CHAPTER 29

  ThefirsttimeIsawhim,Iwasthteosayanythingandtooawestrucktotouchhim.Hewasnotafreakoradevil,butperfeeveryway,abeautifulboy.Afterthelongwaittomeethim,Ifoundmyselfoverebythesuddenge,notsomuchhisphysicalpresence,hisarrivalafterbeinghiddenaway,butthegeiosomethingmoresublimelyhuman.TesssmiledatmyfusionandthelookinmyeyesasIbeheldhim.

  "Youwontbreakhim,"shesaid.

  Myson.Ourchild.Tenfientoes.Goodcreatlungs,anaturalatthebreast.Iheldhiminmyarmsandrememberedthetwinsintheirmatgyellowjumpers,mymingtomeasshescrubbedmybathebathtub,myfatherholdingmyhandwhenweclimbedthebleachersatanautumnfootballgame.ThenIrememberedClara,myfirstmother,howIlovedtocrawluhebillowsofherskirts,andthestofwitchhazelonmyfatherAbramscheek,hisfeatherymoustacheashepressedhislipsagainstmyskin.Ikissedourboyandsideredtheordinarymiracleofbirth,thewonderofmywife,andwasgratefulforthehumanchild.

  WenamedhimEdward,ahrived.BorntwoweeksbeforeChristmas1970,hebecameourdarlingboy,ahosefirstfewmonths,thethreeofussettledintothehousethatMomandCharliehadboughtforusinthenewdevelopmentupinthewoods.Atfirst,Icouldhethoughtoflivingthere,buttheysurprisedusonoursedanniversary,andwithTesspregnantandthebillsmounting,Icouldnotsayno.Thehousewaslargerthanweneeded,especiallybeforethebabycame,andIbuiltasmallstudio,movingintheoldpiano.ItaughtmusictoseventhgradersandraudentorchestraatMarkTwainMiddleSchool,andintheeveningsandonweekends,whenIdidnthavetomindthebaby,Iworkedonmymusic,dreamingofapositionthatevokedtheflowofonelifeintoanother.

  Forinspiration,Iwouldsometimesunfoldthephotocopyofthepassengerlistandstudythenames.AbramandClara,theirsonsFriedrich,Josef,andGustav.ThelegendaryAnna.Theirghostsappearedinfragments.AdoctorlistenstomyheartbeatwhileMotherfretsoverhisshoulder.Facesbendtome,speakingcarefullyinalanguageIotuand.Herdarkgreenskirtasshewaltzes.Tangofapplewine,sauerbratenintheoven.Throughafrostedwindow,Icouldseemybrothersapproachthehouseonawintersday,theirbreathexplodingincloudsastheyshareaprivatejoke.Intheparlorstandsthepiano,whichItouchagain.

  Playingmusicistheonevividmemoryfromtheotherlife.NotonlydoIrecalltheyellowiheelaboratetwistingvihescrollworkmusid,thesmoothnessoftherosewoodfinish,butIhearthosetunesagain,ahesensatiowhileplaying—strikethesekeys,hearthesenotesresoundfromthedepthsofthemae.Thebinationofnotesmakesupthemelody.Translatethesymbolsfromthescoretothecorrespondingkeys,aherighttime,tomakethissong.Myoruelinktomyfirstchildhoodisthatsensationingthedreamofolife.Thesongeginmyheadbeesthesongresoundingintheair.Asachild,thiswasmywayofunlogmythoughts,andnow,aturyormorelater,Iattemptedtocreatethesameseamlessexpressihmyposition,butitwasasifIhadfoundthekeyandlostthekeyhole.IwasashelplessasEdwardinhispreverballife,learningtounicatemydesiresallain.

  BeingaroundourtinyspeechlessboyremindedmeofthatlostlifeandmademecherishthememoriesEdwardcreatedeverypassingday.Hecrawled,stood,grewteeth,grewhair,fellihus.Hewalked,hetalked,hegrewupinamomentbehindourbacks.Wewere,foratime,theperfecthappyfamily.

