Chapter 30
ThemoreIkheinmatesofMoorHouse,thebetterIlikedthem.InafewdaysIhadsofarrecoveredmyhealththatIcouldsitupallday,andwalkoutsometimes.IcouldjoinwithDianaandMaryinalltheiroccupations;versewiththemasmuchastheywished,andaidthemwhenaheywouldallowme.Therewasarevivingpleasureinthisintercourse,ofakindnowtastedbymeforthefirsttime-thepleasurearisingfromperfegenialityoftastes,ses,andprinciples.
Ilikedtoreadwhattheylikedtoread:whattheyenjoyed,delightedme;whattheyapproved,Irevereheylovedtheirsequesteredhome.I,too,inthegrey,small,antiquestructure,withitslowroof,itslatticedcasements,itsmoulderingwalls,itsavenueofagedfirs—allgrownaslantuhestressofmountainwinds;itsgarden,darkwithyewandholly—andwherenoflowersbutofthehardiestspecieswouldbloom—foundacharmbothpotentandpermaheygtothepurplemoorsbehindandaroundtheirdwelling—tothehollowvaleintowhichthepebblybridle-pathleadingfromtheirgatedesded,andwhichwouweenfern-banksfirst,andthenamongstafewofthewildestlittlepasture-fieldsthateverborderedawildernessofheath,avesusteoaflockofgreymoorlandsheep,withtheirlittlemossy-facedlambs:-theygtothisse,Isay,erfethusiasmofattat.Icouldprehendthefeeling,andsharebothitsstrengthandtruth.Isawthefasationofthelocality.Ifeltthesecrationofitsloneliness:myeyefeastedolineofswellandsweep—onthewildcunicatedteanddellbymoss,byheath-bell,byflower-spriurf,bybrilliantbra,andmellowgranitecrag.Thesedetailswerejusttomewhattheyweretothem—somanypureasourcesofpleasure.Thestrongblastabreeze;theroughandthehalday;thehoursofsunriseandsuhemoonlightandthecloudednight,developedforme,intheseregions,thesameattraasforthem—woundroundmyfacultiesthesamespellthatentraheirs.
Indoorsweagreedequallywell.TheywerebothmoreaplishedaerreadthanIwas;butwitheagernessIfollowedihofkheyhadtroddenbeforeme.IdevouredthebookstheylehenitwasfullsatisfatodiscusswiththemintheeveningwhatIhadperusedduringtheday.Thoughtfittedthought;opinioopinion:wecided,inshort,perfectly.
Ifinourtriothereeriorandaleader,itwasDiana.Physically,shefarexcelledme:shewashandsome;shewasvigorous.Inheranimalspiritstherewasanaffluenceoflifeaaintyofflow,suchasexcitedmywonder,whileitbaffledmyprehension.Icouldtalkawhilewhentheeveningenced,butthefirstgushofvivacityandfluene,IwasfaintositonastoolatDiana’sfeet,torestmyheadonherknee,andlisteelytoherandMary,whiletheysouhhlythetopiwhichIhadbuttouched.DianaofferedtoteachmeGerman.Ilikedtolearnofher:Isawthepartofinstructresspleasedandsuitedher;thatofscholarpleasedandsuitedmenoless.Ournaturesdovetailed:mutualaffe—ofthestrokind—wastheresult.TheydiscoveredIcoulddraw:theirpencilsandcolour-boxeswereimmediatelyatmyservice.Myskill,greaterinthisonepointthantheirs,surprisedandcharmedthem.Marywouldsitandwatchmebythehether:thenshewouldtakelessons;andadocile,intelligent,assiduouspupilshemade.Thusoccupied,andmutuallyeained,dayspassedlikehours,andweekslikedays.
AstoMr.StJohimacywhichhadarisensonaturallyandrapidlybetweenmeandhissistersdidendtohim.Onereasonofthedistaobservedbetweenuswas,thathewasparativelyseldomathome:alargeproportionofhistimeappeareddevotedtovisitingthesidpooramoteredpopulationofhisparish.
herseemedtohinderhiminthesepastoralexcursions:rainorfair,hewould,whenhishoursstudywereover,takehishat,and,followedbyhisfather’soldpointer,Carlo,gooutonhismissionofloveorduty—Iscarcelyknowinwhichlightheregardedit.Sometimes,whenthedaywasveryunfavourable,hissisterswouldexpostulate.Hewouldthensay,eculiarsmile,moresolemnthancheerful—
“AndifIletagustofwindorasprinklingofrainturnmeasidefromtheseeasytasks,reparationwouldsuchslothbeforthefutureIproposetomyself?”
DianaandMary’sgeneralahisquestionwasasigh,andsomeminutesofapparentlymournfulmeditation.
Butbesideshisfrequentabseherewasanotherbarriertofriendshipwithhim:heseemedofareserved,anabstracted,andevenofabroodingnature.Zealousinhisministeriallabours,blamelessinhislifeandhabits,heyetdidnotappeartoenjoythatmentalserenity,thatinwardtent,whichshouldbetherewardofeverysincereChristianandpracticalphilanthropist.Often,ofanevening,wheatthewindow,hisdeskandpapersbeforehim,hewouldceasereadingorwritihisonhishand,anddeliverhimselfuptoIknownotwhatcourseofthought;butthatiterturbedaingmightbeseeninthefrequentflashandgefuldilationofhiseye.
