Chapter 3
ThehingIrememberis,wakingupwithafeelingasifIhadhadafrightfulnightmare,andseeingbeforemeaterribleredglare,crossedwiththickblackbars.Iheardvoices,too,speakingwithahollowsound,andasifmuffledbyarushofwindorwater:agitation,uainty,andanall-predominatingseerrorfusedmyfaculties.Erelong,Ibecameawarethatsomeonewashandlingme;liftingmeupandsuppmeinasittingposture,andthatmoretehanIhadeverbeenraisedorupheldbefore.Irestedmyheadagainstapilloworanarm,aeasy.
Infiveminutesmorethecloudofbewildermentdissolved:IknewquitewellthatIwasinmyownbed,andthattheredglarewasthenurseryfire.Itwasnight:adleburntoable;Bessiestoodatthebed-footwithabasininherhand,alemansatinachairnearmypillow,leaningoverme.
Ifeltaninexpressiblerelief,asoothingviofproteandsecurity,whehattherewasastraheroom,anindividualnotbelongingtoGateshead.,andedtoMrs.Reed.TurningfromBessie(thoughherpresencewasfarlessobnoxioustomethanthatofAbbot,forinstance,wouldhavebeen),Iscrutihefaceofthegentleman:Iknewhim;itwasMr.Lloyd,anapothecary,sometimescalledinbyMrs.Reedwhentheservantswereailing:forherselfandthechildrensheemployedaphysi.
“Well,whoamI?”heasked.
Ipronouncedhisname,himatthesametimemyhaookit,smilingandsaying,“Weshalldoverywellby-and-by.”Thenhelaidmedown,andaddressingBessie,chargedhertobeverycarefulthatIwasnotdisturbedduringthenight.Havinggiveherdires,andintimatesthatheshouldcallagaiday,hedeparted;tomygrief:Ifeltsoshelteredandbefriendedwhilehesatinthechairnearmypillow;andasheclosedthedoorafterhim,alltheroomdarkenedandmyheartagainsank:inexpressiblesadnessweigheditdown.
“Doyoufeelasifyoushouldsleep,Miss?”askedBessie,rathersoftly.
ScarcelydaredIanswerher;forIfearedthesentencemightberough.“Iwilltry.”
“Wouldyouliketodrink,orcouldyoueatanything?”
“No,thankyou,Bessie.”
“ThenIthinkIshallgotobed,foritispasttwelveo’clock;butyoumaycallmeifyouwantanythinginthenight.”
Wonderfulcivilitythis!Itemboldeoaskaquestion.
“Bessie,whatisthematterwithme?AmIill?”
“Youfellsick,Isuppose,inthered-roomwithg;you’llbebettersoon,nodoubt.”
Bessiewentintothehousemaid’sapartment,whichwasnear.Iheardhersay—
“Sarah,eandsleepwithmeinthenursery;Idaren’tformylifebealohthatpoorchildto-night:shemightdie;it’ssuchastrahingsheshouldhavethatfit:Iwonderifshesawanything.Missiswasrathertoohard.”
Sarahcamebackwithher;theybothwenttobed;theywerewhisperingtogetherforhalf-an-hourbeforetheyfellasleep.Icaughtscrapsoftheirversation,fromwhichIwasableonlytoodistinctlytoihemainsubjectdiscussed.
“Somethingpassedher,alldressedinwhite,andvanished”—“Agreatblackdogbehindhim”—“Threeloudrapsonthechamberdoor”—“Alightinthechurchyardjustrave,”&c.&c.
Atlastbothslept:thefireandthedlewentout.Forme,thewatchesofthatlongnightpassedinghastlywakefulness;strainedbydread:suchdreadaschildrenonlyfeel.
Nosevereorprolongedbodilyillnessfollowedthisiofthered-room;itonlygavemynervesashockofwhichIfeelthereverberationtothisday.Yes,Mrs.Reed,toyouIowesomefearfulpangsofmentalsuffering,butIoughttiveyou,foryoukwhatyoudid:whilerendingmyheart-strings,youthoughtyouwereonlyuprootingmybadpropensities.
day,bynoon,Ianddressed,andsatedinashawlbythenurseryhearth.Ifeltphysicallyweakandbrokendown:butmyworseailmentwasanunutterablewretessofmind:awretesswhichkeptdrawingfrommesilenttears;nosoonerhadIwipedodropfrommycheekthananotherfollowed.Yet,Ithought,Ioughttohavebeenhappy,forheReedswerethere,theywereallgointhecarriagewiththeirmama.Abbot,too,wassewinginanotherroom,andBessie,asshemovedhitherandthither,puttingawaytoysandarrangingdrawers,addressedtomeeverynowandthenawordofunwontedkihisstateofthingsshouldhavebeentomeaparadiseofpeace,acedasIwastoalifeofceaselessreprimandandthanklessfagging;but,infact,myraerveswerenowinsuchastatethatnocalmcouldsoothe,andnopleasureexcitethemagreeably.