  Mysistersmarredthatidealpicture.Mary,whohadababygirl,andElizabeth,egherfirst,weretheinitialoopointoutthecuriosity.Theextendedfamilyhadgatheredatmymothershousefordinner.Edwardwasabouteighteenmonthsold,forIrememberwatghimcarefullyashewaddledupanddowntheporchstepsoverandain.Charlieawinshusbandswatchedthelastfewmihegamebeforedinner,andmymotherandTessguardedthehotskillets,soIwasalohthegirlsforthefirsttimeinages,wheheotherledoffwithherunsolicitedopinion.

  "Youknow,helooksnothinglikeyou."

  "Andhardlyathinglikeher."

  IlookedatEdulledupleavesofgrassandtossedthemintothestillair.

  "Lookathis,"Lizobserved."heroneofyouhasthatcleft."

  "Andhiseyesareherofyourtwocolors,"saidMary."Greenasacats.Hedidhoseeyelashesfromoursideofthefamily.Youhavesuchadorablelongeyelashes,yes,youdo.Toobadhesnotagirl."

  "Well,theyrenotWodehouseeyelasheseither.TakeagoodlookatTess."

  "Allmascara."

  "Andthenose.Nosomuow,butlater,youllsee.Thatsabeakonhim,poorlittleman.Hopemychilddoeshatnose."

  "NoDayeverhadanoselikethat."

  "Whatareyoutwosaying?"Myvoicewassoloud,Istartledmyson.

  "Nothing."

  "Kindaodd,dontyouthink,thathedoesntlooklikehisparents?"

  Atsumymother,Charlie,andIsatontheporchwatgthemothsdandthematterofEdwardsappearancearoseagain.

  "Dontlistentothosetwo,"mymothersaid."Hesthespitandimageofyou,withmaybealittleTessaroundtheeyes."

  UncleCharliesuckedonapopbottle,burpedsoftly."Theboylooksexactlylikeme.Allmygrandchildrendo."EddietotteredacrossthefloorboardsandthrewhimselfatCharlieslegs,andfindinghisbalance,heroaredlikeatiger.

  Ashegrewolder,EdwardlookedmorelikeanUngerlandthanaDay,butIdidmybesttohidethetruth.MaybeIshouldhaveexplainedalltoTess,andperhapsthatwouldhavebeentheendofmytorment.Butsheborethesnideremarksabouthersonwithgrace.Daysafterhissedbirthday,wehadOscarLoveandJimmyCummingsoverfordinner.Afterthemeal,wefooledaroundwithanarrahatIhadwrittenhopingtoiachamber-musicquartetiy.Ofcourse,wewereoneplayershort,withGeelonggoneinCalifornia.Butplayingwiththemagainafterafewyearswaseasyandfortable.Tessexcusedherselftogotothekittochealemuepie.WhenEdwardnoticedshewasgone,hewailedfromhisplaypen,banginghisfistsagainsttheslats.

  "Dontyouthitingabittoobigforthat?"Oscarasked.

  "Hebeabitoftroubleafterdinner.Besides,helikesitthere.Makeshimfeelsafe."

  OscarshookhisheadandfishedEdwardfrombehindthebars,bouncedhimonhisknees,ahimfihekeysoftheclari.Seeingmysinglefrieomyson,Icouldnthelpbutfeelthattheywereweighingtheirfreedomagainsttheallureoffamily.Theylovedtheboybutwereslightlyfrightenedofhimandallherepresented.

  "Drawntothestick,"Oscarsaid."Thatsonecoolkid.Youllwanttostayawayfromthepiano.Tooheavytocarryaround."

  "Surehesyours?"Cummingsasked."Helooksnothinglikeyou,orTess,forthatmatter."

  Oscarjoihefun."Nowthatyoumentionit...lookatthatsplitandthosebigeyes."

  "guys,cutitout."

  "Chillout,"Oscarwhispered."Hereestheoldlady."

  Tessdeliveredthedessert,oblivioustotheturnsofourversation.Ishouldhavebroughtupmyfesteringdoubt,madeajokeofit,saidsomethinginfrontofher,butIdidnt.

  "So,Tess,"Jimmysaid,balanghispieplateonhisknee,"whodoyouthinkEddietakesafter?"

  "Youhaveaspeeriheerofyourmouth."Shepickedupoursonandheldhiminherlap,strokedhishair,andpressedhisheadagainstherbreast."Howsmylittleman?"