Ithink,moreover,thatNaturewasnottohimthattreasuryofdelightitwastohissisters.Heexpressedondbutonmyhearing,astrongseheruggedcharmofthehills,andaninborionforthedarkroofandhoarywallshecalledhishome;buttherewasmloomthanpleasureioneandwordsinwhichthesewasmaed;andneverdidheseemtoroamthemoorsforthesakeoftheirsoothingsileneverseekoutordwellupohousandpeacefuldelightstheycouldyield.
Inunicativeashewas,sometimeelapsedbeforeIhadanopportunityofgauginghismind.IfirstgotanideaofitscalibrewhenIheardhimpreahisownchurchatMorton.IwishIcoulddescribethatsermon:butitispastmypower.Iotevenrenderfaithfullytheeffectitprodue.
Itbegancalm—andindeed,asfarasdeliveryandpitchofvoit,itwascalmtotheend:anearlyfelt,yetstrictlyrestrainedzealbreathedsooniinctats,andpromptedthenervouslanguage.Thisgrewtoforpressed,densed,trolled.Theheartwasthrilled,themindastonished,bythepowerofthepreacher:herweresoftehroughouttherewasastraerness;anabsenceofsolatentleness;sternallusionstoCalvinisticdoes—ele,predestination,reprobation—werefrequent;andeachreferehesepointssoundedlikeasentencepronouncedfordoom.Whenhehaddone,insteadoffeelier,calmer,moreenlightenedbyhisdiscourse,Iexperieninexpressiblesadness;foritseemedtome—Iknownotwhetherequallysotoothers—thattheeloqueowhichIhadbeenlisteninghadsprungfromadepthwherelayturbiddregsofdisappoi—wheremovedtroublingimpulsesofinsatiateyearningsanddisquietingaspirations.IwassureSt.JohnRivers—pure-lived,stious,zealousashewas—hadfoundthatpeaceofGodwhichpassethalluanding:hehadnomorefoundit,Ithought,thanhadIwithmycealedandragregretsformybrokenidolandlostelysium—regretstowhichIhavelatterlyavoidedreferring,butwhichpossessedmeandtyrannisedovermeruthlessly.
Meantimeamonthwasgone.DianaandMaryweresoontoleaveMoorHouse,aurntothefardifferentlifeandsewhichawaitedthem,asgovernessesinalarge,fashionable,south-of-Englandcity,whereeachheldasituationinfamiliesbywhosewealthyandhaughtymemberstheywereregardedonlyashumbledependants,andwhoherknewnhtouttheirinnateexcellences,andappreciatedonlytheiracquiredaplishmentsastheyappreciatedtheskilloftheircookorthetasteoftheirwaiting-woman.Mr.St.Johnhadsaidnothingtomeyetabouttheemploymenthehadpromisedtoobtainforme;yetitbecameurgentthatIshouldhaveavocationofsomekind.Onem,beialohhimafewmiheparlour,Iveoapproachthewindow-recess—whichhistable,chair,anddesksecratedasakindofstudy—andIwasgoingtospeak,thoughnotverywellknowinginwhatwordstoframemyinquiry—foritisatalltimesdifficulttobreaktheiceofreserveglassingoversuaturesashis—whenhesavedmethetroublebybeingthefirsttoenceadialogue.
LookingupasIdrewnear—“Youhaveaquestiontoaskofme?”hesaid.
“Yes;IwishtoknowwhetheryouhaveheardofanyserviceIoffermyselftouake?”
“Ifoundordevisedsomethingforyouthreeweeksago;butasyouseemedbothusefulandhappyhere—asmysistershadevidentlybeeattachedtoyou,andyoursocietygavethemunusualpleasure—IdeemeditinexpedienttobreakinonyourmutualforttilltheirapproagdeparturefromMarshEndshouldrenderyoursnecessary.”
“Andtheywillgointhreedaysnow?”Isaid.
“Yes;aheygo,IshallreturntotheparsoMorton:Hannahwillapanyme;andthisoldhousewillbeshutup.”
Iwaitedafewmoments,expeghewouldgoonwiththesubjectfirstbroached:butheseemedtohaveenteredarainofrefle:hislookdenotedabstrafrommeandmybusiness.Iwasobligedtorecallhimtoathemewhichwasofyoneofcloseandanxiousiome.
“Whatistheemploymentyouhadinview,Mr.Rivers?Ihopethisdelaywillnothaveincreasedthedifficultyofsegit.”
“Oh,no;siisinemploymentwhichdependsonlyoogive,andyoutoaccept.”
Heagainpaused:thereseemedarelucetotinue.Igrewimpatient:arestlessmovementortwo,andaneageraingglaenedonhisface,veyedthefeelingtohimaseffectuallyaswordscouldhavedone,andwithlesstrouble.