Bessiehadbeendownintothekit,andshebroughtupwithheratartoainbrightlypaintedaplate,whosebirdofparadise,lingihofvolvuliandrosebuds,hadbeenwonttostirinmeamostenthusiastiseofadmiration;andwhichplateIhadofteioobeallowedtotakeinmyhandioexamimoreclosely,buthadalwayshithertobeendeemedunworthyofsuchaprivilege.Thispreciousvesselwasnowplayknee,andIwascordiallyioeatthecircletofdelicatepastryuponit.Vainfavour!ing,likemostotherfavourslongdeferredandoftenwishedfor,toolate!Icouldhetart;andtheplumageofthebird,thetintsoftheflowers,seemedstrangelyfaded:Iputbothplateandtartaway.BessieaskedifIwouldhaveabook:thewordBOOKactedasatraimulus,andIbeggedhertofetchGulliver’sTravelsfromthelibrary.ThisbookIhadagainandagainperusedwithdelight.Isidereditanarrativeoffacts,anddiscoveredinitaveinofideeperthanwhatIfoundinfairytales:forastotheelves,havingsoughttheminvainamongfoxgloveleavesandbells,undermushroomsahtheground-ivymantlingoldwall-nooks,Ihadatlengthmadeupmymindtothesadtruth,thattheywereallgoofEnglandtosomesavagetrywherethewoodswerewilderandthicker,andthepopulationmorest;whereas,LilliputandBrobdignagbeing,inmycreed,solidpartsoftheearth’ssurface,IdoubtednotthatImightoneday,bytakingalongvoyage,seewithmyowhelittlefields,houses,ahediminutivepeople,thetinycows,sheep,andbirdsoftheonerealm;andthe-fieldsforest-high,themightymastiffs,themos,thetower-likemenandwomen,oftheother.Yet,whenthischerishedvolumewasnowplamyhand—whenIturnedoveritsleaves,andsoughtinitsmarvellouspicturesthecharmIhad,tillnow,neverfailedtofind—allwaseerieanddreary;thegiantsweregauntgoblins,thepigmiesmalevolentandfearfulimps,Gulliveramostdesolatewandererinmostdreadanddangerions.Iclosedthebook,whichIdarednolongerperuse,andputitoable,besidetheuntastedtart.
Bessiehadnowfinisheddustingandtidyingtheroom,andhavingwashedherhands,sheopenedacertainlittledrawer,fullofsplendidshredsofsilkandsatin,andbeganmakinganewbofeiana’sdoll.Meantimeshesang:hersongwas—
“Inthedaysentgipsying,
Alongtimeago.”
Ihadoftehesongbefore,andalwayswithlivelydelight;forBessiehadasweetvoice,—atleast,Ithoughtso.Butnow,thoughhervoicewasstillsweet,Ifoundinitsmelodyanindescribablesadness.Sometimes,preoccupiedwithherwork,shesangtherefrainverylow,verylingeringly;“Alongtimeago”cameoutlikethesaddestceofafuneralhymn.Shepassedintoanotherballad,thistimeareallydolefulone.
“Myfeettheyaresore,andmylimbstheyareweary;
Longistheway,andthemountainsarewild;
Soonwillthetwilightoonlessanddreary
Overthepathofthepoororphanchild.
Whydidtheysendmesofarandsolonely,
Upwherethemoorsspreadandgreyrocksarepiled?
Menarehard-hearted,andkindangelsonly
Watcho’erthestepsofapoororphanchild.
Yetdistantandsoftthenightbreezeisblowing,
Cloudstherearenone,aarsbeammild,
God,inHismercy,proteisshowing,
fortandhopetothepoororphanchild.
Ev’nshouldIfallo’erthebrokenbridgepassing,
Orstrayinthemarshes,byfalselightsbeguiled,
StillwillmyFather,withpromiseandblessing,
TaketoHisbosomthepoororphanchild.
Thereisathoughtthatfthshouldavailme,
Thoughbothofshelterandkindreddespoiled;
Heavenisahome,awillnotfailme;
Godisafriendtothepoororphanchild.”
