselessinwardquestion—whyIthussuffered;now,atthedistanceof—Iwillnotsayhowmanyyears,Iseeitclearly.
IwasadiscatesheadHall:Iwaslikenobodythere;IhadnothinginharmonywithMrs.Reedorherchildren,orherchosenvassalage.Iftheydidnotloveme,infact,aslittledidIlovethem.Theywerenotboundtardwithaffeathingthatcouldnotsympathisewithoneamongstthem;aheterogehing,opposedtothemintemperament,incapacity,inpropensities;auselessthing,incapabletheiri,oraddingtotheirpleasure;anoxiousthing,cherishingthegermsofindignationattheirtreatment,ofptoftheirjudgment.IknowthathadIbeenasanguine,brilliant,careless,exag,handsome,rompingchild—thoughequallydepeandfriendless—Mrs.Reedwouldhaveenduredmypresencemoreplatly;herchildrenwouldhaveeainedformemoreofthecordialityoffellow-feeling;theservantswouldhavebeenlessproomakemethescapegoatofthenursery.
Daylightbegantoforsakethered-room;itastfouro’clodthebecloudedafternoonwastendingtodreartwilight.Iheardtherainstillbeatingtinuouslyoaircasewindow,andthewindhowlinginthegrovebehindthehall;Igrewbydegreescoldasastone,andthenmycesank.Myhabitualmoodofhumiliation,self-doubt,forlorndepression,felldampontheembersofmydegire.AllsaidIwaswicked,andperhapsImightbeso;whatthoughthadIbeenbutjustceivingofstarvingmyselftodeath?Thatcertainlywasacrime:andwasIfittodie?OrwasthevaultuhecelofGatesheadChurinvitingbourne?InsuchvaultIhadbeentolddidMr.Reedlieburied;ahisthoughttorecallhisidea,Idweltonitwithgatheringdread.Icouldnotrememberhim;butIkhathewasmyownuncle—mymother’sbrother—thathehadtakenmearentlessinfanttohishouse;andthatinhislastmomentshehadrequiredapromiseofMrs.Reedthatshewouldrearandmaintainmeasoneofherownchildren.Mrs.Reedprobablysideredshehadkeptthispromise;andsoshehad,Idaresay,aswellashernaturewouldpermither;buthowcouldshereallylikeaninterlopernotofherradunectedwithher,afterherhusband’sdeath,byamusthavebeenmostirksometofindherselfboundbyahard-wruostandieadofaparenttechildshecouldnotlove,andtoseeanungenialalienpermalyintrudedonherownfamilygroup.
Asingularnotiondawneduponme.Idoubtednot—neverdoubted—thatifMr.Reedhadbeenalivehewouldhavetreatedmekindly;andnow,asIsatlookingatthewhitebedandovershadowedwalls—occasionallyalsafasatedeyetowardsthedimlygleaningmirror—IbegantorecallwhatIhadheardofdeadmen,troubledintheirgravesbytheviolationoftheirlastwishes,revisitihtopunishtheperjuredaheoppressed;andIthoughtMr.Reed’sspirit,harassedbythewrongsofhissister’schild,mightquititsabode—whetherinthechurchvaultorintheunknownworldofthedeparted—andrisebeforemeinthischamber.Iwipedmytearsandhushedmysobs,fearfullestanysignofviolentgriefmightwakeernaturalvoifortme,orelicitfromthegloomsomehaloedface,bendingovermewithstray.Thisidea,solatoryintheory,Ifeltwouldbeterribleifrealised:withallmymightIendeavouredtostifleit—Iendeavouredtobefirm.Shakingmyhairfrommyeyes,Iliftedmyheadandtriedtolookboldlyroundthedarkroom;atthismomentalightgleamedonthewall.Wasit,Iaskedmyself,arayfromthemooingsomeapertureintheblind?No;moonlightwasstill,andthisstirred;whileIgazed,itglideduptotheceilingandquiveredovermyhead.Iowjecturereadilythatthisstreakoflightwas,inalllikelihood,agleamfromalanterncarriedbysomeoneacrossthelawn:butthen,preparedasmymindwasforhorror,shakenasmynerveswerebyagitation,Ithoughttheswiftdartingbeamwasaheraldofsomeingvisionfromanotherworld.Myheartbeatthick,myheadgrewhot;asoundfilledmyears,whichIdeemedtherushingofwings;somethingseemednearme;Iressed,suffocated:endurancebrokedown;Irushedtothedoorandshookthelodesperateeffort.Stepscamerunningaloerpassage;thekeyturned,BessieandAbbotentered.
“MissEyre,areyouill?”saidBessie.
“Whatadreadfulwentquitethroughme!”exclaimedAbbot.
“Takemeout!Letmegointothenursery!”wasmycry.
“Whatfor?Areyouhurt?Haveyouseehing?”againdemandedBessie.
“Oh!Isawalight,andIthoughtaghostwoulde.”IhadnowgotholdofBessie’shand,andshedidnotsnatchitfromme.
“Shehasscreamedoutonpurpose,”declaredAbbot,insomedisgust.“Andwhatascream!Ifshehadbeenipainonewouldhaveexcusedit,butsheonlywausallhere:Iknhtytricks.”
“Whatisallthis?”demandedanothervoiceperemptorily;andMrs.Reedcamealongthecorridor,hercapflyingwide,hergownrustlingstormily.“AbbotandBessie,IbelieveIgaveordersthatJaneEyreshouldbeleftinthered-roomtillIcametohermyself.”
“MissJanescreamedsoloud,ma’am,”pleadedBessie.
“Lethergo,”wastheonlyanswer.“LooseBessie’shand,child:youotsucceediingoutbythesemeans,beassured.Iabhorartifice,particularlyinchildren;itismydutytoshowyouthattrickswillnotanswer:youwillnowstayhereanher,anditisonlyonditionofperfectsubmissionandstillhatIshallliberateyouthen.”
“Oaunt!havepity!Fiveme!Iote—letmebepunishedsomeotherway!Ishallbekilledif—”
“Silehisviolenceisallmostrepulsive:”andso,nodoubt,shefeltit.Irecociousactressinhereyes;shesincerelylookedonmeasapoundofvirulentpassions,meanspirit,anddangerousduplicity.
BessieandAbbothavireated,Mrs.Reed,impatientofmynowfrantiguishandwildsobs,abruptlythrustmebadlockedmein,withoutfartherparley.Iheardhersweepingaway;andsoonaftershewasgone,IsupposeIhadaspeciesoffit:unsciousnessclosedthese.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
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