“Youneedbeinnohurrytohear,”hesaid:“letmefranklytellyou,Ihavenothingeligibleorprofitabletosuggest.BeforeIexplain,recall,ifyouplease,mynotice,clearlygiven,thatifIhelpedyou,itmustbeastheblindmanwouldhelpthelame.Iampoor;forIfindthat,whenIhavepaidmyfather’sdebts,allthepatrimonyremainingtomewillbethiscrumblinggraherowofscathedfirsbehind,aoorishsoil,withtheyew-treesandholly-bushesinfront.Iamobscure:Riversisanoldofthethreesoledesdantsoftherace,twoearnthedependant’scrustamongstrangers,ahirdsidershimselfanalienfromhisnativetry—notonlyforlife,butih.Yes,anddeems,andisboundtodeem,himselfhohelot,andaspiresbutafterthedaywhenthecrossofseparationfromfleshlytiesshallbelaidonhisshoulders,aheHeadofthatchurch-militantofwhosehumblestmembersheisone,shallgivetheword,‘Rise,followMe!’”
St.Johnsaidthesewordsashepronouncedhissermons,withaquiet,deepvoice;withanunflushedcheek,andacorusgradianceofglance.Heresumed—
“AndsinceIammyselfpoorandobscure,Iofferyoubutaserviceofpovertyandobscurity.Youmayeventhinkitdegrading—forIseenowyourhabitshavebeenwhattheworldcallsrefined:yourtastesleantotheideal,andyoursocietyhasatleastbeenamongsttheeducated;butIsiderthatnoservicedegradeswhibetterourrace.IholdthatthemorearidandunreclaimedthesoilwheretheChristianlabourer’staskoftillageisappointedhim—thestierthemeedhists—thehigherthehonour.His,undersuchcircumstances,isthedestinyofthepioneer;andthefirstpioneersoftheGospelweretheApostles—theircaptainwasJesus,theRedeemer,Himself.”
“Well?”Isaid,asheagainpaused—“proceed.”
Helookedatmebeforeheproceeded:indeed,heseemedleisurelytoreadmyface,asifitsfeaturesandlineswerecharactersonapage.Theclusionsdrawnfromthisscrutiiallyexpressedinhissucceedingobservations.
“IbelieveyoutthepostIofferyou,”saidhe,“andholditforawhile:notpermaly,though:anymorethanIcouldpermalykeepthenarrowandnarrowing—thetranquil,hiddenofficeofEnglishtryincumbent;forinyournatureisanalloyasdetrimentaltoreposeasthatihoughofadifferentkind.”
“Doexplain,”Iurged,wheedoncemore.
“Iwill;andyoushallhearhowpoortheproposalis,—howtrivial—hoing.IshallnotstaylongatMorton,nowthatmyfatherisdead,andthatIammyownmaster.Ishallleavetheplaceprobablyinthecourseofatwelve-month;butwhileIdostay,Iwillexertmyselftotheutmostforitsimprovement.Morton,whenIcametoittwo,hadnoschool:thechildrenofthepoorwereexcludedfromeveryhoperess.Iestablishedoneforboys:Imeannowtoopenasedschoirls.Ihavehiredabuildingforthepurpose,withacottageoftworoomsattachedtoitforthemistress’shouse.Hersalarywillbethirtypoundsayear:herhouseisalreadyfurnished,verysimply,butsuffitly,bythekindnessofalady,MissOliver;theonlydaughterofthesoleriinmyparish—Mr.Oliver,theproprietorofaneedle-factoryandiron-foundryinthevalley.Thesameladypaysfortheeducationandclothingofanorphanfromtheworkhouse,onditionthatsheshallaidthemistressinsuialofficesectedwithherownhouseandtheschoolasheroccupationofteagwillpreventherhavingtimetodischargeinperson.Willyoubethismistress?”
Heputthequestionratherhurriedly;heseemedhalftoexpeindignant,oratleastadisdainfulrejeoftheoffer:notknowingallmythoughtsandfeelings,thoughguessingsome,hecouldnottellinwhatlightthelotwouldappeartome.Intruthitwashumble—butthenitwassheltered,andIwantedasafeasylum:itlodding—butthen,paredwiththatofagovernessinarichhouse,itwasindepe;andthefearofservitudewithstrangersenteredmysoullikeiron:itwasnotigunworthy—allydegrading,Imademydecision.
“Ithankyoufortheproposal,Mr.Rivers,andIacceptitwithallmyheart.”
“Butyouprehendme?”hesaid.“Itisavillageschool:yourscholarswillbeonlypirls—cottagers’children—atthebest,farmers’daughters.Knitting,sewing,reading,writing,ciphering,willbeallyouwillhavetoteach.Whatwillyoudowithyouraplishments?What,withthelargestportionofyourmiiments—tastes?”
“Savethemtilltheyarewaheywillkeep.”
“Youknowwhatyouuake,then?”
“Ido.”
Henowsmiled:andnotabitterorasadsmile,butonewellpleasedanddeeplygratified.
“Andwhenwillyoueheexerciseofyourfun?”
“Iwillgotomyhouseto-morroentheschool,ifyoulike,week.”
“Verywell:sobeit.”
Heroseandwalkedthroughtheroom.Standingstill,heagainlookedatme.Heshookhishead.
“Whatdoyoudisapproveof,Mr.Rivers?”Iasked.
“YouwillnotstayatMortonlong:no,no!”
“Why?Whatisyourreasonforsayingso?”