“issJane,don’tcry,”saidBessieasshefinished.Shemightaswellhavesaidtothefire,“don’tburn!”buthowcouldshedivihemorbidsufferingtowhichIrey?InthecourseofthemMr.Lloydcameagain.
“What,alreadyup!”saidhe,asheehenursery.“Well,nurse,howisshe?”
BessieahatIwasdoingverywell.
“Thensheoughttolookmorecheerful.ehere,MissJane:yournameisJane,isitnot?”
“Yes,sir,JaneEyre.”
“Well,youhavebeeng,MissJaneEyre;youtellmewhatabout?Haveyouanypain?”
“No,sir.”
“Oh!IdaresaysheisgbecauseshecouldnotgooutwithMissisinthecarriage,”interposedBessie.
“Surelynot!why,sheistoooldforsuchpettishness.”
Ithoughtsotoo;andmyself-esteembeingwouhefalsecharge,Iansweredpromptly,“Inevercriedforsuchathinginmylife:Ihategoingoutinthecarriage.IcrybecauseIammiserable.”
“Ohfie,Miss!”saidBessie.
Thegoodapothecaryappearedalittlepuzzled.Iwasstandingbeforehim;hefixedhiseyesoeadily:hiseyesweresmallandgrey;notverybright,butIdaresayIshouldthinkthemshrewdnow:hehadahard-featuredyetgood-naturedlookingface.Havingsideredmeatleisure,hesaid—
“Whatmadeyouillyesterday?”
“Shehadafall,”saidBessie,againputtinginherword.
“Fall!why,thatislikeababyagain!’tshemaowalkatherage?Shemustbeeightornineyearsold.”
“Iwasknockeddown,”wasthebluntexplanation,jerkedoutofmebyanofmortifiedpride;“butthatdidnotmakemeill,”Iadded;whileMr.Lloydhelpedhimselftoapinchofsnuff.
Ashewasreturniohiswaistcoatpocket,aloudbellrangfortheservants’dinner;heknewwhatitwas.“That’sforyou,nurse,”saidhe;“yougodown;I’llgiveMissJauretillyoueback.”
Bessiewouldratherhavestayed,butshewasobligedtogo,becausepunctualityatmealswasrigidlyenforcedatGatesheadHall.
“Thefalldidnotmakeyouill;whatdid,then?”pursuedMr.LloydwhenBessiewasgone.
“Iwasshutupinaroomwherethereisaghosttillafterdark.”
IsawMr.Lloydsmileandfrownatthesametime.
“Ghost!What,youareababyafterall!Youareafraidofghosts?”
“OfMr.Reed’sghostIam:hediedinthatroom,andwaslaidoutthere.herBessienoranyoneelsewillgointoitatnight,iftheyhelpit;anditwascrueltoshutmeupalohoutadle,—socruelthatIthinkIshallneverfetit.”
“Nonsense!Andisitthatmakesyousomiserable?Areyouafraidnowindaylight?”
“No:butnightwilleagainbeforelong:andbesides,—Iamunhappy,—veryunhappy,forotherthings.”
“Whatotherthings?youtellmesomeofthem?”
HowmuchIwishedtoreplyfullytothisquestion!Howdifficultitwastoframeanyanswer!Childrenfeel,buttheyotanalysetheirfeelings;andiftheanalysisispartiallyeffectedinthought,theyknownothowtoexpresstheresultoftheprocessinwords.Fearful,however,oflosingthisfirstandonlyopportunityofrelievingmygriefbyimpartingit,I,afteradisturbedpause,trivedtoframeameagre,though,asfarasitwent,trueresponse.
“Forohing,Ihavenofatherormother,brothersorsisters.”
“Youhaveakindauntandcousins.”
AgainIpaused;thenbunglinglyenounced—
“ButJohnReedknockedmedown,andmyauntshutmeupinthered-room.”
Mr.Lloydasedtimeproducedhissnuff-box.
“Don’tyouthinkGatesheadHallaverybeautifulhouse?”askedhe.“Areyouhankfultohavesuchafineplacetoliveat?”
“Itisnotmyhouse,sir;andAbbotsaysIhavelessrighttobeherethanaservant.”
“Pooh!you’tbesillyenoughtowishtoleavesuchasplendidplace?”
“IfIhadanywhereelsetogo,Ishouldbegladtoleaveit;butIevergetawayfromGatesheadtillIamawoman.”
“Perhapsyoumay—whoknows?HaveyouaionsbesidesMrs.Reed?”
“Ithinknot,sir.”
“Nonebelongingtoyourfather?”