  Edwardstuckhishandstraightintothepie,pulledupaclumpofyellowgoo,andcrammeditinhismouth.

  Shelaughed."Justlikehisdaddy."

  Thankyou,mylove.Shereturnedmysmile.

  AftertheboyssaidgoodnightandEdwardlaysleepinginhiscrib,TessandIwashedthedishestogether,staringoutthekitwindow.Thestarsshonelikepinprithecoldblacksky,awaterinthesink,alongwiththerfurnace,gavetheroomasteamylanguor.Iputdowoweland,frombehind,edmyarmsaroundher,kissedherdampwarmnape,andsheshivered.

  "IhopeyoudidoomadaboutJimmygoingonabouthowEddiedoesntlooksomuchlikeeitheroneofus."

  "Iknow,"shesaid."Itscreepy."

  Forasplitsed,Ithoughtshesuspectedsomethingwasawry,butshespunherselfaroundtofacemeandgrabbedmyfacewithherrubbergloves."Youworryaboutthestrahings."Shekissedme,andtheversatioelsewhere.

  Afewnightslater,TessandIwereasleepinbed,Edwarddownthehallinhisroom.Shewokemebyshakingmyshoulderandspeakingharshlyinasortofshoutedwhisper."Henry,Henry,.Iheardnoisesdownstairs."

  "Whatisit?"

  "Wouldyoulisten?Someonesdownthere."Igrumbledthatitwasnothing.

  "AndImtellingyou,someoneisinthehouse.Wouldyougocheck?"

  Irolledoutofbedandstoodthereforamoment,tryingtorousemysehenheadedpastEdwardscloseddoortothetopofthestairs.Ididnotsee,buthadthesensation,thatalighthadgodownstairsandthatsomethingmovedinablurfromoneroomtothe.Anxious,Itookthestepsonebyoneinasortofhypnotice,sthroughmydriftiionsasitbecamedarkeranddarker.Atthebottom,Iturothelivingroomandswitchedonthelights.Theroomappearedungedexceptforafewphotographsonthewallsthatwereslightlyaskew.Wehadhungakindoffamilygallery,picturesofourparents,imagesofTessandmeaschildren,aweddingphoto,andaparadeofportraitsfeaturingEdward.Iheframesbalineandinthesamemomehedeadboltturnatthekitdoor.

  "Hey,whosthere?"Iyelled,ainthenietoseethebacksideofanimpsqueezingthroughtheopeniweenthedoorandthejamb.Outsideinthecold,darknight,threefiguresspedacrossthefrostylawn,andfligonthefloodlights,Icalledforthemtostop,buttheyhadvahekitwasamess,aryhadbeenraidedofedgoods,cerealandsugar,andasmallcoppersau,butnotmuchelse.Abagofflourhadburstwhentheysqueezedthroughthedoor,leavingadustytraildottedwithfootprints.Theoddestsortofbreak-inbyabunchofhungrythieves.Tesscamedownstairsandwasshakenbythedisturbasheshovedmeoutofthekittoputitbaorder.Bathelivingroom,Irecheckedourbelongings,buttheywereallthere—theTV,stereo,nothingofvaluegone.

  Iexamihephotographsmoreclosely.Tesslookedalmostexactlythesameasshehadonourweddingday.SergeantWilliamDaystaredout,frozeniinhismilitarydress.Fromtheersofhereyes,RuthDaywatchedherson,hardlymorethanachildwithachild,yetfullofloveandpride.Iframe,thereIwas,aboyagain,lookingupandfullofhope.But,ofcourse,thatwasheboywastooyoung.Andinthatinstant,Irealizedwhohadeandwhy.

  Tesscameinandlaidherhandonmyback."Shallwecallthepolice?Isthereanythingmissing?"

  Icouldnotanswer,formyheartoundingwildlyandanoverwhelmingdreadfixedmetothespot.Wehadnotcheckedonourson.Isprihestairstohisroom.Helayasleep,kneesdrawnuptohischest,dreamingasifnothinghadeverhappened.Watghisiface,Ikohewasbloodofmyblood.HealmostlookedliketheboyIstillseeinmynightmares.Theboyatthepiano.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读

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