“Ireaditinyoureye;itisnotofthatdescriptionwhiisesthemaintenanceofaenorinlife.”
“Iamnotambitious.”
Hestartedattheword“ambitious.”Herepeated,“No.Whatmadeyouthinkofambition?Whoisambitious?IknowIam:buthowdidyoufinditout?”
“Ieakingofmyself.”
“Well,ifyouarenotambitious,youare—”Hepaused.
“What?”
“Iwasgoingtosay,impassioned:butperhapsyouwouldhavemisuoodtheword,andbeendispleased.Imean,thathumaionsandsympathieshaveamostpowerfulholdonyou.Iamsureyouotloenttopassyourleisureinsolitude,andtodevoteyourwhourstoamonotonouslabourwhollyvoidofstimulus:anymorethanIbetent,”headded,withemphasis,“tolivehereburiedinmorass,pentinwithmountains—mynature,thatGodgaveme,travened;myfaculties,heaveowed,paralysed—madeuseless.YouhearnowhowItradictmyself.I,whopreachedtewithahumblelot,andjustifiedthevocationevenofhewersofwoodanddrawersofwaterinGod’sservice—I,Hisordainedminister,almostraveilessness.Well,propensitiesandprinciplesmustbereciledbysomemeans.”
Helefttheroom.InthisbriefhourIhadlearntmoreofhimthaninthewholepreviousmonth:yetstillhepuzzledme.
DianaandMaryRiversbecamemoresadandsilentasthedayapproachedforleavingtheirbrotherandtheirhome.Theybothtriedtoappearasusual;batthesorrowtheyhadtleagainstwasocouldirelyqueredorcealed.Dianaintimatedthatthiswouldbeadifferentpartingfromanytheyhadeveryetknown.Itwouldprobably,asfarasSt.Johnwased,beapartingforyears:itmightbeapartingforlife.
“Hewillsacrificealltohislong-framedresolves,”shesaid:“naturalaffeandfeelingsmorepotentstill.St.Johnlooksquiet,Jahehidesafeverinhisvitals.Youwouldthinkhimgeihingsheisinexorableasdeath;andtheworstofitis,myscewillhardlypermitmetodissuadehimfromhisseveredecisioainly,Iotforamomentblamehimforit.Itisright,noble,Christiabreaksmyheart!”Aearsgushedtoherfineeyes.Marybentherheadlowoverherwork.
“Wearenowwithoutfather:weshallsoohouthomeandbrother,”shemurmured,
Atthatmomentalittleactsupervened,whichseemeddecreedbyfatepurposelytoprovethetruthoftheadage,that“misfortunesneveresingly,”andtoaddtotheirdistressesthevexiheslipbetweenthedthelip.St.Johnpassedthewindowreadier.Heentered.
“OuruncleJohnisdead,”saidhe.
Boththesistersseemedstruotshockedorappalled;thetidingsappearedintheireyesrathermomentousthanafflig.
“Dead?”repeatedDiana.
“Yes.”
Sherivetedasearggazeonherbrother’sface.“Andwhatthen?”shedemanded,inalowvoice.
“Whatthen,Die?”hereplied,maintainingamarbleimmobilityoffeature.“Whatthen?Why—nothing.Read.”
Hethrewtheletterintoherlap.Sheglancedoverit,andhaoMary.Maryperuseditinsilendreturoherbrother.Allthreelookedateachother,andallthreesmiled—adreary,pensivesmileenough.
“Amen!Weyetlive,”saidDianaatlast.
“Atanyrate,itmakesusnoworseoffthanwewerebefore,”remarkedMary.
“Onlyitforcesratherstronglyonthemiureofwhatmighthavebeen,”saidMr.Rivers,“andtrastsitsomewhattoovividlywithwhatIS.”
Hefoldedtheletter,lockeditinhisdesk,andagaiout.
Forsomeminutesnoonespoke.Diaurome.
“Jane,youwillwousandourmysteries,”shesaid,“andthinkushard-heartedbeingsnottobemoremovedatthedeathofsoneararelationasanuwehaveneverseenhimorknownhim.Hewasmymother’sbrother.Myfatherandhequarrelledlongago.Itwasbyhisadvicethatmyfatherriskedmostofhispropertyinthespeculationthatruinedhim.Mutualrecriminationpassedbetweeheypartedinanger,andwereneverreciled.Myungagedafterwardsinmoreprosperousuakings:itappearsherealisedafortuwentythousandpounds.Hewasnevermarried,andhadnonearkiourselvesaherperson,notmorecloselyrelatedthanwe.Myfatheralwayscherishedtheideathathewouldatoneforhiserrorbyleavinghispossessionstous;thatletterinformsusthathehasbequeathedeverypennytotheotherrelation,withtheexceptionofthirtyguiobedividedbetweenSt.John,Diana,andMaryRivers,forthepurchaseofthreemrings.Hehadaright,ofcourse,todoashepleased:aamomentarydampiscastonthespiritsbythereceiptofsuews.MaryandIwouldhaveesteemedourselvesrichwithathousandpoundseadtoSt.Johnsuchasumwouldhavebeenvaluable,fooditwouldhaveenabledhimtodo.”