“Idon’tknow.IaskedAuntReedondshesaidpossiblyImighthavesomepoor,lowrelationscalledEyre,butshekhingaboutthem.”
“Ifyouhadsuch,wouldyouliketogotothem?”
Ireflected.Povertylooksgrimtogrownpeople;stillmoresotochildren:theyhavenotmuchideaofindustrious,w,respectablepoverty;theythinkofthewordonlyasectedwithraggedclothes,styfood,firelessgrates,rudemanners,anddebasingvices:povertyformewassynonymouswithdegradation.
“No;Ishouldnotliketobelongtopoorpeople,”wasmyreply.
“Noteveniftheywerekindtoyou?”
Ishookmyhead:Icouldnotseehowpoorpeoplehadthemeansofbeingkind;aolearntospeaklikethem,toadopttheirmaobeuneducated,togrowuplikeohepoorwomenIsawsometimesnursingtheirchildrenorwashingtheirclothesatthecottagedoorsofthevillageofGateshead:no,Iwasnotheroioughtopurchaselibertyatthepriceofcaste.
“Butareyourrelativessoverypoor?Aretheywpeople?”
“Iottell;Aunt.ReedsaysifIhaveany,theymustbeabeggarlyset:Ishouldnotliketogoabegging.”
“Wouldyouliketogotoschool?”
AgainIreflected:Iscarcelyknewwhatschoolwas:Bessiesometimesspokeofitasaplacewhereyoungladiessatiocks,worebackboards,andwereexpectedtobeexceedinglygenteelandprecise:Johedhisschool,andabusedhismaster;butJohasteswerenoruleformine,andifBessie’satsofschool-discipliheredfromtheyoungladiesofafamilywhereshehadlivedbeforeingtoGateshead)weresomealliailsofcertainaplishmentsattaihesesameyoungladieswere,Ithought,equallyattractive.Sheboastedofbeautifulpaintingsoflandscapesandflowersbythemexecuted;ofsongstheycouldsingaheycouldplay,ofpursestheycould,ofFrenchbookstheycouldtranslate;tillmyspiritwasmovedtoemulationasIlistened.Besides,schoolwouldbeapletege:itimpliedalongjourney,aireseparatiateshead,araoanewlife.
“Ishouldindeedliketogotoschool,”wastheaudibleclusionofmymusings.
“Well,well!whoknowswhatmayhappen?”saidMr.Lloyd,ashegotup.“Thechildoughttohavegeofairandse,”headded,speakingtohimself;“inagoodstate.”
Bessieurthesamemomentthecarriagewasheardrollingupthegravel-walk.
“Isthatyourmistress,nurse?”askedMr.Lloyd.“Ishouldliketospeaktoherbefo.”
Bessieinvitedhimtowalkintothebreakfast-room,ahewayout.IerviewwhichfollowedbetweenhimandMrs.Reed,Ipresume,fromafter-occurrehattheapothecaryveoreendmybeioschool;andthereendationwasnodoubtreadilyenoughadopted;forasAbbotsaid,indiscussingthesubjectwithBessiewhenbothsatsewinginthenurseryonenight,afterIwasinbed,and,astheythought,asleep,“Missiswas,shedaredsay,gladenoughtogetridofsuchatiresome,ill-ditionedchild,whoalwayslookedasifshewerewatgeverybody,andschemingplotsunderhand.”Abbot,Ithink,gavemecreditforbeingasortofinfantineGuyFawkes.
OnthatsameoccasionIlearned,forthefirsttime,fromMissAbbot’sunicationstoBessie,thatmyfatherhadbeenapoorclergyman;thatmymotherhadmarriedhimagainstthewishesofherfriends,whosideredthemateathher;thatmygrandfatherReedwassoirritatedatherdisobedience,hecutheroffwithoutashilling;thataftermymotherandfatherhadbeenmarriedayear,thelattercaughtthetyphusfeverwhilevisitingamongthepoorofalargemanufacturingtownwherehiscuracywassituated,ahatdiseasewasthenprevalent:thatmymothertooktheiionfromhim,andbothdiedwithinamonthofeachother.
Bessie,whensheheardthisnarrative,sighedandsaid,“PoorMissJaobepitied,too,Abbot.”
“Yes,”respondedAbbot;“ifshewereanice,prettychild,onemightpassionateherforlornness;butonereallyotcareforsuchalittletoadasthat.”
“Notagreatdeal,tobesure,”agreedBessie:“atanyrate,abeautylikeMissGeianawouldbemoremovinginthesamedition.”