Thisexplanatiohesubjectwasdropped,andnofurtherreferencemadetoitbyeitherMr.Riversorhissisters.ThedayIleftMarshEndforMorton.Thedayafter,DianaandMaryquitteditfordistantB-.Inaweek,Mr.RiversandHannahrepairedtotheparsonage:andsotheewasabandoned.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
Ilikedtoreadwhattheylikedtoread:whattheyenjoyed,delightedme;whattheyapproved,Irevereheylovedtheirsequesteredhome.I,too,inthegrey,small,antiquestructure,withitslowroof,itslatticedcasements,itsmoulderingwalls,itsavenueofagedfirs—allgrownaslantuhestressofmountainwinds;itsgarden,darkwithyewandholly—andwherenoflowersbutofthehardiestspecieswouldbloom—foundacharmbothpotentandpermaheygtothepurplemoorsbehindandaroundtheirdwelling—tothehollowvaleintowhichthepebblybridle-pathleadingfromtheirgatedesded,andwhichwouweenfern-banksfirst,andthenamongstafewofthewildestlittlepasture-fieldsthateverborderedawildernessofheath,avesusteoaflockofgreymoorlandsheep,withtheirlittlemossy-facedlambs:-theygtothisse,Isay,erfethusiasmofattat.Icouldprehendthefeeling,andsharebothitsstrengthandtruth.Isawthefasationofthelocality.Ifeltthesecrationofitsloneliness:myeyefeastedolineofswellandsweep—onthewildcunicatedteanddellbymoss,byheath-bell,byflower-spriurf,bybrilliantbra,andmellowgranitecrag.Thesedetailswerejusttomewhattheyweretothem—somanypureasourcesofpleasure.Thestrongblastabreeze;theroughandthehalday;thehoursofsunriseandsuhemoonlightandthecloudednight,developedforme,intheseregions,thesameattraasforthem—woundroundmyfacultiesthesamespellthatentraheirs.
Indoorsweagreedequallywell.TheywerebothmoreaplishedaerreadthanIwas;butwitheagernessIfollowedihofkheyhadtroddenbeforeme.IdevouredthebookstheylehenitwasfullsatisfatodiscusswiththemintheeveningwhatIhadperusedduringtheday.Thoughtfittedthought;opinioopinion:wecided,inshort,perfectly.
Ifinourtriothereeriorandaleader,itwasDiana.Physically,shefarexcelledme:shewashandsome;shewasvigorous.Inheranimalspiritstherewasanaffluenceoflifeaaintyofflow,suchasexcitedmywonder,whileitbaffledmyprehension.Icouldtalkawhilewhentheeveningenced,butthefirstgushofvivacityandfluene,IwasfaintositonastoolatDiana’sfeet,torestmyheadonherknee,andlisteelytoherandMary,whiletheysouhhlythetopiwhichIhadbuttouched.DianaofferedtoteachmeGerman.Ilikedtolearnofher:Isawthepartofinstructresspleasedandsuitedher;thatofscholarpleasedandsuitedmenoless.Ournaturesdovetailed:mutualaffe—ofthestrokind—wastheresult.TheydiscoveredIcoulddraw:theirpencilsandcolour-boxeswereimmediatelyatmyservice.Myskill,greaterinthisonepointthantheirs,surprisedandcharmedthem.Marywouldsitandwatchmebythehether:thenshewouldtakelessons;andadocile,intelligent,assiduouspupilshemade.Thusoccupied,andmutuallyeained,dayspassedlikehours,andweekslikedays.
AstoMr.StJohimacywhichhadarisensonaturallyandrapidlybetweenmeandhissistersdidendtohim.Onereasonofthedistaobservedbetweenuswas,thathewasparativelyseldomathome:alargeproportionofhistimeappeareddevotedtovisitingthesidpooramoteredpopulationofhisparish.
herseemedtohinderhiminthesepastoralexcursions:rainorfair,hewould,whenhishoursstudywereover,takehishat,and,followedbyhisfather’soldpointer,Carlo,gooutonhismissionofloveorduty—Iscarcelyknowinwhichlightheregardedit.Sometimes,whenthedaywasveryunfavourable,hissisterswouldexpostulate.Hewouldthensay,eculiarsmile,moresolemnthancheerful—
“AndifIletagustofwindorasprinklingofrainturnmeasidefromtheseeasytasks,reparationwouldsuchslothbeforthefutureIproposetomyself?”
DianaandMary’sgeneralahisquestionwasasigh,andsomeminutesofapparentlymournfulmeditation.
Butbesideshisfrequentabseherewasanotherbarriertofriendshipwithhim:heseemedofareserved,anabstracted,andevenofabroodingnature.Zealousinhisministeriallabours,blamelessinhislifeandhabits,heyetdidnotappeartoenjoythatmentalserenity,thatinwardtent,whichshouldbetherewardofeverysincereChristianandpracticalphilanthropist.Often,ofanevening,wheatthewindow,hisdeskandpapersbeforehim,hewouldceasereadingorwritihisonhishand,anddeliverhimselfuptoIknownotwhatcourseofthought;butthatiterturbedaingmightbeseeninthefrequentflashandgefuldilationofhiseye.
Ithink,moreover,thatNaturewasnottohimthattreasuryofdelightitwastohissisters.Heexpressedondbutonmyhearing,astrongseheruggedcharmofthehills,andaninborionforthedarkroofandhoarywallshecalledhishome;buttherewasmloomthanpleasureioneandwordsinwhichthesewasmaed;andneverdidheseemtoroamthemoorsforthesakeoftheirsoothingsileneverseekoutordwellupohousandpeacefuldelightstheycouldyield.
Inunicativeashewas,sometimeelapsedbeforeIhadanopportunityofgauginghismind.IfirstgotanideaofitscalibrewhenIheardhimpreahisownchurchatMorton.IwishIcoulddescribethatsermon:butitispastmypower.Iotevenrenderfaithfullytheeffectitprodue.
Itbegancalm—andindeed,asfarasdeliveryandpitchofvoit,itwascalmtotheend:anearlyfelt,yetstrictlyrestrainedzealbreathedsooniinctats,andpromptedthenervouslanguage.Thisgrewtoforpressed,densed,trolled.Theheartwasthrilled,themindastonished,bythepowerofthepreacher:herweresoftehroughouttherewasastraerness;anabsenceofsolatentleness;sternallusionstoCalvinisticdoes—ele,predestination,reprobation—werefrequent;andeachreferehesepointssoundedlikeasentencepronouncedfordoom.Whenhehaddone,insteadoffeelier,calmer,moreenlightenedbyhisdiscourse,Iexperieninexpressiblesadness;foritseemedtome—Iknownotwhetherequallysotoothers—thattheeloqueowhichIhadbeenlisteninghadsprungfromadepthwherelayturbiddregsofdisappoi—wheremovedtroublingimpulsesofinsatiateyearningsanddisquietingaspirations.IwassureSt.JohnRivers—pure-lived,stious,zealousashewas—hadfoundthatpeaceofGodwhichpassethalluanding:hehadnomorefoundit,Ithought,thanhadIwithmycealedandragregretsformybrokenidolandlostelysium—regretstowhichIhavelatterlyavoidedreferring,butwhichpossessedmeandtyrannisedovermeruthlessly.
Meantimeamonthwasgone.DianaandMaryweresoontoleaveMoorHouse,aurntothefardifferentlifeandsewhichawaitedthem,asgovernessesinalarge,fashionable,south-of-Englandcity,whereeachheldasituationinfamiliesbywhosewealthyandhaughtymemberstheywereregardedonlyashumbledependants,andwhoherknewnhtouttheirinnateexcellences,andappreciatedonlytheiracquiredaplishmentsastheyappreciatedtheskilloftheircookorthetasteoftheirwaiting-woman.Mr.St.Johnhadsaidnothingtomeyetabouttheemploymenthehadpromisedtoobtainforme;yetitbecameurgentthatIshouldhaveavocationofsomekind.Onem,beialohhimafewmiheparlour,Iveoapproachthewindow-recess—whichhistable,chair,anddesksecratedasakindofstudy—andIwasgoingtospeak,thoughnotverywellknowinginwhatwordstoframemyinquiry—foritisatalltimesdifficulttobreaktheiceofreserveglassingoversuaturesashis—whenhesavedmethetroublebybeingthefirsttoenceadialogue.
LookingupasIdrewnear—“Youhaveaquestiontoaskofme?”hesaid.
“Yes;IwishtoknowwhetheryouhaveheardofanyserviceIoffermyselftouake?”
“Ifoundordevisedsomethingforyouthreeweeksago;butasyouseemedbothusefulandhappyhere—asmysistershadevidentlybeeattachedtoyou,andyoursocietygavethemunusualpleasure—IdeemeditinexpedienttobreakinonyourmutualforttilltheirapproagdeparturefromMarshEndshouldrenderyoursnecessary.”
“Andtheywillgointhreedaysnow?”Isaid.
“Yes;aheygo,IshallreturntotheparsoMorton:Hannahwillapanyme;andthisoldhousewillbeshutup.”
Iwaitedafewmoments,expeghewouldgoonwiththesubjectfirstbroached:butheseemedtohaveenteredarainofrefle:hislookdenotedabstrafrommeandmybusiness.Iwasobligedtorecallhimtoathemewhichwasofyoneofcloseandanxiousiome.
“Whatistheemploymentyouhadinview,Mr.Rivers?Ihopethisdelaywillnothaveincreasedthedifficultyofsegit.”
“Oh,no;siisinemploymentwhichdependsonlyoogive,andyoutoaccept.”
Heagainpaused:thereseemedarelucetotinue.Igrewimpatient:arestlessmovementortwo,andaneageraingglaenedonhisface,veyedthefeelingtohimaseffectuallyaswordscouldhavedone,andwithlesstrouble.
“Youneedbeinnohurrytohear,”hesaid:“letmefranklytellyou,Ihavenothingeligibleorprofitabletosuggest.BeforeIexplain,recall,ifyouplease,mynotice,clearlygiven,thatifIhelpedyou,itmustbeastheblindmanwouldhelpthelame.Iampoor;forIfindthat,whenIhavepaidmyfather’sdebts,allthepatrimonyremainingtomewillbethiscrumblinggraherowofscathedfirsbehind,aoorishsoil,withtheyew-treesandholly-bushesinfront.Iamobscure:Riversisanoldofthethreesoledesdantsoftherace,twoearnthedependant’scrustamongstrangers,ahirdsidershimselfanalienfromhisnativetry—notonlyforlife,butih.Yes,anddeems,andisboundtodeem,himselfhohelot,andaspiresbutafterthedaywhenthecrossofseparationfromfleshlytiesshallbelaidonhisshoulders,aheHeadofthatchurch-militantofwhosehumblestmembersheisone,shallgivetheword,‘Rise,followMe!’”