“Yes,IdoatonMissGeiana!”criedtheferventAbbot.“Littledarling!—withherlongcurlsandherblueeyes,andsuchasweetcolourasshehas;justasifshewerepainted!—Bessie,IcouldfancyaWelshrabbitforsupper.”
“SocouldI—witharoastonion.e,we’llgodown.”Theywent.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
Infiveminutesmorethecloudofbewildermentdissolved:IknewquitewellthatIwasinmyownbed,andthattheredglarewasthenurseryfire.Itwasnight:adleburntoable;Bessiestoodatthebed-footwithabasininherhand,alemansatinachairnearmypillow,leaningoverme.
Ifeltaninexpressiblerelief,asoothingviofproteandsecurity,whehattherewasastraheroom,anindividualnotbelongingtoGateshead.,andedtoMrs.Reed.TurningfromBessie(thoughherpresencewasfarlessobnoxioustomethanthatofAbbot,forinstance,wouldhavebeen),Iscrutihefaceofthegentleman:Iknewhim;itwasMr.Lloyd,anapothecary,sometimescalledinbyMrs.Reedwhentheservantswereailing:forherselfandthechildrensheemployedaphysi.
“Well,whoamI?”heasked.
Ipronouncedhisname,himatthesametimemyhaookit,smilingandsaying,“Weshalldoverywellby-and-by.”Thenhelaidmedown,andaddressingBessie,chargedhertobeverycarefulthatIwasnotdisturbedduringthenight.Havinggiveherdires,andintimatesthatheshouldcallagaiday,hedeparted;tomygrief:Ifeltsoshelteredandbefriendedwhilehesatinthechairnearmypillow;andasheclosedthedoorafterhim,alltheroomdarkenedandmyheartagainsank:inexpressiblesadnessweigheditdown.
“Doyoufeelasifyoushouldsleep,Miss?”askedBessie,rathersoftly.
ScarcelydaredIanswerher;forIfearedthesentencemightberough.“Iwilltry.”
“Wouldyouliketodrink,orcouldyoueatanything?”
“No,thankyou,Bessie.”
“ThenIthinkIshallgotobed,foritispasttwelveo’clock;butyoumaycallmeifyouwantanythinginthenight.”
Wonderfulcivilitythis!Itemboldeoaskaquestion.
“Bessie,whatisthematterwithme?AmIill?”
“Youfellsick,Isuppose,inthered-roomwithg;you’llbebettersoon,nodoubt.”
Bessiewentintothehousemaid’sapartment,whichwasnear.Iheardhersay—
“Sarah,eandsleepwithmeinthenursery;Idaren’tformylifebealohthatpoorchildto-night:shemightdie;it’ssuchastrahingsheshouldhavethatfit:Iwonderifshesawanything.Missiswasrathertoohard.”
Sarahcamebackwithher;theybothwenttobed;theywerewhisperingtogetherforhalf-an-hourbeforetheyfellasleep.Icaughtscrapsoftheirversation,fromwhichIwasableonlytoodistinctlytoihemainsubjectdiscussed.
“Somethingpassedher,alldressedinwhite,andvanished”—“Agreatblackdogbehindhim”—“Threeloudrapsonthechamberdoor”—“Alightinthechurchyardjustrave,”&c.&c.
Atlastbothslept:thefireandthedlewentout.Forme,thewatchesofthatlongnightpassedinghastlywakefulness;strainedbydread:suchdreadaschildrenonlyfeel.
Nosevereorprolongedbodilyillnessfollowedthisiofthered-room;itonlygavemynervesashockofwhichIfeelthereverberationtothisday.Yes,Mrs.Reed,toyouIowesomefearfulpangsofmentalsuffering,butIoughttiveyou,foryoukwhatyoudid:whilerendingmyheart-strings,youthoughtyouwereonlyuprootingmybadpropensities.
day,bynoon,Ianddressed,andsatedinashawlbythenurseryhearth.Ifeltphysicallyweakandbrokendown:butmyworseailmentwasanunutterablewretessofmind:awretesswhichkeptdrawingfrommesilenttears;nosoonerhadIwipedodropfrommycheekthananotherfollowed.Yet,Ithought,Ioughttohavebeenhappy,forheReedswerethere,theywereallgointhecarriagewiththeirmama.Abbot,too,wassewinginanotherroom,andBessie,asshemovedhitherandthither,puttingawaytoysandarrangingdrawers,addressedtomeeverynowandthenawordofunwontedkihisstateofthingsshouldhavebeentomeaparadiseofpeace,acedasIwastoalifeofceaselessreprimandandthanklessfagging;but,infact,myraerveswerenowinsuchastatethatnocalmcouldsoothe,andnopleasureexcitethemagreeably.