St.Johnsaidthesewordsashepronouncedhissermons,withaquiet,deepvoice;withanunflushedcheek,andacorusgradianceofglance.Heresumed—
“AndsinceIammyselfpoorandobscure,Iofferyoubutaserviceofpovertyandobscurity.Youmayeventhinkitdegrading—forIseenowyourhabitshavebeenwhattheworldcallsrefined:yourtastesleantotheideal,andyoursocietyhasatleastbeenamongsttheeducated;butIsiderthatnoservicedegradeswhibetterourrace.IholdthatthemorearidandunreclaimedthesoilwheretheChristianlabourer’staskoftillageisappointedhim—thestierthemeedhists—thehigherthehonour.His,undersuchcircumstances,isthedestinyofthepioneer;andthefirstpioneersoftheGospelweretheApostles—theircaptainwasJesus,theRedeemer,Himself.”
“Well?”Isaid,asheagainpaused—“proceed.”
Helookedatmebeforeheproceeded:indeed,heseemedleisurelytoreadmyface,asifitsfeaturesandlineswerecharactersonapage.Theclusionsdrawnfromthisscrutiiallyexpressedinhissucceedingobservations.
“IbelieveyoutthepostIofferyou,”saidhe,“andholditforawhile:notpermaly,though:anymorethanIcouldpermalykeepthenarrowandnarrowing—thetranquil,hiddenofficeofEnglishtryincumbent;forinyournatureisanalloyasdetrimentaltoreposeasthatihoughofadifferentkind.”
“Doexplain,”Iurged,wheedoncemore.
“Iwill;andyoushallhearhowpoortheproposalis,—howtrivial—hoing.IshallnotstaylongatMorton,nowthatmyfatherisdead,andthatIammyownmaster.Ishallleavetheplaceprobablyinthecourseofatwelve-month;butwhileIdostay,Iwillexertmyselftotheutmostforitsimprovement.Morton,whenIcametoittwo,hadnoschool:thechildrenofthepoorwereexcludedfromeveryhoperess.Iestablishedoneforboys:Imeannowtoopenasedschoirls.Ihavehiredabuildingforthepurpose,withacottageoftworoomsattachedtoitforthemistress’shouse.Hersalarywillbethirtypoundsayear:herhouseisalreadyfurnished,verysimply,butsuffitly,bythekindnessofalady,MissOliver;theonlydaughterofthesoleriinmyparish—Mr.Oliver,theproprietorofaneedle-factoryandiron-foundryinthevalley.Thesameladypaysfortheeducationandclothingofanorphanfromtheworkhouse,onditionthatsheshallaidthemistressinsuialofficesectedwithherownhouseandtheschoolasheroccupationofteagwillpreventherhavingtimetodischargeinperson.Willyoubethismistress?”
Heputthequestionratherhurriedly;heseemedhalftoexpeindignant,oratleastadisdainfulrejeoftheoffer:notknowingallmythoughtsandfeelings,thoughguessingsome,hecouldnottellinwhatlightthelotwouldappeartome.Intruthitwashumble—butthenitwassheltered,andIwantedasafeasylum:itlodding—butthen,paredwiththatofagovernessinarichhouse,itwasindepe;andthefearofservitudewithstrangersenteredmysoullikeiron:itwasnotigunworthy—allydegrading,Imademydecision.
“Ithankyoufortheproposal,Mr.Rivers,andIacceptitwithallmyheart.”
“Butyouprehendme?”hesaid.“Itisavillageschool:yourscholarswillbeonlypirls—cottagers’children—atthebest,farmers’daughters.Knitting,sewing,reading,writing,ciphering,willbeallyouwillhavetoteach.Whatwillyoudowithyouraplishments?What,withthelargestportionofyourmiiments—tastes?”
“Savethemtilltheyarewaheywillkeep.”
“Youknowwhatyouuake,then?”
“Ido.”
Henowsmiled:andnotabitterorasadsmile,butonewellpleasedanddeeplygratified.
“Andwhenwillyoueheexerciseofyourfun?”
“Iwillgotomyhouseto-morroentheschool,ifyoulike,week.”
“Verywell:sobeit.”
Heroseandwalkedthroughtheroom.Standingstill,heagainlookedatme.Heshookhishead.
“Whatdoyoudisapproveof,Mr.Rivers?”Iasked.
“YouwillnotstayatMortonlong:no,no!”
“Why?Whatisyourreasonforsayingso?”
“Ireaditinyoureye;itisnotofthatdescriptionwhiisesthemaintenanceofaenorinlife.”
“Iamnotambitious.”
Hestartedattheword“ambitious.”Herepeated,“No.Whatmadeyouthinkofambition?Whoisambitious?IknowIam:buthowdidyoufinditout?”