Bessiehadbeendownintothekit,andshebroughtupwithheratartoainbrightlypaintedaplate,whosebirdofparadise,lingihofvolvuliandrosebuds,hadbeenwonttostirinmeamostenthusiastiseofadmiration;andwhichplateIhadofteioobeallowedtotakeinmyhandioexamimoreclosely,buthadalwayshithertobeendeemedunworthyofsuchaprivilege.Thispreciousvesselwasnowplayknee,andIwascordiallyioeatthecircletofdelicatepastryuponit.Vainfavour!ing,likemostotherfavourslongdeferredandoftenwishedfor,toolate!Icouldhetart;andtheplumageofthebird,thetintsoftheflowers,seemedstrangelyfaded:Iputbothplateandtartaway.BessieaskedifIwouldhaveabook:thewordBOOKactedasatraimulus,andIbeggedhertofetchGulliver’sTravelsfromthelibrary.ThisbookIhadagainandagainperusedwithdelight.Isidereditanarrativeoffacts,anddiscoveredinitaveinofideeperthanwhatIfoundinfairytales:forastotheelves,havingsoughttheminvainamongfoxgloveleavesandbells,undermushroomsahtheground-ivymantlingoldwall-nooks,Ihadatlengthmadeupmymindtothesadtruth,thattheywereallgoofEnglandtosomesavagetrywherethewoodswerewilderandthicker,andthepopulationmorest;whereas,LilliputandBrobdignagbeing,inmycreed,solidpartsoftheearth’ssurface,IdoubtednotthatImightoneday,bytakingalongvoyage,seewithmyowhelittlefields,houses,ahediminutivepeople,thetinycows,sheep,andbirdsoftheonerealm;andthe-fieldsforest-high,themightymastiffs,themos,thetower-likemenandwomen,oftheother.Yet,whenthischerishedvolumewasnowplamyhand—whenIturnedoveritsleaves,andsoughtinitsmarvellouspicturesthecharmIhad,tillnow,neverfailedtofind—allwaseerieanddreary;thegiantsweregauntgoblins,thepigmiesmalevolentandfearfulimps,Gulliveramostdesolatewandererinmostdreadanddangerions.Iclosedthebook,whichIdarednolongerperuse,andputitoable,besidetheuntastedtart.
Bessiehadnowfinisheddustingandtidyingtheroom,andhavingwashedherhands,sheopenedacertainlittledrawer,fullofsplendidshredsofsilkandsatin,andbeganmakinganewbofeiana’sdoll.Meantimeshesang:hersongwas—
“Inthedaysentgipsying,
Alongtimeago.”
Ihadoftehesongbefore,andalwayswithlivelydelight;forBessiehadasweetvoice,—atleast,Ithoughtso.Butnow,thoughhervoicewasstillsweet,Ifoundinitsmelodyanindescribablesadness.Sometimes,preoccupiedwithherwork,shesangtherefrainverylow,verylingeringly;“Alongtimeago”cameoutlikethesaddestceofafuneralhymn.Shepassedintoanotherballad,thistimeareallydolefulone.
“Myfeettheyaresore,andmylimbstheyareweary;
Longistheway,andthemountainsarewild;
Soonwillthetwilightoonlessanddreary
Overthepathofthepoororphanchild.
Whydidtheysendmesofarandsolonely,
Upwherethemoorsspreadandgreyrocksarepiled?
Menarehard-hearted,andkindangelsonly
Watcho’erthestepsofapoororphanchild.
Yetdistantandsoftthenightbreezeisblowing,
Cloudstherearenone,aarsbeammild,
God,inHismercy,proteisshowing,
fortandhopetothepoororphanchild.
Ev’nshouldIfallo’erthebrokenbridgepassing,
Orstrayinthemarshes,byfalselightsbeguiled,
StillwillmyFather,withpromiseandblessing,
TaketoHisbosomthepoororphanchild.
Thereisathoughtthatfthshouldavailme,
Thoughbothofshelterandkindreddespoiled;
Heavenisahome,awillnotfailme;
Godisafriendtothepoororphanchild.”
“issJane,don’tcry,”saidBessieasshefinished.Shemightaswellhavesaidtothefire,“don’tburn!”buthowcouldshedivihemorbidsufferingtowhichIrey?InthecourseofthemMr.Lloydcameagain.
“What,alreadyup!”saidhe,asheehenursery.“Well,nurse,howisshe?”
BessieahatIwasdoingverywell.
“Thensheoughttolookmorecheerful.ehere,MissJane:yournameisJane,isitnot?”
“Yes,sir,JaneEyre.”
“Well,youhavebeeng,MissJaneEyre;youtellmewhatabout?Haveyouanypain?”
“No,sir.”
“Oh!IdaresaysheisgbecauseshecouldnotgooutwithMissisinthecarriage,”interposedBessie.
“Surelynot!why,sheistoooldforsuchpettishness.”
Ithoughtsotoo;andmyself-esteembeingwouhefalsecharge,Iansweredpromptly,“Inevercriedforsuchathinginmylife:Ihategoingoutinthecarriage.IcrybecauseIammiserable.”
“Ohfie,Miss!”saidBessie.
Thegoodapothecaryappearedalittlepuzzled.Iwasstandingbeforehim;hefixedhiseyesoeadily:hiseyesweresmallandgrey;notverybright,butIdaresayIshouldthinkthemshrewdnow:hehadahard-featuredyetgood-naturedlookingface.Havingsideredmeatleisure,hesaid—
“Whatmadeyouillyesterday?”
“Shehadafall,”saidBessie,againputtinginherword.
“Fall!why,thatislikeababyagain!’tshemaowalkatherage?Shemustbeeightornineyearsold.”
“Iwasknockeddown,”wasthebluntexplanation,jerkedoutofmebyanofmortifiedpride;“butthatdidnotmakemeill,”Iadded;whileMr.Lloydhelpedhimselftoapinchofsnuff.
Ashewasreturniohiswaistcoatpocket,aloudbellrangfortheservants’dinner;heknewwhatitwas.“That’sforyou,nurse,”saidhe;“yougodown;I’llgiveMissJauretillyoueback.”
Bessiewouldratherhavestayed,butshewasobligedtogo,becausepunctualityatmealswasrigidlyenforcedatGatesheadHall.
“Thefalldidnotmakeyouill;whatdid,then?”pursuedMr.LloydwhenBessiewasgone.
“Iwasshutupinaroomwherethereisaghosttillafterdark.”
IsawMr.Lloydsmileandfrownatthesametime.
“Ghost!What,youareababyafterall!Youareafraidofghosts?”
“OfMr.Reed’sghostIam:hediedinthatroom,andwaslaidoutthere.herBessienoranyoneelsewillgointoitatnight,iftheyhelpit;anditwascrueltoshutmeupalohoutadle,—socruelthatIthinkIshallneverfetit.”
“Nonsense!Andisitthatmakesyousomiserable?Areyouafraidnowindaylight?”
“No:butnightwilleagainbeforelong:andbesides,—Iamunhappy,—veryunhappy,forotherthings.”
“Whatotherthings?youtellmesomeofthem?”
HowmuchIwishedtoreplyfullytothisquestion!Howdifficultitwastoframeanyanswer!Childrenfeel,buttheyotanalysetheirfeelings;andiftheanalysisispartiallyeffectedinthought,theyknownothowtoexpresstheresultoftheprocessinwords.Fearful,however,oflosingthisfirstandonlyopportunityofrelievingmygriefbyimpartingit,I,afteradisturbedpause,trivedtoframeameagre,though,asfarasitwent,trueresponse.
“Forohing,Ihavenofatherormother,brothersorsisters.”
“Youhaveakindauntandcousins.”
AgainIpaused;thenbunglinglyenounced—
“ButJohnReedknockedmedown,andmyauntshutmeupinthered-room.”
Mr.Lloydasedtimeproducedhissnuff-box.
“Don’tyouthinkGatesheadHallaverybeautifulhouse?”askedhe.“Areyouhankfultohavesuchafineplacetoliveat?”
“Itisnotmyhouse,sir;andAbbotsaysIhavelessrighttobeherethanaservant.”
“Pooh!you’tbesillyenoughtowishtoleavesuchasplendidplace?”
“IfIhadanywhereelsetogo,Ishouldbegladtoleaveit;butIevergetawayfromGatesheadtillIamawoman.”
“Perhapsyoumay—whoknows?HaveyouaionsbesidesMrs.Reed?”
“Ithinknot,sir.”
“Nonebelongingtoyourfather?”
“Idon’tknow.IaskedAuntReedondshesaidpossiblyImighthavesomepoor,lowrelationscalledEyre,butshekhingaboutthem.”
“Ifyouhadsuch,wouldyouliketogotothem?”