“Ieakingofmyself.”
“Well,ifyouarenotambitious,youare—”Hepaused.
“What?”
“Iwasgoingtosay,impassioned:butperhapsyouwouldhavemisuoodtheword,andbeendispleased.Imean,thathumaionsandsympathieshaveamostpowerfulholdonyou.Iamsureyouotloenttopassyourleisureinsolitude,andtodevoteyourwhourstoamonotonouslabourwhollyvoidofstimulus:anymorethanIbetent,”headded,withemphasis,“tolivehereburiedinmorass,pentinwithmountains—mynature,thatGodgaveme,travened;myfaculties,heaveowed,paralysed—madeuseless.YouhearnowhowItradictmyself.I,whopreachedtewithahumblelot,andjustifiedthevocationevenofhewersofwoodanddrawersofwaterinGod’sservice—I,Hisordainedminister,almostraveilessness.Well,propensitiesandprinciplesmustbereciledbysomemeans.”
Helefttheroom.InthisbriefhourIhadlearntmoreofhimthaninthewholepreviousmonth:yetstillhepuzzledme.
DianaandMaryRiversbecamemoresadandsilentasthedayapproachedforleavingtheirbrotherandtheirhome.Theybothtriedtoappearasusual;batthesorrowtheyhadtleagainstwasocouldirelyqueredorcealed.Dianaintimatedthatthiswouldbeadifferentpartingfromanytheyhadeveryetknown.Itwouldprobably,asfarasSt.Johnwased,beapartingforyears:itmightbeapartingforlife.
“Hewillsacrificealltohislong-framedresolves,”shesaid:“naturalaffeandfeelingsmorepotentstill.St.Johnlooksquiet,Jahehidesafeverinhisvitals.Youwouldthinkhimgeihingsheisinexorableasdeath;andtheworstofitis,myscewillhardlypermitmetodissuadehimfromhisseveredecisioainly,Iotforamomentblamehimforit.Itisright,noble,Christiabreaksmyheart!”Aearsgushedtoherfineeyes.Marybentherheadlowoverherwork.
“Wearenowwithoutfather:weshallsoohouthomeandbrother,”shemurmured,
Atthatmomentalittleactsupervened,whichseemeddecreedbyfatepurposelytoprovethetruthoftheadage,that“misfortunesneveresingly,”andtoaddtotheirdistressesthevexiheslipbetweenthedthelip.St.Johnpassedthewindowreadier.Heentered.
“OuruncleJohnisdead,”saidhe.
Boththesistersseemedstruotshockedorappalled;thetidingsappearedintheireyesrathermomentousthanafflig.
“Dead?”repeatedDiana.
“Yes.”
Sherivetedasearggazeonherbrother’sface.“Andwhatthen?”shedemanded,inalowvoice.
“Whatthen,Die?”hereplied,maintainingamarbleimmobilityoffeature.“Whatthen?Why—nothing.Read.”
Hethrewtheletterintoherlap.Sheglancedoverit,andhaoMary.Maryperuseditinsilendreturoherbrother.Allthreelookedateachother,andallthreesmiled—adreary,pensivesmileenough.
“Amen!Weyetlive,”saidDianaatlast.
“Atanyrate,itmakesusnoworseoffthanwewerebefore,”remarkedMary.
“Onlyitforcesratherstronglyonthemiureofwhatmighthavebeen,”saidMr.Rivers,“andtrastsitsomewhattoovividlywithwhatIS.”
Hefoldedtheletter,lockeditinhisdesk,andagaiout.
Forsomeminutesnoonespoke.Diaurome.
“Jane,youwillwousandourmysteries,”shesaid,“andthinkushard-heartedbeingsnottobemoremovedatthedeathofsoneararelationasanuwehaveneverseenhimorknownhim.Hewasmymother’sbrother.Myfatherandhequarrelledlongago.Itwasbyhisadvicethatmyfatherriskedmostofhispropertyinthespeculationthatruinedhim.Mutualrecriminationpassedbetweeheypartedinanger,andwereneverreciled.Myungagedafterwardsinmoreprosperousuakings:itappearsherealisedafortuwentythousandpounds.Hewasnevermarried,andhadnonearkiourselvesaherperson,notmorecloselyrelatedthanwe.Myfatheralwayscherishedtheideathathewouldatoneforhiserrorbyleavinghispossessionstous;thatletterinformsusthathehasbequeathedeverypennytotheotherrelation,withtheexceptionofthirtyguiobedividedbetweenSt.John,Diana,andMaryRivers,forthepurchaseofthreemrings.Hehadaright,ofcourse,todoashepleased:aamomentarydampiscastonthespiritsbythereceiptofsuews.MaryandIwouldhaveesteemedourselvesrichwithathousandpoundseadtoSt.Johnsuchasumwouldhavebeenvaluable,fooditwouldhaveenabledhimtodo.”
Thisexplanatiohesubjectwasdropped,andnofurtherreferencemadetoitbyeitherMr.Riversorhissisters.ThedayIleftMarshEndforMorton.Thedayafter,DianaandMaryquitteditfordistantB-.Inaweek,Mr.RiversandHannahrepairedtotheparsonage:andsotheewasabandoned.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
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