Ireflected.Povertylooksgrimtogrownpeople;stillmoresotochildren:theyhavenotmuchideaofindustrious,w,respectablepoverty;theythinkofthewordonlyasectedwithraggedclothes,styfood,firelessgrates,rudemanners,anddebasingvices:povertyformewassynonymouswithdegradation.
“No;Ishouldnotliketobelongtopoorpeople,”wasmyreply.
“Noteveniftheywerekindtoyou?”
Ishookmyhead:Icouldnotseehowpoorpeoplehadthemeansofbeingkind;aolearntospeaklikethem,toadopttheirmaobeuneducated,togrowuplikeohepoorwomenIsawsometimesnursingtheirchildrenorwashingtheirclothesatthecottagedoorsofthevillageofGateshead:no,Iwasnotheroioughtopurchaselibertyatthepriceofcaste.
“Butareyourrelativessoverypoor?Aretheywpeople?”
“Iottell;Aunt.ReedsaysifIhaveany,theymustbeabeggarlyset:Ishouldnotliketogoabegging.”
“Wouldyouliketogotoschool?”
AgainIreflected:Iscarcelyknewwhatschoolwas:Bessiesometimesspokeofitasaplacewhereyoungladiessatiocks,worebackboards,andwereexpectedtobeexceedinglygenteelandprecise:Johedhisschool,andabusedhismaster;butJohasteswerenoruleformine,andifBessie’satsofschool-discipliheredfromtheyoungladiesofafamilywhereshehadlivedbeforeingtoGateshead)weresomealliailsofcertainaplishmentsattaihesesameyoungladieswere,Ithought,equallyattractive.Sheboastedofbeautifulpaintingsoflandscapesandflowersbythemexecuted;ofsongstheycouldsingaheycouldplay,ofpursestheycould,ofFrenchbookstheycouldtranslate;tillmyspiritwasmovedtoemulationasIlistened.Besides,schoolwouldbeapletege:itimpliedalongjourney,aireseparatiateshead,araoanewlife.
“Ishouldindeedliketogotoschool,”wastheaudibleclusionofmymusings.
“Well,well!whoknowswhatmayhappen?”saidMr.Lloyd,ashegotup.“Thechildoughttohavegeofairandse,”headded,speakingtohimself;“inagoodstate.”
Bessieurthesamemomentthecarriagewasheardrollingupthegravel-walk.
“Isthatyourmistress,nurse?”askedMr.Lloyd.“Ishouldliketospeaktoherbefo.”
Bessieinvitedhimtowalkintothebreakfast-room,ahewayout.IerviewwhichfollowedbetweenhimandMrs.Reed,Ipresume,fromafter-occurrehattheapothecaryveoreendmybeioschool;andthereendationwasnodoubtreadilyenoughadopted;forasAbbotsaid,indiscussingthesubjectwithBessiewhenbothsatsewinginthenurseryonenight,afterIwasinbed,and,astheythought,asleep,“Missiswas,shedaredsay,gladenoughtogetridofsuchatiresome,ill-ditionedchild,whoalwayslookedasifshewerewatgeverybody,andschemingplotsunderhand.”Abbot,Ithink,gavemecreditforbeingasortofinfantineGuyFawkes.
OnthatsameoccasionIlearned,forthefirsttime,fromMissAbbot’sunicationstoBessie,thatmyfatherhadbeenapoorclergyman;thatmymotherhadmarriedhimagainstthewishesofherfriends,whosideredthemateathher;thatmygrandfatherReedwassoirritatedatherdisobedience,hecutheroffwithoutashilling;thataftermymotherandfatherhadbeenmarriedayear,thelattercaughtthetyphusfeverwhilevisitingamongthepoorofalargemanufacturingtownwherehiscuracywassituated,ahatdiseasewasthenprevalent:thatmymothertooktheiionfromhim,andbothdiedwithinamonthofeachother.
Bessie,whensheheardthisnarrative,sighedandsaid,“PoorMissJaobepitied,too,Abbot.”
“Yes,”respondedAbbot;“ifshewereanice,prettychild,onemightpassionateherforlornness;butonereallyotcareforsuchalittletoadasthat.”
“Notagreatdeal,tobesure,”agreedBessie:“atanyrate,abeautylikeMissGeianawouldbemoremovinginthesamedition.”
“Yes,IdoatonMissGeiana!”criedtheferventAbbot.“Littledarling!—withherlongcurlsandherblueeyes,andsuchasweetcolourasshehas;justasifshewerepainted!—Bessie,IcouldfancyaWelshrabbitforsupper.”
“SocouldI—witharoastonion.e,we’llgodown.”Theywent.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
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